Ultimate Showdown

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Ansain
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Postby Ansain » Fri Sep 21, 2007 10:29 pm UTC

Beast boy (75% i think) remembers that he has math homework due tomorrow, and hands it to bush asking for help. Bush takes one look at the paper (and would take 100% mental damage if he were not immune to logic) and decides that he should declare war on the terrorist group Al Gebra, for attacking his mind. When he releases this information to the public he loses (-25%) points in the polls.
Why put off till today what you could just as easily get done tomorrow?

I can mathematically prove that 1 equals 0!.

Parts a-x in my plan weren't that important anyways.

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Rodan
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Postby Rodan » Fri Sep 21, 2007 10:56 pm UTC

Book of the Dead vol. 5:

Mario: crushed by car, Rorschach: crushed by car, Drizzt Do'Urden: frozen to death, Abraham Lincoln: killed by a goddamn blue shell, while in the lead, Toto: Head split open by Rorschach, Epona: ground into chili by Cartman, Eric Cartman: frozen to death, Richard Kwanka: killed by exploding computer, Luigi: drove to suicide by Moss, WW2 Ult.Captain America: Frozen to death, Tyler Durden: killed by a cursed apple seed, Dorothy: crushed by airship, Link: shot in the head by Master Chief, Jimi Hendrix: died from apparent exhaustion, Brian May: Bisected by Master Chief, Master Chief: killed by a cannon blast fired by Jack Sparrow, Maurice Moss: killed by a Cryx Leviathan's spiker cannon, Dante: killed by an exploding cannon, Jack Sparrow: killed by an exploding cannon, A Cryx Leviathan: obliterated by poor translation, Bender: self-destructed, Hulk: killed by Grimm's scythe, Gilgamesh Wolfenbach: killed by Grimm's scythe,Hat Guy's Clone: died from mysterious causes, Hat Guy: killed by being fallen on by Mr. T, Mr. T: killed by pure awesome, Neo: killed by cranial explosion, Grimm: killed by not being the center of attention for five seconds, Purple-Shirted Face-stabber: absorbed by a Gelatinous Cube, Iorek Byrinson: killed by being partially absorbed, then eaten by Cthulu, Rodan: killed by his only weakness: a book,

Gordon Freeman: absorbed by a Gelatinous Cube,
Joey: blinded to death somehow,
Sasser.E: Force choked by Darth Vader,
Cthulu: killed by a deus ex machina,
Gumby: suicide by baking,
Lord Nikon: gnashed himself to death,
the Phantom Phreak: gnashed himself to death,
Cereal Killer: drowned,
Warboss Gorgutz: killed by an ice missile,
Lots and Lots of Iraqis: bombed to death by George W. Bush,
Samus Aran: absorbed by a Gelatinous Cube,


The Gelatinous Cube tries to absorb the Piranha brothers, but they manage to break free. They try to nail the Cube's head into the floor, but they find it has no head, so they don't. (-20%)

standings:
1.Dr. Cheese: 100%
2.Bob: 90%
3.The Piranha Brothers: 80%
4.Capt. Jean Luc Picard: 79%
4.Your Grandma: 79%
5.Beast Boy: 75%
5.George W. Bush:75%
6.Morgoth: 73%
7. Gelatinous Cube: 72%
8.Darth Vader: 28%
9.The partial cast of Hackers: 30%
10. Smile: 25%

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rxninja
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Postby rxninja » Sat Sep 22, 2007 7:42 am UTC

Jason Bourne enters the fray!

Bourne creates an elaborate diversion, using an inescapable "tactical nightmare" to lure Bush and the Gelatinous Cube together. Bush attempts to retaliate, but it's a gelatinous cube and it begins to devour him head first. In the confusion, Bourne plants explosives that damage both of the targets.

-20% to Bush for cube-devouring goodness
-10% to both from the explosion


Bourne is halfway around the world before anyone suspects his involvement.

