*almost* the best superpower in the world

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Neil_Boekend
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Neil_Boekend » Thu May 26, 2016 3:48 pm UTC

By sacrificing your own bodyparts at an exchange rate of a finger per second of increased internet speed.

I can regrow any bodypart I have lost at will.
Mikeski wrote:A "What If" update is never late. Nor is it early. It is posted precisely when it should be.

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flicky1991 wrote:I'm being quoted too much!

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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby eran_rathan » Thu May 26, 2016 6:45 pm UTC

but only if you lose them intentionally, and they take as long to grow as normal (re: baby hands Deadpool).

I can encrypt or decrypt any digital information perfectly in under ten minutes.
"We have met the enemy, and we are they. Them? We is it. Whatever."
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby heuristically_alone » Thu May 26, 2016 8:09 pm UTC

The digital information is instantly deleted afterwards.

I know every xkcd comic that will posted later this week.
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Sableagle » Thu May 26, 2016 11:03 pm UTC

The more you try to tell people about it, the more words you miss out.

I can accelerate spacecraft to 0.9c in under 1s with telekinesis.
Oh, Willie McBride, it was all done in vain.

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thunk
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby thunk » Thu May 26, 2016 11:59 pm UTC

As in What If #1, this only works when you're within the blast radius.

I have the power to remember every face I see perfectly, forever.
Free markets, free movement, free plops
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby faubiguy » Fri May 27, 2016 3:38 am UTC

But lose the ability to remember anything else.

I can perfectly predict the locations of earthquakes no less than 30 days in advance.

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thunk
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby thunk » Fri May 27, 2016 3:40 am UTC

But not the time when they take place: average error is plus/minus 50 years.

I can hear the music of the spheres.
Free markets, free movement, free plops
Blitz on, my friends Quantized, GnomeAnne, and iskinner!
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Neil_Boekend » Fri May 27, 2016 7:46 am UTC

But it's not very good music and you can't turn it off.

I can walk on water
Mikeski wrote:A "What If" update is never late. Nor is it early. It is posted precisely when it should be.

patzer's signature wrote:
flicky1991 wrote:I'm being quoted too much!

he/him/his

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Lawrencelot
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Lawrencelot » Fri May 27, 2016 7:56 am UTC

Just to be with Donald Trump.

Walls tell me what they've heard and trees tell me what they've seen.

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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Neil_Boekend » Fri May 27, 2016 8:48 am UTC

But walls can't hear and trees can't see. So they are shouting "NOTHING" at you all day and they won't freaking shut up.

I can make programs do what I want.
Mikeski wrote:A "What If" update is never late. Nor is it early. It is posted precisely when it should be.

patzer's signature wrote:
flicky1991 wrote:I'm being quoted too much!

he/him/his

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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby faubiguy » Fri May 27, 2016 10:46 pm UTC

However, they'll also do lots of things you don't want.

I can spin without getting dizzy.

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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Sableagle » Sat May 28, 2016 12:12 pm UTC

Unfortuantely you can't stop spinning without getting dizzy.

I can perform any piece of music ever composed, on any instrument, in any style, perfectly.
Oh, Willie McBride, it was all done in vain.

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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby heuristically_alone » Mon May 30, 2016 6:02 pm UTC

However, you live alone and no living soul has seen or heard you in 20 years
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby bug sniper » Mon May 30, 2016 8:05 pm UTC

So, I guess you have the power to digitally censor information and were forced to censor your own post.

I can walk through any waist-high and shorter barriers, which is definitely a superpower by FPS standards.
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Echo244 » Tue May 31, 2016 11:54 am UTC

However, this power means you also fall waist-deep in to the floor.

I can break anything I choose with the power of my mind.
Unstoppable force of nature. That means she/her/hers.
Has committed an act of treason.

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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Neil_Boekend » Tue May 31, 2016 12:09 pm UTC

You also break everything you don't choose with the power of your mind. Starting with all of your bones, one by one.

I can understand every little quirk of Autocad
Mikeski wrote:A "What If" update is never late. Nor is it early. It is posted precisely when it should be.

patzer's signature wrote:
flicky1991 wrote:I'm being quoted too much!

he/him/his

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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Sableagle » Tue May 31, 2016 4:23 pm UTC

Nobody can understand your quirks.

I can see through clothes.
Oh, Willie McBride, it was all done in vain.

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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Beavertails » Tue May 31, 2016 4:56 pm UTC

But only on the elderly.

I can travel at the speed of light without suffering any ill effects or time dilation.
flicky1991 wrote:Forum Games: Beavertails likes pie.

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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Sableagle » Tue May 31, 2016 10:03 pm UTC

You are a photon.

I can prod things at any distance.
Oh, Willie McBride, it was all done in vain.

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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Neil_Boekend » Thu Jun 02, 2016 8:07 am UTC

You accidentally prod the sun and burn your magic prod power. And your hand.

I can make good espresso appear from thin air.
Mikeski wrote:A "What If" update is never late. Nor is it early. It is posted precisely when it should be.

patzer's signature wrote:
flicky1991 wrote:I'm being quoted too much!

he/him/his

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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Lawrencelot » Thu Jun 02, 2016 8:36 am UTC

Only when inside a room, and it uses up all the air of the room you're in.

I can do the Kamehameha technique from Dragonball Z in real life without effort.

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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Neil_Boekend » Thu Jun 02, 2016 1:50 pm UTC

You can't consciously control it. You just blast the hell out of things at random.

