Corrupt-a-wish

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EduardoLeon
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby EduardoLeon » Thu Nov 12, 2009 11:38 pm UTC

Granted. You now have some hot shit-flavored cocoa.

I wish I were the most intelligent human on earth.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby RedBandit » Fri Nov 13, 2009 1:00 am UTC

Granted! Immediately after demonstrating your new found powers of deduction, you are placed on the FBI (or equivalent) watchlist. Within 28 hours, men in black suits arrive and drag you away from your school/office/wherever else you are, throw you into the back of a black van, and place a hood over your head. They do not remove the hood during your journey, but you do hear a helicopter, and feel quite cold for at least some portion of your trip until you pass out. You wake up inside an all-white room in a boring gray building. The government demands you figure out a method of constructing an ultimate weapon and will not let you leave until you complete your task. Of course, you are perfectly capable of building one, but you are smart enough to realize if you build it, it will be used and result in the extinction of the human race. So, you will never leave.

I wish to become a tremendously powerful wizard.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby EduardoLeon » Fri Nov 13, 2009 1:54 am UTC

RedBandit wrote:Granted! Immediately after demonstrating your new found powers of deduction, you are placed on the FBI (or equivalent) watchlist. Within 28 hours, men in black suits arrive and drag you away from your school/office/wherever else you are, throw you into the back of a black van, and place a hood over your head. They do not remove the hood during your journey, but you do hear a helicopter, and feel quite cold for at least some portion of your trip until you pass out. You wake up inside an all-white room in a boring gray building. The government demands you figure out a method of constructing an ultimate weapon and will not let you leave until you complete your task. Of course, you are perfectly capable of building one, but you are smart enough to realize if you build it, it will be used and result in the extinction of the human race. So, you will never leave.

I would rather build the weapon. If I won't have a life, why should I let others have lives?

Back to your wish... Granted! But your have a curse upon you: for each time you use your powers, you will die a little. The greater the magic you use, the more you die.

I wish what RedBandit said actually happened. I would love to be able to kill (or making something able to kill) human race, and I would do it for the sake of proving it.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby RedBandit » Fri Nov 13, 2009 4:24 am UTC

Granted! However, I assume you are human, and like everyone else, you are now dead. The reason you want to build the weapon now is you aren't the most intelligent human on earth.

I wish I had every super power from every super powered fictional character ever described.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Vohu Manah » Fri Nov 13, 2009 4:56 am UTC

Granted, but the words 'by Vohu Manah' are tacked on before your wish is sent to the granting-fairies. And right now, the only superheroes I can think of are Penmanship Man and Platitude Woman.

I wish that everyone who said 'that's what she said' or 'your mom' is sent to a small colony in the Arctic.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby King of Frogs » Fri Nov 13, 2009 11:53 am UTC

Granted, but since you said those phrases in your wish, this deportation also applies to you.

I wish for a temporal paradox.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Random832 » Fri Nov 13, 2009 1:40 pm UTC

Granted, but it's kind of boring since nothing bad happens.

I wish for a wish.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby EduardoLeon » Fri Nov 13, 2009 3:04 pm UTC

Granted. You now can wish something that makes you worse off in any way, and it will be granted.

I wish I couldn't feel.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby King of Frogs » Fri Nov 13, 2009 3:14 pm UTC

Granted, you now can not feel the axe protruding from your skull.

I wish for a mandolin.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby EduardoLeon » Fri Nov 13, 2009 3:31 pm UTC

Granted. But the mandolin won't be yours. It will be leased to you on really harsh terms. You will have to play mandolin versions of Dream Theater songs and dance the belly dance simultaneously every Thursday at noon for the leaser. (He thinks Dream Theater is erotic music.) If you arrive late to his house, you will be whipped a hundred and forty four times. For every mistake you make while playing or dancing, you will be whipped twelve times. (He has an obsession with the number twelve.) If you ever had any wife, kids or any other relatives, you will have to sacrifice them in the name of the Lord of the Mandolin as well.

All of that just for a single mandolin.

I wish I were funny.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby RedBandit » Fri Nov 13, 2009 4:24 pm UTC

Granted! But, looks aren't everything, ya know?

I wish commercials were more entertaining.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby EduardoLeon » Fri Nov 13, 2009 4:48 pm UTC

RedBandit wrote:Granted! But, looks aren't everything, ya know?

