Ruin a Joke
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- willwithskills
- Posts: 72
- Joined: Wed Dec 19, 2007 11:21 am UTC
- Location: Cairo, Egypt
Re: Ruin a Joke
Jaywalking. He didn't cross the street at a cross walk.
What do you call a cannibal's dinner menu?
What do you call a cannibal's dinner menu?
So it goes.
Dromtry wrote:willwithskills wrote: I colored sufficiently large purpose on my tail end.
You have a large red hiney?
Re: Ruin a Joke
molestion, and was sentenced to six months in prison.
a turtle, a hare, and a lion decided to have race. a russian millionare came along and decided to bet a million dollars on one of them. the lion and the hare insisted they were the fastest, but the turtle merely said "I'll win. turtle's word". on the day of the race...
a turtle, a hare, and a lion decided to have race. a russian millionare came along and decided to bet a million dollars on one of them. the lion and the hare insisted they were the fastest, but the turtle merely said "I'll win. turtle's word". on the day of the race...
It rains on the enemy too!
- willwithskills
- Posts: 72
- Joined: Wed Dec 19, 2007 11:21 am UTC
- Location: Cairo, Egypt
Re: Ruin a Joke
Man, I'm like a super ninja! This guy got ninja'd by 2 friggin' hours.
So it goes.
Dromtry wrote:willwithskills wrote: I colored sufficiently large purpose on my tail end.
You have a large red hiney?
Re: Ruin a Joke
The russian millionaire bet on the turtle, and won. They were not talking animals, but rather people in costumes, and the russian millionaire knew that the lion and the hare were really very out-of-shape people, and the turtle was a worl-class marathon runner with a lightweight, aerodynamically designed fiberglass shell.
How many alchemists does it take to change a lightbulb?
How many alchemists does it take to change a lightbulb?
The Summoning of Dragons. Single copy, first edition, slighty foxed and extremely dragoned.
+++OUT OF CHEESE ERROR+++ +++PLEASE REBOOT+++
"I assumed we were walking to the bakery." "You alwaysassume that!"
+++OUT OF CHEESE ERROR+++ +++PLEASE REBOOT+++
"I assumed we were walking to the bakery." "You alwaysassume that!"
Re: Ruin a Joke
Several. Although lightbulbs did not exist when alchemists were active, they were smart people and would have figured it out sooner or later.
What do you call a starving parrot?
What do you call a starving parrot?
-
- Posts: 127
- Joined: Wed Apr 09, 2008 2:52 am UTC
Re: Ruin a Joke
It doesn't care what you call it; just give it some damn food!
A lawyer tells his wife, "My BMW won't start up!" His wife says...
A lawyer tells his wife, "My BMW won't start up!" His wife says...
"It is common sense to take a method and try it. If it fails, admit it frankly and try another. But above all, try something."
-- Franklin D. Roosevelt
-- Franklin D. Roosevelt
-
- Posts: 10
- Joined: Fri Oct 19, 2007 5:02 pm UTC
- Location: NYC
- Contact:
Re: Ruin a Joke
"Try turning the key the other way, dear!"
What do a drummer and a pizza delivery guy have in common?
What do a drummer and a pizza delivery guy have in common?
My normal approach is useless here.
- The Hyphenator
- Posts: 791
- Joined: Mon Nov 19, 2007 2:16 am UTC
- Location: The Shades, Ankh-Morpork
Bob and his lightbulbs (ew?)
They're both named Bob.
How many lightbulbs does it take to change a lightbulb?
How many lightbulbs does it take to change a lightbulb?
The image link changes whenever I find a new cool website.
Spoiler:
Re: Ruin a Joke
The Hyphenator wrote:They're both named Bob.
How many lightbulbs does it take to change a lightbulb?
1, assuming it's an anthropomorphic lightbulb.
So a priest, a rabbi, and a comedian walk into a bar...
