Great Quotes From the Wrong People

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Yablo
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Great Quotes From the Wrong People

Postby Yablo » Wed Jul 15, 2015 5:12 pm UTC

The idea here is pretty simple: Attribute a quote (famous or otherwise) to someone who didn't say it but should have. For example:

"Good news, everyone! Tomorrow you'll be making a delivery to Ebola 9, the virus planet." - Captain Malcolm Reynolds

"Stop! Hammer time." - Thor

"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means." - Noah Webster

"You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders, the most famous of which is 'never get involved in a land war in Asia', but only slightly less well-known is this: 'Never go against a Corsican when death is on the line!'" - Napoleon Bonaparte
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Re: Great Quotes From the Wrong People

Postby Whizbang » Wed Jul 15, 2015 5:19 pm UTC

"It does me no injury for my neighbor to say there are twenty gods, or no god. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg." - Jesus Christ

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Re: Great Quotes From the Wrong People

Postby Whizbang » Wed Jul 15, 2015 6:47 pm UTC

"First!" - Adam

And since that is two religious ones in a row, here's something else.

"A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti." - Mr. Rogers

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Re: Great Quotes From the Wrong People

Postby quintopia » Wed Jul 15, 2015 7:58 pm UTC

"It's better to look good than to feel good." - Dorian Gray

"If you can't do great things, do small things in a great way." -Niels Bohr

"Be the change you want to see in the world." -Bruce Banner

"You wouldn't like me when I'm angry." - Gandhi

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Re: Great Quotes From the Wrong People

Postby Yablo » Wed Jul 15, 2015 8:00 pm UTC

"I've had it with these mother fucking snakes on this mother fucking plane!" - Steve Irwin

"We all live in a yellow submarine." - Captain Nemo
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Re: Great Quotes From the Wrong People

Postby Whizbang » Wed Jul 15, 2015 8:27 pm UTC

"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good." - Curious George

“For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.” - Oscar the Grouch

“For most of history, Anonymous was a woman.” - Anonymous

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Yablo
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Re: Great Quotes From the Wrong People

Postby Yablo » Wed Jul 15, 2015 11:22 pm UTC

"KHAAAAAN!" - Genghis Khan
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Re: Great Quotes From the Wrong People

Postby moody7277 » Thu Jul 16, 2015 2:12 am UTC

"Not my monkeys. Not my circus." P.T. Barnum
The story of my life in xkcdmafia:

Tigerlion wrote:Well, I imagine as the game progresses, various people will be getting moody.

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Re: Great Quotes From the Wrong People

Postby Whizbang » Thu Jul 16, 2015 3:12 pm UTC

“A person's a person, no matter how small.” - Andre the Giant

“I can't go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.” - The Time Traveller's Wife

“An eye for an eye will only make the whole world blind.” - Cyclops

“Those who don't believe in magic will never find it.” - Mr. Dursley

“Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life.” - Mr. Rogers

“It takes ten times as long to put yourself back together as it does to fall apart.” - Humpty Dumpty

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Re: Great Quotes From the Wrong People

Postby Yablo » Fri Jul 17, 2015 5:15 am UTC

Betty White: "Now give me back my wallet."
Bea Arthur: "Which one is it?"
Betty White: "It's the one that says bad mother fucker on it."
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Re: Great Quotes From the Wrong People

Postby Vytron » Fri Jul 17, 2015 5:31 am UTC

“Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.” ~Edward Murphy.

Spoiler:
That was said by Augustus De Morgan but miss-attributed to Murphy, so it should be Morgan's Law. Murphy's law proves itself.

