*almost* the best superpower in the world

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Sableagle
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Sableagle » Tue Dec 26, 2017 1:59 pm UTC

Really?

Alright. You can have those lipsticks and immunity to them and the supernatural looks and charm to make kissing people really easy.

Granted.

You're so gorgeous people struggle to close the browser tab showing a photograph of you, you're lovely, you like to kiss people and you kiss people a lot, even if you've never met them before. You're also known to be a very good kisser. You become the top trending character on Deviant Art, 4chan, Hentai Heaven, Hentai World, Hentai Hell, Hentai Palace, Hentai House, Hentai Slum, Hentai Stable, Hentai Ranch, Hentai Farm, Hentai Smithy, Hentai Workshop, Manga Heaven, Manga World, Manga Hell, ... and all over the world, horny boys have handkerchiefs and bottles of make-up remover in their pockets just in case they ever meet you.

...

Someone light a candle or something. It got *dark* in here.

There's an idea. Candle flames. I has them, where and when and if I wants them. Fuel and oxygen sources also chosen by me, so yet I can "help you burn off some calories" or "deny the terrorists the oxygen" of publicity.
Oh, Willie McBride, it was all done in vain.

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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Ginger » Tue Dec 26, 2017 9:03 pm UTC

Yay I'm a slutty celebrity on Hentai Hell! I'd make an excellent Japanese schoolgirl/idol on the side in a wacky Anime about my sexual misadventures. Anyways: While you were helping a woman burn off calories you burned off too much, she died and they took your powers away. Sorry.

I wish I had the superpower of being able to conjure anything I wanted that I had seen even if it was only in a picture, book or online I could still have it conjured if I had seen it.
Amy Lee wrote:Just what we all need... more lies about a world that never was and never will be.


Azula to Long Feng wrote:Don't flatter yourself, you were never even a player.

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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby eran_rathan » Wed Dec 27, 2017 2:16 pm UTC

the first time you lick your lips, though...

well, lets just say it was a pretty short evil career.

I can manifest Pokemon in the real world.
"We have met the enemy, and we are they. Them? We is it. Whatever."
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby flicky1991 » Wed Dec 27, 2017 3:32 pm UTC

Wild Pokémon. And they are pretty dangerous to anyone in the vicinity.

eran_rathan wrote:the first time you lick your lips, though...
I think you were looking at the previous page.

I can alter people's perceptions of me to whatever I want.
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby phillip1882 » Wed Dec 27, 2017 8:00 pm UTC

the only thing you want though is to dance.

I wish I had the superpower of being able to conjure anything I wanted that I had seen even if it was only in a picture, book or online I could still have it conjured if I had seen it.

unfortunately the only things you see are horrific.

i am a dolphin swimming in the ocean for many many years.
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby faubi » Thu Dec 28, 2017 1:08 pm UTC

But because your mind expects to be controlling a human body, you find this to be extremely disorienting and uncomfortable. For many many years.

I can change people's favourite colours at will.

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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby eran_rathan » Thu Dec 28, 2017 3:03 pm UTC

to green-brown. only green-brown. the exact same shade, in fact. To everyone, simultaneously. And it happens to be the worst colour ever. Everyone immediately wants EVERYTHING in this colour.

I can get a computer to do what I want, precisely how I want it done, by thinking about it.
"We have met the enemy, and we are they. Them? We is it. Whatever."
"Google tells me you are not unique. You are, however, wrong."
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby faubi » Thu Dec 28, 2017 3:09 pm UTC

However, doing so also slows down the computation such that each instruction takes 10,000 years to execute. I hope you're patient.

I can survive without any intake of magnesium, calcium, sodium, or potassium.

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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby eran_rathan » Thu Dec 28, 2017 4:10 pm UTC

but only without any intake of those elements. If you have any get in you, you explode.

I am immortal, and never age.
"We have met the enemy, and we are they. Them? We is it. Whatever."
"Google tells me you are not unique. You are, however, wrong."
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby faubi » Thu Dec 28, 2017 4:29 pm UTC

You outlive the heat death of the universe. Eternity isn't all it's made out to be after all.

I can convincingly write in the style of any author.

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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby eran_rathan » Thu Dec 28, 2017 4:31 pm UTC

but only in the wrong genre.

