Calvinball

For all your silly time-killing forum games.

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cmacis
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Calvinball

Postby cmacis » Thu Apr 26, 2007 12:04 am UTC

We've got MC running at full pace, so why not this, which I played in a forum many moons ago. IIRC the only rule to start with is "you can not have the same rule twice." To set the scene, we're on a field in the suburbs with a few light hills in the immediate area. We have a ball. More precisely I have a ball.

The rest, is up for creativity.

I look around, wondering why I'm in a field on my own with this curious ball.
li te'o te'a vei pai pi'i ka'o ve'o su'i pa du li no
Mathematician is a function mapping tea onto theorems. Sadly this function is irreversible.
QED is Latin for small empty box.
Ceci n’est pas une [s]pipe[/s] signature.

JoshJ
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Joined: Wed Apr 11, 2007 5:00 pm UTC

Postby JoshJ » Thu Apr 26, 2007 12:07 am UTC

You're standing in Zone 34! The next person to post after you can take the ball from you!

Oh, wait, that's me.

*yoink*

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Castaway
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Postby Castaway » Thu Apr 26, 2007 12:11 am UTC

You drop the ball because it's made of butter. I gingerly place it in my own suitcase and begin to skip.
You've just lost twenty dollars and my self respect.

Rat wrote: so i sprinted back down this hill like a fucking mountain goat

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crazyjimbo
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Postby crazyjimbo » Thu Apr 26, 2007 12:16 am UTC

* Wonders where all these players teleported in from *

* Wonders how the hell I ended up here *

I run after Castaway and touch him with the 'type everything backwards' flag.

(Sorry :))

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bbctol
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Postby bbctol » Thu Apr 26, 2007 12:18 am UTC

.naiga galf sdrawkcab gnihtyreve epyt eht hcuot I
What a relief.

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cmacis
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Postby cmacis » Thu Apr 26, 2007 12:30 am UTC

I pull out my laptop, log into the wifi hotspot and navigate to the xkcd fora. After laughing and contributing to several threads, I reach the forum games. I enter and post a new topic:

"Metacalvinball"

"Sorry people, I couldn't help myself with recursion. OTH I have this field to myself."
li te'o te'a vei pai pi'i ka'o ve'o su'i pa du li no

Mathematician is a function mapping tea onto theorems. Sadly this function is irreversible.

QED is Latin for small empty box.

Ceci n’est pas une [s]pipe[/s] signature.

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bbctol
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Postby bbctol » Thu Apr 26, 2007 12:38 am UTC

I quickly pull out a set of matching tasers and hand them out so we can play taser-tag.
Within Metacalvinball:
"I ask the metamods to lock the metathread.

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crazyjimbo
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Postby crazyjimbo » Thu Apr 26, 2007 12:55 am UTC

I score a 'dingo' point for saying the word dingo. Yay I just scored another one. Woo 2 dingo points! 3!

I taser jump ontop of Castaway and steal his suitcase with the ball in.

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Twasbrillig
Tawsbirlig
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Postby Twasbrillig » Thu Apr 26, 2007 1:05 am UTC

I touch myself with the free-ball wicket, and get the ball. Dingo!
I want to have Bakemaster's babies. It's possible, with science.

I wonder if you can see...
...what is wrong with my signature?

wing wrote:I'm sorry... But that was THE funniest thing I've ever read on the interbutts.

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Castaway
Mr. Fancy-Pants
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Postby Castaway » Thu Apr 26, 2007 1:46 am UTC

A dragon eats you, but not the ball, because it's watching its cholesterol. I decide that it would be best if i threw the ball at A giant piece of corn
You've just lost twenty dollars and my self respect.



Rat wrote: so i sprinted back down this hill like a fucking mountain goat

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Akira
The Enemy's Gate Is Down. Sugoi desu ne!
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Postby Akira » Thu Apr 26, 2007 2:37 am UTC

I am hiding inside the giant peice of mechanical corn and use the oppurtunity to steal the ball, for Fifty-star Corn Colonels
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Warning: Arguments about semantics really, really annoy this member, and are liable to make her snippy, offensive, and REALLY politically incorrect.

