Attack and Defend

For all your silly time-killing forum games.

Moderators: jestingrabbit, Moderators General, Prelates

User avatar
Col. Mustard
Posts: 79
Joined: Thu May 17, 2007 7:05 am UTC
Location: In the study with the knife.
Contact:

Re: Attack and Defend

Postby Col. Mustard » Fri Jul 17, 2009 7:08 am UTC

Luckily their orders terminate on my home's site, and they turn around and go home. I enjoy a quiet evening.

In the middle of the night, I sneak to NP's house and cut their brake lines on their car/truck/van/motorbike/etc.

Mactabilis
Posts: 113
Joined: Fri Dec 19, 2008 6:06 pm UTC

Re: Attack and Defend

Postby Mactabilis » Fri Jul 17, 2009 3:35 pm UTC

Lucky I switched the numbers on my house with my neighbors, poor guy.

I throw a banana peel in the path of the NP

User avatar
Vieto
Posts: 1558
Joined: Sun Jun 22, 2008 10:44 pm UTC
Location: Canada

Re: Attack and Defend

Postby Vieto » Fri Jul 17, 2009 3:47 pm UTC

I hit the 'jump' button, and for good measure, I double-jump.

I 'ground-pount' np into a pancake.

User avatar
Aquilai
Posts: 17
Joined: Sun Apr 12, 2009 5:11 pm UTC
Location: Uncertain spatially or temporally

Re: Attack and Defend

Postby Aquilai » Sat Jul 18, 2009 7:56 pm UTC

Someone before me has used the "I don't get it so it doesn't hurt me" excuse. I use that to avoid being "ground-pount" and hopefully I'll never have to endure another one of these feeble excuses again...

I attach a large lightning conductor to NP seconds before a lightning strike at precisely 10:04pm.
Image

User avatar
goingnorthwest
Posts: 14
Joined: Tue Jul 14, 2009 5:22 am UTC
Location: Georgia, US

Re: Attack and Defend

Postby goingnorthwest » Sat Jul 18, 2009 9:06 pm UTC

luckily im riding in a car at that point so the rubber wheels prevent me from being grounded

NP is slathered in meat juice when i send in an attack dog

User avatar
Aquilai
Posts: 17
Joined: Sun Apr 12, 2009 5:11 pm UTC
Location: Uncertain spatially or temporally

Re: Attack and Defend

Postby Aquilai » Sun Jul 19, 2009 4:06 am UTC

Ah but I've trained said dog to ignore the meat juice (like a red herring).

I throw frisbees with nails sticking outwards at NP when they are least prepared for it.
Image

User avatar
mystic_aura
Posts: 96
Joined: Fri Nov 14, 2008 4:45 pm UTC
Location: Somewhere warm, munching a carrot.

Re: Attack and Defend

Postby mystic_aura » Sun Jul 19, 2009 7:42 pm UTC

I skillfully duck beneath the frisbees and set my innovative flesh-eating money plant on you.
'I could be bounded in a nutshell and count myself king of infinite space.' - Hamlet

User avatar
Aquilai
Posts: 17
Joined: Sun Apr 12, 2009 5:11 pm UTC
Location: Uncertain spatially or temporally

Re: Attack and Defend

Postby Aquilai » Sun Jul 19, 2009 11:43 pm UTC

I moonwalk away after creating a weed killer to combat the flesh eating money plant which I presume you use to create money as well which means you have lost one form of your income.

I then send flying monkeys after NP.
Image

User avatar
Vieto
Posts: 1558
Joined: Sun Jun 22, 2008 10:44 pm UTC
Location: Canada

Re: Attack and Defend

Postby Vieto » Mon Jul 20, 2009 2:17 am UTC

I counter with flying Tigers. The resulting massacre makes me turn my gaze away.

I root for a hurricane to destroy NP. The fruits of my rooting pay off.

