Calvinball 2.0

For all your silly time-killing forum games.

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thecamoninja
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Re: Calvinball 2.0

Postby thecamoninja » Sun Feb 08, 2009 5:14 pm UTC

Ah-ha, but you have fallen in to my trap! The rule is, in fact, that you cannot play the same way twice, in two separate games, however, this is still only one game. It has not ended and restarted, nor is it in a state of post-play, and therefore, we can apply the same rule in two different instances in this game. You have to think of constancy here! It is really only logical. We don't want the game to be too confusing. And, even if you were to recognize that I'm just pulling shit out of my ass right now, I'll just make this an amendment to the rules, effective immediately, irrevocably, and retroactively throughout the game.

Hell yes!
+2R Badass Prosecutor points, and >9000 long word points.
Also, I steal the Calvinball.
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itaibn
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Re: Calvinball 2.0

Postby itaibn » Sun Feb 08, 2009 5:41 pm UTC

thecamoninja wrote:You have to think of constancy here! It is really only logical. We don't want the game to be too confusing.

Two lies, seperated by a justification of the opposite of what you're trying to imply. You gain the crank sandwitch award!
I NEVER use all-caps.

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Actaeus
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Re: Calvinball 2.0

Postby Actaeus » Sun Feb 08, 2009 6:03 pm UTC

Chfan wrote:Actually, someone lost all points for a different reason that time so it doesn't count.

I gain Q Lawyer-Style Wriggling points.

Fail.
When was the last Commie revolution in a Calvinball game?

Also, saying you can only use an inventory in one game is like saying zones have already been used, so we have to use something else this time.

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Actaeus
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Re: Calvinball 2.0

Postby Actaeus » Sun Feb 08, 2009 6:04 pm UTC

Chfan wrote:Actually, someone lost all points for a different reason that time so it doesn't count.

I gain Q Lawyer-Style Wriggling points.

Fail.
When was the last Commie revolution in a Calvinball game?

Also, saying you can only use an inventory in one game is like saying zones have already been used, so we have to use something else this time.

INVENTORY:
1 "Calvinball Championships 2008" baseball cap
3/4 bag of T-Rex dung
1 Single-layer post-sandwich CalvinBONUS
1 banana peel
1 mechanana (low on ammo)
Some miscellaneous junk
1 hairsplitting point
1 iambic quatrain
1 misunderstanding
1 Generous Gamers Point
1 magic carpet
1 Page Topper Point
1 veteran point
1 yo-yo
1 +10 Previous Game bonus
1000000000 extra electrons
1 Calvinball
1 metapoint
Unlimited authority
1 Historical Reference point
1 lawyer corpse

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a386
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Re: Calvinball 2.0

Postby a386 » Sun Feb 08, 2009 6:08 pm UTC

INVENTORY: five cents
Will anyone sell the calvinball for all the money in the game? THINK OF THE POWER.

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Actaeus
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Re: Calvinball 2.0

Postby Actaeus » Sun Feb 08, 2009 6:11 pm UTC

I slam my forehead into the Counterfeiting Tree, giving me control of the Money Mint Wicket.

INVENTORY:
1 "Calvinball Championships 2008" baseball cap
3/4 bag of T-Rex dung
1 Single-layer post-sandwich CalvinBONUS
1 banana peel
1 mechanana (low on ammo)
Some miscellaneous junk
1 hairsplitting point
1 iambic quatrain
1 misunderstanding
1 Generous Gamers Point
1 magic carpet
1 Page Topper Point
1 veteran point
1 yo-yo
1 +10 Previous Game bonus
1000000000 extra electrons
1 Calvinball
1 metapoint
Unlimited authority
1 Historical Reference point
1 lawyer corpse
$1,000,000 (counterfeit)

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thecamoninja
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Re: Calvinball 2.0

Postby thecamoninja » Sun Feb 08, 2009 6:16 pm UTC

didn't you read my post? I stole the Calvinball.
I tackle Actaeus, causing him to drop everything that he's holding
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Actaeus
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Re: Calvinball 2.0

Postby Actaeus » Sun Feb 08, 2009 6:24 pm UTC

thecamoninja wrote:didn't you read my post? I stole the Calvinball.
I tackle Actaeus, causing him to drop everything that he's holding

But I was between the Unnecessary Roughness wicket and the Infinite Knapsack Zone!
You forfeit the Calvinball (to me), and have to carry around a little keychain football until you can earn 15 Kickoff Points.