I can fly.
"We have met the enemy, and we are they. Them? We is it. Whatever."
"Google tells me you are not unique. You are, however, wrong."
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby faubi » Thu Dec 28, 2017 4:50 pm UTC

But not land.

I can manipulate the probability of events.

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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby flicky1991 » Thu Dec 28, 2017 5:05 pm UTC

But only events at a subatomic level, with no indication of what their macroscopic effects would be.

I can control the weather.
any pronouns
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby eran_rathan » Thu Dec 28, 2017 6:58 pm UTC

But only to make it worse.

I can control any body of water.
"We have met the enemy, and we are they. Them? We is it. Whatever."
"Google tells me you are not unique. You are, however, wrong."
nɒʜƚɒɿ_nɒɿɘ

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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby flicky1991 » Thu Dec 28, 2017 6:59 pm UTC

But it's impossible to distinguish between the water and any living things (which are mostly water) in it. A slight change to the movement of a river or the tide can tear apart any fish, or potentially people, in it.

I can express exactly what I'm feeling.
any pronouns
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby eran_rathan » Thu Dec 28, 2017 7:02 pm UTC

flicky1991 wrote:But it's impossible to distinguish between the water and any living things (which are mostly water) in it. A slight change to the movement of a river or the tide can tear apart any fish, or potentially people, in it.


Honestly, that's not a downside as I see it...


flicky1991 wrote:I can express exactly what I'm feeling.

but only in interpretive dance.


I can stop flicky.
"We have met the enemy, and we are they. Them? We is it. Whatever."
"Google tells me you are not unique. You are, however, wrong."
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby flicky1991 » Thu Dec 28, 2017 7:08 pm UTC

From dying. But nothing else.
eran_rathan wrote:Honestly, that's not a downside as I see it...
Maybe the wording wasn't clear, but I meant that you can't distinguish them, i.e. you can't consciously chose to not harm the animals.

I can try doing anything once with no consequences.
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby faubi » Thu Dec 28, 2017 7:55 pm UTC

Unfortunately it isn't very helpful, because it lacks the consequence of you having any memory of what happened.

I can turn lead into gold.

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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby eran_rathan » Thu Dec 28, 2017 8:00 pm UTC

Spoiler:
flicky1991 wrote:From dying. But nothing else.
eran_rathan wrote:Honestly, that's not a downside as I see it...
Maybe the wording wasn't clear, but I meant that you can't distinguish them, i.e. you can't consciously chose to not harm the animals.


*thinks for a moment* Yeah, still OK with this.


With all the accompanying gamma radiation!

I can grant or remove synesthesia at will to anyone I want.
"We have met the enemy, and we are they. Them? We is it. Whatever."
"Google tells me you are not unique. You are, however, wrong."
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Ginger » Fri Dec 29, 2017 9:49 am UTC

You confuse the fuck out of millions of people by making them taste colors and hear touching feelings. They ban your use of powers. Sorry-Sorry. <3

I wish my kisses could heal mental illnesses and my hugs could heal physical injuries.
Amy Lee wrote:Just what we all need... more lies about a world that never was and never will be.


Azula to Long Feng wrote:Don't flatter yourself, you were never even a player.

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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Sableagle » Fri Dec 29, 2017 5:01 pm UTC

They could ... if you could actually hug or kiss anyone without levels of violence and force that would cause terrible physical injury and mental illness. As it is, the entire world is utterly averse to the idea of being hugged or kissed by you, to the extent that people will attack you in mobs if you ever attempt to use these wonderful powers.

I can survive without hugs.
Oh, Willie McBride, it was all done in vain.

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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby phillip1882 » Fri Dec 29, 2017 5:47 pm UTC

you can but it still gives you a feeling of loneliness.

i cry havoc and let slip the dogs of peace.
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Ginger » Fri Dec 29, 2017 6:11 pm UTC

They slip and fall down a mountain dying horribly.

I am a Blood Moon Goddess.
Amy Lee wrote:Just what we all need... more lies about a world that never was and never will be.


Azula to Long Feng wrote:Don't flatter yourself, you were never even a player.

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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby eran_rathan » Tue Jan 02, 2018 5:41 pm UTC

but only for 3-6 days a month. Sorry.

