Worst pun ever

For all your silly time-killing forum games.

Moderators: jestingrabbit, Moderators General, Prelates

User avatar
curious and questioning
Posts: 214
Joined: Fri Jun 08, 2007 3:27 am UTC
Location: inside the birdhouse in your soul
Contact:

Worst pun ever

Postby curious and questioning » Tue Sep 25, 2007 3:33 am UTC

A search to find it. I'll start with a few ones you've doubtless heard before...

Two peanuts were walking down the street, and one was assaulted! (science variant: What do you get when an acid attacks a base? Assault)

What did the fish say when he hit his head on the concrete wall? Dam!

Two atoms were going about their business. One exclaims "I think I've lost an electron!" "Are you sure?", the other asks. "I'm positive!"

(I searched...)
[insert quote here]

User avatar
podbaydoor
Posts: 7548
Joined: Sun Sep 02, 2007 4:16 am UTC
Location: spaceship somewhere out there

Postby podbaydoor » Tue Sep 25, 2007 3:44 am UTC

A man, told ten horrible pun jokes to his friends, but none of them made the friends laugh. No pun in ten did.
tenet |ˈtenit|
noun
a principle or belief, esp. one of the main principles of a religion or philosophy : the tenets of classical liberalism.
tenant |ˈtenənt|
noun
a person who occupies land or property rented from a landlord.

User avatar
Ansain
Posts: 207
Joined: Sun Apr 15, 2007 1:15 am UTC
Location: Here

Postby Ansain » Tue Sep 25, 2007 3:57 am UTC

A lost and wandering soul missed the big dance because he had no body to go with.
Why put off till today what you could just as easily get done tomorrow?

I can mathematically prove that 1 equals 0!.

Parts a-x in my plan weren't that important anyways.

User avatar
DrStalker
Posts: 271
Joined: Thu Aug 30, 2007 8:15 am UTC
Location: Sydney

Postby DrStalker » Tue Sep 25, 2007 4:16 am UTC

A forum game to find the worst possible pun? What an evil idea!


Image

Image

Image
There are two types of people in the world: 1) those that can extrapolate from incomplete data.

Agentlien
Posts: 31
Joined: Mon Sep 10, 2007 6:06 pm UTC
Location: Göteborg, Sweden

Postby Agentlien » Tue Sep 25, 2007 6:26 pm UTC

Aaah, I love puns. :D

I didn't get the Ringo one, though.. o.O
You C, I aim to Assemble a PERL of knowledge, helpful FOR TRANsit to new languages.
___
When writing a report, always include valid references. You never know when the Garbage Collector may stop by.

User avatar
Sarcio
Posts: 164
Joined: Fri Sep 14, 2007 3:36 pm UTC
Location: i've written something clever here.
Contact:

Postby Sarcio » Tue Sep 25, 2007 6:34 pm UTC

Agentlien wrote:Aaah, I love puns. :D

I didn't get the Ringo one, though.. o.O

dingo.
baby. ;-)

A man walks into a bar and says ouch.
Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.

User avatar
podbaydoor
Posts: 7548
Joined: Sun Sep 02, 2007 4:16 am UTC
Location: spaceship somewhere out there

Postby podbaydoor » Tue Sep 25, 2007 7:08 pm UTC

If puns were sausages, this would be the wurst.

(Better when said out loud.)
tenet |ˈtenit|
noun
a principle or belief, esp. one of the main principles of a religion or philosophy : the tenets of classical liberalism.
tenant |ˈtenənt|
noun
a person who occupies land or property rented from a landlord.

User avatar
PatrickRsGhost
Posts: 2278
Joined: Fri May 04, 2007 5:43 pm UTC
Location: ZZ9PluralZAlpha
Contact:

Postby PatrickRsGhost » Tue Sep 25, 2007 7:12 pm UTC

A pirate walks into a bar. Bartender notices he has a belt buckle shaped like the steering wheel on a ship. The bartender asks about the wheel. The pirate replies...