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a386
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Re: Calvinball 2.0

Postby a386 » Sun Feb 08, 2009 8:42 pm UTC

i dive into your infinite knapsack (where you have stowed the calvinball), and now both the calvinball and myself are falling away from the top of the knapsack in infinite space. I streamline myself so that my terminal velocity is faster than that of the calvinball (the knapsack is presumably full of an infinite amount of air,) catch up to it, and grab it. then i climb out! (neither of us ever hit the bottom, so you don't notice.)

INVENTORY:
the only five real cents
one calvinball

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Actaeus
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Re: Calvinball 2.0

Postby Actaeus » Sun Feb 08, 2009 10:58 pm UTC

a386 wrote:then i climb out!

Yeahhh... I kinda coated the slick inner surface with vegetable oil.

INVENTORY:
1 "Calvinball Championships 2008" baseball cap
3/4 bag of T-Rex dung
1 Single-layer post-sandwich CalvinBONUS
1 banana peel
1 mechanana (low on ammo)
Some miscellaneous junk
1 hairsplitting point
1 iambic quatrain
1 misunderstanding
1 Generous Gamers Point
1 magic carpet
1 Page Topper Point
1 veteran point
1 yo-yo
1 +10 Previous Game bonus
1000000000 extra electrons
1 metapoint
Unlimited authority
1 Historical Reference point
1 lawyer corpse
$1,000,000 (counterfeit)
1 Calvinball
a386

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a386
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Re: Calvinball 2.0

Postby a386 » Mon Feb 09, 2009 12:06 am UTC

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
As i slip to eternal loneliness, i toss two cents up and out of the quickly escaping bag-opening. The workings of a dying mind are shrouded in mystery.
I settle in, wondering absently if I'll die of thirst or a heart attack. It's going to be a long fall.
INVENTORY: three of the five real cents

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thecamoninja
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Re: Calvinball 2.0

Postby thecamoninja » Mon Feb 09, 2009 12:10 am UTC

I toss a conveniently placed rope in after you
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a386
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Re: Calvinball 2.0

Postby a386 » Mon Feb 09, 2009 1:19 am UTC

What's this? Hope, the unthinkable? A literal tether, offered by a generous hand, to wrench me from the deep dark abyss?
I snatch up the rope, climb out the bag, and plant my feet in the sweet grass, Calvinball firmly in hand.
thecamoninja and i share a delicious bag of Metaphor Points. (baked, not fried!)

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thecamoninja
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Re: Calvinball 2.0

Postby thecamoninja » Mon Feb 09, 2009 1:20 am UTC

I punch Actaeus in the face, for being so cruel. Then I eat some of those metaphor points. Those things sound pretty tasty
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Actaeus
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Re: Calvinball 2.0

Postby Actaeus » Mon Feb 09, 2009 4:47 pm UTC

Wow, thanks for the MS Paint Adventures link.
I just got to the first fork, 373 steps into the "game".

EDIT: aaand there's only one workable option. Killing yourself is apparently a dead end.

Also, CANDY CORN VAMPIRE!!!
Also also, what's with all the gunkeys?
And all the confusing parallels and cross-references make my brain hurt.

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Sruixan
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Re: Calvinball 2.0

Postby Sruixan » Mon Feb 09, 2009 6:13 pm UTC

*pops up out of nearby garbage can to join in the fun*

Having already read all of the MS Paint Adventures, I gain 5 spolier points but refuse to use them out of goodwill.