I meant funny as in "able to tell jokes."

Back to your wish... Granted! Now commercials will be specifically made for you, so you will be sucked into watching them and won't return to your normal life.

I wish people got rid of artificial notions such as "morality" and started thinking in terms of their survival and well-being instead.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby RedBandit » Fri Nov 13, 2009 5:15 pm UTC

Granted! The first time you have something someone else wants, they kill you for it.

I wish for some delicious strawberries.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby asiekierka » Fri Nov 13, 2009 5:49 pm UTC

Granted, but as it's Friday the 13th they are poisoned.

I wish...
...yeah, I think you know what i want.
FAIRY GOD PARENTS! :shock:
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby EduardoLeon » Fri Nov 13, 2009 6:31 pm UTC

Granted. But your fairy godparents will be afraid of you because of your obsession with them. They will avoid you as much as they can and, since they are the ones who possess magic and you don't, that means that they can avoid you forever and you are effectively alone again.

I wish I were the most powerful man on earth.

I wish I were the first post-human, the next evolutionary step in intelligence. And I also wish the concept of human rights were extended to human-and-post-human rights, before you say humans would be legally able to kill me because technically I wouldn't be one.
Gott weiß ich will kein Engel sein!

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby asiekierka » Fri Nov 13, 2009 7:00 pm UTC

Granted, you become a fairy and you can't be seen by 99.999999% of humanity. That's the next step of evolution.

Oh, and your corruption sucks because I possess magic as well. *takes out the USB wand-looking pendrive with a deadly PC virus on it* I can magically destroy computers! :D
Also, fairygodparents CANNOT leave their fairy godchild alone, they always have to be near him, that's their job and they probably get paid for it!

I wish that I could suicide and hang myself without anyone noticing.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Random832 » Fri Nov 13, 2009 7:19 pm UTC

Not granted - rope is difficult for a dead person to work with even without the 'without anyone noticing' bit.

I wish for this wish to be corrupted.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby asiekierka » Sat Nov 14, 2009 7:33 am UTC

Granted for everyone else BUT you. Haha.

I wish that I wasn't such a jerk.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby mieulium » Sat Nov 14, 2009 12:54 pm UTC

Granted. You become a goodie two shoes who lands in jail because of betrayal, and gets @$$ raped. NICE.

I wish I had more apple strudel.
Hi. This is Martha. She likes dull objects. She likes you too! Oh wait... I guess you'd better get some brain training on then.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby EduardoLeon » Sat Nov 14, 2009 2:02 pm UTC

Granted, but it tastes like shit.

I wish I were good at finding and formulating case studies.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Random832 » Sat Nov 14, 2009 8:02 pm UTC

Granted, but they're all on really boring topics.

I wish mieulium wouldn't make rape jokes.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby EduardoLeon » Sat Nov 14, 2009 8:55 pm UTC

Granted, but I will make them instead.

I wish people didn't wish stupid wishes.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Jedifreak » Sat Nov 14, 2009 9:02 pm UTC

Granted. All of your wishes disappear. Since all of your wishes disappear, all of your dreams are gone. Since all of your dreams are gone, you have no hope. You are now completely unmotivated, and suffocate because you see no reason to breathe.

I wish whenever I did something awesome, the yell from "Won't Get Fooled Again" by The Who would be heard.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby EduardoLeon » Sat Nov 14, 2009 9:19 pm UTC

Granted. That yell will be heard only by dogs, though. What will be heard by us humans will be The Dance of Eternity, by Dream Theater, speeded 4x. If you don't listen to each note, the lulz turtle will come and bang your head with a hammer.

I wish I could unwish upon a star Weinstein that I had a girlfriend.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby RedBandit » Sun Nov 15, 2009 12:23 am UTC

Denied! Instead, you must now wish upon a Weinstein every night for a girlfriend because you now have a boyfriend named Bubba. He's pretty well-endowed, as your bottom, tongue, teeth, and the roof of your mouth have come to learn. Your wish will never come true until you meet the real Meg, which seems unlikely because she is an animated character.

I wish Charlie Brown was real.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby EduardoLeon » Sun Nov 15, 2009 3:32 am UTC

RedBandit wrote:Denied! Instead, you must now wish upon a Weinstein every night for a girlfriend because you now have a boyfriend named Bubba. He's pretty well-endowed, as your bottom, tongue, teeth, and the roof of your mouth have come to learn. Your wish will never come true until you meet the real Meg, which seems unlikely because she is an animated character.

