Calvinball

For all your silly time-killing forum games.

Moderators: jestingrabbit, Moderators General, Prelates

caladbolg
Posts: 31
Joined: Wed Apr 25, 2007 7:18 pm UTC

Postby caladbolg » Wed May 02, 2007 2:23 pm UTC

Gelsamel wrote:So you're a Celtic fairy sword?

Oh and as for the game....


I win.


What? Yes... I do make a rainbow when you swing me in a circle over your head. But I'm also a bad ass. I can cut off the tops of several hills at once and decimate armies.

What can you do? (Besides win at Calvinball...)
(In response to a question regarding the rule that prepositions should never appear at the end of a sentence)

"That is one rule up with which I will not put."
-Winston Churchill

User avatar
Gelsamel
Lame and emo
Posts: 8237
Joined: Thu Oct 05, 2006 10:49 am UTC
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia

Postby Gelsamel » Wed May 02, 2007 7:09 pm UTC

Own. :-)
"Give up here?"
- > No
"Do you accept defeat?"
- > No
"Do you think games are silly little things?"
- > No
"Is it all pointless?"
- > No
"Do you admit there is no meaning to this world?"
- > No

User avatar
Messiah
Posts: 275
Joined: Sat Mar 24, 2007 9:39 am UTC
Location: BrisVegas, Land of Oz
Contact:

Postby Messiah » Fri May 04, 2007 6:36 am UTC

Gelsamel wrote:I win.


You forgot to factor the planetary allignment. Yesterday, was in fact, opposite day. Gelsamel therefore loses, ball still in play.

Takes flailhead mystical sword thingy from caladbolg, goes to Mordor, melts sword in hellfire and re-forms the ball. It's now metal, does a little bit more damage when thrown, but oh well, it'll do.

*Runs for the end zone to take a penalty shot.*
"The possession of anything begins in the mind" - Bruce Lee

Image

User avatar
Gelsamel
Lame and emo
Posts: 8237
Joined: Thu Oct 05, 2006 10:49 am UTC
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia

Postby Gelsamel » Fri May 04, 2007 8:26 am UTC

I'm pretty sure you can't just melt caladbolg.
"Give up here?"
- > No
"Do you accept defeat?"
- > No
"Do you think games are silly little things?"
- > No
"Is it all pointless?"
- > No
"Do you admit there is no meaning to this world?"
- > No

User avatar
Spaz Funbag
Posts: 256
Joined: Sun Apr 01, 2007 6:01 pm UTC
Location: Ja-Ma-Nee
Contact:

Postby Spaz Funbag » Fri May 04, 2007 9:04 am UTC

You fail to walk on your hands in the "no-feet-or-shoes-section" and are therefore applied a penalty of singing "twelve days of christmas" backwards.

I seize the ball and make a dash through the "lose ball if slow-area" towards the potato dispenser. Grabbing a hot one (with sour cream and cheese), I turn in the ball for five Cheesepoints and am off happily gnawing my potato.

User avatar
Messiah
Posts: 275
Joined: Sat Mar 24, 2007 9:39 am UTC
Location: BrisVegas, Land of Oz
Contact:

Postby Messiah » Fri May 04, 2007 11:35 am UTC

Gelsamel wrote:I'm pretty sure you can't just melt caladbolg.

If the fires of Mordor melted that there ring that the short person with ugly feet had, it can melt anything.

Damn I wish I'd remembered the potato exchange. I'm hungry.
"The possession of anything begins in the mind" - Bruce Lee



Image

caladbolg
Posts: 31
Joined: Wed Apr 25, 2007 7:18 pm UTC

Postby caladbolg » Fri May 04, 2007 4:32 pm UTC

*Reforms out of the ether*

The Irish Gods don't like it when you melt their artifacts. And BTW, I'm a sword that summoned a flail head. You didn't have to chuck me in the fires as well. I mean, jeesh, Messiah

*Breaks potato dispenser and retrieve the ball for active play*

Yay, its not a flail head anymore! :D

*Runs through tiled arena stepping only on black tiles and white tiles directly in line with black tiles, zig-zags wildly to the teleportation hoop and scores 15 teleportation points throwing the ball in*

*Thinks for a moment*

Well, shit. Where did I send the ball? :?
(In response to a question regarding the rule that prepositions should never appear at the end of a sentence)



"That is one rule up with which I will not put."