User avatar
Aquilai
Posts: 17
Joined: Sun Apr 12, 2009 5:11 pm UTC
Location: Uncertain spatially or temporally

Re: Attack and Defend

Postby Aquilai » Mon Jul 20, 2009 3:49 am UTC

It seemed as if all hope was lost as I spent the last moments running away from the giant hurricane but then as if from nowhere a woman appears and says: "Come with me if you want to live". I take her hand and I disappear in a ball of light. I have travelled back to the future.

NP is hunted by a liquid metal, high temperature resistant, 0 kelvin temperature resilient, multiphasic, virus and tamper proof android with an infinite power supply from the future. NP better say his/her farewells or hi to newer unrealistic tech or prayer to a real caring deity.
Image

User avatar
Vieto
Posts: 1558
Joined: Sun Jun 22, 2008 10:44 pm UTC
Location: Canada

Re: Attack and Defend

Postby Vieto » Mon Jul 20, 2009 4:14 am UTC

I defeat the Super-android with the power of friendship :P that always seems to work.

Everything NP owns breaks; in the present, past, and future.

User avatar
Josephine
Posts: 2142
Joined: Wed Apr 08, 2009 5:53 am UTC

Re: Attack and Defend

Postby Josephine » Mon Jul 20, 2009 7:05 am UTC

My belongings are open source.

I send Microsoft lackeys on the NP.
Belial wrote:Listen, what I'm saying is that he committed a felony with a zoo animal.

User avatar
Vieto
Posts: 1558
Joined: Sun Jun 22, 2008 10:44 pm UTC
Location: Canada

Re: Attack and Defend

Postby Vieto » Mon Jul 20, 2009 4:25 pm UTC

I hold their computers hostage, and threaten to crash them if they attack me. That works.

I toss np into hollywood quicksand, the kind that causes you to sink and defies physics.

User avatar
Aquilai
Posts: 17
Joined: Sun Apr 12, 2009 5:11 pm UTC
Location: Uncertain spatially or temporally

Re: Attack and Defend

Postby Aquilai » Mon Jul 20, 2009 5:20 pm UTC

Dammit foiled by friendship! I could say it's tamper proof but it was imaginative! :D

Anyway. In another twist of Hollywood magic I mean physics. You immediately leave not watching if I have a plan to escape and the quicksand pit happens to also have a nice vine/rope beside me and I pull myself out completely clean with no visible sign of being in quicksand.

I teleport NP onto Jupiter.
Image

User avatar
Vieto
Posts: 1558
Joined: Sun Jun 22, 2008 10:44 pm UTC
Location: Canada

Re: Attack and Defend

Postby Vieto » Mon Jul 20, 2009 6:51 pm UTC

I point out that Jupiter has no clear surface to teleport onto.

I teleport NP into deep space. He has a 905-431-NOVA chance to be rescued spontaniously by a pizza delivery spacecraft with some tasty pizzas, but a nuclear reactor that will explode in 10 seconds.

User avatar
Aquilai
Posts: 17
Joined: Sun Apr 12, 2009 5:11 pm UTC
Location: Uncertain spatially or temporally

Re: Attack and Defend

Postby Aquilai » Mon Jul 20, 2009 7:31 pm UTC

Turning on the probability drive the nuclear reactor turns into a vacuum energy converter enough to power a universe's worth of stars and black holes.

I drop a blue whale onto NP with enough time for the blue whale to ponder it's existence but not enough for NP to run and avoid NP's crushing demise.
Image

User avatar
Vieto
Posts: 1558
Joined: Sun Jun 22, 2008 10:44 pm UTC
Location: Canada

Re: Attack and Defend

Postby Vieto » Mon Jul 20, 2009 7:37 pm UTC

I block with a bowl of petunias... somehow... I'm fine, but the petunias look rather destroyed.

I make an epic, impossible, and ultra-fast guitar solo, which NP must play on Rock Band... with his hands behind his back... on all 3 instruments.

User avatar
Josephine
Posts: 2142
Joined: Wed Apr 08, 2009 5:53 am UTC

Re: Attack and Defend

Postby Josephine » Mon Jul 20, 2009 8:56 pm UTC

I have chimp feet, and I'm quad-ambidextrous. Done.

I play 200 decibel techno into your ears.
Belial wrote:Listen, what I'm saying is that he committed a felony with a zoo animal.