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Postby Maseiken » Sat Sep 22, 2007 10:32 am UTC

--Bob was there too, and tripped him over (5%)

Zul'jin appears through a Dimensional Gate from Early Azeroth Troll history and throws a spear in a random direction, yelling "Stay away from da Voodoo!"
Zul'Jin has entered the Fray
"GRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOWR!!!!"
(Translation: "Objection!")

Maseiken had the ball at the top of the key...

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Ansain
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Postby Ansain » Sat Sep 22, 2007 4:56 pm UTC

Beast boy tries to dodge the spear, but gets hit in the arm anyways (-15%) (current 60%) He attacks back by charging at Jul'Jin as a Rhino, and Goring him with his horn, then tossing him to the side, into a nearby tree. (-20%)
Why put off till today what you could just as easily get done tomorrow?

I can mathematically prove that 1 equals 0!.

Parts a-x in my plan weren't that important anyways.

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Postby bbctol » Sun Sep 23, 2007 1:02 am UTC

Morgoth offtopically wonders why no one's chosen King Leonidas yet.

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Postby Sarcio » Sun Sep 23, 2007 5:09 am UTC

Bush(45%), his head still stuck in the cube, begins work on a poorly planned withdrawal strategy. This recieves much criticism from the public (-5%). The cube, however, suffers from Bush's (40%) presence, as chaos ensues from his corrupting presence. (-10%).
Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.

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Postby clockworkmonk » Sun Sep 23, 2007 9:00 am UTC

The Piranha Brothers Begin "The Operation," where they threaten to beat people up if they pay the protection money.

Quite naturally, this goes dismally, costing the piranha brothers 20 hp.
(down to 60%)
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Postby Sarcio » Mon Sep 24, 2007 12:23 am UTC

Seeing this poor display of attacks, Bush (45%) passes a legislation called 'no idiot left alive'. The bill causes (-10%) damage to all players over 60% and (-5%) damage to all players between 40% and 60% (bush is now at 40%)
Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.

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Postby rxninja » Mon Sep 24, 2007 5:22 am UTC

Bourne (90%), convinced that "No idiot left alive" is really a Treadstone conspiracy out to hunt him down and ruin his life, sets an elaborate plan in motion that ultimately causes Bush's own secret service to inadvertently attempt to assassinate him (-39%). Miraculously surviving the attempt, Bush attempts to escape on a Segway but somehow falls off, cracking his head open on the concrete (-1%).

Bush is eliminated!

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Maseiken
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Postby Maseiken » Mon Sep 24, 2007 8:09 am UTC

Bob (90%) Was there too, and kicked him in the nuts (5%)

Zul'jin Goes berserk (losing 10%) and throws a spear at mach 2, slamming it into Bourne's Chest (-30%)
"GRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOWR!!!!"
(Translation: "Objection!")

Maseiken had the ball at the top of the key...

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Postby Sarcio » Mon Sep 24, 2007 11:38 am UTC

John Kerry Enters the Field.
changing his mind on the issue, John Kerry Withdraws from the field

After some time, and a few debates,
John Kerry Enters the Field!

Kerry, seeing Bourne over a dead bush, declares bourne a killer, calling all his democrat friends on him. They proceed to nag him with issues such as healthcare, until he begins to scream (-5%). Changing his mind, Kerry withdraws them, and wishes that bourn would wash his drool off his face. Wish granted (+5%). Taking the issue from another point of view, Kerry yells out that Bourne is an assassin, and brings back the democrats. (-10%). 15 Minutes later, he recalls his previous decision, asking the democrats to put the man's tie back on (+9%).

Or at least, that's what the media says.

What really happened: Kerry punched the guy in the kidney from behind (=1%)
Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.

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Postby Vekter » Mon Sep 24, 2007 5:11 pm UTC

Illidan Stormrage enters the fray!

Illidan slices the Gelatinous Cube, dealing 10 damage!

Gelatinous Cube is Defeated!

Illidan then flies around for a little while, searching for another target...
:lol: HOBO BONUS :lol:

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Postby clockworkmonk » Mon Sep 24, 2007 11:12 pm UTC

The Piranha brothers(55), put off by the Failure of the Operation, begin, The Other Operation, in which they promise to not beat up people who don't pay the protection money.