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Re: Great Quotes From the Wrong People

Postby Yablo » Mon Jul 20, 2015 3:48 am UTC

"What counts is not necessarily the size of the dog in the fight; it’s the size of the fight in the dog." - Michael Vick

"It takes a great deal of courage to stand up to your enemies, but even more to stand up to your friends." - Aquaman

"The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short, but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark." - William Tell

"Have a heart that never hardens, a temper that never tires, a touch that never hurts." - Edward Scissorhands
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Re: Great Quotes From the Wrong People

Postby Vytron » Mon Jul 20, 2015 4:58 am UTC

"Reality is nothing but a collective hunch." ~The Hunchback of Notre-Dame

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Re: Great Quotes From the Wrong People

Postby Whizbang » Mon Jul 20, 2015 1:36 pm UTC

“A good friend will always stab you in the front.” - Julius Ceasar

“Reading is one form of escape. Running for your life is another.” - Mr. Rogers

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Re: Great Quotes From the Wrong People

Postby quintopia » Mon Jul 20, 2015 1:42 pm UTC

"Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars." - Apollo 13 Commander Jim Lovell

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Re: Great Quotes From the Wrong People

Postby Yablo » Mon Jul 20, 2015 10:47 pm UTC

"Take your stinkin' paws off me, you damned dirty ape!" - The Man in the Yellow Hat

"I'm gonna make him an offer he can't refuse." - Monica Lewinsky

"Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar." - Bill Clinton

"Use the Force, Luke. Let go ... Luke, trust me." - Jesus Christ
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Re: Great Quotes From the Wrong People

Postby patzer » Mon Jul 20, 2015 11:07 pm UTC

"Veni, vidi, vici" - Adolf Hitler
If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, we have at least to consider the possibility that we have a small aquatic bird of the family Anatidae on our hands. –Douglas Adams

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Re: Great Quotes From the Wrong People

Postby Yablo » Wed Jul 22, 2015 4:43 pm UTC

"You can take away my house, all my tricks and toys. One thing you can't take away: I am Iron Man." - Ozzy Osbourne

"You shoot me in a dream, you better wake up and apologize." - Freddy Krueger

"A liger...it's pretty much my favorite animal. It's like a lion and a tiger mixed - bred for its skills in magic." - Dumbledore
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Re: Great Quotes From the Wrong People

Postby quintopia » Thu Jul 23, 2015 2:53 am UTC

"A genius billionaire playboy philanthropist" - Google CEO Eric Schmidt

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Re: Great Quotes From the Wrong People

Postby SDK » Thu Jul 23, 2015 3:38 pm UTC

"I'll be back." - Jesus Christ

"I know kung fu." - Bruce Lee
The biggest number (63 quintillion googols in debt)

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Re: Great Quotes From the Wrong People

Postby quintopia » Thu Jul 23, 2015 5:30 pm UTC

"I am not left-handed." -Rick Allen

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Re: Great Quotes From the Wrong People

Postby Yablo » Mon Jul 27, 2015 7:08 pm UTC

"The day is mine! I'll take 'Famous Titties for $400'." - IBM's Watson
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Re: Great Quotes From the Wrong People

Postby Yablo » Mon Aug 03, 2015 1:02 am UTC

Andy Richter: "Conan, what is best in life?"
Conan O'Brien: "To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of the women."

"We can't stop here. This is bat country." - The Penguin
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Re: Great Quotes From the Wrong People

Postby Yablo » Mon Aug 10, 2015 5:45 pm UTC

"Military justice is to justice what military music is to music." - Oliver North

"Those are my principles, and if you don't like them ... well, I have others." - Hillary Clinton

"Women should be obscene and not heard." - Larry Flynt
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Re: Great Quotes From the Wrong People

Postby Echo244 » Tue Aug 11, 2015 11:39 am UTC

"They couldn't hit an elephant at this range!" - Dumbo.

"I'm no good at being noble, but it doesn't take much to see that the problems of three little people don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world." - Jack, shortly before he grew the beanstalk...
Unstoppable force of nature. That means she/her/hers.
Has committed an act of treason.

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Re: Great Quotes From the Wrong People

Postby Yablo » Wed Aug 19, 2015 7:57 pm UTC

"I once fought two days with an arrow through my testicle." - Sheriff of Nottingham
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Re: Great Quotes From the Wrong People

Postby Envelope Generator » Thu Aug 20, 2015 8:21 am UTC

"I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known." -Theodor Adorno
I'm going to step off the LEM now... here we are, Pismo Beach and all the clams we can eat

eSOANEM wrote:If Fonzie's on the order of 100 zeptokelvin, I think he has bigger problems than difracting through doors.

