*almost* the best superpower in the world

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alessandro95
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby alessandro95 » Mon May 06, 2013 9:02 am UTC

But all the food you touched causes a terrible stomachache to whoever eats it. And it is so good that you can't help eating it, that is not going to end nicely!

I can breath underwater
The primary reason Bourbaki stopped writing books was the realization that Lang was one single person.

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Nylonathatep
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Nylonathatep » Mon May 06, 2013 1:36 pm UTC

alessandro95 wrote:I can breath underwater


You can't breath out of water.


I have fast regeneration.

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Vieto
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Vieto » Mon May 06, 2013 1:51 pm UTC

This causes you to have accelerated aging, as cells only have a limited number of times they can divide.

I have the power to secretly change the word filters on this forum, making every day April 1st!

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ArDeeJ
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby ArDeeJ » Mon May 06, 2013 1:56 pm UTC

Your regeneration is so rapid that you shed a lot of biomass. Additionally the rapid regeneration demands a lot of energy, so you have to resort to eating what you shed. Mmm.

Mods quickly spot this and ban you.

I'm funny!
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alessandro95
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby alessandro95 » Mon May 06, 2013 2:03 pm UTC

Not sure wether this is a superpower, but you are always funny. People will probably start hating you after you made jokes at a couple of funerals or other important situations.

I can turn into a cat, meow!
The primary reason Bourbaki stopped writing books was the realization that Lang was one single person.

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Nylonathatep
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Nylonathatep » Mon May 06, 2013 2:06 pm UTC

alessandro95 wrote:I can turn into a cat, meow!


You can't turn back into a human afterwards.

I know Astrophysics!

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ArDeeJ
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby ArDeeJ » Mon May 06, 2013 2:17 pm UTC

I'm sorry to tell you that Astrophysics passed away last night. I'm sure she was a wonderful person, and having known her is a great honor.

I have a fully functional portal gun!
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alessandro95
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby alessandro95 » Mon May 06, 2013 2:23 pm UTC

But you accidentally place a portal on the roof and the other on the floor of the same room and you start falling in an infinite loop.

I can see through walls
The primary reason Bourbaki stopped writing books was the realization that Lang was one single person.

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orangedragonfire
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby orangedragonfire » Mon May 06, 2013 2:38 pm UTC

But you can't turn that power off. You end up running into walls that you didn't see quite a bit.

I can change any law at will.

alessandro95
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby alessandro95 » Mon May 06, 2013 2:43 pm UTC

Meh. Our politicians do that all the time (i'm italian by the way :P)

I can perfectly assemble an IKEA piece of furniture at the first tentative
The primary reason Bourbaki stopped writing books was the realization that Lang was one single person.

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Nylonathatep
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Nylonathatep » Mon May 06, 2013 2:50 pm UTC

alessandro95 wrote:I can perfectly assemble an IKEA piece of furniture at the first tentative


Yes, now all your friends wants you to assemble their IKEA funiture.

(I have that super power in real life.. it's really overrated.)


I only need 3 hours of sleep per day.

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ArDeeJ
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby ArDeeJ » Mon May 06, 2013 2:59 pm UTC

Granted. However, you very often sleep much longer than you need.

I can produce bug-free code effortlessly.
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orangedragonfire
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby orangedragonfire » Mon May 06, 2013 3:13 pm UTC

However, it is always the same piece of bug-free code.

I can see into the past.

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snowyowl
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby snowyowl » Mon May 06, 2013 3:13 pm UTC

But only in brainfuck.
Due to the movement of the Earth through space (and the lack of an objective frame of reference), your clairvoyance only ever shows intergalactic space.

I can talk to animals.
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Adam H
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Adam H » Mon May 06, 2013 3:25 pm UTC

But they never understand you.

I can shoot sticky webs out of my wrists!
-Adam

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Vytron
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Vytron » Mon May 06, 2013 3:28 pm UTC

But you shoot them all the time, non-stop.