This does not go as well as might be expected, (Piranha brothers take 5 damage)
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Postby Ansain » Mon Sep 24, 2007 11:43 pm UTC

Beast Boy (50%) loses 10% (of his money) due to the piranha brothers two operations (now 40%). He then transforms into an elephant and charges at John Kerry (-7%)
Why put off till today what you could just as easily get done tomorrow?

I can mathematically prove that 1 equals 0!.

Parts a-x in my plan weren't that important anyways.

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Maseiken
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Postby Maseiken » Mon Sep 24, 2007 11:46 pm UTC

--Bob was there too(90%), but he just kind of Hung around for a bit.
Zul'jin(90%) objects to this lethargy and slams another Spear into Bobs chest(30%).
"GRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOWR!!!!"
(Translation: "Objection!")

Maseiken had the ball at the top of the key...

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Postby Sarcio » Tue Sep 25, 2007 6:28 pm UTC

Kerry (93%) orders the obnoxious boy (beast boy) detained, and his personal guards taser him as they drag him from the stage (-5%)
Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.

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Postby Stief » Tue Sep 25, 2007 11:34 pm UTC

Darth Vader (28%) finds Kerry's (93%) policies to be against everything he believes in, and he quite frankly just doesn't like him...Vader uses a "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" attack for 20% damage!

[Disclaimer] I do not appreciate this scene at all...it was all perfect, with the birth of Darth Vader, one, if not THE, baddest bad-ass villain in the galaxy....and he cries...he cries for a wife HE strangled ¬_¬ [/rant]
Last edited by Stief on Wed Sep 26, 2007 12:32 am UTC, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Maseiken » Wed Sep 26, 2007 12:01 am UTC

--Bob was there too, and wrote a scathing review online of that particular scene (-10% to Darth Vader)

Zul'Jin dances a Voodoo dance, but it doesn't really do anything...
"GRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOWR!!!!"
(Translation: "Objection!")

Maseiken had the ball at the top of the key...

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Postby clockworkmonk » Wed Sep 26, 2007 12:42 am UTC

The Piranha Brothers Hit upon "The other, other operation", in which they threaten to beat people up if they do not pay the protection money. This creates a boost in their finance. (causes everyone who uses currency to lose 5%, 10 if they have ever been involved in politics).
418 I'm a teapot

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Ansain
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Postby Ansain » Wed Sep 26, 2007 4:29 am UTC

Beast Boy (30%) wastes hours of his time looking for bob in order to set his ultimate plan into action. However, bob wasn't there too this time, so he decides to <insert attack here> against Jul'Jin for 1%. he probably could have done more if he had picked a more dangerous animal then a sheep to transform into.
Why put off till today what you could just as easily get done tomorrow?

I can mathematically prove that 1 equals 0!.

Parts a-x in my plan weren't that important anyways.

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Postby Sarcio » Wed Sep 26, 2007 6:16 am UTC

Kerry(73%), seeing the sheep, hugs it.

no, that's it. no damage.
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Postby ArchangelShrike » Wed Sep 26, 2007 8:01 am UTC

:) smiles at Kerry. Kerry, not knowing whether :) is a Democrat or Republican, friend or foe, continually postures for/against :) until he suffers a nervous breakdown and checks into a private hospital (-10%).

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Postby Sarcio » Wed Sep 26, 2007 8:04 am UTC

Kerry (63%) checks out of the private hospital.
Kerry (63%) checks back into the private hospital.
Kerry (63%) trips over :) on the way out of the hospital (-1%)
Kerry (63%) trips over :) on the way back into the hospital (-3%)
Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.

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Postby Vekter » Wed Sep 26, 2007 5:30 pm UTC

Illidan summons a Fel Reaver, causing it to step on Kerry for 25 damage!

The Fel Reaver smacks Illidan for 5 damage, making Illidan scream in fury, damaging everyone for 5%.
:lol: HOBO BONUS :lol:

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Postby Ansain » Wed Sep 26, 2007 8:20 pm UTC

Beast boy (25%) attempts to transform into the Fel Reaver he just saw. The concentration of pure awesome causes him to spontaneously combust and then explode. -5% to everybody.

