Ruin a Joke

For all your silly time-killing forum games.

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.Taylor.
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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby .Taylor. » Mon Jul 21, 2008 4:08 am UTC

Kid threw it cause he thought it'd fly like a frisbee.


Do you know where your mom is right now?

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Bulvox
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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby Bulvox » Mon Jul 21, 2008 4:14 am UTC

downstairs arguing with my sister, i can hear them.

what starts "b" and ends with "itch"?
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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby Shakleton » Mon Jul 21, 2008 5:00 pm UTC

best witch?

Is 4Chan offline from your computer as well?
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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby Matthias » Mon Jul 21, 2008 5:38 pm UTC

To get to the other side.

What did the sandal salesman say to the kite repairman?
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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby AngrySquirrel » Mon Jul 21, 2008 6:42 pm UTC

Want to buy sandals?

What did the pyromaniac say to the candle?
Putting the fist into pacifist.

they/them/theirs

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.Taylor.
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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby .Taylor. » Tue Jul 22, 2008 4:50 am UTC

Something about a repressed childhood. Who knows.


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quintopia
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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby quintopia » Tue Jul 22, 2008 8:31 am UTC

who the f*ck are you anyway?

These aren't the Hammer.

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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby Megatriorchis » Tue Jul 22, 2008 9:39 am UTC

You're right, they're all screwdrivers.

How many mimes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby Joshua » Tue Jul 22, 2008 3:52 pm UTC

Megatriorchis wrote:How many mimes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?


It takes two mimes to screw in a lightbulb. One to stand on the ladder and screw in the lightbulb, one to hand him the lightbulb so he can screw it in!

...

A guy walks into a talent agency and says "Boy have I got an act for you!"
The agent says "Oh? What is it?"
The man goes on to describe a series of disgusting sexual and scatological acts performed by himself and his family.
The talent agent says "Well that's quite an act. What do you call yourselves?"
And the man replies...

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pkuky
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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby pkuky » Tue Jul 22, 2008 4:07 pm UTC

the amazing joseph and his clan of preformers.

what do you call a horse in an alley?
It rains on the enemy too!

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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby The Hyphenator » Wed Jul 23, 2008 1:54 pm UTC

Stupid.

How?
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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby Joshua » Wed Jul 23, 2008 4:31 pm UTC

Using a strategy called the double pendulum. During forward motion, the leg that leaves the ground swings forward from the hip. This sweep is the first pendulum. Then the leg strikes the ground with the heel and rolls through to the toe in a motion described as an inverted pendulum. The motion of the two legs is coordinated so that one foot or the other is always in contact with the ground.


As I was going to St Ives
I met a man with seven wives
And every wife had seven sacks
And every sack had seven cats
And every cat had seven kits
Kits, cats, sacks, wives
How many were going to St Ives?

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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby quintopia » Wed Jul 23, 2008 11:34 pm UTC

It depends. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A deaf-mute man walks into a store and asks for a pencil sharpener by sticking one finger in one ear and cranking his fist about the other ear.
A blind man desiring a pair of scissors walks into the same store and asks for them by. . .

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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby Seremite » Thu Jul 24, 2008 5:23 am UTC

by saying: "Can you please lead me to where the scissors are?"
Then he goes home and stabs his wife.
(Oops)
Comedy Central's Joke of the Day:
A farmboy accidentally overturns his wagon of corn.
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quintopia
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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby quintopia » Thu Jul 24, 2008 5:51 am UTC

And then a nice neighbor helps him get the wagon off his dad and they successfully take the load to their still and then they get caught by the rev'nooers and the neighbor who was just being helpful gets arrested for aiding and abetting.

There young actor named Clive
Who used to work in a dive.

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dragongrrl
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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby dragongrrl » Sat Jul 26, 2008 9:37 am UTC

Fortunately, he soon got out and got a job in the movies. He's in Hollywood.