"Y'arrr....it's driving me nuts!"
PRG

An important message for you:

010000100110010100100000011100110
111010101110010011001010010000001
110100011011110010000001100101011
000010111010000100000011110010110
111101110101011100100010000001100
010011000010110001101101111011011
1000101110

User avatar
foster
Posts: 11
Joined: Wed Aug 15, 2007 2:33 pm UTC
Location: Cleveland

Postby foster » Tue Sep 25, 2007 7:17 pm UTC

A baby seal walks into a club.

imo this thread should be called "The Best of the Worst Puns"

LoonRadio
Posts: 170
Joined: Fri Jul 27, 2007 3:36 pm UTC
Location: Erewhon
Contact:

Postby LoonRadio » Tue Sep 25, 2007 9:46 pm UTC

Old Dominion University in Norfok, Virginia is getting a football team, and I think this would be an ideal time to change their mascot. Right now it's the Monarchs, but, in keeping with the city's identification with mermaids, perhaps the Manatee would be a good choice. Oh my God, ODU Manatee.
You know what's worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxicabs.

User avatar
DrStalker
Posts: 271
Joined: Thu Aug 30, 2007 8:15 am UTC
Location: Sydney

Postby DrStalker » Tue Sep 25, 2007 10:04 pm UTC

Agentlien wrote:I didn't get the Ringo one, though.. o.O


That's another reason it's so bad; not only is it a really stupid setup but the punchline requires knowledge of an event that, while spread all around the world at the time probably isn't known by a lot of people today.

Background.

The most memorable sound bite from the whole affair is "A Dingo stole my Baby!"
There are two types of people in the world: 1) those that can extrapolate from incomplete data.

User avatar
Rodan
Any title.
Posts: 1846
Joined: Thu May 17, 2007 11:52 pm UTC
Location: Eastern Standard Time

Postby Rodan » Tue Sep 25, 2007 10:17 pm UTC

DrStalker wrote:
Agentlien wrote:I didn't get the Ringo one, though.. o.O


That's another reason it's so bad; not only is it a really stupid setup but the punchline requires knowledge of an event that, while spread all around the world at the time probably isn't known by a lot of people today.

Background.

The most memorable sound bite from the whole affair is "A Dingo stole my Baby!"

I wondered why Oz's band was called Dingos Ate My Baby...

User avatar
evilbeanfiend
Posts: 2650
Joined: Tue Mar 13, 2007 7:05 am UTC
Location: the old world

Postby evilbeanfiend » Wed Sep 26, 2007 10:29 am UTC

the bun is the lowest form of wheat
in ur beanz makin u eveel

User avatar
pollywog
Let's party like it's my postcount
Posts: 1999
Joined: Sat May 12, 2007 10:10 am UTC
Location: Coolest little capital in the world
Contact:

Postby pollywog » Wed Sep 26, 2007 10:34 am UTC

Two parrots were sitting on a perch. One turns to the other and says "Can you smell fish?"

Two fish in a tank. One says to th other "Do you know how to drive this thing?"
suffer-cait wrote:hey, guys?
i'm fucking magic

User avatar
keozen
The Bearded FaiD Batman
Posts: 1497
Joined: Wed Aug 01, 2007 6:31 am UTC
Location: Yorkshire, UK
Contact:

Postby keozen » Wed Sep 26, 2007 11:30 am UTC

Where would you weigh a pie?

*sing*
"Somewhere, over the rainbow, weigh a pie..."
Image

User avatar
PatrickRsGhost
Posts: 2278
Joined: Fri May 04, 2007 5:43 pm UTC
Location: ZZ9PluralZAlpha
Contact:

Postby PatrickRsGhost » Wed Sep 26, 2007 12:05 pm UTC

Skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop.

What's blind and screams? Stevie Wonder answering the hot iron.
PRG

An important message for you:

010000100110010100100000011100110
111010101110010011001010010000001
110100011011110010000001100101011
000010111010000100000011110010110
111101110101011100100010000001100
010011000010110001101101111011011
1000101110

LoonRadio
Posts: 170
Joined: Fri Jul 27, 2007 3:36 pm UTC
Location: Erewhon
Contact:

Postby LoonRadio » Wed Sep 26, 2007 5:53 pm UTC

PatrickRsGhost wrote:Skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop.

What's blind and screams? Stevie Wonder answering the hot iron.


Not actually puns, but not bad. I used to have a whole comedy routine about the "King of Puns." I should go find it.

/wanders off looking for twenty year-old material
You know what's worse than raining cats and dogs?

Hailing taxicabs.

User avatar
idont_know12
Posts: 206
Joined: Sat Jul 07, 2007 9:11 am UTC
Location: The East Galaxy

Postby idont_know12 » Wed Sep 26, 2007 9:52 pm UTC

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

User avatar
Zohar
COMMANDER PORN
Posts: 8291
Joined: Fri Apr 27, 2007 8:45 pm UTC
Location: Denver

Postby Zohar » Thu Sep 27, 2007 8:54 am UTC

DrStalker wrote:The most memorable sound bite from the whole affair is "A Dingo stole my Baby!"