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Re: Great Quotes From the Wrong People

Postby Envelope Generator » Thu Aug 20, 2015 8:36 am UTC

"Would the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands. And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry." -William Shakespeare
I'm going to step off the LEM now... here we are, Pismo Beach and all the clams we can eat

eSOANEM wrote:If Fonzie's on the order of 100 zeptokelvin, I think he has bigger problems than difracting through doors.

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Re: Great Quotes From the Wrong People

Postby Echo244 » Thu Aug 20, 2015 8:52 am UTC

"Ah, is this the right room for an argument?" - Donald Trump
Unstoppable force of nature. That means she/her/hers.
Has committed an act of treason.

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Re: Great Quotes From the Wrong People

Postby Envelope Generator » Thu Aug 20, 2015 8:56 am UTC

"You're a kitty!" -St. Euphemia
I'm going to step off the LEM now... here we are, Pismo Beach and all the clams we can eat

eSOANEM wrote:If Fonzie's on the order of 100 zeptokelvin, I think he has bigger problems than difracting through doors.

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Re: Great Quotes From the Wrong People

Postby Echo244 » Thu Aug 20, 2015 9:58 am UTC

"So, now all restaurants are Taco Bell." - Gordon Ramsay
Unstoppable force of nature. That means she/her/hers.
Has committed an act of treason.

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Yablo
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Re: Great Quotes From the Wrong People

Postby Yablo » Wed Sep 02, 2015 9:22 pm UTC

"Never look a gift horse in the mouth" - King Priam of Troy
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Re: Great Quotes From the Wrong People

Postby Echo244 » Thu Sep 03, 2015 2:44 pm UTC

"Take your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape!" - Ann Darrow
Unstoppable force of nature. That means she/her/hers.
Has committed an act of treason.

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Yablo
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Re: Great Quotes From the Wrong People

Postby Yablo » Fri Sep 18, 2015 11:44 pm UTC

"In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.” - Genesis 1:1

"I see the bad moon rising, I see trouble on the way. I see earthquakes and lightning, I see bad times today." - Nostradamus
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Re: Great Quotes From the Wrong People

Postby Envelope Generator » Sat Sep 19, 2015 8:17 am UTC

Yablo wrote:"In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.” - Genesis 1:1


Bits of half-chewed croissant all over my keyboard.
I'm going to step off the LEM now... here we are, Pismo Beach and all the clams we can eat

eSOANEM wrote:If Fonzie's on the order of 100 zeptokelvin, I think he has bigger problems than difracting through doors.

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Re: Great Quotes From the Wrong People

Postby Echo244 » Sat Sep 19, 2015 10:59 am UTC

Amen to the screenwipe moment.

"It's turtles all the way down!" - Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI
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Re: Great Quotes From the Wrong People

Postby phillip1882 » Sat Sep 19, 2015 2:40 pm UTC

"turn the other cheek." - bart simpson
good luck have fun

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Re: Great Quotes From the Wrong People

Postby xyweasel » Sat Sep 19, 2015 2:54 pm UTC

"I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying." - 50 Cent

"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched - they must be felt with the heart." - Josef Fritzl

"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination." - Amelia Earhart

"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take" - John Wilkes Booth

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Yablo
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Re: Great Quotes From the Wrong People

Postby Yablo » Tue Oct 06, 2015 5:23 pm UTC

"Why is a raven like a writing desk?" - Edgar Allan Poe

"Off with her head!" - Henry VIII

"If everybody minded their own business, the world would go around a great deal faster than it does." - Galileo Galilei

"I wonder if I've been changed in the night? Let me think: was I the same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little different. But if I'm not the same, the next question is 'Who in the world am I?' Ah, that's the great puzzle!" - The Doctor, after regeneration
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Re: Great Quotes From the Wrong People

Postby Yablo » Thu Oct 22, 2015 6:57 pm UTC

"If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. I think that the worst you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever. After all, there are worse things in life than death. If you've ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman, you know what I'm talking about. The key is, to not think of death as an end, but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses." ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

"It's not the quantity of your sexual relations that counts. It's the quality. On the other hand if the quantity drops below once every eight months, I would definitely look into it." ~ Sigmund Freud
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