+1 Goodwill point and an avacado. Why not?
This is, er, no offense but you are a robot, aren't you?
That's just, um, beautiful, beautiful beautiful... just beautiful.
One hot summer's night Lorraine said: "It's time for you to see the lighthouse"
Dr. Ivanovich, was it really necessary?

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-KF-
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Re: Calvinball 2.0

Postby -KF- » Mon Feb 09, 2009 10:55 pm UTC

I rejoin the game and receive 7^Q reentry points

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a386
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Re: Calvinball 2.0

Postby a386 » Tue Feb 10, 2009 2:05 am UTC

I lose twenty dollars and my self respect and gain fuck you mind virus points
wow wow who knew?
(what i really lost was the game)
+lol word filter points

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Sruixan
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Re: Calvinball 2.0

Postby Sruixan » Tue Feb 10, 2009 4:58 pm UTC

A quick search of the area reveals that the Calvinball has rolled away from a386 (who put it down to eat metaphor points) and has ended up in the middle of the pitch. Whistling, I procure the ball and proceed to sit tight with it.
This is, er, no offense but you are a robot, aren't you?
That's just, um, beautiful, beautiful beautiful... just beautiful.
One hot summer's night Lorraine said: "It's time for you to see the lighthouse"
Dr. Ivanovich, was it really necessary?

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quintopia
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Re: Calvinball 2.0

Postby quintopia » Tue Feb 10, 2009 5:46 pm UTC

I steal the Calvinball, break it into pieces, and reassemble the pieces into two Calvinballs congruent to the original Calvinball. I give one back to whoever I stole it from and run off with the other.

+12 Axiom of Choice points to me!

itaibn
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Re: Calvinball 2.0

Postby itaibn » Tue Feb 10, 2009 9:10 pm UTC

I steal both balls, cut them to a finite number of peices, put them back together into one ball, and use and enter Forcing Zone where I make the axiom of choice false. quintopia's axiom of choice point are deleted, and I gain 23 set theory points and a calvinball.
I NEVER use all-caps.

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Re: Calvinball 2.0

Postby quintopia » Wed Feb 11, 2009 6:18 pm UTC

By way of the No Zone Rule I cited earlier, the Forcing Zone should never have existed, yet by the No Contradictions Rule, it must have existed. I get +100 Paradox Points and all my Axiom of Choice points will be restored once itaibn leaves the Forcing Zone, which is 6 inches wide and moves east one half-inch every time someone uses the word "the."

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-KF-
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Re: Calvinball 2.0

Postby -KF- » Wed Feb 11, 2009 10:49 pm UTC

The the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the...

I weld all the Calvinballs back into one, gaining 5F8 Restoration Points. I then grab the Invisibility Flag, so everyone else must switch their masks for ones without eyeholes. Meanwhile, I hide the Calvinball.

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a386
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Re: Calvinball 2.0

Postby a386 » Thu Feb 12, 2009 6:05 am UTC

Stumbling forward i trip over such an inconspicuous bush that, even though it just flung me to the ground, i pay it no mind.
My mask breaks as i land face-first on the short CalvinTurf, leaving me with unimpeded eyesight and a length of string

itaibn
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Re: Calvinball 2.0

Postby itaibn » Thu Feb 12, 2009 8:50 pm UTC

quintopia wrote:By way of the No Zone Rule I cited earlier, the Forcing Zone should never have existed, yet by the No Contradictions Rule, it must have existed. I get +100 Paradox Points and all my Axiom of Choice points will be restored once itaibn leaves the Forcing Zone, which is 6 inches wide and moves east one half-inch every time someone uses the word "the."

You seem to misunderstand. I have already forced the axiom of choice to be false, the only way to fix that is to the axiom of choice back. And remember:
the the the the the the the the the the the the the.
I NEVER use all-caps.