It was even in Seinfeld!
Mighty Jalapeno: "See, Zohar agrees, and he's nice to people."
SecondTalon: "Still better looking than Jesus."

Not how I say my name

User avatar
zomgmouse
Posts: 167
Joined: Fri Jul 06, 2007 2:44 am UTC
Location: Melbourne, Australia.
Contact:

Re: Worst pun ever

Postby zomgmouse » Fri Sep 28, 2007 12:23 am UTC

bash.org has supplied me with

<Snausages> So, an E-flat, a G-flat, and a B-flat walk into a bar.
<Snausages> And the bartender says,
<Snausages> "I'm sorry, we don't serve minors."
<Myke> That struck a chord.
<Snausages> Careful with those puns, you'll get in treble.
<Myke> But they're key to my humour.
<Myke> And very noteworthy.
"Alf Todd," said Ukridge, soaring to an impressive burst of imagery, "has about as much chance as a one-armed blind man in a dark room trying to shove a pound of melted butter into a wild cat's left ear with a red-hot needle." P.G. Wodehouse

User avatar
German Sausage
3 of 5
Posts: 2933
Joined: Mon Jan 01, 2007 9:45 am UTC

Re: Worst pun ever

Postby German Sausage » Fri Sep 28, 2007 5:23 am UTC

i find bananas appealing.
<bakemaster> Only German Sausage can prevent forest fires
<felstaff> Hype is like a giant disappointment ray aimed squarely at the finished article.
<watson> Treat me like a criminal, Holmes!
TMT4L

User avatar
Solt
Posts: 1912
Joined: Tue Mar 27, 2007 5:08 am UTC
Location: California

Re: Worst pun ever

Postby Solt » Fri Sep 28, 2007 5:30 am UTC

zomgmouse wrote:bash.org has supplied me with

<Snausages> So, an E-flat, a G-flat, and a B-flat walk into a bar.
<Snausages> And the bartender says,
<Snausages> "I'm sorry, we don't serve minors."
<Myke> That struck a chord.
<Snausages> Careful with those puns, you'll get in treble.
<Myke> But they're key to my humour.
<Myke> And very noteworthy.


Did you read the one about the guy who broke his G string fingering a minor?
"Welding was faster, cheaper and, in theory,
produced a more reliable product. But sailors do
not float on theory, and the welded tankers had a
most annoying habit of splitting in two."
-J.W. Morris

Ended
Posts: 1459
Joined: Fri Apr 20, 2007 3:27 pm UTC
Location: The Tower of Flints. (Also known as: England.)

Re: Worst pun ever

Postby Ended » Fri Sep 28, 2007 8:25 am UTC

I'm convinced that the world is really controlled by sheep. My doctor says I'm a baaaaranoid schizophrenic.
Generally I try to make myself do things I instinctively avoid, in case they are awesome.
-dubsola

User avatar
madjo
Posts: 208
Joined: Fri Jul 27, 2007 7:07 am UTC
Location: Dutch-land
Contact:

Re: Worst pun ever

Postby madjo » Fri Sep 28, 2007 11:10 am UTC

time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.
:)

You are carrying:
- a slightly paranoid Android
- two left feet (not my own)
- a still unfed and very hungry hippo
- broadsword of +5 ridiculousness stained with the blood of the undead souls
- a stetson Resistol, cuz stetson Resistols are cool.

User avatar
Zohar
COMMANDER PORN
Posts: 8291
Joined: Fri Apr 27, 2007 8:45 pm UTC
Location: Denver

Re: Worst pun ever

Postby Zohar » Fri Sep 28, 2007 11:36 am UTC

A friend once told me he wanted to create a transformation called "MIT" so he could calculate it's kernel.
Mighty Jalapeno: "See, Zohar agrees, and he's nice to people."
SecondTalon: "Still better looking than Jesus."

Not how I say my name

User avatar
Contrabass
Posts: 20
Joined: Fri Sep 28, 2007 11:30 am UTC
Location: A bus somewhere

Re: Worst pun ever

Postby Contrabass » Fri Sep 28, 2007 12:03 pm UTC

zomgmouse wrote:<Snausages> So, an E-flat, a G-flat, and a B-flat walk into a bar.
<Snausages> And the bartender says,
<Snausages> "I'm sorry, we don't serve minors."


