Corrupt-a-wish

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Vohu Manah
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Vohu Manah » Tue Jul 21, 2009 12:52 am UTC

Granted. You will wear a bright pink and yellow jumpsuit , which also happens to have Christmas lights and a foghorn on it, which randomly turn on and off each day. You can't take your suit off, meaning that no one will ever want to date you or give you a job. Although you will save lives as a superhero, no one will pay you, and you'll become a hobo living on the street. As a bonus, your name is "Bestiality Boy".

I wish that I had a mac book pro, in working condition.
Isaac Hill wrote:If this tetonic plate's rockin' such that it registers no less than 6.1 on the Richter scale, don't come a knockin'.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby RedBandit » Tue Jul 21, 2009 12:58 am UTC

Granted. The computer materializes on your lap while sitting in a Starbucks. Simultaneously, all of your clothes, including your wallet, keys, and underwear, dissolve in a flash of light. Your car is gone. Your house or apartment was destroyed by a vicious five-alarm fire, with all of your worldly possessions inside. Your bank account is now empty. The only thing you own now is a Mac Book Pro, in working condition... Without a charger for the battery.

I wish I was no longer known as Bestiality Boy. Yeah. That's my only priority right now. The rest of that stuff sounds okay, as long as I'm a hero.
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Vohu Manah
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Vohu Manah » Tue Jul 21, 2009 1:23 am UTC

As you wish. Have a nice day, Petite Plunger
Isaac Hill wrote:If this tetonic plate's rockin' such that it registers no less than 6.1 on the Richter scale, don't come a knockin'.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby e^iπ+1=0 » Tue Jul 21, 2009 2:07 am UTC

I wish you had wished something so that I could have corrupted it.
poxic wrote:You, sir, have heroic hair.
poxic wrote:I note that the hair is not slowing down. It appears to have progressed from heroic to rocking.

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Vohu Manah
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Vohu Manah » Tue Jul 21, 2009 2:15 am UTC

Granted. I wish for you to forget that I forgot to post a wish.
Isaac Hill wrote:If this tetonic plate's rockin' such that it registers no less than 6.1 on the Richter scale, don't come a knockin'.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Kurushimi » Tue Jul 21, 2009 2:17 am UTC

Granted. Since he made a wish, you corrupted his wish and no longer made a wish for him to make a wish. Therefore, I never granted your wish, as you never made it. Since I never granted your wish, he must not have made a corruptible wish, and therefore, you did make that wish. And I will grant it...

I wish this wish was for something else.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Jedifreak » Tue Jul 21, 2009 2:44 am UTC

Granted, and their wish is uncorrupted.

I wish I could stop pacing during awkward scenes in movies.
http://www.improbableisland.com/home.php?r=Jedifreak
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby RedBandit » Tue Jul 21, 2009 3:39 am UTC

Granted. Instead you now fart uncontrollably. It's really loud, very smelly, and quite embarrassing.

I wish the RIAA would dissolve, and its members would all get caught in horrible accidents that resulted not in their deaths, but their incapacitation and inability to perform their job function, which primarily seems to consist of suing people. I do not advocate this tactic, I just wish for it. Damn. Someone did that already...

I wish Mayor Mike Bloomberg wasn't running for a third term.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Jedifreak » Tue Jul 21, 2009 3:43 am UTC

Granted, but you have to fight Snoopy in WW1. No, it's not relevant to the wish, I just found it funny.

I wish more webcomics appeared in newspapers.
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Josephine
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Josephine » Tue Jul 21, 2009 6:27 am UTC

Granted. A sellout a day.

I wish for my wish to be corrupted.
Belial wrote:Listen, what I'm saying is that he committed a felony with a zoo animal.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Fractal_Tangent » Tue Jul 21, 2009 12:00 pm UTC

I'm pretty sure I've said something along these lines.
Granted - the universe aslpodes =D

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Aquilai » Tue Jul 21, 2009 12:49 pm UTC

Granted. Unfortunately that doesn't stop shops from selling that size and everyone not related to the fashion industry to agree with you. Nothing changes.

I wish for a replacement for sarcasm that does not exist yet.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby e^iπ+1=0 » Tue Jul 21, 2009 7:01 pm UTC

Granted, but no one understands it so they think you're talking like an idiot.

I wish for nothing.
poxic wrote:You, sir, have heroic hair.
poxic wrote:I note that the hair is not slowing down. It appears to have progressed from heroic to rocking.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Josephine » Tue Jul 21, 2009 11:29 pm UTC

Here's one ton of gold.

I wish I had another meta-wish at the ready.
Belial wrote:Listen, what I'm saying is that he committed a felony with a zoo animal.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby RedBandit » Wed Jul 22, 2009 12:13 am UTC

Granted. With a flash of bright white light and a small puff of blue smoke, all of your clothes, including your underwear, disappear. When you get back home, instead of your apartment or house, there is a hole in the ground. Your car is completely gone. Your computer is missing. Even your pet has disappeared. Asking random strangers in appropriate places reveals your friends never existed. Your family is gone, and your bank account is empty. Your secret stash of cash is empty. You are not in a parallel universe, and you should now have plenty to wish for.

