Escape from Raptors

[orangedragonfire]

Too bad you forgot to acutally use it.

I build a floating castle, which has capabilities for growing food and enough water reserves to last a large town for years. It also has automated anti-raptor turrets, and a cloaking device. I use this castle to escape.

[eculc]

your floating castle is destroyed by a race of technologically advanced Raptors from the future. you fall to earth, and land in the middle of a group of raptors.

I take badion's poison and use it, and then advertise very effectively that I am poisonous to raptors and that I should not be eaten.

[Mike Rosoft]

The raptors deem you useless, and just kill you and dump your body. (Had you not advertised the fact, you could have at least taken a couple of them with you.)

I feed the raptors a mysterious beverage. (Raptor+mysterious beverage=372 pennies+dead raptor!)

[sco]

The other raptors hunt you down for revenge, both for the death and the indignity.

I go and live underwater in a submarine with enough food/water/oxygen to last the rest of my life after thouroughly checking it for raptors and raptor eggs.

[eculc]

The raptors find a DVD copy of "The Hunt for Red October" and become submariners. they sink yours.

I become the Universe.

[orangedragonfire]

The universe isn't alive. Ergo, you are dead. Ergo, you have lost.

I build a pocket universe where I have god-like powers, and escape to it.

[eculc]

unfortunately, since your pocket universe is the size of your pocket, you get stuck with your head inside it and the rest outside it. the raptors find you and eat you.

I make the universe alive, and then become it, thus becoming the universe (except alive this time)

[orangedragonfire]

There is a raptor universe that eats you.

I go back in time to prevent raptors from ever taking over Earth.

[eculc]

you think you're helping the humans and stopping the raptors from becoming the rulers of earth, but instead it turns out you're helping a group of raptor sympathizers that assure the raptors' rise to power.

I create an army of anti-raptors to annihilate the raptors.

[orangedragonfire]

You die in the resulting explosion.

I hide under my bed.

[bug sniper]

The space underneath your bed seems to have magical properties that cause the raptors to overlook searching under your bed. Unfortunately, they can smell you and they've occupied your house to find out where that delicious scent is coming from. You'll have to go out of hiding eventually to find food, and then you won't be protected by your bed.

Congress passes a law authorizing the deportation of all illegal raptors from my country.

[matt96]

no one is able to enforce the law, and all the politicians are eaten by raptors, the people rejoice, then get eaten by raptors, if they can't make π=3.2, they can't get rid of the raptors.



I use timetravel to create a temporal causuality loop preventing the raptors from ever reaching me in the first place.

[bug sniper]

After you're done with that, the raptors create their own time loop to maximize their consumption amount of your flesh. They end up setting up the timeline in such a way that you get eaten an infinite number of times.

I obtain the brains of every raptor, either by using a corrupted wish or through SCP-294.

[Badion]

You have achieved something the Raptors never could, a mass raptor matrix. That many raptor minds in one room is too powerful even for you. They telekineticaly destroy you.



I grab my knife, the big one, and go hunting for some raptor meat.

[eculc]

your knife becomes dulled on the bones of raptors. their limitless hordes overwhelm you and eat you.

I alter raptors' DNA and give them a dietary constraint; Raptors can't digest humans anymore, and any raptors that do die shortly. I use a harmless airborne virus to spread the DNA mutation to all raptors.

[LOLBeth]

The raptors' own geneticists discover your plot and develop a counter-agent before the little red digital clock counting down their Exact Time to Failure shows that they're all dead.

Then they eat you for having annoyed them like that.

While they're eating you, I hide in the largest library I can find. Raptors are easily distracted by books, right?

[eculc]

you bump into a raptor librarian. it eats you.

I kill all the raptors. (ALL of them)

[Badion]

Having won the eternal struggle you succumb to hero's remorse. With no enemy to fight you find you have no meaning in life. You work for the next 10 years to clone a new raptor, it works!!!! You clone dozens more, they find each other, you hunt them, they finally kill you because you can not bring your self to kill them all again.

I race tot eh white house fallout bunker and hide.

[eculc]

the raptors are waiting for you.

I Ascend to a higher plane of existence. I then use my newfound ability as an ascended to rain lightning and fire upon all raptors.

[Badion]

Sorry but the physical of one plane can not effect the physical of another plane. You rain fire and lightning onto yourself and die. Be careful when playing with fire, tsk tsk tsk

I pack up a space shuttle and haul ass to the space station, there are 100 years of supplies in the shuttle.

