Escape from Raptors

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dzamie
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby dzamie » Sat Dec 28, 2013 3:47 pm UTC

Raptors drop down from helicopters with harnesses/tethers on. They devour you and are then pulled safely back onboard the choppers.

“No! I must kill the raptors” I shouted
The radio said “No, dzamie. You are the raptors”
And then dzamie was the raptors.

Being the raptors, I/they have no need to kill myself/themselves.

Code: Select all

:Clrhome
:while 1
:Output(randInt(1,8),randInt(1,16),randInt(0,9))
:Output(randInt(1,8),randInt(1,16)," ")
:Output(randInt(1,8),randInt(1,16)," ")
:End

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Tomlidich the second
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Tomlidich the second » Mon Dec 30, 2013 11:00 pm UTC

this is an idea planted in your head by a psychic raptor. upon going to join the herd, they quickly eat your fleshy, human, naive, body.

i take over control of the psychic raptors mind with my mind, and plant ideas. he goes on a worldwide mental rampage, and all the raptors cry out at once and are suddenly silenced. they have all suffered aneurysms, psychic raptor too. (from the exertion)
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mathmannix
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby mathmannix » Wed Mar 26, 2014 5:37 pm UTC

The clever raptors have augmented their DNA with pachycephalosaurus genetic material in order to give them thicker skulls, which thus make them immune to psychic manipulation. They head-butt you into submission, before disemboweling and eating you.

I pray to Raptor!Jesus and He saves me in the Rapture.
I hear velociraptor tastes like chicken.

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Tomlidich the second
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Tomlidich the second » Wed Mar 26, 2014 10:36 pm UTC

unfortunately some of the other reaptors worship other deities, and they eat you.

I amaze the raptors with sleight of hand in order to convince them I am a wizard, and that wizards are not very tasty.
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Yablo
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Yablo » Wed Mar 26, 2014 10:57 pm UTC

The raptors eat everything you ever loved while you watch. Then, as there's nothing else to eat, they shrug and eat you, too.

I play dead.
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dzamie
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby dzamie » Thu Mar 27, 2014 3:51 pm UTC

The raptors eat you, thinking you an easy source of meat.

I drop a mountain from the edge of Earth's gravity well.

Code: Select all

:Clrhome
:while 1
:Output(randInt(1,8),randInt(1,16),randInt(0,9))
:Output(randInt(1,8),randInt(1,16)," ")
:Output(randInt(1,8),randInt(1,16)," ")
:End

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forward4
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby forward4 » Thu Mar 27, 2014 4:15 pm UTC

The raptors use their knowledge of UNIX and lasers to slightly adjust the mountain's trajectory, thus causing it to enter into an orbit with Earth. They then devour you due to your lack of defenses, resulting from your overconfidence in the success of your somewhat nefarious plan.

The unstable object in orbit around Earth wreaks havoc on the tides and continental drift, causing earthquakes and floods. I attempt an escape in the confusion, making a base in the Himalayan mountains which are protected from flooding and not susceptible to major earthquakes.
Minecraft and Mathematics; dragons and dinosaurs; raptors and rotational forces

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Neil_Boekend
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Neil_Boekend » Tue Apr 15, 2014 11:22 am UTC

The raptors use the same knowledge of UNIX and lasers to drop the mountain on you. You die.

I feed all of you to the raptors. Thus I fulfill the original demand of living a little longer.
Mikeski wrote:A "What If" update is never late. Nor is it early. It is posted precisely when it should be.

patzer's signature wrote:
flicky1991 wrote:I'm being quoted too much!

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Whizbang
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Whizbang » Tue Apr 15, 2014 7:16 pm UTC

In an unlikely twist of fate, your fellow humans dislike your strategy of feeding them to the velociraptors to save your own life for another day. They, meaning at least 5 fellow humans, attack you, tie you up, and throw you to the raptors before you can sacrifice more than a few other humans.

I steal a large yacht and load it with enough supplies to survive for a year, then sail around the Pacific, raiding tropical islands for food and water, never staying in one spot for more than a few days.

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Neil_Boekend
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Neil_Boekend » Wed Apr 16, 2014 7:45 am UTC

One tropical island turns out to be filled with raptors.

I inject myself with
Spoiler:
dr Suresh's mutation serum
and become immortal.
Mikeski wrote:A "What If" update is never late. Nor is it early. It is posted precisely when it should be.

patzer's signature wrote:
flicky1991 wrote:I'm being quoted too much!

he/him/his

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Tomlidich the second
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Tomlidich the second » Wed Apr 23, 2014 4:34 pm UTC

You are immortal, but not invincible. eventually your life does come to an end, but with the knowledge that if you had just ran a little bit faster, you could have lived forever.