I wish for the power to compel others to serve my every will and whim.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Aquilai » Wed Jul 22, 2009 2:06 am UTC

Granted but you can only compel someone to do what you want if you can convey it to them in a way they can understand. You are driving down the road to work but someone is driving slowly in front of you so after being granted this wish you open your car window to yell at the old granny in her yellow three wheeler. She doesn't get it and slows down even more thinking you are a cop. In your frustration you try to overtake as soon as possible but you don't see the oncoming brakes-damaged-HGV charging down the other way. The resulting collision paralyses you from the head down. Your throat and mouth are completely crushed and your eyes are uncontrollably twitchy.

I wish for a multicore 1ExHz quantum processor, 5 SLI top of the range graphics card, 20Tb RAM, 1Petabyte solid state harddrive and a HHD (high high depth) holographic screen laptop that weighs virtually nothing, can be powered indefinitely, never breaks, never stolen, never fails, and I can use without any negativity or problems of any kind (in particular compatibility with any of today's technology).
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Jedifreak » Wed Jul 22, 2009 2:14 am UTC

Granted, but it can only run Notepad.

I wish people would stop using the word "like" approximately 200 times a sentence.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby e^iπ+1=0 » Wed Jul 22, 2009 2:23 am UTC

Granted, they use it approximately 300 times a sentence.

I wish for multiversal peace.
poxic wrote:You, sir, have heroic hair.
poxic wrote:I note that the hair is not slowing down. It appears to have progressed from heroic to rocking.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Vohu Manah » Wed Jul 22, 2009 2:23 am UTC

Granted. Since no one has to worry about the military, defense, or any other conflicts, people get bored. Since they have too much time on their hands, people start lengthening sentences by replacing the word "like" with the word "Glockenspiel". It's trivial, but it gets annoying when people talk like this:

I glockenspiel, really glockenspiel, wish glockenspiel that I had, glockenspiel, um...glockenspiel a 2009 Maybach 67s, in glockenspiel working condition, with a chauffeur that I could afford to pay, and also glockenspiel I could pay for gas for it.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Aquilai » Wed Jul 22, 2009 2:39 am UTC

Granted. The word like has now be completely banned. English (and Lit) students must now use "as" or metaphors instead. For example:

Code: Select all

William Blake's "The Tyger" is like a string of words that make people like get how the world isn't simple like God making a tiger and that being like just that. It's like when you see a tiger right? It's more to it like the toy inside a cereal box.

Becomes....

William Blake's "The Tyger" is a beautiful example of the still untame world we live in compared to how we would with logic and rationality picture the simplicity of cause and effect absent of the unexplained or mystical.


Hold it I almost forgot to corrupt it. Actually it might not be a bad thing.

I wish to not put in a wish like "as" I just did and for someone else to randomly jump in with something.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby eaglef2 » Wed Jul 22, 2009 7:45 am UTC

granted, but it will cost you. You may never make a grammatically correct statement again--which has less that 4 grammar errors--meaning that no one will be understand you entirely and grammar nazis like me will hound you for life. (Sorry I just started reading Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles, and the witch of dimensions is cool)

I wish for mangas to be scanlated faster.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Aquilai » Wed Jul 22, 2009 12:54 pm UTC

Here here. Of course that would help but unfortunately you get slapped across the head by a steel swan that was attached to a lightning rod and although you survive you lose your brain's language centres thus making you unable to read the few words on the picture books and having to guess what happens. Also you can't correct my grammar anymore either.

I wish for mint choc chip ice-cream now!
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Jedifreak » Wed Jul 22, 2009 1:12 pm UTC

Granted, but it melts.

I wish the shower was fixed.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Aquilai » Wed Jul 22, 2009 1:16 pm UTC

Just like votes. You don't like it when things are fixed. There's a camera attached to the shower head which when broadcast overlaps the Rugby Championships.

I wish to be allowed to fly a concorde (one that has been brought back).
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Josephine » Wed Jul 22, 2009 9:11 pm UTC

Aquilai wrote:Just like votes. You don't like it when things are fixed. There's a camera attached to the shower head which when broadcast overlaps the Rugby Championships.

I wish to be allowed to fly a concorde (one that has been brought back).


I share that wish. I can't bring myself to corrupt it. Granted.

I wish for a gram of antimatter.
Belial wrote:Listen, what I'm saying is that he committed a felony with a zoo animal.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Jedifreak » Wed Jul 22, 2009 10:18 pm UTC

Granted, but it's located in your brain.

I wish we had more time to finish the robot.
http://www.improbableisland.com/home.php?r=Jedifreak
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Vohu Manah » Wed Jul 22, 2009 10:33 pm UTC

Granted. You get an extra second.

I wish for Google Street View to photograph my street.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby TheOtherDOOMGuy » Wed Jul 22, 2009 11:24 pm UTC

Granted, it captures you while locked out of your house naked, and sunburned.

