Corrupt-a-wish

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King of Frogs
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby King of Frogs » Tue Sep 08, 2009 2:23 pm UTC

Granted, but it turns out to be all bad things, from the point of view of Hitler. I hope you're happy.

I wish I had slept better last night.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby e^iπ+1=0 » Tue Sep 08, 2009 2:34 pm UTC

I would grant it, but Hitler just killed me because I'm Jewish.

I wish Hitler hadn't killed me.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby King of Frogs » Tue Sep 08, 2009 2:34 pm UTC

Granted, he killed everyone you love instead.

I wish I didn't feel guilty for saying that.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Labot2001 » Tue Sep 08, 2009 4:07 pm UTC

Granted, now you feel shame.

I wish someone would write my program for me.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby King of Frogs » Tue Sep 08, 2009 4:21 pm UTC

Granted, but that someone is John Knox, the 17th century Scottish theologian. He wasn't very good at programming.

I wish I better at motivating myself.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Bartimaeus » Tue Sep 08, 2009 5:29 pm UTC

Granted, you motivate yourself to make motivation photos, you can't do much else though

I wish I didn't forget to eat

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Max2009 » Tue Sep 08, 2009 5:34 pm UTC

Granted. You never again forget to eat. Your entire schedule revolves around when, where and what you will it. It becomes the focus of your life. Lunch breaks start getting longer, and starting earlier. Coffee breaks miraculously stretch for an hour. Snacks come frequently and dinner is an entire production that takes getting ready for. Eventually you end up unemployed, broke and obese.

I wish I were telepathic.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Bartimaeus » Tue Sep 08, 2009 6:11 pm UTC

Granted, what you learn drives you insane

I wish I could comprehend the other dimensions
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Max2009 » Tue Sep 08, 2009 7:44 pm UTC

Granted. You discover one with a spell checker and cure your dementia.

I wish that Bart's wish got corrupted. That's just good stuff for him.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Bartimaeus » Tue Sep 08, 2009 10:20 pm UTC

Not granted

I wish for dinner

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby SummerGlauFan » Tue Sep 08, 2009 11:10 pm UTC

Granted, but you're for dinner.

I wish the telephone interview I have coming up will go well.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby RedBandit » Wed Sep 09, 2009 12:39 am UTC

Granted! Unfortunately, it was your roommate that picked up the phone.

I wish for the world to end.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Bartimaeus » Wed Sep 09, 2009 12:48 am UTC

Granted, you continue to suffer in hell

I wish for a billion bucks

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby RedBandit » Wed Sep 09, 2009 12:54 am UTC

Granted! They all appear in your living room. The first thing you notice when you get home is the smell of a billion bucks with indigestion pooping all over your floor... You did mean deer, right?

I wish for something more entertaining than HD television or the Internet to be invented and commercially available tommorrow.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Max2009 » Wed Sep 09, 2009 5:26 am UTC

Granted. Starting tomorrow you like listening to the Jonas Brothers. You are very much entertained, especially by all the people who are now trying to kill you.

I wish I had some thin, solid-core wire.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby mieulium » Wed Sep 09, 2009 7:32 am UTC

Granted. I give you one that has been ditched by a strangler and you get a visit from the police.

I wish I had bought something to drink just now.
Hi. This is Martha. She likes dull objects. She likes you too! Oh wait... I guess you'd better get some brain training on then.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Balesk Baj, Timeburner » Wed Sep 09, 2009 10:34 am UTC

Granted, you brought a large container full of gravy.

I wish that I could ride a dragon and will not be harmed.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby King of Frogs » Wed Sep 09, 2009 1:34 pm UTC

Granted, unfortunately you accidentally superglue yourself to it, thus making your life extremely difficult.

I wish I could get over myself and do the right thing.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby QwertyKey » Wed Sep 09, 2009 3:15 pm UTC

Unfortunately the 'right thing' causes you to lose your "King" title, and you die of depression.

I wish life was good.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby kromagnon » Wed Sep 09, 2009 7:51 pm UTC

Granted, life is good for everyone but you.

I wish I was obscenely wealthy.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Bartimaeus » Wed Sep 09, 2009 9:03 pm UTC

Granted, you forgot to hire a bodyguard and the mob takes all your money

I wish my life was perfect, no matter what it does to the rest of the humanity

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Roĝer » Wed Sep 09, 2009 9:55 pm UTC

Granted, but with your perfect life, there are never any problems nor challenges, and you become extremely bored.

I wish the mile will be redefined as 1.5 km. And that the definition of the km does not change.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Jedifreak » Wed Sep 09, 2009 10:25 pm UTC

Granted, but a liter is now a few drops. Petrol stations keep the price at a few Pounds per liter of Petrol.