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musicinmybrain
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Postby musicinmybrain » Thu Apr 26, 2007 2:50 am UTC

I sneak inside the corn, stalk you, and steal the ball. You shake your head in amaizement and say, "Oh, shucks." Because the ball touched the corn, anyone who wants to take it from me has to tell a corny joke.

I observe a haystack and declare that anyone who wishes to implement recursion must first find the stack pointer. It's about the size and shape of a needle. However, even those who find the pointer risk being pushed onto the stack.
+ + + + + + + + [ > + + + + [ > + + > + + + > + + + > + < < < < - ] > + > - > + > > + [ < ] < - ] > > . > > - - - . + + + + + + + . . + + + . > . < < - . > . + + + . - - - - - - . - - - - - - - - . > + . > + + .

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Akira
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Postby Akira » Thu Apr 26, 2007 2:52 am UTC

I snatch the ball back, rolling my eyes and declaring that your recursive rule makes it too hard--it'd be like finding a needle in a haystack!

I declare that the joke was corny enough and bury the ball under CantTouchWithoutASuperFlag Mountian.
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Warning: Arguments about semantics really, really annoy this member, and are liable to make her snippy, offensive, and REALLY politically incorrect.

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German Sausage
3 of 5
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Postby German Sausage » Thu Apr 26, 2007 2:55 am UTC

but akira, the superflag zone hasn't been entered yet, making your play illegal.
you know the penalty.
<bakemaster> Only German Sausage can prevent forest fires
<felstaff> Hype is like a giant disappointment ray aimed squarely at the finished article.
<watson> Treat me like a criminal, Holmes!
TMT4L

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Akira
The Enemy's Gate Is Down. Sugoi desu ne!
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Postby Akira » Thu Apr 26, 2007 2:57 am UTC

But I don't WANT to lick a hundred envelops! I invoke the rootbeer clause of rule 475-p, which states that any invocation of the envelope licking penalty may be reversed by tapping ones nose. So i tap my nose.
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Warning: Arguments about semantics really, really annoy this member, and are liable to make her snippy, offensive, and REALLY politically incorrect.

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musicinmybrain
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Postby musicinmybrain » Thu Apr 26, 2007 3:09 am UTC

As specified by the extraordinary powers clause of rule 382.7, when two turns pass with the ball in uncertain possession one player can form a Bureau of Ball Affairs to manage the ball. I do so and confiscate the ball for safekeeping.
+ + + + + + + + [ > + + + + [ > + + > + + + > + + + > + < < < < - ] > + > - > + > > + [ < ] < - ] > > . > > - - - . + + + + + + + . . + + + . > . < < - . > . + + + . - - - - - - . - - - - - - - - . > + . > + + .

JoshJ
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Postby JoshJ » Thu Apr 26, 2007 3:35 am UTC

I wrangle my paperwork through the Vogonian bureacracy and get the ball. I then throw the ball at the Vogon leader, knocking him down and scoring 42 points.

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Mother Superior
Better than tea
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Postby Mother Superior » Thu Apr 26, 2007 7:07 am UTC

The vogon leader throws the ball at you but misses and hits me. I receive -67 points because I'm a penalty area on a thursday, but I still have the ball and thus am entitled to sixteen double-rounds of coca cola after the game since it's May.
My crappy creepy? Crabby? My crabby blog.
"She bore also the fruitless deep with his raging swell, Pontus, without sweet union of love."
- Hesiod, Theogony

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Edna
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Postby Edna » Thu Apr 26, 2007 9:40 am UTC

Rule 13.1(b) states that as a male using a female name I get the ball by default if I state my claim before 11:00 gmt on Thursdays in April

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musicinmybrain
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Postby musicinmybrain » Thu Apr 26, 2007 12:15 pm UTC

Rule 8927.0.0.1beta states that persons drinking orange juice may, within the first quarter of each hour (inclusive), override claims under Rule 13.1(b) made by persons whose names are also associated with tiny towns in Texas or other alliterative entities. My ball.
+ + + + + + + + [ > + + + + [ > + + > + + + > + + + > + < < < < - ] > + > - > + > > + [ < ] < - ] > > . > > - - - . + + + + + + + . . + + + . > . < < - . > . + + + . - - - - - - . - - - - - - - - . > + . > + + .