I can walk on walls and ceilings.
Go! Go! You can do it username5243!
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orangedragonfire
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby orangedragonfire » Mon May 06, 2013 3:57 pm UTC

But only in your sleep. When you wake up, you fall down.

I can make a post in this thread that is so good that the next poster can't find a way to diminish the power described in it.

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snowyowl
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby snowyowl » Mon May 06, 2013 3:59 pm UTC

Nobody can respond to your post and the *almost* the best superpower in the world topic falls off the front page and is never seen again. You monster.

I can cure anyone of any disease by touching them.
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Vytron
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Vytron » Mon May 06, 2013 5:26 pm UTC

Unfortunately, you inherit the decease that you cured. They pile up. You don't last long.

I have the power of making the next poster do the opposite of what you're supposed to do on this thread.
Go! Go! You can do it username5243!
Cheers Marsh'n!

Your ad here. No, seriously! It's free! PM me if interested.
THANKS KARHELL!! :)

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Vieto
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Vieto » Mon May 06, 2013 6:14 pm UTC

I have the power to move you

Luckily, this counts as the opposite.

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orangedragonfire
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby orangedragonfire » Mon May 06, 2013 6:20 pm UTC

But you can move only me, and you need to be in physical contact with me to do so.

I am SKELETON MAN!

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Tomlidich the second
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Tomlidich the second » Mon May 06, 2013 10:24 pm UTC

when you wake up in the morning, your skeleton is missing.

i can drink copious amounts of alcohol with no ill-effects and no drunkeness.
Last edited by Tomlidich the second on Mon May 06, 2013 10:45 pm UTC, edited 1 time in total.
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orangedragonfire
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby orangedragonfire » Mon May 06, 2013 10:30 pm UTC

However, normal food now makes your horribly drunk and sick. You still need it to survive, though.

(also, your picture doesn't seem to work)

I can read books simply by touching them.

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Tomlidich the second
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Tomlidich the second » Mon May 06, 2013 10:47 pm UTC

but only books which you will dislike greatly, with the read rate faster the more you dislike the book.

i can call to memory any science subject to use, even if i have never studied it.
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Nylonathatep
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Nylonathatep » Tue May 07, 2013 2:16 am UTC

Tomlidich the second wrote:I can call to memory any science subject to use, even if i have never studied it.


but because you never studied any of it... you don't really understand the underlying theory or how that scientific information is applicable to any use.


I can decipher and understand the Voynich manuscript!!!

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snowyowl
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby snowyowl » Tue May 07, 2013 8:06 am UTC

It's really boring.

I can punch people via the Internet.
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alessandro95
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby alessandro95 » Tue May 07, 2013 8:32 am UTC

But you use too much bandwith and electricity and after a while you can't afford it anymore.

I can turn water into wine
The primary reason Bourbaki stopped writing books was the realization that Lang was one single person.

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Vytron
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Vytron » Tue May 07, 2013 10:26 am UTC

Great for everyone else that likes wine, and to appear in TV Shows performing the trick. Unfortunately, wine touching you mouth turns into water, and you can never taste it again.

I have the power of having access to the best TV Series and Movies from alternative universes (one where Will Smith was Cast for The Matrix, one where all series held crossovers with other series every month, etc.)
Go! Go! You can do it username5243!
Cheers Marsh'n!

Your ad here. No, seriously! It's free! PM me if interested.
THANKS KARHELL!! :)

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Nylonathatep
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Nylonathatep » Tue May 07, 2013 4:29 pm UTC

Vytron wrote:I have the power of having access to the best TV Series and Movies from alternative universes (one where Will Smith was Cast for The Matrix, one where all series held crossovers with other series every month, etc.)


Unfortunately you can't understand the language they are using because its not from your world and furthermore the screen comes out flunky just like when you try to watch old video tapes using a VCR with the incorrect format.

(To further rub salt on the wound: Keanu Reeves stars in Independence Day, MiB, I Am Legend, The Pursuit of Happyness, Fresh Prince of Bel Air... and they keep playing those on your TV.)