I can absorb any type of energy.
"We have met the enemy, and we are they. Them? We is it. Whatever."
"Google tells me you are not unique. You are, however, wrong."
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby faubi » Tue Jan 02, 2018 6:04 pm UTC

But are unable to release it again. Your body temperature quickly rises thousands of degrees, incinerating you from the inside.

I can reverse entropy.

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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby phillip1882 » Wed Jan 03, 2018 12:24 am UTC

but only of your body. your immortal but the universe still dies eventually.

i can see clearly now the rain is gone.
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Ginger » Wed Jan 03, 2018 7:13 am UTC

But now Imogene Heap comes out and sings to you and you're Only Happy When It Rains. And you can't see clearly anymore because it's now perpetually raining.

I wish to have perfect etiquette, ladylike poise and fine breeding in my family.
Amy Lee wrote:Just what we all need... more lies about a world that never was and never will be.


Azula to Long Feng wrote:Don't flatter yourself, you were never even a player.

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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby eran_rathan » Fri Jan 05, 2018 3:59 pm UTC

your family does, you don't.

I don't need glasses anymore.
"We have met the enemy, and we are they. Them? We is it. Whatever."
"Google tells me you are not unique. You are, however, wrong."
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Sableagle » Mon Jan 08, 2018 4:55 pm UTC

More like whole cybernetic eyes, at this point. Also a full rebuild of your frontal bone.

I can summon molten glass, on any scale from 1 cubic millimetre to 1 cubic metre, anywhere within ten metres of myself.
Oh, Willie McBride, it was all done in vain.

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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby bantler » Mon Jan 08, 2018 6:27 pm UTC

You can summon molten glass, on any scale from 1 cubic millimetre to 1 cubic metre, anywhere within ten metres of yourself.
And it occurs randomly throughout the day.

I can eat and never get full.

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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby faubi » Mon Jan 08, 2018 7:00 pm UTC

Not only do you not get full, you can never sate your hunger at all.

I can accurately guess the credentials (e.g. username/password) to anyone's login on any computer/internet system.

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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby SirGabriel » Tue Jan 09, 2018 4:36 am UTC

You soon get arrested (whatever it is you intend to do with that ability, I'm assuming it's illegal) and sentenced to life in prison with no computer access. If you attempt to communicate anyone's login info to anyone else, you will immediately and permanently be moved to solitary confinement.

I can manipulate the outcome of any random number generator (including physical ones such as coin flips and dice rolls).

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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby faubi » Tue Jan 09, 2018 5:20 am UTC

By maximizing the probability of whichever outcome is least advantageous to you.

I can win any political election I run in by a reasonable margin.

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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Pfhorrest » Tue Jan 09, 2018 5:33 am UTC

You are disqualified from running in any election.

I can remember every possible future.
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby eran_rathan » Tue Jan 09, 2018 1:57 pm UTC

but you are never sure which present you're in.

I can accurately and precisely know my location within 0.1m in reference to the center of the earth.
"We have met the enemy, and we are they. Them? We is it. Whatever."
"Google tells me you are not unique. You are, however, wrong."
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby bantler » Tue Jan 09, 2018 8:28 pm UTC

eran_rathan wrote:but you are never sure which present you're in.

I can accurately and precisely know my location within 0.1m in reference to the center of the earth.


You are sentenced to solitary confinement for life.

I can cut apples with my mind.

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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Meowers » Thu Jan 11, 2018 5:24 am UTC

What apples? There are no apples.

I can make people explode.

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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby faubi » Thu Jan 11, 2018 5:44 am UTC

Everyone, at once.

People will believe everything I say, even if I'm obviously lying.

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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Sableagle » Thu Jan 11, 2018 4:47 pm UTC

faubi wrote:People will believe everything I say, even if I'm obviously lying
... for about 5 milliseconds. You, on the other hand, go on believing all your own bullshit forever more.

I think we've met.

*ahem*

I always know "what the hell's wrong with you," whoever you may be.
Oh, Willie McBride, it was all done in vain.

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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby bantler » Thu Jan 11, 2018 6:14 pm UTC

Sableagle wrote:I always know "what the hell's wrong with you," whoever you may be.


Everyone's "problem" is they dislike you.

I can eat an infinite amount of peanuts without bowel-trouble.


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