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-KF-
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Re: Calvinball 2.0

Postby -KF- » Thu Feb 12, 2009 10:07 pm UTC

a386 wrote:Stumbling forward i trip over such an inconspicuous bush that, even though it just flung me to the ground, i pay it no mind.
My mask breaks as i land face-first on the short CalvinTurf, leaving me with unimpeded eyesight and a length of string


You are hereby excommunicated for removing your mask.

Oh, and I take the string.

Where did the string come from, anyway?

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Re: Calvinball 2.0

Postby eviloatmeal » Fri Feb 13, 2009 8:16 pm UTC

-KF- wrote:Where did the string come from, anyway?

I push you on to the quantum base, now you must spend 2 posts pretending to inexplicably jump in and out of existence.

Edit: Obviously the string was holding his mask in place, when the mask shattered, the string was freed.
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Sruixan
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Re: Calvinball 2.0

Postby Sruixan » Sat Feb 14, 2009 10:22 am UTC

I create a sonar system in order to get around my lack of eyesight, and get 20 ingenuity points for doing so.
This is, er, no offense but you are a robot, aren't you?
That's just, um, beautiful, beautiful beautiful... just beautiful.
One hot summer's night Lorraine said: "It's time for you to see the lighthouse"
Dr. Ivanovich, was it really necessary?

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Seda
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Re: Calvinball 2.0

Postby Seda » Sat Feb 14, 2009 3:29 pm UTC

I touch everyone with the babysitter flag. Bedtime.

*gains Z and +10 reference points*

Score: Z+10
Aum

Manial
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Re: Calvinball 2.0

Postby Manial » Sat Feb 14, 2009 4:02 pm UTC

I make my first post in Forum Games and gain 25 toe-dipping points.

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Sruixan
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Re: Calvinball 2.0

Postby Sruixan » Sat Feb 14, 2009 5:31 pm UTC

My sonar glitches and I bump into a bin, which topples open to reveal the Calvinball. So that's where -KF- hid it...

I pick it up, but my sonar glitches again and I bump into Manial. I retain hold of the Calvinball (just), but lose the avocado. NOO!!!
This is, er, no offense but you are a robot, aren't you?
That's just, um, beautiful, beautiful beautiful... just beautiful.
One hot summer's night Lorraine said: "It's time for you to see the lighthouse"
Dr. Ivanovich, was it really necessary?

baieshmuf327
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Re: Calvinball 2.0

Postby baieshmuf327 » Sun Feb 15, 2009 1:28 am UTC

I pick up the avocado and strike a deal with Sruxian (avocado for Calvinball). My high Speech and Barter skills cause me to succeed. As you turn away, I use my Sneak skill to pick your pocket, regaining the avocado.
I have all the neccesary skills to survive post-apocolyptica.

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Sruixan
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Re: Calvinball 2.0

Postby Sruixan » Sun Feb 15, 2009 10:23 am UTC

After the barter, my sonar glitches again and I bump into the bin again. I attempt to pull the avacado out of my pocket to calm myself only to discover it is not there. I suddenly realise what has happened and try to locate baieshmuf327 in order to regain my precious avocado. A successful location is hampered by my sonar's inability to work for more than a few seconds at a time, and when I do eventually find them, snickering to themself down a backstreet, they trip me up with their foot easily.

+1 humour point, +5 embarrassing points

Infuriated, I strip off my mask, ready to retrieve the Calvinball by any means necessary, when I am blinded by a great white light...

-KF-'s latest acquisition is an extra-powerful torch, purely for those who disobey his rule...
This is, er, no offense but you are a robot, aren't you?
That's just, um, beautiful, beautiful beautiful... just beautiful.
One hot summer's night Lorraine said: "It's time for you to see the lighthouse"
Dr. Ivanovich, was it really necessary?

baieshmuf327
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Joined: Sat Dec 20, 2008 8:29 pm UTC

Re: Calvinball 2.0

Postby baieshmuf327 » Sun Feb 15, 2009 5:11 pm UTC

I hold the avocado in my right hand and...
Wait, what's he doing? No, he wouldn't...would he? He is! He's crushing the avocado! OH THE HUGE MANATEE!!!
Wait, he's...making it into guacamole? He's handing out guacamole to the homeless Mexican people! Who knew he was that kind? He doesn't seem to be running out...and the Mexican hobos seem to be buried in it...
OH GOD IT'S MULTIPLYING.