I can heat objects with the power of my mind.
Mikeski wrote:A "What If" update is never late. Nor is it early. It is posted precisely when it should be.

patzer's signature wrote:
flicky1991 wrote:I'm being quoted too much!

he/him/his

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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Beavertails » Thu Jun 02, 2016 3:22 pm UTC

The first object you heated was your mind and fried your power after one use.

I am incapable of getting a paper cut.
flicky1991 wrote:Forum Games: Beavertails likes pie.

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Lawrencelot
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Lawrencelot » Thu Jun 02, 2016 3:25 pm UTC

While underwater.

I have a selective photographic memory: at any time, I can decide to remember what just happened for life or only for a short time.

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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Beavertails » Thu Jun 02, 2016 3:27 pm UTC

Unfortunately you forgot to remember that you had this ability so it will forever lie dormant.

I can live forever without aging.
flicky1991 wrote:Forum Games: Beavertails likes pie.

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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby heuristically_alone » Thu Jun 02, 2016 5:56 pm UTC

My mind still ages and you become very forgetful.

I have the power to change baby diapers with my mind from miles away
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Neil_Boekend » Fri Jun 03, 2016 9:00 am UTC

But the smell is amplified by a thousand and stays with you all day.

I can teleport.
Mikeski wrote:A "What If" update is never late. Nor is it early. It is posted precisely when it should be.

patzer's signature wrote:
flicky1991 wrote:I'm being quoted too much!

he/him/his

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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Sableagle » Sat Jun 04, 2016 5:08 pm UTC

Neil_Boekend wrote:I can teleport
... wasps.

Any cancer cell that gets within 1km of me immediately suffers total DNA hydrolysis.
Oh, Willie McBride, it was all done in vain.

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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Neil_Boekend » Mon Jun 06, 2016 7:15 am UTC

Just like all the normal cells do.

I can selectively kill cancer cells at will.
Mikeski wrote:A "What If" update is never late. Nor is it early. It is posted precisely when it should be.

patzer's signature wrote:
flicky1991 wrote:I'm being quoted too much!

he/him/his

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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Beavertails » Mon Jun 06, 2016 6:52 pm UTC

You can only do it by isolating each one and destroying them one at a time within your direct line of sight.

I can control ants with mind control.
flicky1991 wrote:Forum Games: Beavertails likes pie.

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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Neil_Boekend » Thu Jun 09, 2016 8:21 am UTC

But most ants don't have mind control.

I can read minds.
Mikeski wrote:A "What If" update is never late. Nor is it early. It is posted precisely when it should be.

patzer's signature wrote:
flicky1991 wrote:I'm being quoted too much!

he/him/his

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flicky1991
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby flicky1991 » Thu Jun 09, 2016 11:40 am UTC

But most minds don't have anything written on them.

I can play any musical instrument perfectly without having to learn.
any pronouns
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby eran_rathan » Thu Jun 09, 2016 11:59 am UTC

but only F-sharp, and with no rhythm.

I can make the perfect cup of coffee, in a mug, appear at will, from thin air.
"We have met the enemy, and we are they. Them? We is it. Whatever."
"Google tells me you are not unique. You are, however, wrong."
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Neil_Boekend » Thu Jun 09, 2016 1:02 pm UTC

Too bad you can only live in dense air.

I can heal any injury or illness instantly without discomfort.
Mikeski wrote:A "What If" update is never late. Nor is it early. It is posted precisely when it should be.

patzer's signature wrote:
flicky1991 wrote:I'm being quoted too much!

he/him/his

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eran_rathan
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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby eran_rathan » Thu Jun 09, 2016 1:29 pm UTC

but not your own, which is unfortunate when the mob comes and tears you limb from limb in a vain attempt to get you to heal them.

I can make the most delicious and healthy snacks in the world.
"We have met the enemy, and we are they. Them? We is it. Whatever."
"Google tells me you are not unique. You are, however, wrong."
nɒʜƚɒɿ_nɒɿɘ

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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Beavertails » Thu Jun 09, 2016 1:32 pm UTC

I accept your superpower as is. Though your delicious snacks and your healthy snacks are always separate entities.


I can drink my coffee black.
flicky1991 wrote:Forum Games: Beavertails likes pie.

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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Neil_Boekend » Thu Jun 09, 2016 2:56 pm UTC

You can. But you won't because you think it tastes like ass.

I can ride my human powered bicycle at 130 km/h for 3 hours.
Mikeski wrote:A "What If" update is never late. Nor is it early. It is posted precisely when it should be.

patzer's signature wrote:
flicky1991 wrote:I'm being quoted too much!

he/him/his

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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby JackHK » Thu Jun 09, 2016 3:03 pm UTC

But not for any shorter or longer amount of time, and only in straight lines.

I can put ink on exam papers with a pen in exactly the right configuration of words so that any examiner will give it full marks.

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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Beavertails » Thu Jun 09, 2016 3:58 pm UTC

But only in the very specific field of "Comparative Religious Studies in Antarctica from 4001BC to 4000 BC."

I am immune to iocaine.
flicky1991 wrote:Forum Games: Beavertails likes pie.

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Re: *almost* the best superpower in the world

Postby Neil_Boekend » Fri Jun 10, 2016 9:51 am UTC

Granted. Not to Tetrodotoxin, which is in your next beverage.

I am immune to all poisons.
Mikeski wrote:A "What If" update is never late. Nor is it early. It is posted precisely when it should be.

patzer's signature wrote:
flicky1991 wrote:I'm being quoted too much!

he/him/his


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