-Winston Churchill

User avatar
Messiah
Posts: 275
Joined: Sat Mar 24, 2007 9:39 am UTC
Location: BrisVegas, Land of Oz
Contact:

Postby Messiah » Fri May 04, 2007 4:39 pm UTC

caladbolg wrote:The Irish Gods don't like it when you melt their artifacts. And BTW, I'm a sword that summoned a flail head. You didn't have to chuck me in the fires as well. I mean, jeesh, Messiah

I AM the Irish God. Well, son of....And all this confusing history meant I just burnt everything. I make history, I don't remember it.

Completely unrelated:
Playing Doom, ball suddenly appears on screen! (If you know the storyline, it makes sense).
Ball is linked to Doom music, and ends up on a sick website with a burning cat. Destroyed by government (yay for Cats everywhere, bad for us). Lost in the Sea of Memes....Whoever will retrieve it?
"The possession of anything begins in the mind" - Bruce Lee



Image

JamesA
Posts: 10
Joined: Fri May 04, 2007 1:24 pm UTC
Location: kansas
Contact:

Postby JamesA » Fri May 04, 2007 4:59 pm UTC

I invoke the "memes aren't real -- tell your friends" clause, thus expelling the ball back into the realm of reality, where I scoop it up, put it in the sack on the rack on the back of my bike, and pedal into the end zone, scoring 75.36 points:

6 points (touchdown)
x 2 (Dr. Seuss bonus)
x 3.14 (pi bonus for round ball)
x 2 (environmental friendly machinery usage bonus)
75.36

User avatar
MFHodge
Posts: 4246
Joined: Thu Apr 19, 2007 6:27 pm UTC
Location: :noitacoL Raleigh, NC
Contact:

Postby MFHodge » Fri May 04, 2007 8:15 pm UTC

Challenge! JamesA claims a bonus for pi due to roundness, but pi are squared, not round. I usurp the claimed bonus:

JamesA - 24
VTHodge - 51.36

Now where did that ball go?

User avatar
PtS
Posts: 99
Joined: Fri Apr 13, 2007 9:17 am UTC
Location: Finland (the swedish part)
Contact:

Postby PtS » Sun May 06, 2007 11:47 am UTC

The ball suddenly turns up on my plate and I score 11 jackass points by eating it. Let's see who'll be the one to score the same amount of jackass points by getting it out of my excrement.
My life is 50% sarcasm and 50% sick humour.

-Me (said with 50% sarcasm)

User avatar
MFHodge
Posts: 4246
Joined: Thu Apr 19, 2007 6:27 pm UTC
Location: :noitacoL Raleigh, NC
Contact:

Postby MFHodge » Sun May 06, 2007 2:34 pm UTC

Alright, game on!!1! Where's teh ball??/?

Oh . . . I'll sit out this round.

User avatar
LE4dGOLEM
is unique......wait, no!!!!
Posts: 5972
Joined: Thu Oct 12, 2006 7:10 pm UTC
Location: :uoıʇɐɔol

Postby LE4dGOLEM » Sun May 06, 2007 2:39 pm UTC

So uh, what's the score at the minute?
Image Une See Fights - crayon super-ish hero webcomic!
doogly wrote:It would just be much better if it were not shitty.

User avatar
Spaz Funbag
Posts: 256
Joined: Sun Apr 01, 2007 6:01 pm UTC
Location: Ja-Ma-Nee
Contact:

Postby Spaz Funbag » Sun May 06, 2007 7:30 pm UTC

I use PtS' sweater to get it out of the excrement and clean it, scoring 25 "mean old bullie" points.