User avatar
Vieto
Posts: 1558
Joined: Sun Jun 22, 2008 10:44 pm UTC
Location: Canada

Re: Attack and Defend

Postby Vieto » Mon Jul 20, 2009 10:25 pm UTC

Because I am ignoring you blatantly, it goes in one ear, and out the other. :P

I fire a fully-automatic arbulest crossbow at NP. I should also mention, it is enchanted with a +7 headshot capacity, and if it misses, you will be torn apart and eaten with a side of fries by fire-breathing Ninja-raptors with cherub-wings and have been desensitized by being eletricly shocked everytime they cry from the scene where littlefoot's mother dies.

User avatar
Awesomeness
Posts: 37
Joined: Mon Apr 06, 2009 3:01 pm UTC
Location: The Fiery Depths of Hell!

Re: Attack and Defend

Postby Awesomeness » Tue Jul 21, 2009 7:51 am UTC

The crossbow bolt misses.
I then Hug the NP goodbye. the fire-breathing Ninja-raptors with cherub-wings will rip us both apart!
unless NP thinks of a way to save us
Image
Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up their location.

phineasQ
Posts: 25
Joined: Sat Apr 25, 2009 5:24 am UTC
Location: transience, MA, US
Contact:

Re: Attack and Defend

Postby phineasQ » Tue Jul 21, 2009 11:42 am UTC

Luckily, I am the agent of the alien robot insurrection, so the raptors are no match...

NP, stop me or be assimilated.
People are animals, too.
Bad yet comprehensible grammar is nothing compared to disingenuous speech - my most least favoritest thing.

User avatar
Aquilai
Posts: 17
Joined: Sun Apr 12, 2009 5:11 pm UTC
Location: Uncertain spatially or temporally

Re: Attack and Defend

Postby Aquilai » Tue Jul 21, 2009 1:01 pm UTC

In a fantastic display of physics I step out of a blue box that is bigger on the inside to threaten and warn you this planet IS DEFENDED and then challenge you to a swordfight in my PJs. It looks like for a second you win as you chop off my hand but it so happens I was within 24 hours of my rejuvenation cycle so I could regrow that hand and then win the battle for the planet. You scuttle off and I go off to fight the next Dal- I mean alien robot/cyborg invasion a few months into the future of Earth.

NP is forced to face destruction as the Torchwood Institute fires a powerful Death Star like beam weapon at NP as he/she/it tries to leave the Earth's orbit.

EDIT: Not that I'm making aannny tv-show references at all *whistles non-chalently whilst walking away*
Image

User avatar
Vieto
Posts: 1558
Joined: Sun Jun 22, 2008 10:44 pm UTC
Location: Canada

Re: Attack and Defend

Postby Vieto » Tue Jul 21, 2009 6:10 pm UTC

however, I have a parabolic reflector dish, which reflects the laser into NP, who has no mirrors or magic.

User avatar
Awesomeness
Posts: 37
Joined: Mon Apr 06, 2009 3:01 pm UTC
Location: The Fiery Depths of Hell!

Re: Attack and Defend

Postby Awesomeness » Wed Jul 22, 2009 7:19 am UTC

I dont use mirrors or magic, I use science. (some religious purists [thinking amish] may say that science is magic, but they would probably also say that about mirrors)
Science says a laser beam of that power is impossible
Science says NP is dead, it must be true!

Irrelevant:
Spoiler:
was that a reference to doctor who, or Torchwood?
Image
Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up their location.

User avatar
Aquilai
Posts: 17
Joined: Sun Apr 12, 2009 5:11 pm UTC
Location: Uncertain spatially or temporally

Re: Attack and Defend

Postby Aquilai » Wed Jul 22, 2009 1:05 pm UTC

Science is constantly changing and being updated. Science has just found out I am not dead just like the universe doesn't revolve around the Earth specifically. It revolves around me and my survival so anytime I feel suicidal or someone else feels like ending the world...