Using my knowledge of UNIX and lasers, i build a death ray that targets every raptor on earth, while at the same time, creating this "hyrda" nonsense.
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dzamie
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby dzamie » Fri Apr 25, 2014 1:51 am UTC

Your death ray overheats trying to target all of them, eventually falling to earth with sufficient velocity to kill you on impact.

I throw Beret Guy at a raptor in desperation.

Code: Select all

:Clrhome
:while 1
:Output(randInt(1,8),randInt(1,16),randInt(0,9))
:Output(randInt(1,8),randInt(1,16)," ")
:Output(randInt(1,8),randInt(1,16)," ")
:End

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Neil_Boekend
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Neil_Boekend » Fri Apr 25, 2014 6:44 am UTC

Beret guy is a raptor in disguise. And he is pissed because you threw him.

I ascend to godhood and kill all the raptors with divine power.
Mikeski wrote:A "What If" update is never late. Nor is it early. It is posted precisely when it should be.

patzer's signature wrote:
flicky1991 wrote:I'm being quoted too much!

he/him/his

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Tomlidich the second
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Tomlidich the second » Fri Apr 25, 2014 5:17 pm UTC

A raptor god is pissed, and so turns you into a mere mortal demi-god. The raptors overwhelm you despite your super-human strength and dashing good looks. Off to raptor-hades with you.


I quickly lash together some sea turtles to build a raft. I live out my life out on the ocean, water-world style.
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Neil_Boekend
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Neil_Boekend » Sun Apr 27, 2014 9:42 am UTC

You die of dehydration because you only have access to salt water.

I pray for the flying spaghetti monster to change the world to one without raptors.
Mikeski wrote:A "What If" update is never late. Nor is it early. It is posted precisely when it should be.

patzer's signature wrote:
flicky1991 wrote:I'm being quoted too much!

he/him/his

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dzamie
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby dzamie » Mon Apr 28, 2014 2:15 am UTC

You find that raptors have eaten the FSM, too, before they turn their attention on you.

I use SCIENCE!to immunize myself against raptor attacks.

Code: Select all

:Clrhome
:while 1
:Output(randInt(1,8),randInt(1,16),randInt(0,9))
:Output(randInt(1,8),randInt(1,16)," ")
:Output(randInt(1,8),randInt(1,16)," ")
:End

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Tomlidich the second
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Tomlidich the second » Mon Apr 28, 2014 11:18 pm UTC

All of the raptors are creationists. angsty, angsty creationists. they eat you.

I burrow deep underground to start my race of hardened dwarf warriors.
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forward4
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby forward4 » Tue Apr 29, 2014 2:50 am UTC

The dwarf warriors revolt, sacrificing you to the raptors above.

I use knowledge of genetics and (4) mana to transmute myself into a raptor body.
Minecraft and Mathematics; dragons and dinosaurs; raptors and rotational forces

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Neil_Boekend
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Neil_Boekend » Tue Apr 29, 2014 4:49 am UTC

The raptors are master alchemists and appalled by your action.

I die and haunt the raptors as a ghost.
Mikeski wrote:A "What If" update is never late. Nor is it early. It is posted precisely when it should be.

patzer's signature wrote:
flicky1991 wrote:I'm being quoted too much!

he/him/his

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Tomlidich the second
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Tomlidich the second » Tue Apr 29, 2014 10:43 pm UTC

you are dead. teh raptors feed on your hollow shell of a corpse, and ghost raptors gnaw you for eternity.

I build a steel mech suit, which the raptors can't chew through. I walk through the hordes, laughing at their inability to pierce my iron skin.
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Whizbang
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Whizbang » Tue May 06, 2014 12:41 pm UTC

The raptors build a mech suit out of titanium, and laugh at you as you stumble about in your heavy, slow mech suit. They pull you around with large magnets. They soon get bored, however, and use their cutting lasers to peel you like an orange. Then they devour you.

I build an elaborate maze full of traps, puzzles, and obstacles. I use scent sprays, false footprints, and other false tracks to confuse and misdirect them. I make sure they see me enter the maze. Once they are inside, I use a secret tunnel to leave the maze and I live inside a deep underground bunker, collapsing the entrance tunnel behind me. I use my control center within the bunker to keep up the illusion that I am still in the maze. I also have a large tunneling vehicle to escape in once the raptors figure out I am not in the maze and seem like they have discovered the location to my bunker. I then tunnel the short distance to an underground river, where I can quickly travel miles away before surfacing next to my helicopter. I fly a short distance to another tunneling vehicle and burrow down to another bunker. Rinse and repeat as I use fallback position after fallback position.

