Ruin a Joke

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willwithskills
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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby willwithskills » Tue Jun 24, 2008 8:02 am UTC

Jaywalking. He didn't cross the street at a cross walk.

What do you call a cannibal's dinner menu?
So it goes.

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willwithskills wrote: I colored sufficiently large purpose on my tail end.

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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby pkuky » Tue Jun 24, 2008 10:12 am UTC

molestion, and was sentenced to six months in prison.

a turtle, a hare, and a lion decided to have race. a russian millionare came along and decided to bet a million dollars on one of them. the lion and the hare insisted they were the fastest, but the turtle merely said "I'll win. turtle's word". on the day of the race...
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willwithskills
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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby willwithskills » Tue Jun 24, 2008 11:05 am UTC

Man, I'm like a super ninja! This guy got ninja'd by 2 friggin' hours.
So it goes.

Dromtry wrote:
willwithskills wrote: I colored sufficiently large purpose on my tail end.

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JET73L
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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby JET73L » Tue Jun 24, 2008 12:14 pm UTC

The russian millionaire bet on the turtle, and won. They were not talking animals, but rather people in costumes, and the russian millionaire knew that the lion and the hare were really very out-of-shape people, and the turtle was a worl-class marathon runner with a lightweight, aerodynamically designed fiberglass shell.

How many alchemists does it take to change a lightbulb?
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Actaeus
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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby Actaeus » Tue Jun 24, 2008 1:02 pm UTC

Several. Although lightbulbs did not exist when alchemists were active, they were smart people and would have figured it out sooner or later.

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lingomaniac88
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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby lingomaniac88 » Tue Jun 24, 2008 6:41 pm UTC

It doesn't care what you call it; just give it some damn food!

A lawyer tells his wife, "My BMW won't start up!" His wife says...
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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby pi2infinity » Tue Jun 24, 2008 9:00 pm UTC

"Try turning the key the other way, dear!"

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The Hyphenator
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Bob and his lightbulbs (ew?)

Postby The Hyphenator » Wed Jun 25, 2008 1:15 pm UTC

They're both named Bob.

How many lightbulbs does it take to change a lightbulb?
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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby Shakes » Thu Jun 26, 2008 5:40 pm UTC

The Hyphenator wrote:They're both named Bob.

How many lightbulbs does it take to change a lightbulb?


1, assuming it's an anthropomorphic lightbulb.

So a priest, a rabbi, and a comedian walk into a bar...

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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby pkuky » Thu Jun 26, 2008 8:06 pm UTC

and are then brutally beaten up by a sadistic bouncer, who is later fired and sent to jail for it.

a bunch of polish phisicists try escaping the country. they steal a plane, get on it and prepare to fly, but the pilot gets knoecked out by mistake. the phisicists decide that with their knowledge of phisics they ought to be able to take off at least, seeing as the police are sounding in the distance and there's no time for the pilot to wake up. on of them starts working, the others tell him to hurry up, and he says...
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muffin of doom
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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby muffin of doom » Fri Jun 27, 2008 4:25 am UTC

...something in Polish, which I'm sure would be really funny if either you or I could understand it. Anyway, they aren't able to get the plane to take off before the police catch up with them, at which point they're all arrested for attempting to steal a plane (not to mention assaulting the pilot).

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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby Megatriorchis » Fri Jun 27, 2008 5:34 am UTC

Eat it.

Have you seen Helen Keller's father?
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.Taylor.
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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby .Taylor. » Fri Jun 27, 2008 5:48 am UTC

No, just missed him. How's he been?


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The Moo Prophet
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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby The Moo Prophet » Fri Jun 27, 2008 6:58 am UTC

Orange you glad I didn't say Banana?

What makes it taste so much like real butter?

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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby Megatriorchis » Fri Jun 27, 2008 7:16 am UTC

Your mom.

What is brown and sticky?
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.Taylor.
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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby .Taylor. » Fri Jun 27, 2008 7:50 am UTC

Just a stick.


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pkuky
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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby pkuky » Fri Jun 27, 2008 9:23 am UTC

he caught his girlfriend cheating on him, so he shot her and her guy, then himself because he couldn't live with it anymore. this is sad.

a man walks into a bar...ouch!
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The Hyphenator
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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby The Hyphenator » Fri Jun 27, 2008 1:29 pm UTC

Megatriorchis wrote:Eat it.

No fair, that was hilarious!

He gets up and walks away, then gets hit by a car.

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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby Megatriorchis » Fri Jun 27, 2008 8:41 pm UTC

"Lose some weight, you fat bamboo-muncher."

What do you call a sleeping cow?

Sorry for being funny, I couldn't stop myself that time. ;P
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lingomaniac88
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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby lingomaniac88 » Fri Jun 27, 2008 11:53 pm UTC

Whether it's sleeping or not, a cow is still a cow!

I put spot remover on my dog...
"It is common sense to take a method and try it. If it fails, admit it frankly and try another. But above all, try something."
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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby Megatriorchis » Sat Jun 28, 2008 1:29 am UTC

It poisoned him. He died.

A lesbian, a rabbi, and a priest walk into a nightclub.....
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.Taylor.
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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby .Taylor. » Sat Jun 28, 2008 3:11 am UTC

They dance, grind, pay their tabs and couldn't be more polite.


What did one muffin say to the other muffin?

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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby Leonsbuddydave » Sat Jun 28, 2008 5:33 am UTC

"Hey! We're both muffins! This might seem like a weird question but...do you like flying kites?"