Furthermore, I toss it into the freezer and take myself some popsicles at the same time. little time later, I take it out, crack it into a million pieces and rearrange them at will. The newlybuilt Glider floats into the "high altitude=high score-zone".

Score-update:

5 cheese points
25 meanoldbullie points
130.75 creative-Reassembling bonus coins
and a Get-Great-Airfares-To-Timbuktu-Coupon
Last edited by Spaz Funbag on Mon May 07, 2007 8:11 am UTC, edited 2 times in total.
The harder you try, the dumber you look

User avatar
FiddleMath
Posts: 245
Joined: Wed Oct 11, 2006 7:46 am UTC
Location: Madison, WI
Contact:

Postby FiddleMath » Sun May 06, 2007 8:19 pm UTC

I spin around in tiny little circles and then jump up and down until I fall down.

I am dizzy.

User avatar
MFHodge
Posts: 4246
Joined: Thu Apr 19, 2007 6:27 pm UTC
Location: :noitacoL Raleigh, NC
Contact:

Postby MFHodge » Mon May 07, 2007 1:11 am UTC

I award myself five points for attempting to figure out what the hell Spaz's post says.

bullie
freeter
now-newlybuilt

JamesA
Posts: 10
Joined: Fri May 04, 2007 1:24 pm UTC
Location: kansas
Contact:

Postby JamesA » Mon May 07, 2007 1:46 am UTC

I note that Spaz has 160 points, but that it takes 2800 frequent flyer points to get a flight to Timbuktu; that leaves Spaz with a net of -2640 points. I email this information to the airlines, who immediately assess Spaz a "crash and burn" penalty. I roast a hotdog over the resulting flames, and then reassemble the fragments of the glider into the ball once again.

My score now: 192

24 (previous score after VTHodge challenge)
x 2 (email bonus)
x 2 (recycling bonus)
x 2 (culinary bonus)
192

User avatar
Spaz Funbag
Posts: 256
Joined: Sun Apr 01, 2007 6:01 pm UTC
Location: Ja-Ma-Nee
Contact:

Postby Spaz Funbag » Mon May 07, 2007 8:11 am UTC

HA! Fool! I jump into the |Absolute Value|-grid, turning my score into a buzzing 2640 airline points!

Exchanging them for [blorb] Calvinball points and another hot potatoe, I ask VThodge what he calls those mean fat kids that cut lines, punch kids and always beat the weak ones in school (is it bullys?)

Furthermore, I take a Laptop that just happens to lie around, go to forums.xkcd.com and edit my previous CB post.
The harder you try, the dumber you look

User avatar
MFHodge
Posts: 4246
Joined: Thu Apr 19, 2007 6:27 pm UTC
Location: :noitacoL Raleigh, NC
Contact:

Postby MFHodge » Mon May 07, 2007 10:30 am UTC

Spaz Funbag wrote:(is it bullys?)
I would say one singular bully or multiple bullies. But mostly I was just being a jerk. You're allowed to in Calvinball. It's encouraged.

JamesA
Posts: 10
Joined: Fri May 04, 2007 1:24 pm UTC
Location: kansas
Contact:

Postby JamesA » Mon May 07, 2007 10:34 am UTC

Damn, I shouldn't have left the laptop lying around where Spaz could get to it ...

User avatar
Spaz Funbag
Posts: 256
Joined: Sun Apr 01, 2007 6:01 pm UTC
Location: Ja-Ma-Nee
Contact:

Postby Spaz Funbag » Mon May 07, 2007 8:16 pm UTC

*mwahaha* Mine is an evil laugh!


sorry, just ignited the lipocells (=Lithium-Polymers, nothing to do with fat) on your battery pack. Too bad.



Hey, that potato is good, and I mean, like, good!!!