Re: Ruin a Joke
and are then brutally beaten up by a sadistic bouncer, who is later fired and sent to jail for it.
a bunch of polish phisicists try escaping the country. they steal a plane, get on it and prepare to fly, but the pilot gets knoecked out by mistake. the phisicists decide that with their knowledge of phisics they ought to be able to take off at least, seeing as the police are sounding in the distance and there's no time for the pilot to wake up. on of them starts working, the others tell him to hurry up, and he says...
a bunch of polish phisicists try escaping the country. they steal a plane, get on it and prepare to fly, but the pilot gets knoecked out by mistake. the phisicists decide that with their knowledge of phisics they ought to be able to take off at least, seeing as the police are sounding in the distance and there's no time for the pilot to wake up. on of them starts working, the others tell him to hurry up, and he says...
It rains on the enemy too!
-
- Posts: 48
- Joined: Fri Mar 21, 2008 7:11 am UTC
Re: Ruin a Joke
...something in Polish, which I'm sure would be really funny if either you or I could understand it. Anyway, they aren't able to get the plane to take off before the police catch up with them, at which point they're all arrested for attempting to steal a plane (not to mention assaulting the pilot).
What's the best way to keep your violin from being stolen?
What's the best way to keep your violin from being stolen?
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- Posts: 386
- Joined: Fri Apr 18, 2008 5:41 am UTC
- Location: Hothlanta
Re: Ruin a Joke
Eat it.
Have you seen Helen Keller's father?
Have you seen Helen Keller's father?
The Humanity for the Undead Coalition: Bringing Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness to the Undead and Other Supernatural Humanoids. Zombies don't eat people; people eat people!
Re: Ruin a Joke
No, just missed him. How's he been?
Why do Scottsmen wear kilts?
Why do Scottsmen wear kilts?
- The Moo Prophet
- Posts: 13
- Joined: Sat Jun 02, 2007 2:01 am UTC
- Location: North Carolina (the good part)
Re: Ruin a Joke
Orange you glad I didn't say Banana?
What makes it taste so much like real butter?
What makes it taste so much like real butter?
-
- Posts: 386
- Joined: Fri Apr 18, 2008 5:41 am UTC
- Location: Hothlanta
Re: Ruin a Joke
Your mom.
What is brown and sticky?
What is brown and sticky?
The Humanity for the Undead Coalition: Bringing Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness to the Undead and Other Supernatural Humanoids. Zombies don't eat people; people eat people!
Re: Ruin a Joke
Just a stick.
There once was a man from Nantucket.
There once was a man from Nantucket.
Re: Ruin a Joke
he caught his girlfriend cheating on him, so he shot her and her guy, then himself because he couldn't live with it anymore. this is sad.
a man walks into a bar...ouch!
a man walks into a bar...ouch!
It rains on the enemy too!
- The Hyphenator
- Posts: 791
- Joined: Mon Nov 19, 2007 2:16 am UTC
- Location: The Shades, Ankh-Morpork
Re: Ruin a Joke
Megatriorchis wrote:Eat it.
No fair, that was hilarious!
He gets up and walks away, then gets hit by a car.
What did the kung-fu master say to the panda?
The image link changes whenever I find a new cool website.
Spoiler:
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- Posts: 386
- Joined: Fri Apr 18, 2008 5:41 am UTC
- Location: Hothlanta
Re: Ruin a Joke
"Lose some weight, you fat bamboo-muncher."
What do you call a sleeping cow?
Sorry for being funny, I couldn't stop myself that time. ;P
What do you call a sleeping cow?
Sorry for being funny, I couldn't stop myself that time. ;P
The Humanity for the Undead Coalition: Bringing Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness to the Undead and Other Supernatural Humanoids. Zombies don't eat people; people eat people!
-
- Posts: 127
- Joined: Wed Apr 09, 2008 2:52 am UTC
Re: Ruin a Joke
Whether it's sleeping or not, a cow is still a cow!
I put spot remover on my dog...
I put spot remover on my dog...
"It is common sense to take a method and try it. If it fails, admit it frankly and try another. But above all, try something."
-- Franklin D. Roosevelt
-- Franklin D. Roosevelt
-
- Posts: 386
- Joined: Fri Apr 18, 2008 5:41 am UTC
- Location: Hothlanta
Re: Ruin a Joke
It poisoned him. He died.
A lesbian, a rabbi, and a priest walk into a nightclub.....