Beast Boy has been eliminated

The setting is now a dessert planet, with a strange ring sticking up from the sand. Seven symbols on the ring light up one at a time, and the wormhole is activated. Teal 'c steps through the active wormhole and enters the fray. :) was hit by the blast of the activating wormhole (-15%)
Why put off till today what you could just as easily get done tomorrow?

I can mathematically prove that 1 equals 0!.

Parts a-x in my plan weren't that important anyways.

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Postby Rodan » Wed Sep 26, 2007 8:31 pm UTC

Stief wrote:[Disclaimer] I do not appreciate this scene at all...it was all perfect, with the birth of Darth Vader, one, if not THE, baddest bad-ass villain in the galaxy....and he cries...he cries for a wife HE strangled ¬_¬ [/rant]

agreed. Even without Jar Jar and everything else wrong, that ruined the prequels forever.

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Postby Maseiken » Wed Sep 26, 2007 11:35 pm UTC

Ansain wrote:Beast boy (25%) attempts to transform into the Fel Reaver he just saw. The concentration of pure awesome causes him to spontaneously combust and then explode. -5% to everybody.

Beast Boy has been eliminated

The setting is now a dessert planet, with a strange ring sticking up from the sand. Seven symbols on the ring light up one at a time, and the wormhole is activated. Teal 'c steps through the active wormhole and enters the fray. :) was hit by the blast of the activating wormhole (-15%)
--Bob(50%) was there too, and insisted that Teal'c give him a Piggyback ride.

Zul'Jin, alarmed by the Sudden appearance of Fel-Reavers runs off to get help, But not just yet. I've got another character to introduce first.

Daniel Jackson steps through behind him, and begins talking about Alien's feelings, and how you can't just blow them up.
"GRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOWR!!!!"
(Translation: "Objection!")

Maseiken had the ball at the top of the key...

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Re: Ultimate Showdown

Postby Sarcio » Thu Sep 27, 2007 1:50 pm UTC

Kerry (33%) begins operating the giant ring, but he keeps changing his symbols and the ring explodes. (-10% to everyone).
Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.

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Postby grythyttan » Thu Sep 27, 2007 2:54 pm UTC

Unmoved by the explosion, a mysterious figure rises silently from the sand. He watches the battle for a fraction of a moment and then draws a milky white blade with which he cut's John kerrys throat, killing him instantly. The newcomer then steals Kerrys water.

Stilgar has joined the fray

John Kerry has been eliminated
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Ansain
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Re: Ultimate Showdown

Postby Ansain » Thu Sep 27, 2007 8:20 pm UTC

Teal 'c (90%) agrees to give bob a piggy back ride after several hours of being nagged. when bob starts nagging him about letting him use the staff weapon however, he throws Bob 30 feet right into Stilgar (-7%) each
Why put off till today what you could just as easily get done tomorrow?

I can mathematically prove that 1 equals 0!.

Parts a-x in my plan weren't that important anyways.

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Maseiken
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Re: Ultimate Showdown

Postby Maseiken » Fri Sep 28, 2007 4:32 am UTC

Zul'Jin(80%) Returns, with Cairne Bloodhoof in tow.
Cairne Stamps on Illidan's Foot (-10%) And throws Zul'Jin Into Stilgar (-5%) to both.
Cairne Bloodhoof has Entered the battle
Bob(33%) Brushes himself off and runs off to find a Zat'n'Ktel
Daniel Jackson(90%) looks on in disbelief.
"GRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOWR!!!!"
(Translation: "Objection!")

Maseiken had the ball at the top of the key...

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Re: Ultimate Showdown

Postby grythyttan » Fri Sep 28, 2007 6:20 am UTC

Stilgar (87%) is quite upset because people keep throwing other people into him. He breaks of one of Zul'jins teeth (-4%) and throws it at Cairne, piercing his thigh (-10%).