You left out the end...
G-flat leaves and E-flat and B-flat share a perfect fifth

LoonRadio
Posts: 170
Joined: Fri Jul 27, 2007 3:36 pm UTC
Location: Erewhon
Contact:

Re: Worst pun ever

Postby LoonRadio » Fri Sep 28, 2007 2:58 pm UTC

The King of Puns has died. In his honor, the state of Florida is renaming an island after his boyish, underage mistress. It will now be known as Key of A Flat Minor.
You know what's worse than raining cats and dogs?

Hailing taxicabs.

User avatar
jestingrabbit
Factoids are just Datas that haven't grown up yet
Posts: 5967
Joined: Tue Nov 28, 2006 9:50 pm UTC
Location: Sydney

Re: Worst pun ever

Postby jestingrabbit » Fri Sep 28, 2007 3:54 pm UTC

One day a mother weevil gave birth to two weevils. One of them was the best at all the weevil activities of any weevil that was known by the local weevils. He was great at spoiling all manner of grain goods, and was generally considered to be a god among weevils.

The other weevil, no matter how hard he tried, continued to be second string. He was smaller and less handsome and the lady weevils all thought he stank.

He was the lesser of two weevils.
ameretrifle wrote:Magic space feudalism is therefore a viable idea.

LoonRadio
Posts: 170
Joined: Fri Jul 27, 2007 3:36 pm UTC
Location: Erewhon
Contact:

Re: Worst pun ever

Postby LoonRadio » Fri Sep 28, 2007 4:23 pm UTC

Note to bartenders: When a customer asks for another shot and a beer, pour the shot first. It's the lesser of two refills.
You know what's worse than raining cats and dogs?

Hailing taxicabs.

User avatar
__Kit
Posts: 1576
Joined: Tue May 08, 2007 5:12 am UTC
Location: 16/M/NZ
Contact:

Postby __Kit » Fri Sep 28, 2007 6:57 pm UTC

Ahh, goddamn it we have this one 'joke book' in our toilet (to read, not for paper) and yeah it goes through page long setups for some real shitty puns.
Especially knock knock jokes, for science sake!

"Why did the chicken cross the road"
"?"
"To get to the other side!"

You see 'the other side' is also a reference to the afterlife!
=]

User avatar
frostbytten
Posts: 3
Joined: Fri Sep 28, 2007 9:20 am UTC
Location: Dayton, OH
Contact:

Re: Worst pun ever

Postby frostbytten » Fri Sep 28, 2007 8:15 pm UTC

Bob: So Ray, I heard you and Hugh have got a new job at the burger shack...
Ray: Yeah...*sigh*
Bob: Why the long face? I thought you wanted that job?!
Ray: I did, but I don't like the way our pay is set up.
Bob: What's wrong with it?
Ray: Well, Hugh and I are paid piecemeal rate. Which is to say, that we're paid for every burger that we sell. It's not very fair though. Regardless of how many either one of us sells, at the end of the day our boss adds up the total and divides it even amongst the two.
Bob: Well what's so wrong with that?
Ray: Well, since I do believe in honest and hard work, my count is usually pretty high. Hugh, however, is such a slacker! He takes smoke breaks all the time and doesn't try nearly as hard to increase his count! So it kinda ticks me off that most of my hard work is paying for him to slack off!
Bob: That's not fair at all! You should say something to your boss!
Ray: I dunno...I'm half tempted to just let it slide...I don't really want to confront Hugh about it, we're such good friends.

Bob: Ask not what your count, Ray, can do for Hugh. Ask what Hugh can do for your count, Ray.

LoonRadio
Posts: 170
Joined: Fri Jul 27, 2007 3:36 pm UTC
Location: Erewhon
Contact:

Re: Worst pun ever

Postby LoonRadio » Sat Sep 29, 2007 12:36 am UTC

frostbytten wrote:Bob: Ask not what your count, Ray, can do for Hugh. Ask what Hugh can do for your count, Ray.


Truly horrible. Good job.
You know what's worse than raining cats and dogs?

Hailing taxicabs.

Robin S
Posts: 3579
Joined: Wed Jun 27, 2007 7:02 pm UTC
Location: London, UK
Contact:

Re: Worst pun ever

Postby Robin S » Sat Sep 29, 2007 12:40 am UTC

Does Schrodinger's Cat have 18 half-lives? (Courtesy of yours truly.)

To which the answer is: it's impossible to be certain. (Courtesy of my sixth-form Physics teacher.)
This is a placeholder until I think of something more creative to put here.

