Corrupt-a-wish

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xX17GHDUDE17Xx
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby xX17GHDUDE17Xx » Wed Aug 10, 2011 2:16 am UTC

Not Granted. Such a wish could only be beneficial for mankind, and that is the opposite of what we're trying to do here.

I wish for a wall-sized television.

(USoUD = Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny. It's a juvenile song featuring numerous characters from pop culture, and I had incorrectly assumed that everybody knew of it.)
"An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind" -Ghandi

Wrong. All that does is eliminate humanity's depth perception.

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maxmillean
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby maxmillean » Wed Aug 10, 2011 3:06 am UTC

Granted but it falls on top of you.

I wish for winter.


xX17GHDUDE17Xx wrote:Not Granted. Such a wish could only be beneficial for mankind, and that is the opposite of what we're trying to do here.

(USoUD = Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny. It's a juvenile song featuring numerous characters from pop culture, and I had incorrectly assumed that everybody knew of it.)

I think more people would have gotten the reference if you hadn't shortened down...
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Sean Quixote
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Sean Quixote » Wed Aug 10, 2011 3:18 am UTC

xX17GHDUDE17Xx wrote:I wish for a wall-sized television.


Sup dawg? I herd you like meta, so we gave you a big-assed, wall-sized, so-large-it-required-well-over-a-hundred-hypens--yeah-that's-right-I-gave-up-on-counting-them-and-then-added-an-even-bunch-more,-four-teen-commas,-eight-of-which-appearing-in-instances-of-one-VERY-probable-grammatical-error,-involving-mixing-commas-with-an-easily-arguably-over-extended-hypenation,-not-to-mention-the-overly-garrulous-language-fueling-this-joke-that's-taken-me-at-least-half-an-hour-so-far-to-write-so-far,-four-and-three-fifths-of-a-word-italicized,-(at-least)-one-(subjective)-counting-error,-two-instances-of-"air-quotations"-(one-of-which-being-nested-in-self-reference)-and-three-parentheticals-(two-of-which-being-nested-in-self-reference,-and-one-of-those-nesting-the-nesting-of-self-reference-into-a-nest-like-structure-of-nested-self-reference,-thus-nesting-the-self-reference-of-the-nested-self-reference-OF-the-self-reference-that-linked-two-separate-references-of-the-self)-just-to-describe-it, meta-phorical fourth wall (you know, the TV, being the dominant modern incarnation of what is known colloquially as the "fourth wall") as the literal fourth wall of your house. But you can only watch reality television programs on it.

I wish this wish wasn't so meta... :(

Edit: Sorry, I tried way to hard on this to give up just because somebody else posted. :mrgreen: SO, uhh... you get winter, by the Earth getting tipped over, up-side down. ;)

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xX17GHDUDE17Xx
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby xX17GHDUDE17Xx » Wed Aug 10, 2011 3:25 am UTC

Granted. As we all know, something's "meta-ness" stems from how hot it is. Because I simultaneously grant max's wish for winter, all meta-ness is lost. Unfortunately for both of you, all the reserves for winter are now depleted and can never be re-attained, and now that sean's comment is meta-less, it is quite frankly boring.

I wish for a little more cowbell!
"An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind" -Ghandi

Wrong. All that does is eliminate humanity's depth perception.

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Sean Quixote
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Sean Quixote » Wed Aug 10, 2011 7:17 am UTC

Okay, but you also get a hamburger-- WHETHER YOU WANT IT OR NOT!!

I wish blademan and his probes would join The Truly Free.

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SmoothBlade
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby SmoothBlade » Thu Aug 11, 2011 2:58 pm UTC

Granted, he will..... eventually, after you lose interest and begin hating him


I wish for Lorenz to bring me out of cryogenic hibernation. (obviously)
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby CorruptUser » Fri Aug 12, 2011 3:29 am UTC

Granted, but now scientists won't leave you alone, being the first human to survive cryogenics and all.

I wish Blademan had his own set of probes (inferior to my own) so he doesn't have to bring Us with him everyone time there is a wish involving Us.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby xX17GHDUDE17Xx » Sat Aug 13, 2011 8:42 am UTC

Granted. Blademan's probes, though weaker, are far greater in number than your probes, and easily crush yours in combat.

I wish for Lunesta
"An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind" -Ghandi

Wrong. All that does is eliminate humanity's depth perception.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby jendral_hxr » Mon Aug 15, 2011 8:24 am UTC

Granted, Sleeping Beauty

I wish for road bicycles
I wish I weren't so stupid

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CorruptUser
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby CorruptUser » Tue Aug 16, 2011 3:39 am UTC

Granted, but the cars have a tendency to hit them.

I wish for the ability to mind-control cats.