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Re: Ultimate Showdown

Postby rxninja » Fri Sep 28, 2007 9:47 am UTC

Bourne (??%), unwilling to add up the % damage to everyone that everyone has been stacking and unable to comprehend Maseiken's inability to read the rules and only have one character out, shoots himself.

Bourne is eliminated
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Re: Ultimate Showdown

Postby Vekter » Fri Sep 28, 2007 1:20 pm UTC

Illidan (70%) gets PISSED, dropping a brick on Cairn's head (-10%) and slicing into Zul'jin.

The Fel Reaver dissapears in a puff of logic.
:lol: HOBO BONUS :lol:

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>:3

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Re: Ultimate Showdown

Postby Maseiken » Sat Sep 29, 2007 4:57 am UTC

--Bob (33%) was there too, and gasped at the amazingness of a demon dog disappearing for no evident reason.

Maseiken takes 100 Shame points of damage at not having read the rules properly and is eliminated.(But still refuses to remove all these characters until they're gone fair and square.

Zul'Jin (76%) does another Voodoo dance, again ineffective.

Cairne (80%) Headbutts Illidan (-5) but is unable to get his horns into "Goring" position

Daniel Jackson (90%) Tries to ascend to a higher plane of existence again, but is distracted by Teal'c's eyebrow.
"GRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOWR!!!!"
(Translation: "Objection!")

Maseiken had the ball at the top of the key...

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Ansain
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Re: Ultimate Showdown

Postby Ansain » Sat Sep 29, 2007 10:38 pm UTC

the main reason for one character is to not be overpowering and kill whoever you want in one post. seeing as it mainly adds to the fun rather than abuses it feel free to keep playing your four until they are gone, but afterwards if you could, try to keep a one character limit.

Teal 'c (90%) attempts to help Daniel Jackson ascend by killing him with a blast from his staff weapon. however, Daniel Jackson's main character plot shield deflects the blast into an unsuspecting bob. bob was there too, but now he is gone.
Why put off till today what you could just as easily get done tomorrow?

I can mathematically prove that 1 equals 0!.

Parts a-x in my plan weren't that important anyways.

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Re: Ultimate Showdown

Postby Rodan » Sun Sep 30, 2007 12:30 am UTC

Wow, I leave for a while, and it all goes to hell. These standings are STONE. from now on, cut back on area attacks, and cut back on irregular damage ammounmts. This was crazy.

The gelatinous cube absorbs Darth Vader and the hackers.

standings:
1.Teal 'C:90%
1.Daniel Jackson: 90%
2.Stilgar: 88%
3.Cairne Bloodhoof: 80%
4.Dr. Cheese: 65%
5.Illidian Stormrage: 60%
6.Your Grandma: 44%
7.Capt. Jean Luc Picard: 39%
8.Morgoth: 38%
9..The Piranha Brothers: 35%
10.Zul'Jin: 27%
11. Gelatinous Cube: 12% (um... I don't believe ten damage kills it, and it has no ears)

Fel Reaver dissappeared in a puff of logic, Maseiken died from shame, Bob died from a staff blast, Bush fell off a segway, smile was... killed by a ring explosion...? I've forgotten. Darth Vader and the Hackers were absorbed.

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Re: Ultimate Showdown

Postby Stief » Sun Sep 30, 2007 1:17 am UTC

Maniacal laughter echoes from out of nowhere..., a smart purple-suited, green-haired, pale-faced, ruby-lipped maniac steps out of a nearby alley...he calmly walks up to Teal'c (90%)...before smashing him in the side with a crowbar repeatedly (15%)...he finishes his little act by running away from Teal'c (75%)

The Joker has entered the fray!
Last edited by Stief on Sun Sep 30, 2007 2:19 pm UTC, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Ultimate Showdown

Postby Twasbrillig » Sun Sep 30, 2007 1:21 am UTC

A tangent universe is spawned and your grandma is crushed by a jet engine and is killed instantly (45%).

Donnie Darko has joined the fray!

Donnie Darko uses a low-orbit ionic pulse cannon to deal 21% damage to all characters. The gelatinous cube's last words before death shall be written forever in scripture as: "zxcnmvzbzqwecz".
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