I can execute the Bruce Schneier' roundhouse kick.

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Tomlidich the second
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Tomlidich the second » Tue May 07, 2013 6:19 pm UTC

Bruce Schneier punches you in the balls every time you perform one however, as payment for using it.

i can control the weather
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Frimble
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Frimble » Tue May 07, 2013 6:59 pm UTC

But only the local weather and every time you do it irrevocable changes the climates of the rest of the planet.

I can summon elephants anywhere in a 5 meter radius.
"Absolute precision buys the freedom to dream meaningfully." - Donal O' Shea: The Poincaré Conjecture.
"We need a reality check here. Roll a D20." - Algernon the Radish
"Should I marry W? Not unless she tells me what the other letters in her name are" Woody Allen.

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dudiobugtron
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby dudiobugtron » Tue May 07, 2013 7:52 pm UTC

... of the Elephants' current locations.

I can survive normally in the vaccuum of space.
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orangedragonfire
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby orangedragonfire » Tue May 07, 2013 8:48 pm UTC

Since you during the course of your normal life never come into contact with the vacuum of space, you are never aware of this power.

I have the power to improve my own mind.

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Vytron
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Vytron » Tue May 07, 2013 10:38 pm UTC

You quickly reach a singularity at which point, your mind takes a life of its own, leaves your body, and goes away to keep improving faster. Just as you planned, only, your mind getting rid of you was never part of the plan...

I can create legal currency from my bare hands, accepted everywhere, and worth more than one million dollars daily.
Go! Go! You can do it username5243!
Cheers Marsh'n!

Your ad here. No, seriously! It's free! PM me if interested.
THANKS KARHELL!! :)

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Nylonathatep
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Nylonathatep » Wed May 08, 2013 2:12 am UTC

Vytron wrote:I can create legal currency from my bare hands, accepted everywhere, and worth more than one million dollars daily.


You caused hyperinflation amongst the world and everyone now hates you because all their monetary wealth becomes worthless... the world got sent back into the stone age as economies collapse and what's left of humanity switched to a barter system... but not before they murder you first out of spite.. (There's somethings money can't buy...) :D

New Superpower: I've just been given Mod powers on this forum... Mhahahahahaha

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Adam H
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Adam H » Wed May 08, 2013 1:51 pm UTC

With great power comes great (and terrible) responsibility. Have fun taking care of the trolls and flamewars!

I have an awesome metal suit that allows me to fly. It also protects me and shoots stuff.
-Adam

Pingouin7
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Pingouin7 » Wed May 08, 2013 1:56 pm UTC

But the suit itself cannot fly, as it is too heavy. You can only fly while you are inside the suit, which makes it redundant. Also, it can only protect you and shoot stuff while you are flying, making it useless.

I can walk on water.
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Kewangji wrote:I confess I am actually scared of peanuts, and tend to avoid them, given how lethal they are to some people.

I'm not. I do my part in the fight against peanuts by destroying them with my powerful teeth. Take that peanut! How does being digested feel!?

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Frimble
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Frimble » Wed May 08, 2013 2:00 pm UTC

"Absolute precision buys the freedom to dream meaningfully." - Donal O' Shea: The Poincaré Conjecture.
"We need a reality check here. Roll a D20." - Algernon the Radish
"Should I marry W? Not unless she tells me what the other letters in her name are" Woody Allen.

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Vytron
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Vytron » Wed May 08, 2013 2:21 pm UTC

But not THAT Nicol Bolas. You're just another guy with the same name.

I have the power of refilling any beverage into any glass.
Go! Go! You can do it username5243!
Cheers Marsh'n!

Your ad here. No, seriously! It's free! PM me if interested.
THANKS KARHELL!! :)

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Dr. Diaphanous
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Dr. Diaphanous » Wed May 08, 2013 7:01 pm UTC

You live at a time before glass was invented.

I am absurdly rich (that's totally a superpower, cf. Batman, Iron man &c,)
"God works in mysterious and breathtakingly cruel ways."


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