Exactly 29 drunken, morbidly obese chipmunks step out of an elevator onto the 9th floor of a building...
Shale wrote:It should go without saying that a movie where Stephen Hawking fights ninjas would likely be incredibly awesome. That's not the point.

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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby nsmjohn » Sat Jun 28, 2008 5:42 am UTC

Leonsbuddydave wrote:"Hey! We're both muffins! This might seem like a weird question but...do you like flying kites?"

Exactly 29 drunken, morbidly obese chipmunks step out of an elevator onto the 9th floor of a building...

I don't know if you did it right, I laughed.

A lady down the hall sees the chipmunks and calls pest control. Pest control comes, traps and euthenizes all of the chipmunks.

A duck walks into a hardware store...
Gojoe wrote:Well, I would say something here, but it would only make it worse.


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Leonsbuddydave
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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby Leonsbuddydave » Sat Jun 28, 2008 5:44 am UTC

...purchases the tools and equipment he needs, and leaves.

(That time I did it right, but the first time, I just couldn't resist. :D)

25% of the worlds population is...
Shale wrote:It should go without saying that a movie where Stephen Hawking fights ninjas would likely be incredibly awesome. That's not the point.

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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby The Hyphenator » Sat Jun 28, 2008 12:17 pm UTC

...one-fourth of all the people.

Why did the mathematician throw his pencil?
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pkuky
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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby pkuky » Sat Jun 28, 2008 12:50 pm UTC

because his girlfriend had just left him and he was in depression, throwing stuff at walls from time to time in desperation.

why was six afraid of seven?
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falcon434
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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby falcon434 » Sat Jun 28, 2008 5:55 pm UTC

because 7 had a gun and just shot 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 8, and 0.



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pkuky
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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby pkuky » Sat Jun 28, 2008 7:11 pm UTC

zack. (this actually has a backround, there's a dinosaur comic where he talks about his friend zack being blind).

why don't girls like the night?
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Leonsbuddydave
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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby Leonsbuddydave » Sat Jun 28, 2008 10:14 pm UTC

That's a stereotype, I'm sure there are a number of girls that are perfectly fond of the nighttime hours.

Why did the rock?
Shale wrote:It should go without saying that a movie where Stephen Hawking fights ninjas would likely be incredibly awesome. That's not the point.

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.Taylor.
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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby .Taylor. » Sun Jun 29, 2008 5:18 am UTC

Really, he didn't. It was a clever routine put on by the Witness Protection Agency to keep the murderer from finding Rock. It worked flawlessly.

Do you have change for a 20?

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The Hyphenator
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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby The Hyphenator » Sun Jun 29, 2008 5:23 pm UTC

Sure. *zing!* Now it's a 10.

Can you give me a dollar?
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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby Megatriorchis » Sun Jun 29, 2008 5:52 pm UTC

No. I'm broke.

Knock knock!
Who's there?
Tennis!
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pkuky
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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby pkuky » Sun Jun 29, 2008 9:11 pm UTC

I thought I had a restraining oreder for you.

two men go to a zoo...
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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby Megatriorchis » Sun Jun 29, 2008 9:17 pm UTC

They get trampled by escaped zoo animals.

There was this mollusk, and he walks up to this sea cucumber.
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pkuky
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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby pkuky » Sun Jun 29, 2008 9:19 pm UTC

and asks him to marry it. the sea cucumber refuses, they break up. the mollusk is sorta depressed for a while but gets over it and ultimately marries someone else.

how many lammas does it take to eat anb elephant?
It rains on the enemy too!

muffin of doom
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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby muffin of doom » Mon Jun 30, 2008 7:12 am UTC

Quite a few, I would imagine, seeing as how llamas are herbivores and elephants are quite large. The only way I can think of is to grind up the elephant and mix it into the llamas' normal food. Maybe you could do it with just one llama over a long period of time, but it would probably be bad for the llama.

Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with "I".
Student: I is the...
Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after "I". Always put 'am' after "I".
Student: ...

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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby Megatriorchis » Mon Jun 30, 2008 7:22 am UTC

Student: I wasn't going to say "I am [inster noun/adjective]", I was going to say, "'I' is the letter that comes after 'H'."
Teacher: Oh. Well, then, good job.
Student: Yeah. You bet your ass I did a good job.

So this lady walks into the doctor's office and says, "Doc you gotta help me; I was out on the golf course and a bee stung me!"
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The Hyphenator
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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby The Hyphenator » Mon Jun 30, 2008 1:00 pm UTC

The doctor says, "I've got some cream for that."

So a physicist, a mathematician, and a juggler walk into a bar...
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JET73L
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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby JET73L » Mon Jun 30, 2008 2:52 pm UTC

The physicist is depressed because his research grant was rescinded, the mathematician worked ath the same university and was there to help console him, and the juggler was there because he hated his job at the circus and wanted to get drunk then, so hed have the weekend to sober up before his next act. An archaeology professor and another mathematician then walked into the bar because they'd heard about the physicist, and the archaology professor recognized the jusggler, and asked if he would do his act to help cheer up the physicist. The juggler then threw a glass mugh at the archaeology professor's head, who was then taken to the hospital by the others, and rleased the next day after it was found that the only injuries were a shallow cut to the scalp. THe juggler was arrested froassault and fired from the circus, the bar owner was boycotted by the locals for using recalled glass mugs, the physicist was offeed funding by a different college in the same city, and everyone except the bartender, the juggler, and a homeless man who had nothing to do with the story all lived happily ever after. The end.

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