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Tomlidich the second
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Tomlidich the second » Tue May 06, 2014 3:30 pm UTC

It works, for a time. The raptors are very confused. but unfortunately, they have many intelligence gathering departments amongst their masses. Several months later, you are amazed when you surface from your river, and find your helicopter, with a dozen raptors surrounding it. they eat you.

I create a superior pogostick, capable of jumping amazing heights, of 20-30 stories. I destroy the plans so the raptors won't have one, and I live out my life, one giant leap at a time, collecting resources where i can.
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forward4
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby forward4 » Tue May 06, 2014 3:34 pm UTC

The raptors enlist the help of cybermen, which root you out with their nearly invincible system of upgrading. They turn you over to the raptors, which tear you apart and leave the remaing body parts for the cybermen to use in their upgrading.

I seek shelter in my TARDIS
Minecraft and Mathematics; dragons and dinosaurs; raptors and rotational forces

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WarDaft
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby WarDaft » Tue May 06, 2014 9:34 pm UTC

Unfortunately, there were already Raptors seeking shelter in your TARDIS.

I point out that raptors are actually only slightly larger than a turkey with a long tail and there is little evidence supporting them as pack hunters, more likely employing solitary hunting like birds of prey. I proceed to bat them away with a handy broom.
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Neil_Boekend
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Neil_Boekend » Wed May 07, 2014 11:00 am UTC

The raptors eat your broom and then eat you.

I turn the raptors to zombies under my control.
Mikeski wrote:A "What If" update is never late. Nor is it early. It is posted precisely when it should be.

patzer's signature wrote:
flicky1991 wrote:I'm being quoted too much!

he/him/his

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WarDaft
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby WarDaft » Wed May 07, 2014 3:27 pm UTC

Unfortunately, raptor zombies aren't terribly intelligent, and do not recognize you as their master. They only eat your brains though, so that's something, right?

I become living rock, completely unappetizing to anything.
All Shadow priest spells that deal Fire damage now appear green.
Big freaky cereal boxes of death.

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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Neil_Boekend » Thu May 08, 2014 7:13 am UTC

Pyornkrachzark eats you, unaware that you are alive

I prepare a spaceship in a stasis field generator, start a homemade planetary drive outside of the stasis field and activate my field from the inside. A few miliseconds after I activate the field the planetary drive becomes unstable.
Mikeski wrote:A "What If" update is never late. Nor is it early. It is posted precisely when it should be.

patzer's signature wrote:
flicky1991 wrote:I'm being quoted too much!

he/him/his

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WarDaft
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby WarDaft » Thu May 08, 2014 9:41 am UTC

Neil_Boekend wrote:Pyornkrachzark eats you, unaware that you are alive


Is....


Is that actually a Raptor?


If so, I'm much more terrified than I was 2 minutes ago.
All Shadow priest spells that deal Fire damage now appear green.
Big freaky cereal boxes of death.

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Neil_Boekend
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Neil_Boekend » Thu May 08, 2014 9:49 am UTC

WarDaft wrote:Is that actually a Raptor?

Probably not. If he is then it is a really good disguise.
However:
Okita, in the first post wrote:So if you off yourself before then, well... you just look like an idiot who gave up.

You didn't mean to off yourself, but you did nonetheless.
Mikeski wrote:A "What If" update is never late. Nor is it early. It is posted precisely when it should be.

patzer's signature wrote:
flicky1991 wrote:I'm being quoted too much!

he/him/his

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dzamie
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby dzamie » Fri May 09, 2014 1:59 am UTC

You do nothing to stop the raptors, and are quickly caught and devoured.

I time-travel back to a few years before the raptor attacks begin. There can be no overwhelming flood of raptors, since that would cause a paradox.
Heck, even if I can't do this multiple times, this'd let me survive longer than most of the suggestions.

Code: Select all

:Clrhome
:while 1
:Output(randInt(1,8),randInt(1,16),randInt(0,9))
:Output(randInt(1,8),randInt(1,16)," ")
:Output(randInt(1,8),randInt(1,16)," ")
:End

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Neil_Boekend
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Neil_Boekend » Fri May 09, 2014 7:14 am UTC

Your timetravel device errors and dumps you into the sun.