Wow, that's too gay, even for me.

Granted. Now that Charlie Brown comes to life, he will stop being that ridiculous boy and reveal his true identity as a sadomasochist and cannibal (think of Arwin Meiwes). And you will be his bottom... and his prey (think of that poor Berlinese engineer).

I wish my simulated universes (yes, I write computer programs that simulate of universes) were real.
Gott weiß ich will kein Engel sein!

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby asiekierka » Sun Nov 15, 2009 7:15 am UTC

Granted, but you find a bug causing all existing universes to disappear. You now don't exist, nor do I.
(On another note, could I see the programs?)

I wish all the wishes would have to rhyme to be granted and/or corrupted.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby RedBandit » Sun Nov 15, 2009 8:59 am UTC

Denied! However, you must now post your wishes in haiku form, regardless of whether they are corrupted or granted. Your wish must be granted if your haiku rhymes, although it may be corrupted anyway. Lines ending with the letter "e" result in your wish being granted, but always end with your death.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Roĝer » Sun Nov 15, 2009 9:12 pm UTC

Granted, the world is proud of you for commiting suicide. Oh sorry, did I mention that I had to make you commit suicide to grant the wish?

I wish a computer program that automatically graphs real-life events like this.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby just_me » Sun Nov 15, 2009 11:04 pm UTC

granted, but sadly the program works only on vista and also only if you have less then 256mb RAM.

I wish for a cosy warm bed.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Xelol » Sun Nov 15, 2009 11:21 pm UTC

Granted, it's on fire.

I wish for the ability to teleport anywhere.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby mieulium » Mon Nov 16, 2009 1:02 am UTC

Granted. You teleport into a vortex hole that is closing in a second. Unfortunately you are too slow and it cuts your body in half. Good luck finding the other side.

I wish you were yourself.
Hi. This is Martha. She likes dull objects. She likes you too! Oh wait... I guess you'd better get some brain training on then.

"OBJECTION!"

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby EduardoLeon » Mon Nov 16, 2009 2:08 am UTC

Granted. And that in itself will be everyone's damnation.

I wish I switch between being myself (one of those who can do math, write computer programs, be a jerk and nothing else) and a playah (one of those that have good luck with girls) whenever I wanted.
Gott weiß ich will kein Engel sein!

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Vohu Manah » Mon Nov 16, 2009 5:39 am UTC

Granted, but I'm going to assume that a playah is an obscure Swedish animal.

I wish to have a pet playah.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby asiekierka » Mon Nov 16, 2009 6:59 am UTC

A pet player? Granted, you now have a tamagotchi which you have to take care of or you DIE. And it wants food every 42 seconds.

I wish that
I did not have to wish
in a Haiku!

(dunno if it's 5-7-5, don't care)
If you think I deserve it, donate to 1MwkV2P8Vui21mBtMmzEyhWah5eQuXJnWD (bitcoin).

GENERATION 23: The first time you see this, do this:
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If odd, multiply it by 3 and add 1.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby EduardoLeon » Mon Nov 16, 2009 7:40 am UTC

Granted. From now on,
your normal conversations
are haikus, instead.

I wish I were less cold.
Gott weiß ich will kein Engel sein!

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Roĝer » Mon Nov 16, 2009 9:09 pm UTC

Granted, you're on fire.

I wish Bush Jr. had never been elected president.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby just_me » Mon Nov 16, 2009 9:59 pm UTC

Granted. He was made president anyways. oh wait.. that did actually happen..

I wish i was on a sailing boat enjoying my summerholidays in Greece.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Roĝer » Mon Nov 16, 2009 10:07 pm UTC

Granted, but the boat is actually 100 km away from any coast in the hills of northern Greece. You'll enjoy your holiday until the owner of the property tells you to remove the boat, leading to a lot of trouble and huge costs.

I wish that my pack of cookies would automatically refill itself with the same brand and type of cookies, but fresh out of the factory.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby just_me » Mon Nov 16, 2009 10:22 pm UTC

Granted. you eat cookie all day, get fat and ugly and die an early death.

I wish I had the Heart of Gold and could navigate it.


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