[eculc]

the raptors are waiting for you at the space station.

I ascend to a higher plane of existence, this time NOT interfering with the other one(s) in any way.

[orangedragonfire]

The raptors hunt and kill all humans. Without them, they get bored, and start to learn advanced science to pass the time. Their civilization advances rapidly, and soon the ascend to a higher plane of existence... where they find a welcome little snack.

With the raptors having ascended, I come out from my hiding place and start living my new life without raptors.

[eculc]

Some of the raptors had a hard time ascending, and haven't done so yet. they find you and eat you.

I disguise myself as a poison 1-up shroom. all the raptors will know to avoid me if they want to live.

[Badion]

Except the noob raptor, he eats you out of stupidity


I become the ghost of a fallen raptor and haunt the very lands i was once scared to enter.

[eculc]

you get trapped by the ghostbusters, who are subsequentley eaten, and thus you are trapped in an aluminum can forever.

I Break the fourth wall and escape the "escape from raptors" game.

[Badion]

you get trapped by the ghostbusters, who are subsequentley eaten, and thus you are trapped in an aluminum can forever.

I Break the fourth wall and escape the "escape from raptors" game.

I survive in the void? Does this mean I just won!?

[eculc]

hmm...didn't think of that. a continuation:

the capture device eventually runs out of power and your conciousness is lost forever.

my method still stands.

[Badion]

You are brought back by your re-post and the raptors eat you immediately.

[orangedragonfire]

You didn't try to escape, so you get eaten.

I cunningly measure the height of a building with a barometer, thus proving my worth to the raptors.

[eculc]

the raptors are not amused by your leet skillz. they eat you.

I nuke the raptor hive mind, causing all raptors to drop dead instantaneously.

[Badion]

As always there is more than one command module. The raptors of that module find you and eat you!

I deploy drones to attack the raptors every positions, millions of drones, and watch as they just sort of go extinct. I have a small bit of regret that my kids will never see a raptor except at a museum but then I remember how raptors ate them and that thought passes.

[bug sniper]

One of your kids builds a secret laboratory in your house in which he experiments on animal DNA. He is curious to find out how extinct animals looked, so he splices DNA from some of the animal fossils into modern versions of them. Once he gets a hold of raptor DNA, all hell breaks loose.

I build 3 sets of sea urchin suits with stainless steel spines and lots of inner padding. I find several fellow survivers. We guard in shifts, using the sharp spines to protect whoever is hunting for food, cooking, eating, sleeping, and doing other chores.

[orangedragonfire]

One of your "fellow survivors" is a raptor. Actually, all of them are. They are just luring you into a false sense of security, in order to eat you when you sleep.

I convince the raptors that they have already eaten all humans.

[Mike Rosoft]

Good news: you have persuaded the raptors that since humans are extinct, you must be one of them.

Bad news: the raptors decide that since they have eaten all the humans (and everything else that's fun to hunt, for that matter), the only way left to amuse themselves is to start eating each other. They'll start with those strange raptors that suspiciously resemble the ancient race of humans, e.g. you.


I kill and eat a raptor, on the grounds of the belief that eating your enemy will grant you his strength.

[Badion]

That belief turned out to be false and you are as weak as ever having ingested a parasite from the raptor flesh.

I leave. I just leave.

[Arlick]

The force with which you left makes you leave yourself and enter the void. Nice one. However the void is not devoid of null-raptors

I use the power of sheer stupidity to overcome the raptors.

[bug sniper]

Your plan seems to work. You somehow manage to trip a few raptors and then tie them up. However, soon enough, you do something really stupid. Your hat falls into a stationary raptor's mouth. You decide to jump in and retrieve it, not seeing the problem until it closes up around you.

I wear spiked gauntlets and a spiked helmet every moment, for the rest of my life. Even when I sleep.

[Badion]

You are lulled into a sense of security. The raptors develop a plan where you are required to run with scissors. Feeling invulnerable thanks to your epic helm and gauntlets you take off on a sprint, trip on a well placed root and stab yourself in the chest, puncturing your heart and killing yourself.

I develop a complex plan that sees me rise to power over the raptors and make them my willing slave army.

[eculc]

the raptors that are unhappy with your rule form an underground resistance. they assassinate you and eat you.

I tunnel into the underworld and unleash a horde of non-human-eating demons, which annihilate all of the raptors in the world.

[orangedragonfire]

While the demons do not eat the humans, they do horribly incinerate them. Including you.

I gather all the raptors in a spaceship, which I then launch for Pluto.