*almost* the best superpower in the world

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Moose Anus
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Moose Anus » Fri Apr 25, 2014 5:17 pm UTC

Because you're super fat and have been stabbed to death.

I have kneecaps made out of chainsaws.
Lemonade? ...Aww, ok.

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Tomlidich the second
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Tomlidich the second » Fri Apr 25, 2014 5:22 pm UTC

Unfortunately, its super painful. you utilize them chainsaws to finish yourself off.

I never suffer from poisoning, allergies, or react to any dangerous substances.
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Whizbang
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Whizbang » Fri Apr 25, 2014 5:40 pm UTC

This is because you're dead.

Tomlidich the second wrote:
Whizbang wrote:
firesoul31 wrote:I wish that I could see very well.

Tomlidich the second wrote:Granted, your superpower is wishing for things. they never come true.

Buh?

This here's the superpower thread. you tell people your powers, and we laugh about how insignifcant said powers are. if you'd like to wish fer things, head to corrupt-a-wish



I have the power to turn any thread on the internet into any other thread on the internet.

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Moose Anus
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Moose Anus » Fri Apr 25, 2014 6:56 pm UTC

Your ability has earned you the name of Super Troll, and now you can only have sex with the moms of teenage boys.

I can cut wires to any length and strip their insulation without removing any metal.
Lemonade? ...Aww, ok.

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Tomlidich the second
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Tomlidich the second » Mon Apr 28, 2014 11:07 pm UTC

Unfortunately you always strip all of the insulation. all of it. this causes many problems with shorts, and your annual electrical tape budget is terrible.

I can teleport to the top of any tree in the world.
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Whizbang
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Whizbang » Tue Apr 29, 2014 12:46 pm UTC

Unfortunately, the tops of of trees are unable to support your weight. You frequently fall down through the trees, snapping limbs (both yours and the trees).

I can summon and control earth golems.

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Neil_Boekend
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Neil_Boekend » Tue Apr 29, 2014 1:17 pm UTC

It's just that the earth golems are made of alluvial and this causes them not to have much strength. They can't even stand.

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Tomlidich the second
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Tomlidich the second » Tue Apr 29, 2014 10:41 pm UTC

You sure do, through years of reading, training, and practice.

I am completely bulletproof.
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Whizbang
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Whizbang » Tue Apr 29, 2014 11:26 pm UTC

Unfortunately you never get shot at. You die of a stroke instead.

I can turn into a wolf at the full moon.

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Tomlidich the second
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Tomlidich the second » Wed Apr 30, 2014 3:53 pm UTC

The transformation is quite painful, and you are transformed into moon moon

I am of tony stark level of intelligence.
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WarDaft
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby WarDaft » Mon May 05, 2014 5:11 pm UTC

Unfortunately, all of Tony's brilliant ideas only work in movie-land, so you live out your now miserable life having awesome ideas that never ever work.
All Shadow priest spells that deal Fire damage now appear green.
Big freaky cereal boxes of death.

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Tomlidich the second
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Tomlidich the second » Mon May 05, 2014 9:31 pm UTC

Your super power, is existentialism. this is about as useful as it sounds.

I can shape metal into any shape with my mind.
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RollingHead
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby RollingHead » Wed May 07, 2014 7:35 pm UTC

Your mind wanders a lot and stuff gets bent into random shapes, if you sit on a metal chair for more than about five minutes you inevitably end up falling on your ass and that's the least of it.

I can correctly identify any smell.

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bug sniper
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby bug sniper » Thu May 08, 2014 10:38 pm UTC

You identify the smell of an eldrich horror who must never be identified. This smell is pervasive and is everywhere. Actually knowing what this smell comes from is enough to drive you insane.

I can cure insanity.
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faubiguy
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby faubiguy » Thu May 08, 2014 10:57 pm UTC

By transferring the insanity to yourself.

I can automatically know the key to any encrypted data.

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snowyowl
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby snowyowl » Thu May 08, 2014 11:33 pm UTC

But every time you use this power, someone steals your credit card.

I can see through clothing.
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bug sniper
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby bug sniper » Fri May 09, 2014 7:04 am UTC

Slowly, the people around you develop leukemia and skin cancer due to radiation poisoning. The government glues lead eyepatches to your eyes to solve this adverse health hazard.

I can channel my insanity into creativity to develop new inventions that I can market.
Carry the black torch! Rouse the idle dead!
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Moose Anus
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Moose Anus » Fri May 09, 2014 5:39 pm UTC

You invent insane underwear, and to market them you wear them all the time. They're itchy and constantly squeeze your nads.

I can make no sound while masturbating.
Lemonade? ...Aww, ok.

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Whizbang
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Whizbang » Fri May 09, 2014 5:44 pm UTC

But bray like a donkey during sex.

I can control gravity. I can make it stronger or weaker wherever I want, even to the point that it distorts time.

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WarDaft
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby WarDaft » Fri May 09, 2014 8:36 pm UTC

Unfortunately, you can only do so on Planck scales, so everyone has to take your word for it.

I live the world like it's a video game, and can save and reload at whim.
All Shadow priest spells that deal Fire damage now appear green.
Big freaky cereal boxes of death.