A lesbian, a rabbi, and a priest walk into a nightclub.....
The Humanity for the Undead Coalition: Bringing Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness to the Undead and Other Supernatural Humanoids. Zombies don't eat people; people eat people!
Re: Ruin a Joke
They dance, grind, pay their tabs and couldn't be more polite.
What did one muffin say to the other muffin?
What did one muffin say to the other muffin?
- Leonsbuddydave
- Posts: 18
- Joined: Mon Jun 23, 2008 5:04 am UTC
Re: Ruin a Joke
"Hey! We're both muffins! This might seem like a weird question but...do you like flying kites?"
Exactly 29 drunken, morbidly obese chipmunks step out of an elevator onto the 9th floor of a building...
Exactly 29 drunken, morbidly obese chipmunks step out of an elevator onto the 9th floor of a building...
Shale wrote:It should go without saying that a movie where Stephen Hawking fights ninjas would likely be incredibly awesome. That's not the point.
Re: Ruin a Joke
Leonsbuddydave wrote:"Hey! We're both muffins! This might seem like a weird question but...do you like flying kites?"
Exactly 29 drunken, morbidly obese chipmunks step out of an elevator onto the 9th floor of a building...
I don't know if you did it right, I laughed.
A lady down the hall sees the chipmunks and calls pest control. Pest control comes, traps and euthenizes all of the chipmunks.
A duck walks into a hardware store...
Gojoe wrote:Well, I would say something here, but it would only make it worse.
- Leonsbuddydave
- Posts: 18
- Joined: Mon Jun 23, 2008 5:04 am UTC
Re: Ruin a Joke
...purchases the tools and equipment he needs, and leaves.
(That time I did it right, but the first time, I just couldn't resist.
)
25% of the worlds population is...
(That time I did it right, but the first time, I just couldn't resist.

25% of the worlds population is...
Shale wrote:It should go without saying that a movie where Stephen Hawking fights ninjas would likely be incredibly awesome. That's not the point.
- The Hyphenator
- Posts: 791
- Joined: Mon Nov 19, 2007 2:16 am UTC
- Location: The Shades, Ankh-Morpork
Re: Ruin a Joke
...one-fourth of all the people.
Why did the mathematician throw his pencil?
Why did the mathematician throw his pencil?
The image link changes whenever I find a new cool website.
Spoiler:
Re: Ruin a Joke
because his girlfriend had just left him and he was in depression, throwing stuff at walls from time to time in desperation.
why was six afraid of seven?
why was six afraid of seven?
It rains on the enemy too!
Re: Ruin a Joke
because 7 had a gun and just shot 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 8, and 0.
what do you call a blind dinosaur?
what do you call a blind dinosaur?
Re: Ruin a Joke
zack. (this actually has a backround, there's a dinosaur comic where he talks about his friend zack being blind).
why don't girls like the night?
why don't girls like the night?
It rains on the enemy too!
- Leonsbuddydave
- Posts: 18
- Joined: Mon Jun 23, 2008 5:04 am UTC
Re: Ruin a Joke
That's a stereotype, I'm sure there are a number of girls that are perfectly fond of the nighttime hours.
Why did the rock?
Why did the rock?
Shale wrote:It should go without saying that a movie where Stephen Hawking fights ninjas would likely be incredibly awesome. That's not the point.
Re: Ruin a Joke
Really, he didn't. It was a clever routine put on by the Witness Protection Agency to keep the murderer from finding Rock. It worked flawlessly.
Do you have change for a 20?
Do you have change for a 20?
- The Hyphenator
- Posts: 791
- Joined: Mon Nov 19, 2007 2:16 am UTC
- Location: The Shades, Ankh-Morpork
Re: Ruin a Joke
Sure. *zing!* Now it's a 10.
Can you give me a dollar?
Can you give me a dollar?
The image link changes whenever I find a new cool website.
Spoiler:
-
- Posts: 386
- Joined: Fri Apr 18, 2008 5:41 am UTC
- Location: Hothlanta
Re: Ruin a Joke
No. I'm broke.
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Tennis!
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Tennis!