*plotting how to "back-jerk" VTHodge* *snickering*
The harder you try, the dumber you look

User avatar
Alcari
Posts: 377
Joined: Thu May 24, 2007 3:06 pm UTC
Location: The Netherlands
Contact:

Postby Alcari » Tue May 29, 2007 6:38 pm UTC

Seeing the previous ball lost forever, I materialise out of thin air, bearing a new ball. By restarting the game I gain 12 points.
after bouncing the ball of of Spaz's geeky forhead (who uses laptops in Calvinball? It's not even july yet :roll: )
I make a mad dash to the vague-quenya-name-section, where people with vague quenya names score 1 point each minute they hold the ball.
I'm made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.

free manga and anime music

User avatar
Rodan
Any title.
Posts: 1846
Joined: Thu May 17, 2007 11:52 pm UTC
Location: Eastern Standard Time

Postby Rodan » Tue May 29, 2007 8:26 pm UTC

I emerge out of a time vortex, bop alcari on the head with a lemur (gotten through the rule that if your name is a characte3r from Godzilla, you get a lemur) and take the ball. I then give the ball to spaz, thereby aquiring his point total through the sudden alliance rule, then I earn five treachery points (which are 10x better than regular points!) for stealing the ball back with my stealth suit (gotten by touching the stealth suit pole with a lemur).
Total score:
2640 points
5 treachery points
a lemur
a stealth suit

User avatar
Darth Eru
Posts: 77
Joined: Fri May 25, 2007 10:52 pm UTC

Postby Darth Eru » Wed May 30, 2007 3:27 am UTC

While you were trying to pass to spaz, I intercepted using my specialized interception machine, in the process giving you -234 arbitrary negativity points that I had awarded myself only moments before. I now have the ball, and jump into the taunting ring and shout "NYAAAHHH!" at everybody in the game, giving me 66 tease points.

(As a side note, since the only rule in Calvinball is that there are no rules, don't name rules as you invoke them, because they don't exist. You just play the game.)

User avatar
Maseiken
The Candylawyer
Posts: 2827
Joined: Sat May 19, 2007 11:13 am UTC

Postby Maseiken » Wed May 30, 2007 3:43 am UTC

((No, the one constant rule is that the same rule cannot be used twice (Excluding that rule I suppose))

I enter the Kraken zone, Darth Eru, being the player with the most tease points is desgnated as Captain Jack Sparrow and is eaten. He and the ball are now trapped in the underworld and must gain 40,000 Magic Crab Tokens and an upside-down ship to re-enter play.

Being the player who entered the Kraken zone, I gain posession of the fish ball, which I pass to Rodan, signalling for a Sparow-Hawk-quadruple-Bypass-Manuever.
"GRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOWR!!!!"
(Translation: "Objection!")

Maseiken had the ball at the top of the key...

User avatar
Rodan
Any title.
Posts: 1846
Joined: Thu May 17, 2007 11:52 pm UTC
Location: Eastern Standard Time

Postby Rodan » Wed May 30, 2007 10:48 am UTC

I ignore Maseiken (gaining 5 ignorant points). I then touch the fish ball to the oven pole, and cook the ball, gaining 700 master chef points.
Score:
5 ignorance points
-234 arbitrary negativity points
700 master chef points
a lemur
a stealth suit

User avatar
Darth Eru
Posts: 77
Joined: Fri May 25, 2007 10:52 pm UTC

Postby Darth Eru » Wed May 30, 2007 11:31 am UTC

Because I'm Captain Jack Sparrow, the Black Pearl comes with me into the underworld. Because I still have the official ball, I bounce it three times and call up William Turner and my crew, who help me flip it over.

I get the needed points simply because I am so great.

So I come back to reality, and just as I do a red cricket ball flies out of nowhere and I catch it. Since I have nothing better to do with it, I bowl it at Rodan.

+500 reference points to the first one to get the reference!

Inventory:
The Black Pearl and her crew
The official ball
66 tease points
40,000 Magic Crab Tokens
Signature:
This is a block of text that can be added to posts you make. There is a 255 character limit

There are 2 types of people in the world: those who know hexadecimal, and those who don't.