NP is hit over the head with a bunch of keys as a distraction and then shot with a phase plasma rifle. If NP is still alive then an explosive is implanted inside NP's stomach when NP is unconscious. If NP is still alive NP is buried in concrete and then hidden in an undisclosed location. If NP's location is compromised, NP is automatically launched into the Sun.
Image

User avatar
Awesomeness
Posts: 37
Joined: Mon Apr 06, 2009 3:01 pm UTC
Location: The Fiery Depths of Hell!

Re: Attack and Defend

Postby Awesomeness » Wed Jul 22, 2009 1:53 pm UTC

While I was being buried in concrete, I was hugging NP. We got buried together.
And;
because NP is also aware of the location of where we are buried, that makes the location compromised.
Me, my explosive stomach, and NP are buried in a concrete spaceship, headed for the sun.
NP should save us both, including my explosive stomach.
Image
Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up their location.

User avatar
Vieto
Posts: 1558
Joined: Sun Jun 22, 2008 10:44 pm UTC
Location: Canada

Re: Attack and Defend

Postby Vieto » Wed Jul 22, 2009 6:39 pm UTC

As we go into the sun (which happens to be yellow), I realize that I am Superman, and fly away (as the previous person screams in burning anguish*)

* in space, no-one can hear you scream.

Next person gets bitten to death in the face... by a box full of starving, crazed weasels. (s)he feels compelled to open the box, the ring demands it!

phineasQ
Posts: 25
Joined: Sat Apr 25, 2009 5:24 am UTC
Location: transience, MA, US
Contact:

Re: Attack and Defend

Postby phineasQ » Wed Jul 22, 2009 8:35 pm UTC

me: opened the box because he recently found everything named pandora is really cool.

Np: threatened to starve as plugins are released that identifies the perfect WoW playlist, AND mules items automagically.
People are animals, too.
Bad yet comprehensible grammar is nothing compared to disingenuous speech - my most least favoritest thing.

User avatar
Vieto
Posts: 1558
Joined: Sun Jun 22, 2008 10:44 pm UTC
Location: Canada

Re: Attack and Defend

Postby Vieto » Wed Jul 22, 2009 11:32 pm UTC

I'm not a WoW fan, so this has no effect on me.

I pit np in the middle of a fight between the bad Terminator in Terminator 3, and Darth Vader.

User avatar
Aquilai
Posts: 17
Joined: Sun Apr 12, 2009 5:11 pm UTC
Location: Uncertain spatially or temporally

Re: Attack and Defend

Postby Aquilai » Thu Jul 23, 2009 3:45 pm UTC

The Terminator who is programmed to kill Darth Vader completely ignores me and Vader already thinks I'm on the Dark Side of the force so ignores me too.

I reprogram the Terminator (my one) to kill NP and to ignore all attempts at "friendship".

Spoiler:
Aquilai wrote:It seemed as if all hope was lost as I spent the last moments running away from the giant hurricane but then as if from nowhere a woman appears and says: "Come with me if you want to live". I take her hand and I disappear in a ball of light. I have travelled back to the future.

NP is hunted by a liquid metal, high temperature resistant, 0 kelvin temperature resilient, multiphasic, virus and tamper proof android with an infinite power supply from the future. NP better say his/her farewells or hi to newer unrealistic tech or prayer to a real caring deity.

Vieto wrote:I defeat the Super-android with the power of friendship :P that always seems to work.
Image

User avatar
Vieto
Posts: 1558
Joined: Sun Jun 22, 2008 10:44 pm UTC
Location: Canada

Re: Attack and Defend

Postby Vieto » Thu Jul 23, 2009 4:08 pm UTC

I convince the terminator that if he was a friend, he would kill me. This causes him to explode.

NP is trapped on Easter Island with 213 hungry Cannibals with chainsaws. NP has no weapons of any sort.

User avatar
Aquilai
Posts: 17
Joined: Sun Apr 12, 2009 5:11 pm UTC
Location: Uncertain spatially or temporally

Re: Attack and Defend

Postby Aquilai » Thu Jul 23, 2009 5:10 pm UTC

I wouldn't use any personal weapons anyway. I'll convert them to vegans using my maxed out charisma.