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a-wan
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby a-wan » Tue Aug 16, 2011 8:45 pm UTC

Granted. You now have the ability to control the minds of software functions that concatenate strings.

I wish my body only needed 1 hour of sleep every day.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby SummerGlauFan » Wed Aug 17, 2011 6:51 am UTC

Granted. You first enjoy all the extra time, but it gradually begins to wear at you. You find yourself bored almost every day as other people have to sleep. You can't live with other people because they find your sleeplessness tiring. Instead of filling your time with awesome stuff you instead take on an extra job just to have something to do.

I wish I could find a better job.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Randomizer » Wed Aug 17, 2011 7:01 am UTC

Granted. Your body only needs one hour of sleep per day, however instead you now must absorb the dreams of unborn babies. You do everything you can to surround yourself with pregnant women, your eyes pleading and pitiful as you look at they who are your only means of fighting off the overwhelming exhaustion that you would otherwise be subject to.

Then as soon as one births a child you abandon her as useless to you. A child whom you've drained of their precious dreams. A child for whom the night will never be normal, but a replay of... forces... taking what is meant to be sleep from them, leaving them to wake and remember the night exactly as it was - still and long. Instead of dreams the child is left with hours of the plain fact that they are simply lying alone in their bed - yet they are asleep.

And yet knowing how you have become a curse, you still seek to feed this unnatural need you have taken on, and become a midwife's assistant. You will see women filled with the unborn every day, and better yet no longer be subject to the social obligation of continuing an acquaintanceship after the period of usefulness has ended. You can no longer afford to alienate those who might one day again carry something useful inside them. There have already been those who've rejected your renewed interest due to you social failings. But this new job shall prevent all that. If they become pregnant again they will come back.

"Only one hour of sleep a day," you think, "I only need one hour of sleep a day."

I wish for someone to tell me a story.
Belial wrote:I'm all outraged out. Call me when the violent rebellion starts.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Randomizer » Wed Aug 17, 2011 7:07 am UTC

Agh! Ninja'd!

Granted. You find a better job, much better than the one you have now. It's the kind of thing you'd do for free if you had the money, but it's very well paying to boot!

Unfortunately, while you found the better job, someone else gets the better job. Better luck next time.

(I'm still using my wish from my previous post.)
Belial wrote:I'm all outraged out. Call me when the violent rebellion starts.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Evengeduld » Wed Aug 17, 2011 7:15 am UTC

Randomizer wrote:I wish for someone to tell me a story.



Once upon a time they lived happily ever after...


I wish for not having to work when the weather finaly starts to get nice...
~If one dream should fall and break into a thousand pieces, never be afraid to pick one of those pieces up and begin again.~

cjmcjmcjmcjm wrote:Why study physical chemistry when you can study ethanol metabolism through practical methods?

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SmoothBlade
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby SmoothBlade » Wed Aug 17, 2011 5:34 pm UTC

Granted, you are unemployed from a horrible car accident which blinded you and cut both you hands and feet off, damaged your sense of smell. You also have developed terrets from the crash
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby CorruptUser » Thu Aug 18, 2011 3:49 am UTC

Granted, your wish has been wasted.

I wish that I never need to poop.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby jendral_hxr » Thu Aug 18, 2011 4:28 am UTC

Granted, your digestive system is fission nuclear generator. Good luck dealing with radioactive waste.

I wish for peace, and more road bicycles.
I wish I weren't so stupid

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SmoothBlade
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby SmoothBlade » Thu Aug 18, 2011 6:34 pm UTC

Granted, peace has been restored to the planet Alpha Velorum IIa, and they have begun manufacturing road bicycles to celebrate the peace. Here on Sol III (or Earth) we are still at war and road bicycles have been banned
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby a-wan » Fri Aug 19, 2011 8:58 pm UTC

Granted. You are now nothing.

I wish someone would give me a new car that is better than my current car.

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SmoothBlade
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby SmoothBlade » Sat Aug 20, 2011 12:52 am UTC

Granted, a wrecking ball hits your current car. Then someone steals your car... somehow, and leaves behind a car identical to your old one before the "accident", but full of fire ants



I wish for my previous two wishes to become invisible, and for their responses to be changed as to suggest that there never was a wish
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cjquines
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby cjquines » Sat Aug 20, 2011 1:29 am UTC

I'm so sorry, I could not comprehend that.

I wish this wish can't get corrupted.

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CorruptUser
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby CorruptUser » Sat Aug 20, 2011 4:31 am UTC

Granted, it's as if you never made a wish in the first place.

I wish that my nuclear fission reactor stomach be replaced with a cold fusion one with radiation control, without crippling/killing me.

And what the hell, a rail gun to go with it!