Dvorak > QWERTY

User avatar
Rodan
Any title.
Posts: 1846
Joined: Thu May 17, 2007 11:52 pm UTC
Location: Eastern Standard Time

Postby Rodan » Wed May 30, 2007 7:25 pm UTC

I catch the reference and give it to my lemur who eats it.
Wait! The lemur is evolving!
My lemur turns into a megalemur and eats Darth Eru, giving me the ball in the process. My megalemur gets 121 edible opponent points, and he gives trhem to me.
I also get 121 Gwen Stacy point for using the # 121.
I get 242 more Gwen Stacy points.
score:
500 reference points
5 ignorance points
700 master chef points
-234 arbitrary negativity points
121 edible opponent points
363 Gwen Stacy points
a megalemur
a stealth suit

User avatar
bigglesworth
I feel like Biggles should have a title
Posts: 7461
Joined: Sat Apr 07, 2007 9:29 pm UTC
Location: Airstrip One

Postby bigglesworth » Wed May 30, 2007 7:41 pm UTC

I randomly pop into existence 2 feet above sea level, which is conveniently next to the ball. Confused , I pick it up, and spot my name and 5 points go up on a score board.

(If you could tell me why, i'd appreciate it)

User avatar
Thunderbird4!
It's ketchup, I swear!
Posts: 307
Joined: Sun May 06, 2007 3:40 am UTC
Location: Out of my mind
Contact:

Postby Thunderbird4! » Wed May 30, 2007 8:11 pm UTC

Bigglesworth gains 5 points under section 5.258 subsection 83 of The rules to making rules about rules (written, edited, illustrated and published by Ford Prefect commonly known for his work on The Hitchhiker's Guide): For every foot above sea level that one spontaineously pops into they gain x/12((x+1/4x)/12) where x is the distance (in inches) above sea level.

I gain 42 points for a reference to a Douglas Adams novel, and then I score again for my use of 42, thats 126 points for me!
d33p wrote:xkcd: We keep people from jumping off of shit

mudge wrote:Taking cat-proximity laws out of lolcats is like taking friction out of sex.

User avatar
bigglesworth
I feel like Biggles should have a title
Posts: 7461
Joined: Sat Apr 07, 2007 9:29 pm UTC
Location: Airstrip One

Postby bigglesworth » Wed May 30, 2007 8:31 pm UTC

Excellent!

Having picked up the rulebook that you just put down, I decide that a simple uncatchable throw is in order.

I throw the ball, and following the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle, you know either where it is, or how fast it's going, but not both.

I score 10 points for a reference to particle physics, and so multiply that by 6.62606896 following the rules on quantum mechanics.

71.206896 points

User avatar
Rodan
Any title.
Posts: 1846
Joined: Thu May 17, 2007 11:52 pm UTC
Location: Eastern Standard Time

Postby Rodan » Wed May 30, 2007 8:41 pm UTC

it's going at a speed of 53 mph. If anything is going at a speed of 53 mph, UI am able to catch it. I catch the ball and give it to my megalemur for safe keeping.

User avatar
bigglesworth
I feel like Biggles should have a title
Posts: 7461
Joined: Sat Apr 07, 2007 9:29 pm UTC
Location: Airstrip One

Postby bigglesworth » Wed May 30, 2007 8:48 pm UTC

*puzzles at how you can catch something that you don't know where it is*

Oh, well. How do we take it from the megalemur? Anyone up for some tag teaming?

User avatar
Thunderbird4!
It's ketchup, I swear!
Posts: 307
Joined: Sun May 06, 2007 3:40 am UTC
Location: Out of my mind
Contact:

Postby Thunderbird4! » Wed May 30, 2007 8:58 pm UTC

I hop into my car (because as we all know megalemur's are terrible at physics), powered by imporbability drives, and activate the drive. As we all know if we did our improbability physics work I get 1 point for every point I touch after activating the drive.

I therefore score 42, now 84 points for my Douglas Adams references as established earlier.

Therefore my new score is 210+Image

As cited in town ordinace 9.6, section 3.1, subsection 8.2, paragraph 7, line 4 anyone who can describe in detail how to type the symbol for infinity on a keyboard gains points equal to the number of "e"s in this post raised to the power of the number of "a"s in this post.
d33p wrote:xkcd: We keep people from jumping off of shit

mudge wrote:Taking cat-proximity laws out of lolcats is like taking friction out of sex.