I wish the Laundromat wasn't so far away.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby RedBandit » Thu Sep 10, 2009 3:10 am UTC

Granted with extreme prejudice! Your bedroom is now a Laundromat. Exceptions are made to numerous local laws to place the following restrictions on customers. None of them will be attractive to you. None of them will be friendly to you, and in fact, most of them will outright hate you. The Laundromat opens exactly 7 minutes before you wake up, and closes 6 minutes after you fall asleep. You must sleep inside the dryer and live in perpetual fear of someone drying you along with their clothes. The reason anyone uses the machines in your room is they are free. You must pay all electric bills and other expenses. Attempts to move result in the Laundromat opening again, still inside your bedroom, 4 minutes earlier and closing 8 minutes later. Trying to live on the streets will result in you inheriting a worse apartment with the same conditions, except you will be chained to the dryer. After 5 years, you develop a severe allergy to fabric softener, and will have a perpetual runny nose and red face. 10 years later, you will die inside a dryer stuffed with soaking wet clothes spinning at a temperature of ~90 degrees Fahrenheit (32.2222222 Celsius). The heat and spinning will not be the cause of death. Someone else's soaking wet, still slightly smelly and dirty sock will get stuck in your throat. I hope you enjoy laundry.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby mieulium » Thu Sep 10, 2009 5:02 am UTC

Granted. You banish yourself first.

I wish had more vegetables in my fridge
Hi. This is Martha. She likes dull objects. She likes you too! Oh wait... I guess you'd better get some brain training on then.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Max2009 » Thu Sep 10, 2009 5:28 am UTC

Granted. But they're all kinda old and mangy looking. The lettuce is particularly very soggy. Some of them even have furry stuff growing on them.

I wish the nectarine I just ate was riper.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby sylphi » Thu Sep 10, 2009 6:38 am UTC

Granted. Instead of being unripened, it's so ripe that it's rotten.

I wish that I had a REALLY NICE teddy bear.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Roĝer » Thu Sep 10, 2009 7:10 am UTC

Granted, you get a really nice, full-grown, grizzly bear named Teddy. And he wants to hug you!

I wish for an eye scream.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby King of Frogs » Thu Sep 10, 2009 9:59 am UTC

Granted, your eyes start screaming and never ever stop.

I wish I had enough money to buy shaver heads, my face is getting very itchy...
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Max2009 » Thu Sep 10, 2009 10:06 am UTC

Granted. But you blow it on this guy on the street. He told you that it was "easy money" and "just point at the queen". You were doing well so you bet it all and lost it in 7 seconds.

I wish the Chu Moy mini-amp I built works.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby King of Frogs » Thu Sep 10, 2009 10:24 am UTC

Granted, but only for five minutes, until it explodes.

I wish I had access to all standards of comparison.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby RedBandit » Fri Sep 11, 2009 4:38 am UTC

Granted! There is a clap of monstrous thunder above you, and the skies turn ashen and grey. The clouds swirl in a ripple of rage and part dramatically above your head. People nearby scream in terror and begin to run. No one is prepared for what happens next. A five hundred thousand page document falls out of the sky and lands directly on your head. The document contains means of comparing any thing to any other thing (finally a conversion metric for Libraries of Congress!), but you'll never read it. By my rough calculations, this might weigh about 80,000 ounces (5000 lbs) (2268 kg).

I wish to be able to calculate the force of impact of any object after falling any distance given the required gravitational constant.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby SummerGlauFan » Fri Sep 11, 2009 6:27 am UTC

Granted, but your first test involves a six-mile-across asteroid. You don't survive the attempt and civilization ends.

I wish for more memory sticks for my computer!
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Max2009 » Fri Sep 11, 2009 6:34 am UTC

Granted. You get 3 new 64 MB memory sticks.

I wish for an omelet.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Psycho Goose » Fri Sep 11, 2009 7:28 am UTC

Granted, but you are some eggs.

I wish I could have a bird in the hand and two in the bush.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby King of Frogs » Fri Sep 11, 2009 9:45 am UTC

Granted, but I think we all know which meaning of the word "bush" I'll be using here. ;)

I wish I felt like eating breakfast as it is good for me.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Balesk Baj, Timeburner » Fri Sep 11, 2009 11:59 am UTC

granted, but you can only eat during breakfast

I wish that Cory Doctorow has a bottle of oxytocin
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby mieulium » Fri Sep 11, 2009 2:12 pm UTC

not granted you sick sick bastard. What you get instead is a sledgehammer thrown at your direction.

I wish for shit
Hi. This is Martha. She likes dull objects. She likes you too! Oh wait... I guess you'd better get some brain training on then.

"OBJECTION!"

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Charlielechat » Fri Sep 11, 2009 9:54 pm UTC

Granted! You get a PC.

I wish for the resulting angry PC-loving mob heading towards my house to go away.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Bartimaeus » Sat Sep 12, 2009 12:48 am UTC

Granted, I hate PC's so I won't even corrupt that

I wish my computer wasn't out of date every couple months


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