Guess what I'm doing right now?
Teacher: "Right, you are no longer allowed to let sock puppets take responsibility for any of your actions."

Damn. There goes my education.

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quintopia
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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby quintopia » Sun Jul 27, 2008 12:55 am UTC

If "right now" means "the time at which 'right now' was written," my guess would be "typing the words 'right now' on an internet forum."

Matt swallowed a whole bag of Scrabble letters. His mom took him to the doctor and he said

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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby The Hyphenator » Sun Jul 27, 2008 1:21 am UTC

"!"

Who draws the crowd? Who plays so loud? Baby, it's the...
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quintopia
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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby quintopia » Sun Jul 27, 2008 5:16 am UTC

guitar man. ho hum.

So a king of a small medieval land is engaged in epic medieval warfare, but suddenly he shouts "Wait! Where are my two court jesters?" Bells ringing, suddenly his jesters are on either side of him wielding puppet staffs and juggling clubs. "Reporting, sir!" one said. "Good," said the king, "the battle can continue. . .

(extra points if you know the real punchline)

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JET73L
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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby JET73L » Tue Jul 29, 2008 3:24 am UTC

The jesters then begin their commentary on the brutal fight between two knights, one of which had impugned the honor of the other, and had been challenged to a fight to the death.
No bonus points for me :(

There once was a man from Peru
Who dreamed he was eating his shoe.
He woke up with a fright
in the dead of the night
to find that...
The Summoning of Dragons. Single copy, first edition, slighty foxed and extremely dragoned.
+++OUT OF CHEESE ERROR+++ +++PLEASE REBOOT+++
"I assumed we were walking to the bakery." "You alwaysassume that!"

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quintopia
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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby quintopia » Tue Jul 29, 2008 6:17 am UTC

he was actually eating a shrew. Then he went and got professional treatment for his sleep-eating condition.

(the punchline were ". . .now that I've got my wits about me."

A priest played hooky one Sunday morning and skipped his sermon for a solitary game of golf.
Looking down, St. Peter complained, "Look at this guy, abandoning his congregation and flaunting our doctrinal laws! Surely, you're not going to let him get away with it."
The Lord answered simply "No."
The very first hole, the pastor swung and sent the ball 400 yards for a hole-in-one.
St. Pete was outraged, "You said you were going to something about this, and you gave him a hole-in-one?"
The Lord shrugged, and said

(again, bonus points for real punchline)

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JET73L
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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby JET73L » Wed Jul 30, 2008 1:47 am UTC

Real punchline: "Who;s he going to tell?"
Ruin-a-joke punchline: "Hey, he's pretty cool for a mortal, and I did intend for Sunday to be a day of rest. He should be golfing instead of at work."

WHat do you get if you cross a kangaroo and a pogo stick?
The Summoning of Dragons. Single copy, first edition, slighty foxed and extremely dragoned.
+++OUT OF CHEESE ERROR+++ +++PLEASE REBOOT+++
"I assumed we were walking to the bakery." "You alwaysassume that!"

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quintopia
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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby quintopia » Wed Jul 30, 2008 2:31 am UTC

A plague a really skinny metal rats with pouches.

A penguin and a penguin are in the bathtub when one turns to the other and says, "Hey, can you pass the soap?"
The other penguin replies

(Here's your chance to ruin a joke that is already ruined to begin with!)

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JET73L
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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby JET73L » Thu Jul 31, 2008 12:55 am UTC

..."Sure, but it;ll take me a day or so."
:shock:

Jesus, Moses, and an old guy are playing golf...

(there are several ways this can be ruined, even before the punchline)
The Summoning of Dragons. Single copy, first edition, slighty foxed and extremely dragoned.
+++OUT OF CHEESE ERROR+++ +++PLEASE REBOOT+++
"I assumed we were walking to the bakery." "You alwaysassume that!"

kingofidunno
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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby kingofidunno » Thu Jul 31, 2008 6:23 pm UTC

They have a fun time playing golf.