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nnninja
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Re: Calvinball 2.0

Postby nnninja » Sun Feb 15, 2009 5:11 pm UTC

I use a methane tank, by opening it to full and then lighting it, setting everyone on fire (including me).

+15 stupidity points
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baieshmuf327
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Re: Calvinball 2.0

Postby baieshmuf327 » Sun Feb 15, 2009 5:21 pm UTC

Did...did I just ninja someone? Kinda? Woo!
LEVEL UP!
I gain 20 Health.
I gain 5 Strength.
I Gain 5 Stealth.
New Skill! X-RAY VISION!
My VIEW is now unimpeded by the MASK OF NO EYEHOLES.
You are now ON FIRE.

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Mr. Timms
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Re: Calvinball 2.0

Postby Mr. Timms » Mon May 25, 2009 5:25 am UTC

Suddenly, a portal opens up in the middle of the Calvinball field. I, riding a support beam and piece of floor from Santa's Workshop along with hundreds of screaming elves, fly out, and land in a balanced fashion. I carefully jump down and lead my newly found army of little people, alongside my unconscious army of kid cadavers. My army of little people, as Santa's elves are (ahem) expendable, attack the flaming baieshmuf327, extinguishing the fire, and relinquishing his Calvinball. I get 1 Fire Safety point.

+ Calvinball
+ 1 Fire Safety point

Inventory:

1 Hummingbird point
1 Invincible Septameter point
1 Sloppy Eaters point
421/2 God-Cheating points for scoring a touchdownhomerunbasket while spinning
1 Forum Impoliteness point
5 Hypothetical Rescue-From points
1 Humiliation point
1 10-Miles High point
1 Impossible Rule-Making point
1 Gamehacking point
1,000,000 Condescending Bastard points
200 Abysmal points
25 Pokemon points
1 Fire Safety point
1 sticky tunic (Gained by the invocation of the Sloppy Eaters point)
The meta-Calvinball
Empty sack
Unconscious Army
750 shares
15 gold pieces
1 health potion
A Calvinball from another parallel universe.
The Judges' Side
An army of little people
The Calvinball from this parallel universe.
Decker wrote:
nbonaparte wrote:You'll learn this around here. Everyone's pretty damn blunt.
I am not! Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go take a huge shit.

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Chfan
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Re: Calvinball 2.0

Postby Chfan » Mon May 25, 2009 12:25 pm UTC

No inventory! You can't play the same way twice! Find another way to store your item. Uhhh...how about...

I enter the Zone of Matter creation and create a Hypercube to store any prospective items. I gain a God complex.
Just FYI, the guy isn't avatar isn't me. But he seems pretty cool.

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Dimetrodon
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Re: Calvinball 2.0

Postby Dimetrodon » Tue May 26, 2009 2:32 am UTC

I enter the fourth dimension, steal the items, and turn them all into a Pseudo-Scientific Atom Disentanglement Ray, which I use to destroy the alternate universe and gain 3.4 god complexes.
I'm catching up!
Spoiler:
Image

Fear my mammalian skull, my efficient heat-regulating sail, and my two rows of teeth.

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fisticuffs
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Re: Calvinball 2.0

Postby fisticuffs » Tue May 26, 2009 3:30 am UTC

i jump in and eat one of your god complexes.
it tasted like macaroni.
mickyj300x wrote:WELL START BELIEVING! THE PROOF IS IN THE FISTICUFFS! HE'S THE GODDAMN POST FAIRY!


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