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Castaway
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Postby Castaway » Thu Apr 26, 2007 1:43 pm UTC

Corrolary 18.b to rule 126.2.2 states that if you are the most bored person in this thread, than the ball belongs to you. I am in history class right now, ergo the ball is mine.

I decide to eat it because i have no sense of bodily worth.
You've just lost twenty dollars and my self respect.



Rat wrote: so i sprinted back down this hill like a fucking mountain goat

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German Sausage
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Postby German Sausage » Thu Apr 26, 2007 1:49 pm UTC

enough rules lawyering!
*crashtackles Castaway, siezes ball*
*Runs like buggery for the Score Zone*
*Scores!*
score is currently
German Sausage: cobbler's bench
everyone else: nil
<bakemaster> Only German Sausage can prevent forest fires
<felstaff> Hype is like a giant disappointment ray aimed squarely at the finished article.
<watson> Treat me like a criminal, Holmes!
TMT4L

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evilbeanfiend
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Postby evilbeanfiend » Thu Apr 26, 2007 1:51 pm UTC

is that sausage running to the wrong score zone? i think it is. i'll just let it go then.
in ur beanz makin u eveel

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Castaway
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Postby Castaway » Thu Apr 26, 2007 2:00 pm UTC

German Sausage just ran into my score zone.
Rectified scores:
Castaway: Wizard's cap.
Everyone else: dirty shoe.
You've just lost twenty dollars and my self respect.



Rat wrote: so i sprinted back down this hill like a fucking mountain goat

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German Sausage
3 of 5
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Postby German Sausage » Thu Apr 26, 2007 2:13 pm UTC

more than three players at score = dirty shoe!
first one to the jumping-arena gets a rotten egg!
<bakemaster> Only German Sausage can prevent forest fires
<felstaff> Hype is like a giant disappointment ray aimed squarely at the finished article.
<watson> Treat me like a criminal, Holmes!
TMT4L

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cmacis
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Postby cmacis » Thu Apr 26, 2007 7:06 pm UTC

Ah,ha that's a trick.

/me runs away from the jumping arena.

1 irc point
li te'o te'a vei pai pi'i ka'o ve'o su'i pa du li no

Mathematician is a function mapping tea onto theorems. Sadly this function is irreversible.

QED is Latin for small empty box.

Ceci n’est pas une [s]pipe[/s] signature.

caladbolg
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Joined: Wed Apr 25, 2007 7:18 pm UTC

Postby caladbolg » Thu Apr 26, 2007 8:38 pm UTC

*Runs toward jumping-arena, snags rotten egg for rotten egg bonus: 2 points and a bad smell*

If you can tolerate the smell the points are worth it... :P
(In response to a question regarding the rule that prepositions should never appear at the end of a sentence)

"That is one rule up with which I will not put."
-Winston Churchill

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MFHodge
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Postby MFHodge » Fri Apr 27, 2007 5:26 pm UTC

*Stands off to the side of field, still frozen from previous round of freeze tag, terrified of the reprocusions of unauthorized movement. Arms are held up like a basketball hoop, hoping that there might be some rule allowing a player to unfreeze a frozen bystander by scoring through said hoop, but, due to frozen state, is unable to reach the rule book that resides in back pocket.*

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LE4dGOLEM
is unique......wait, no!!!!
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Postby LE4dGOLEM » Fri Apr 27, 2007 7:08 pm UTC

New rule: This post wins.
Image Une See Fights - crayon super-ish hero webcomic!
doogly wrote:It would just be much better if it were not shitty.

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Tractor
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Postby Tractor » Fri Apr 27, 2007 7:20 pm UTC

* steals rotten egg from caladbolg *
* throws egg through the hoop that is VTHodge *
Via rule 487q, I score 3 points for the steal, and 5 for the basket from rule 3ii.
Also, I can laugh at VTH for being now covered in rotten egg. :lol:
9 x 6 = 42

Note: Randall kicks ass.