The Humanity for the Undead Coalition: Bringing Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness to the Undead and Other Supernatural Humanoids. Zombies don't eat people; people eat people!
Re: Ruin a Joke
I thought I had a restraining oreder for you.
two men go to a zoo...
two men go to a zoo...
It rains on the enemy too!
-
- Posts: 386
- Joined: Fri Apr 18, 2008 5:41 am UTC
- Location: Hothlanta
Re: Ruin a Joke
They get trampled by escaped zoo animals.
There was this mollusk, and he walks up to this sea cucumber.
There was this mollusk, and he walks up to this sea cucumber.
The Humanity for the Undead Coalition: Bringing Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness to the Undead and Other Supernatural Humanoids. Zombies don't eat people; people eat people!
Re: Ruin a Joke
and asks him to marry it. the sea cucumber refuses, they break up. the mollusk is sorta depressed for a while but gets over it and ultimately marries someone else.
how many lammas does it take to eat anb elephant?
how many lammas does it take to eat anb elephant?
It rains on the enemy too!
-
- Posts: 48
- Joined: Fri Mar 21, 2008 7:11 am UTC
Re: Ruin a Joke
Quite a few, I would imagine, seeing as how llamas are herbivores and elephants are quite large. The only way I can think of is to grind up the elephant and mix it into the llamas' normal food. Maybe you could do it with just one llama over a long period of time, but it would probably be bad for the llama.
Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with "I".
Student: I is the...
Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after "I". Always put 'am' after "I".
Student: ...
Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with "I".
Student: I is the...
Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after "I". Always put 'am' after "I".
Student: ...
-
- Posts: 386
- Joined: Fri Apr 18, 2008 5:41 am UTC
- Location: Hothlanta
Re: Ruin a Joke
Student: I wasn't going to say "I am [inster noun/adjective]", I was going to say, "'I' is the letter that comes after 'H'."
Teacher: Oh. Well, then, good job.
Student: Yeah. You bet your ass I did a good job.
So this lady walks into the doctor's office and says, "Doc you gotta help me; I was out on the golf course and a bee stung me!"
Teacher: Oh. Well, then, good job.
Student: Yeah. You bet your ass I did a good job.
So this lady walks into the doctor's office and says, "Doc you gotta help me; I was out on the golf course and a bee stung me!"
The Humanity for the Undead Coalition: Bringing Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness to the Undead and Other Supernatural Humanoids. Zombies don't eat people; people eat people!
- The Hyphenator
- Posts: 791
- Joined: Mon Nov 19, 2007 2:16 am UTC
- Location: The Shades, Ankh-Morpork
Re: Ruin a Joke
The doctor says, "I've got some cream for that."
So a physicist, a mathematician, and a juggler walk into a bar...
So a physicist, a mathematician, and a juggler walk into a bar...
The image link changes whenever I find a new cool website.
Spoiler:
Re: Ruin a Joke
The physicist is depressed because his research grant was rescinded, the mathematician worked ath the same university and was there to help console him, and the juggler was there because he hated his job at the circus and wanted to get drunk then, so hed have the weekend to sober up before his next act. An archaeology professor and another mathematician then walked into the bar because they'd heard about the physicist, and the archaology professor recognized the jusggler, and asked if he would do his act to help cheer up the physicist. The juggler then threw a glass mugh at the archaeology professor's head, who was then taken to the hospital by the others, and rleased the next day after it was found that the only injuries were a shallow cut to the scalp. THe juggler was arrested froassault and fired from the circus, the bar owner was boycotted by the locals for using recalled glass mugs, the physicist was offeed funding by a different college in the same city, and everyone except the bartender, the juggler, and a homeless man who had nothing to do with the story all lived happily ever after. The end.
What do youget when you cross a road with a pair of shoes?
What do youget when you cross a road with a pair of shoes?
The Summoning of Dragons. Single copy, first edition, slighty foxed and extremely dragoned.
+++OUT OF CHEESE ERROR+++ +++PLEASE REBOOT+++
"I assumed we were walking to the bakery." "You alwaysassume that!"
+++OUT OF CHEESE ERROR+++ +++PLEASE REBOOT+++
"I assumed we were walking to the bakery." "You alwaysassume that!"
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