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SmoothBlade
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby SmoothBlade » Sat Aug 20, 2011 6:51 am UTC

Wish not granted, only I get to have a rail gun. Ill grant the first part, all your loved ones die in the process but you are unharmed
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xX17GHDUDE17Xx
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby xX17GHDUDE17Xx » Sat Aug 20, 2011 6:49 pm UTC

Wish granted. It's now as if you never existed.

I wish for a sink in my room.
"An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind" -Ghandi

Wrong. All that does is eliminate humanity's depth perception.

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SmoothBlade
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby SmoothBlade » Sat Aug 20, 2011 6:55 pm UTC

Granted, your floor caves in.


I wish for my last wish to come true but become invisible
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Randomizer » Sun Aug 21, 2011 12:32 am UTC

Granted. Your previous post has been deleted by a moderator, and the wish that was deleted comes true. Pervert.

I wish I could forget SmoothBlade's deleted post as if I had never seen it in the first place.
Belial wrote:I'm all outraged out. Call me when the violent rebellion starts.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby CorruptUser » Sun Aug 21, 2011 2:06 am UTC

Granted, you now have a few bottles of liquor, or as I call it, "mind bleach". If that doesn't work, "actual bleach".

I wish for SmoothBlade's rail-gun.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby jendral_hxr » Sun Aug 21, 2011 3:20 am UTC

Granted, but it needs 5 MW to operate.

I wish for cheaper and environment-friendly electricity, and roadbicycles.
I wish I weren't so stupid

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farnsworth
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby farnsworth » Sun Aug 21, 2011 3:23 am UTC

Granted, you have no electricity. Also, the roadbikes are hard to pedal.

I wish I could see Amanda again.

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CorruptUser
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby CorruptUser » Sun Aug 21, 2011 3:43 am UTC

Granted, it's called a photo album.

I wish to have a "get out of jail free" card that actually works in real life.

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SmoothBlade
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby SmoothBlade » Sun Aug 21, 2011 4:24 am UTC

Granted, unfortunately it turns out you allready have it: The rail gun. Did i forget to mention that my railgun was wired into my bionic skeleton and that im powered by nuclear fusion fuel cells? oh well, it could have cut you right out of jail if you had the power. It is loaded though..


I wish for my rail gun back so i can fight Lorenz in the guess the next poster thread
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thorgold
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby thorgold » Mon Aug 22, 2011 1:57 am UTC

Granted. Unfortunately, using your rail gun against Lorenz also causes massive collateral damage, resulting in the forum crashing. He had last post before the fora wet down for three months.

I wish one of the businesses I've applied to would hire me.
You can refuse to think, but you can't refuse the consequences of not thinking.

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SmoothBlade
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby SmoothBlade » Mon Aug 22, 2011 3:02 am UTC

Granted, You have 5 hours to deliver 15 porcelain glocks to the Fuego Grande gang in Juarez. There is a surgeon and 3 men who can help you smuggle these glocks into Mexico. If the gang does not ultimately arrive in Dublin by 10 AM on Monday or if they do not kill the leader of the IRA by 10 AM Wednesday, your family and their families will die. You don't remember applying to work for me? That's strange, you were begging me for a job a couple days ago....


I wish for a good surgeon capable of hiding 5 glock 7s in the body that can be retrieved without killing the host, and do this 3 times in a row, as well as a mexican surgeon who can retrieve said glocks without killing the host.
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Evengeduld
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Evengeduld » Mon Aug 22, 2011 6:45 am UTC

Granted but one off them is bound to make a mistake...

I wish I wasn't a member of the IRA...
~If one dream should fall and break into a thousand pieces, never be afraid to pick one of those pieces up and begin again.~

cjmcjmcjmcjm wrote:Why study physical chemistry when you can study ethanol metabolism through practical methods?

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby jendral_hxr » Mon Aug 22, 2011 9:12 am UTC

Granted, you belong to some otaku group instead.

I wish for more electrically efficient household appliances.
I wish I weren't so stupid

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SmoothBlade
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby SmoothBlade » Mon Aug 22, 2011 2:36 pm UTC

Granted, all of your household appliances now operate at half power. You eventually kill yourself from frustration.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby ostrichguy » Mon Aug 22, 2011 6:32 pm UTC

I wish SmoothBlade had made a wish.

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Lorenz
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Lorenz » Mon Aug 22, 2011 6:56 pm UTC

Granted (The wish he did make, will be displayed once the forums update, and will come back to bite you hard)

I wish Smoothblade's previous wish is granted.

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Evengeduld
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Evengeduld » Tue Aug 23, 2011 7:03 am UTC

granted but you end up on the surgeons table.

I wish I could fly
~If one dream should fall and break into a thousand pieces, never be afraid to pick one of those pieces up and begin again.~

cjmcjmcjmcjm wrote:Why study physical chemistry when you can study ethanol metabolism through practical methods?


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