User avatar
Matthias
Posts: 275
Joined: Wed Sep 12, 2007 4:55 am UTC
Location: Out of context, probably.
Contact:

Re: Worst pun ever

Postby Matthias » Sat Sep 29, 2007 4:10 am UTC

So this rope walks into a bar and orders a Heineken. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, we don't serve your kind here."
So the rope walks outside, ties himself into a knot and unravels one of his ends. He then walks back inside and orders a Heineken.
"Say, aren't you that rope I just kicked out of here?" the bartender asks.
"No," the rope replies. "I'm a frayed knot."
Love may be blind, but lust has x-ray vision.
Avatar shamelessly plucked from PMOG.

Also, it turns out I'm not dead--I'm just a right bastard who disappears from the internet for months at a time every so often.

User avatar
zomgmouse
Posts: 167
Joined: Fri Jul 06, 2007 2:44 am UTC
Location: Melbourne, Australia.
Contact:

Re: Worst pun ever

Postby zomgmouse » Sat Sep 29, 2007 4:22 am UTC

A guy's walking in the woods when a fairy jumps out at him. He's startled but the fairy tells him not to worry. She introduces herself as Nuff.
"That's a strange name for a fairy, isn't it?" replies the guy.
"Not really - haven't you ever heard of Fairy Nuff?"
"Alf Todd," said Ukridge, soaring to an impressive burst of imagery, "has about as much chance as a one-armed blind man in a dark room trying to shove a pound of melted butter into a wild cat's left ear with a red-hot needle." P.G. Wodehouse

User avatar
podbaydoor
Posts: 7548
Joined: Sun Sep 02, 2007 4:16 am UTC
Location: spaceship somewhere out there

Re: Worst pun ever

Postby podbaydoor » Sun Sep 30, 2007 7:16 pm UTC

What do you do when an elephant comes through your window? Swim for your life.
tenet |ˈtenit|
noun
a principle or belief, esp. one of the main principles of a religion or philosophy : the tenets of classical liberalism.
tenant |ˈtenənt|
noun
a person who occupies land or property rented from a landlord.

User avatar
apricity
almost grown-up but not quite
Posts: 3983
Joined: Fri Jan 26, 2007 9:28 am UTC

Re: Worst pun ever

Postby apricity » Mon Oct 01, 2007 4:47 am UTC

A cockroach walks into a bar and asks, "Where's the bartender?"


One day, a Viking named Rudolph the Red looked out the window and said, "There's a storm coming!" His wife looked out at the blue sky and said, "How do you know?" He replied, "Because Rudolph the Red know rain, dear!"
LE4d wrote:have you considered becoming an electron

it takes just a little practice to learn to be
(she/her/hers)

User avatar
clockworkmonk
I'm on a horse!
Posts: 649
Joined: Fri Aug 03, 2007 12:53 am UTC
Location: Austin

Re: Worst pun ever

Postby clockworkmonk » Mon Oct 01, 2007 7:47 pm UTC

why did the programmer always confuse christmas with halloween?
because DEC 25 = OCT 31.
418 I'm a teapot

User avatar
davef
NomNomNommin' the Rockenclature!
Posts: 1767
Joined: Wed Mar 14, 2007 1:56 pm UTC
Location: The Ice Pit!
Contact:

Re: Worst pun ever

Postby davef » Tue Oct 02, 2007 2:25 am UTC

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
'Miss Whack, I'd like to get a £30,000 loan to take a holiday.'
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, 'Sure. I have this' and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says 'There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow £30,000 and he wants to use this as collateral.'
She holds up the tiny pink elephant. 'I mean, what in the world is this?'
The bank manager looks back at her and says, 'It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone'.
Ciúnas, bóthar, cailín, bainne.

User avatar
frostbytten
Posts: 3
Joined: Fri Sep 28, 2007 9:20 am UTC
Location: Dayton, OH
Contact:

Re: Worst pun ever

Postby frostbytten » Tue Oct 02, 2007 2:44 am UTC

davef wrote:A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
'Miss Whack, I'd like to get a £30,000 loan to take a holiday.'
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, 'Sure. I have this' and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says 'There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow £30,000 and he wants to use this as collateral.'
She holds up the tiny pink elephant. 'I mean, what in the world is this?'
The bank manager looks back at her and says, 'It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone'.


I almost coughed milk outta my nose....that was horrible, and funny. I gotta remember that one.


Return to “Forum Games”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Sciscitor and 54 guests