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faubiguy
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby faubiguy » Fri May 09, 2014 8:53 pm UTC

A bug in the save function causes it to only work within the first six months of life.

I can reduce or increase my weight at will.

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RollingHead
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby RollingHead » Fri May 09, 2014 9:07 pm UTC

You can do that with fad diets just like everyone else. I hear they're really bad for your liver.

I have perfect memory of everything that's ever happened to me.

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Yablo
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Yablo » Sat May 10, 2014 12:10 am UTC

And in a way, so does everyone else thanks to the lifetime Reality TV contract your parents signed. Your most public and most private moments are all available for viewing, and every week various television stations and websites provide the most embarrassing or incriminating clips. By the way, I think it's only fair to tell you ... that thing you did on Tuesday with the 9-iron and the zebra? You should probably never do that again.

When I get dressed, my facial hair instantly grows or trims itself to the perfect length and style to match my outfit.
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faubiguy
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby faubiguy » Sat May 10, 2014 6:31 pm UTC

But you aren't able to put this ability to use because you find yourself unwilling to ever change your outfit.

I can see what happened where I am at any point in the past.

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RollingHead
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby RollingHead » Sat May 10, 2014 10:22 pm UTC

But because of the movement of the Earth, you mostly see empty space.

I can split myself into two identical copies and be two places at once.

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WarDaft
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby WarDaft » Sun May 11, 2014 9:42 pm UTC

RollingHead wrote:I can split myself into two identical copies and be two places at once.

Unfortunately, they are only identical up to chirality, and this power is in fact because you have literally been split in half down the middle and are now splattered over the walls, in two different places at once.

I have the ability to turn water into expensive designer shoes, which I then sell and become fabulously wealthy.
All Shadow priest spells that deal Fire damage now appear green.
Big freaky cereal boxes of death.

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Tomlidich the second
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Tomlidich the second » Mon May 19, 2014 11:18 pm UTC

for about 48 hours. after which they turn back. People are understandably upset.

I can create portals between any two surfaces that i can see.
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Moose Anus
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Moose Anus » Tue May 20, 2014 3:11 pm UTC

But you are constantly lied to about cake.

I can see the world in 3D.
Lemonade? ...Aww, ok.

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WarDaft
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby WarDaft » Tue May 20, 2014 4:21 pm UTC

Moose Anus wrote:I can see the world in 3D.


You can see the world in 3D.


I can turn water into vodka.
All Shadow priest spells that deal Fire damage now appear green.
Big freaky cereal boxes of death.

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Tomlidich the second
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Tomlidich the second » Tue May 20, 2014 10:13 pm UTC

Its that god awful charcoal filtered swill called smirnoff.

I can turn alcohol into jet fuel.
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faubiguy
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby faubiguy » Tue May 20, 2014 10:25 pm UTC

But only if the alcohol is docosanol.

I can fit through any space however small.

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Djehutynakht
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Djehutynakht » Wed May 21, 2014 5:47 am UTC

You're turned into an abysmally small being. This is permanent, and thus severely restricts your doing pretty much anything.

I can immediately detect, locate and retrieve anything I've lost.

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Tomlidich the second
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Tomlidich the second » Wed May 21, 2014 8:47 pm UTC

You waste a ton of time doing this, because you start losing things at an amazing pace.

I can hunt down a person anywhere on the globe, with nothing but their IP address.
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Whizbang
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Whizbang » Wed May 21, 2014 8:51 pm UTC

As soon as people start having IP addresses, this would totally be a cool ability.

I can change the genetic code of any living creature in any way I want.

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Tomlidich the second
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Tomlidich the second » Wed May 21, 2014 8:56 pm UTC

But it also tweaks your genetic code in random ways. code breaking ways. you have the power of cancer.

I can pick up and withstand the thoughts of every human being on earth.
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Yablo
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Yablo » Wed May 21, 2014 10:52 pm UTC

And you have by necessity become desensitized to everything. There is no longer any joy or sadness. There is only dull exposure to ... oh, who cares!?

I have the ability to completely remove any word or concept from all of human consciousness at my whim.
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Nautilus
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Nautilus » Thu May 22, 2014 1:34 am UTC

Including your own consciousness. You cannot remember ever successfully using this power.

I can remotely edit any Web page.
My flagella bring all the boys to the yard

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Djehutynakht
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Djehutynakht » Thu May 22, 2014 4:13 am UTC

With permission and the proper technology, of course.


I can make any refrigerator spontaneously generate any meal at whim without any particular cooking effort on my part.

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Whizbang
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Whizbang » Thu May 22, 2014 12:25 pm UTC

Except for tea, for some reason. It makes a plastic cup filled with a liquid that was almost, but not quite, entirely unlike tea.


I can see the full spectrum of light.

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Tomlidich the second
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Tomlidich the second » Thu May 22, 2014 8:33 pm UTC

this comes with a compulsion to look at the more dangerous wavelengths. after a brief incident with a microwave oven, you are completely blind.

I can turn my appendages into flexible, noodly appendages that creep out wrong-doers.
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