I'll send NP up a fast upward escalator that doesn't lead anywhere except the ceiling. As shown:

Code: Select all

____________________
_ (SQUISH!)
  |_
    |_
      |_


You will not be fast be enough to run down it.
Image

User avatar
Vieto
Posts: 1558
Joined: Sun Jun 22, 2008 10:44 pm UTC
Location: Canada

Re: Attack and Defend

Postby Vieto » Thu Jul 23, 2009 5:14 pm UTC

I run through the ceiling, as it is made of rice paper.

I decapitate NP with my Oddjob hat.

User avatar
Awesomeness
Posts: 37
Joined: Mon Apr 06, 2009 3:01 pm UTC
Location: The Fiery Depths of Hell!

Re: Attack and Defend

Postby Awesomeness » Fri Jul 24, 2009 9:26 am UTC

I have been cursed by an evil witch; I am reincarnated as a Headless Horseman, doomed to stalk the night in a "blind" search for my head. I think NP has my head.
Image
Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up their location.

User avatar
Vieto
Posts: 1558
Joined: Sun Jun 22, 2008 10:44 pm UTC
Location: Canada

Re: Attack and Defend

Postby Vieto » Fri Jul 24, 2009 11:24 am UTC

Thankfully, you are 'headed' away from me. *rimshot*

I tie next person to a giant torture device that sucks their life force out, and then I force them to listen to Vogon Poetry, the third worst poetry in the galaxy. The torture machine is then set to an intensity of 100, and NP dies.

User avatar
Aquilai
Posts: 17
Joined: Sun Apr 12, 2009 5:11 pm UTC
Location: Uncertain spatially or temporally

Re: Attack and Defend

Postby Aquilai » Fri Jul 24, 2009 5:22 pm UTC

The fact that I can regenerate and my TARDIS translates Vogon to something I can make sense of minimalises the effect of the bad poetry. Before you can put me in the torture device again (because like all bad guys on tv shows you do unnecessary stuff like take me out of the torture device and get me water with a lemon to play the poetry for me first) I use my sonic screwdriver to reverse the polarity (which in tv shows is also perfectly valid) to make the life force sucker to give life force back to me.

I barrage NP with a Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy books and cassette tapes from my multimedia gatling gun.
Image

User avatar
Vieto
Posts: 1558
Joined: Sun Jun 22, 2008 10:44 pm UTC
Location: Canada

Re: Attack and Defend

Postby Vieto » Fri Jul 24, 2009 5:40 pm UTC

Its mostly harmless. 8)

I toss NP to the end of the universe, and then it ends.

User avatar
Aquilai
Posts: 17
Joined: Sun Apr 12, 2009 5:11 pm UTC
Location: Uncertain spatially or temporally

Re: Attack and Defend

Postby Aquilai » Fri Jul 24, 2009 5:52 pm UTC

The end of the universe is an unseeable/passable force you fail to throw me that far. However I toss NP into a black hole and scramble all the Hawking radiation to prevent reconstitution in the far future of NP.
Image

User avatar
Vieto
Posts: 1558
Joined: Sun Jun 22, 2008 10:44 pm UTC
Location: Canada

Re: Attack and Defend

Postby Vieto » Fri Jul 24, 2009 5:57 pm UTC

You toss me into Sagittarius A. It is large, so I don't get spagettified. Inside, I encounter an advanced race who make me their king. I also found out that a star just went supernova, and would kill all life outside of the black hole for unexplained reasons. I tried to send out a warning using hawking radiation, but it was scrambled, so NP gets NOVA'd.

User avatar
Awesomeness
Posts: 37
Joined: Mon Apr 06, 2009 3:01 pm UTC
Location: The Fiery Depths of Hell!

Re: Attack and Defend

Postby Awesomeness » Thu Jul 30, 2009 4:47 am UTC

Platinum Trophy: 1st post in a page twice in a row
I die.
I then get reincarnated, just like this thread!
yay
to celebrate, we all have a party; but someone spikes NP's drink.
NP gets poisoned.
Image
Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up their location.


Return to “Forum Games”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 42 guests