User avatar
Spaz Funbag
Posts: 256
Joined: Sun Apr 01, 2007 6:01 pm UTC
Location: Ja-Ma-Nee
Contact:

Postby Spaz Funbag » Wed May 30, 2007 9:12 pm UTC

Too bad Eddy decided he does not like you right now and the Infinite Improbability Drive fails you completely.

My chance.

I grab the ball.

And toss it onto the floor.

As the floor is acid Lava, it dissolves, and using the Vapors of the ball, I signal to an undiscovered Maya tribe sticking around that I need more candy. And a ball.

Upon reception of a new ball (and mentioned candy), I plung into the "Dance-along-Grid", and dance a horribly wonderful dance. That gives me ten points for dancing, multiplied by twelve because I am so cool, and another 45 points for the use of an oxymoron.

I toss the ball into the raptor arena, climb into my DeLorean, and while enjoying the Mayan candy, watch hte game from up high.


Go people!
The harder you try, the dumber you look

User avatar
Rodan
Any title.
Posts: 1846
Joined: Thu May 17, 2007 11:52 pm UTC
Location: Eastern Standard Time

Postby Rodan » Wed May 30, 2007 10:03 pm UTC

I ignore the ball (raptors are trouble!) and go to the mayan tribe. I exchange all my various points for normal points and some candy.
Score:
11413 points
a megalemur
a stealth suit
some candy

User avatar
bigglesworth
I feel like Biggles should have a title
Posts: 7461
Joined: Sat Apr 07, 2007 9:29 pm UTC
Location: Airstrip One

Postby bigglesworth » Wed May 30, 2007 10:13 pm UTC

I take out a loan for 20000 points from the Mayan tribe (5 turns no interest, 5% per month). I look around for up and coming players to invest in.

200071.206896 points.

User avatar
mindless_drivel
Posts: 28
Joined: Fri May 25, 2007 4:06 am UTC
Location: NJ

Postby mindless_drivel » Wed May 30, 2007 10:26 pm UTC

While stumbling around in the woods I find the Wand of Transmorgrification. I transform all points into rabid attack weasels and all raptors into snuggly bunny rabbits. I run into the former raptor arena and gain the ball.

Inventory:
Wand of Transmorgrification
Ball
The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

User avatar
Rodan
Any title.
Posts: 1846
Joined: Thu May 17, 2007 11:52 pm UTC
Location: Eastern Standard Time

Postby Rodan » Thu May 31, 2007 1:06 am UTC

I feed my candy to my MegaLemur, and since there aren't many mayan candies in the world, the Megalemur gains 50 levels!
Wait! The Megalemur is evolving!
The Megalemur is now an UltraLemur!
I gain 70 maxed-out evolution points.
score:
11413 points
70 maxed-out evolution points
an Ultralemur
a Stealth suit

User avatar
Maseiken
The Candylawyer
Posts: 2827
Joined: Sat May 19, 2007 11:13 am UTC

Postby Maseiken » Thu May 31, 2007 6:16 am UTC

I gain a Steven Spielberg token due to being the first player who referenced a movie.

I then use it to buy the Ring of animatronics, reverting all previous Dinosaurs to their natural state and under my control, the Raptors bring me the Raptor ball, and I gain 20 "Power ring" points in four flavours,
9 Human
7 Elves
3 Dwarves
and One Evil flavoured ring.

I use one of the rings to summon legolas, thus stealing Will Turner from Darth Eru and giving me command of the Flying Dutchman (Which he captains, remember)

Score/Inventory:
1 Ring of Animatronics
40 Raptors
9 Human Rings
6 Elf rings
3 Dwarf rings
1 Evil ring
Will Turner
The flying Dutchman
"GRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOWR!!!!"
(Translation: "Objection!")

Maseiken had the ball at the top of the key...


Return to “Forum Games”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 22 guests