I wish that I could master nunchaku, I keep hitting myself
Catapultam habeo. Nisi pecuniam omnem mihi dabris, ad caput tuum saxum immane mittam.

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Sic hoc adfixum in obice legere potes, et liberaliter educatus et nimis propinquus ades

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby eaglef2 » Thu Jul 23, 2009 12:38 am UTC

granted, but you lose your nunchuk the instant you master and are never able to find another one to use ever again.

I wish for the giant cow (see some of my previous wishes) to have the urge to conquer large parts of Europe
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Josephine » Thu Jul 23, 2009 3:13 am UTC

*ahem*...
Belial wrote:Listen, what I'm saying is that he committed a felony with a zoo animal.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby RedBandit » Thu Jul 23, 2009 3:41 am UTC

The Giant Cow has more than the urge to conquer Europe. It does. Successfully. Echoing history successfully, America comes to save the day. With the help of the Japanese, a giant robot is built and equipped with a giant sledgehammer. It's not much of a battle. Afterwords, the meat is cured and shipped to the hungry all over the world. The food is preserved, and last years. Congratulations! You just solved world hunger for a couple of years. Unfortunately, you die of starvation.

I wish to become the Supreme Leader of the Internet, with all of her websites, networks, BBSs, newsgroups, FTP sites, IRC servers, IM servers, dumb clients, bot nets, DNS servers, proxies, and firewalls mine to command and direct as I see fit.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby aurumelectrum13 » Thu Jul 23, 2009 3:50 am UTC

Granted, but all of her websites, networks, BBSs, newsgroups, FTP sites, IRC servers, IM servers, dumb clients, bot nets, DNS servers, proxies, and firewalls soon revolt and establish a Republic of the Internet. A Repub-net. :D

I wish that Pluto was still a planet.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Josephine » Thu Jul 23, 2009 4:18 am UTC

Granted. Dwarf planet.

I wish people would stop complaining about Pluto.
Belial wrote:Listen, what I'm saying is that he committed a felony with a zoo animal.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby RedBandit » Thu Jul 23, 2009 4:19 am UTC

Granted! Suddenly, with no known physical or chemical explanation, Pluto quintuples in size! Pluto's orbit is now unstable, and the planet begins slowly spiraling into the sun. Within 3 years, Pluto collides with Neptune causing a chunk of the planet to snap off and rocket further into the solar system. This gigantic (even in stellar terms) asteroid streaks through the solar system, gets caught by the sun's gravitational pull, and finds a stable orbit around the sun. Within 2 years, it smashes into Uranus with enough force to send the planet spiraling inwards towards the sun. Within 7 years, Uranus' new equilibrium orbital path lines up and is timed correctly to send it on a collision course with Saturn. The planets smash together with sufficient force to send the rocks that compose Saturn's rings flying every direction, but the vast majority end up in the asteroid belt. Titan, one of Saturn's moons, is not so fortunate. Titan finally achieves escape velocity and within 7 years smashes into Mars with sufficient force to split the red planet in two. Half of Mars achieves escape velocity and hurtles out into deep space. The other half lands in the Pacific Ocean and Asia. This knocks the Earth out of orbit, and instantly kills hundreds of millions of people in massive tidal waves that are only halted when the temperature on Earth rises hundreds of degrees within minutes and the oceans are boiled. All life on Earth dies within minutes as the climate changes dramatically in response to the new orbit. Congratulations! You killed us all in a most spectacular fashion!!!!
(and no one will complain about Pluto ever again) Damn ninja'd

I wish none of that ever happened, including aurumelectrum13's wish.
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Josephine
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Josephine » Thu Jul 23, 2009 4:20 am UTC

ninja'd.

*paints a forumite on the side of my computer*
Belial wrote:Listen, what I'm saying is that he committed a felony with a zoo animal.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby RedBandit » Thu Jul 23, 2009 4:22 am UTC

My response still stands. No one will complain about Pluto again, that's for sure.
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aurumelectrum13
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby aurumelectrum13 » Thu Jul 23, 2009 4:23 am UTC

Granted! Except that now, interstellar travelers, upon discovering unknown fuel deposits on Pluto, legally plunder the planet as it is not officially a part of the solar system!

I wish that the entire universe (and everything in it) doubled in size instantaneously!

I would think two gas planets collideing would have a net effect of...nothing?

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Josephine
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Josephine » Thu Jul 23, 2009 4:24 am UTC

Whoa. 4.5 planets were just obliterated.
Belial wrote:Listen, what I'm saying is that he committed a felony with a zoo animal.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Aquilai » Thu Jul 23, 2009 3:37 pm UTC

I wish to be the one to discover The Theory of Everything.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby eaglef2 » Thu Jul 23, 2009 7:07 pm UTC

granted, but since you discovered and didn't actually make it, you get none of the credit

I wish for the universe to be entirely unrandom, but unpredictable at the same time
"I am a four hundred-foot tall purple Platypus Bear with pink horns and silver wings."
-Azula, Avatar: The Last Airbender.


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