I make a suit covered with running chainsaws. The suit itself is chainsaw proof. Any raptor tries to attack me first needs to eat through the chainsaws that kill them before they can do so.
Mikeski wrote:A "What If" update is never late. Nor is it early. It is posted precisely when it should be.

patzer's signature wrote:
flicky1991 wrote:I'm being quoted too much!

he/him/his

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Whizbang
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Whizbang » Fri May 09, 2014 11:08 am UTC

In a clever twist of fate, the raptors use a gun to shoot you dead. They then wait for the gas to run out of the saws and then eat you.

I use a time machine to travel 1 million years in the future, making sure to calculate the exact time and place the planet will be at that time to ensure I survive the trip. I have now survived 1 million years of the Raptocalypse.

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Neil_Boekend
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Neil_Boekend » Mon May 12, 2014 6:27 am UTC

You have properly calculated the place. You have not entered it into your time machine.

I convert an army of Daleks to worship me as a god and to protect me. They obey me perfectly. I take care not to say anything that would cause them to hurt me.
Mikeski wrote:A "What If" update is never late. Nor is it early. It is posted precisely when it should be.

patzer's signature wrote:
flicky1991 wrote:I'm being quoted too much!

he/him/his

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dzamie
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby dzamie » Mon May 12, 2014 2:48 pm UTC

The Doctor regenerates into the form of a raptor, picks up a few companions, and eventually runs into the Daleks.

I put material-emancipation grids around my house, and set them to detect raptors as "unauthorized" (as well as the usual modifications to let necessary things through).

Code: Select all

:Clrhome
:while 1
:Output(randInt(1,8),randInt(1,16),randInt(0,9))
:Output(randInt(1,8),randInt(1,16)," ")
:Output(randInt(1,8),randInt(1,16)," ")
:End

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bug sniper
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby bug sniper » Fri Jul 18, 2014 5:30 am UTC

Your system kills all of the bacteria nearby, causing you to suffer from a vitamin B12 deficiency. This makes you confused and causes insanity, causing you to leave your house and walk towards the raptors.

I hide inside a tapeworm inside a tough-looking raptor.
Carry the black torch! Rouse the idle dead!
-Dungeon Crawl.

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Neil_Boekend
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Neil_Boekend » Fri Jul 18, 2014 6:07 am UTC

The tapeworm digests you.

I'll build my own universe. With hookers. And blackjack.

Oh and no raptors.
Mikeski wrote:A "What If" update is never late. Nor is it early. It is posted precisely when it should be.

patzer's signature wrote:
flicky1991 wrote:I'm being quoted too much!

he/him/his

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bug sniper
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby bug sniper » Fri Sep 19, 2014 5:40 am UTC

The raptors find it by hopping around through the meta-universe of smaller universes. Your own universe gets eaten by raptors, and their digestive enzymes are dinosaur-sized raptors that eat all the planets and creatures inside that universe.

I refuse to bump this thread, causing the raptors to go into hibernation and never wake up.
Carry the black torch! Rouse the idle dead!
-Dungeon Crawl.

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Neil_Boekend
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Neil_Boekend » Fri Sep 19, 2014 6:58 am UTC

Someone else bumps the tread and awakens the beasts.

I build an Iron Man suit and blast any raptor that comes too close.
Mikeski wrote:A "What If" update is never late. Nor is it early. It is posted precisely when it should be.

patzer's signature wrote:
flicky1991 wrote:I'm being quoted too much!

he/him/his

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dzamie
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby dzamie » Fri Sep 19, 2014 12:45 pm UTC

The raptors make a bunch of Iron Raptor suits and demolish you easily.

I put on two hats. One hat would easily identify me as human, but wearing a second hat is so mind-numbingly stupid the raptors must believe I can't possibly be for whom they're looking.

Code: Select all

:Clrhome
:while 1
:Output(randInt(1,8),randInt(1,16),randInt(0,9))
:Output(randInt(1,8),randInt(1,16)," ")
:Output(randInt(1,8),randInt(1,16)," ")
:End

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Neil_Boekend
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Re: Escape from Raptors

Postby Neil_Boekend » Fri Sep 19, 2014 3:04 pm UTC

They realize that the fact that you are wearing one or more hats is sufficient evidence that you are a human and not a raptor. They eat you and your hats.

I run away. Really fast.
Mikeski wrote:A "What If" update is never late. Nor is it early. It is posted precisely when it should be.

patzer's signature wrote:
flicky1991 wrote:I'm being quoted too much!

he/him/his


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