What do you call a 200 pound duck?

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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby Jebobek » Thu Jul 31, 2008 6:36 pm UTC

A big duck.

What is brown and sticky?
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The Hyphenator
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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby The Hyphenator » Thu Jul 31, 2008 7:41 pm UTC

A remote control, if it's covered in mud.

What did the penguin say to the dumpster diver?
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quintopia
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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby quintopia » Fri Aug 01, 2008 2:55 am UTC

Nothing humans can understand, but it sounded kind of like a justified whistle.

So a Greek guy named Euripides finds out his friend has just moved into his town to open a tailor shop, but he suspects his friend won't recognize him any more. He goes to the shop with a pair of pants to see if he'll be recognized.

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dragongrrl
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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby dragongrrl » Fri Aug 01, 2008 9:24 am UTC

Hey, guess what! His friend does recognise him, and they catch up over a nice coffee and lunch, rekindling their old friendship.


What did the big cracker say to the little cracker?
Teacher: "Right, you are no longer allowed to let sock puppets take responsibility for any of your actions."

Damn. There goes my education.

ediblespread
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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby ediblespread » Fri Aug 01, 2008 10:01 am UTC

Nothing, although the crunching, cracking sound as it is bitten in half and eaten could be mistaken for a very muffled "Good evening".

There's a priest, a business man, a lawyer and 3 boy scouts on a plane...

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quintopia
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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby quintopia » Fri Aug 01, 2008 1:46 pm UTC

none of them are sitting anywhere remotely near one another though, except that the 3 boy scouts are on the same row and the people in front of them have to get onto them for kicking the backs of the seats.

What do you get for the man who has everything?

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Artemisia
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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby Artemisia » Fri Aug 01, 2008 4:05 pm UTC

vacation. one can never have enough vacation ^^

A man walks into a bar and says:
This too shall pass

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quintopia
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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby quintopia » Sat Aug 02, 2008 12:03 am UTC

"What kinds of cheese do you sell here?" (The man was a bit daft.)

Why did they hang Jesus on a cross instead of drowning him? (Tread lightly)

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dragongrrl
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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby dragongrrl » Sat Aug 02, 2008 2:04 am UTC

Because there were many crosses available for use, however, the seas were a bit too far away for everyone to watch. And that was what early Roman executions were about: pleasing the public.

So two Jews walk into a bar...
Teacher: "Right, you are no longer allowed to let sock puppets take responsibility for any of your actions."

Damn. There goes my education.

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quintopia
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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby quintopia » Sat Aug 02, 2008 5:59 am UTC

and something that would only happen to stereotypical jews happens there.

What's do Sonic the Hedgehog and Michael Jackson have in common?

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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby cowsofdoom23 » Sat Aug 02, 2008 9:08 am UTC

They are ring collectors.

How do you Pikachu onto a bus?

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quintopia
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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby quintopia » Sat Aug 02, 2008 9:44 am UTC

By verbing Pikachu.

What's the difference between the coastline and a man taking a dwarf as his wife? (bonus point for real punchline)

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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby cowsofdoom23 » Sat Aug 02, 2008 9:56 am UTC

No bonus point for me, The wife doesn't have the same motion of the ocean?

What's white, black, and red all over?

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quintopia
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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby quintopia » Sat Aug 02, 2008 9:58 am UTC

I believe this was already covered earlier. But I'll go with a dead opossum in a crosswalk.

Of course you wouldn't know the punchline, I just made that joke up! It's "One has a briny tide, the other a tiny bride."

So my tight-rope walking friend fell off the sidewalk. . .

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Re: Ruin a Joke

Postby cowsofdoom23 » Sat Aug 02, 2008 10:01 am UTC

and just fell down and scraped his knee. He might want to have it looked at, it might need stitches.

Hahaha very clever.

So a string walks into a bar and...


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