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MFHodge
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Postby MFHodge » Fri Apr 27, 2007 7:37 pm UTC

As it was my face that technically broke the egg, I claim that my goose-egg score is cracked and becomes an 11:

0 -> ( ) -> | | -> 11

I agree to spend 3 points for a quick shower and claim a net score of 8.

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Mother Superior
Better than tea
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Postby Mother Superior » Fri Apr 27, 2007 9:46 pm UTC

Because my subtotal is -2 points, I am entitled to a penalty shot as I was in a no foul-zone when the egg broke, therefor I claim the ball and 60 points and enforce the rule of eggnogg heritage, protecting me from any future infractions I may wish to commit.
My crappy creepy? Crabby? My crabby blog.
"She bore also the fruitless deep with his raging swell, Pontus, without sweet union of love."
- Hesiod, Theogony

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Akira
The Enemy's Gate Is Down. Sugoi desu ne!
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Postby Akira » Fri Apr 27, 2007 9:56 pm UTC

I attack with a Whip of Egging, make out of Willow, which entitles me to 50 Bonus Sparrows and a coconut, while making off with the ball.

Akira's new total: 1 point, 50 sparrows, and a coconut.
Image
Warning: Arguments about semantics really, really annoy this member, and are liable to make her snippy, offensive, and REALLY politically incorrect.

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Twasbrillig
Tawsbirlig
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Postby Twasbrillig » Fri Apr 27, 2007 10:12 pm UTC

I throw an anti-gravity grenade into the mix. It explodes, with an infinite AOE. I then jump and forget how to stop.
I want to have Bakemaster's babies. It's possible, with science.

I wonder if you can see...
...what is wrong with my signature?

wing wrote:I'm sorry... But that was THE funniest thing I've ever read on the interbutts.

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Akira
The Enemy's Gate Is Down. Sugoi desu ne!
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Postby Akira » Fri Apr 27, 2007 10:16 pm UTC

I flick on my magna-boots, which attrack the iron in the soil just enough to maintain traction and forward propulsion on zero-G. I head for the Coconut Score Zone!
Image
Warning: Arguments about semantics really, really annoy this member, and are liable to make her snippy, offensive, and REALLY politically incorrect.

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cmacis
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Postby cmacis » Sat Apr 28, 2007 12:27 am UTC

I summon a large yellow submarine. Off to save pepperland. You play your ball games.

10 disappearing points
11 Beatles reference points

With the promise of more provided I return alive.
li te'o te'a vei pai pi'i ka'o ve'o su'i pa du li no

Mathematician is a function mapping tea onto theorems. Sadly this function is irreversible.

QED is Latin for small empty box.

Ceci n’est pas une [s]pipe[/s] signature.

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Edna
Raptors: 4, Humans: 0
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Postby Edna » Wed May 02, 2007 8:35 am UTC

Snatching the ball from the coconut zone I hot foot it away towards the bagel point Ham and cheese under my arm.

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Kawa
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Postby Kawa » Wed May 02, 2007 12:41 pm UTC

I invoke rule Cream Cheese, trip over Edna, grab the ball, and wrap it in blankets. Now it is sushi, and since I am the sushi chef, I get to hold onto it indefinitely until someone properly orders Calvinball sushi.
Kawa likes these things:
Spanish Ninja Bodyguard
math, anime, more!
Origami, Florida
New York, and xkcd.

caladbolg
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Postby caladbolg » Wed May 02, 2007 2:07 pm UTC

I'd like some Calvinball sushi, please.

*Snatches sushi* *eats*

Yum!

*Summons mystical flail head to substitute the ball turned sushi just consumed*

You want some of this? :twisted:

*Dribbles flail head twice then impales self*

AHHH! :shock:
(In response to a question regarding the rule that prepositions should never appear at the end of a sentence)



"That is one rule up with which I will not put."

-Winston Churchill

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Gelsamel
Lame and emo
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Postby Gelsamel » Wed May 02, 2007 2:11 pm UTC

So you're a Celtic fairy sword?

Oh and as for the game....


I win.
"Give up here?"
- > No
"Do you accept defeat?"
- > No
"Do you think games are silly little things?"
- > No
"Is it all pointless?"
- > No
"Do you admit there is no meaning to this world?"
- > No


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