Corrupt-a-wish

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madjo
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby madjo » Mon Dec 19, 2011 10:24 am UTC

Granted, but you need to assemble it yourself.

I wish for a fish.
:)

You are carrying:
- a slightly paranoid Android
- two left feet (not my own)
- a still unfed and very hungry hippo
- broadsword of +5 ridiculousness stained with the blood of the undead souls
- a stetson Resistol, cuz stetson Resistols are cool.

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xkcd follower
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby xkcd follower » Mon Dec 19, 2011 4:12 pm UTC

Granted. Your fish was released into the ocean just as you were about to get it.

I wish for picture instructions to make my clothespin.
"Religion is the Opiate of the Masses"- Karl Marx

That means we need a cure... Or go Cold Turkey.

someguy12345
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby someguy12345 » Mon Dec 19, 2011 8:56 pm UTC

xkcd follower wrote:Granted. Your fish was released into the ocean just as you were about to get it.

I wish for picture instructions to make my clothespin.

Granted. They are drawn in crayon by a two-year-old who later sneezed into them, and it is impossible to make out what is shown..

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alexriehl
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby alexriehl » Tue Dec 20, 2011 3:49 am UTC

Granted. Unfortunately, the pictures are poorly-done, inaccurate line drawings, helpfully labeled in Korean.

I wish for a shiny metal object.

ETA: Ninja'd, but previous poster didn't make a wish.
AMA about suitcases
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someguy12345
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby someguy12345 » Tue Dec 20, 2011 9:22 pm UTC

alexriehl wrote:Granted. Unfortunately, the pictures are poorly-done, inaccurate line drawings, helpfully labeled in Korean.

I wish for a shiny metal object.

ETA: Ninja'd, but previous poster didn't make a wish.

Damn it, why did I forget?
Anyway...

Your wish is granted. You are impaled by a giant, shiny, metal spear. The blood makes it shinier.

I wish I had no capability to feel infatuation.

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RollingHead
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby RollingHead » Tue Dec 20, 2011 9:25 pm UTC

You get a nice shiny pin stuck in your finger.

I wish for a glass of something 40% ethanol. (please)

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CorruptUser
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby CorruptUser » Tue Dec 20, 2011 10:52 pm UTC

Granted, but the other 60% is battery acid.

I wish for longer toes.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Randomizer » Tue Dec 20, 2011 10:56 pm UTC

Granted. The other 60% is methanol. Bon appétit!

I wish for two decent-sized, lightweight, sturdy, waterproof, bullet/knife/bear-proof pop-up tents in stylish colors.

Edit: Argh, ninja'd!

Granted. Your feet no longer fit inside shoes anymore, not even clown shoes.
Belial wrote:I'm all outraged out. Call me when the violent rebellion starts.

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Huojin
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Huojin » Tue Dec 20, 2011 10:58 pm UTC

Corrupting both! CorruptUser, your toes are now each 1 foot long, without the ability to bend. Enjoy walking weirdly forever :3

Randomizer, your tents arrive, but you've been grossly overcharged and refused a refund D:


I wish I didn't hate Christmas songs, so I could go through the "festive period" without feeling like I need to do a Van Gogh to my ears...

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CorruptUser
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby CorruptUser » Tue Dec 20, 2011 11:04 pm UTC

Granted, you like Christmas songs, but the sight of bearded fat people in red and white suits causes you to uncontrollably vomit as you writhe in agony.

I wish all fat people had to shave their beards.

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alexriehl
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby alexriehl » Wed Dec 21, 2011 2:50 am UTC

CorruptUser wrote:Granted, you like Christmas songs, but the sight of bearded fat people in red and white suits causes you to uncontrollably vomit as you writhe in agony.

I wish all fat people had to shave their beards.

Granted, but only partially. All fat people now have Fu Manchu type moustache/beard things.

I wish that the circuit I'm working on would function somewhat better.
AMA about suitcases
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jendral_hxr
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby jendral_hxr » Wed Dec 21, 2011 1:07 pm UTC

Granted, someone else does (in monolithic IC).

I wish for safety
I wish I weren't so stupid

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madjo
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby madjo » Wed Dec 21, 2011 2:17 pm UTC

Granted, you are safely inside the belly of a raptor.

I wish I could hide from raptors.
:)

You are carrying:
- a slightly paranoid Android
- two left feet (not my own)
- a still unfed and very hungry hippo
- broadsword of +5 ridiculousness stained with the blood of the undead souls
- a stetson Resistol, cuz stetson Resistols are cool.

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xkcd follower
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby xkcd follower » Wed Dec 21, 2011 5:25 pm UTC

Granted. You hide from them inside my nuclear waste factory spewing plenty of radioactive piles.

I wish for my factory to not be nuclear anymore so I can hide there.
"Religion is the Opiate of the Masses"- Karl Marx

That means we need a cure... Or go Cold Turkey.

someguy12345
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby someguy12345 » Wed Dec 21, 2011 9:20 pm UTC

xkcd follower wrote:Granted. You hide from them inside my nuclear waste factory spewing plenty of radioactive piles.

I wish for my factory to not be nuclear anymore so I can hide there.

Granted. Your factory now manufactures extremely volatile explosives, and most of the workers are being replaced with extremely poorly-trained interns.

I wish I could have a less boring life that does not involve being chased by anything or running for my life in any fashion.

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Bartimaeus
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Bartimaeus » Thu Dec 22, 2011 3:17 am UTC

someguy12345 wrote:Granted. Your factory now manufactures extremely volatile explosives, and most of the workers are being replaced with extremely poorly-trained interns.

I wish I could have a less boring life that does not involve being chased by anything or running for my life in any fashion.


You get to watch your family being murdered.

I wish for free sandwiches.

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farnsworth
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby farnsworth » Thu Dec 22, 2011 3:33 am UTC

Granted; they're poisoned.

I want a hippopotamus for Christmas. No crocodiles or rhinoceroses...

someguy12345
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby someguy12345 » Thu Dec 22, 2011 4:29 am UTC

farnsworth wrote:Granted; they're poisoned.

I want a hippopotamus for Christmas. No crocodiles or rhinoceroses...

Granted. Hippopotamuses are actually more dangerous than rhinoceroses and crocodiles. The hippopotamus quickly tears you to pieces, but does not feast upon them, because it is an herbivore.

I wish I was the best programmer in the world, and did not lose any of my other skills.

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CorruptUser
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby CorruptUser » Thu Dec 22, 2011 7:48 am UTC

Granted, but computers have been replaced with appliances.

I wish for a weapon that interferes with brain-function. Aka, a "dumb-ray". And not used on me

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jendral_hxr
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby jendral_hxr » Thu Dec 22, 2011 9:35 am UTC

Granted: the weapon makes people smarter, hence it's used on me.
I wish I weren't so stupid

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Bartimaeus
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Bartimaeus » Fri Dec 23, 2011 12:51 am UTC

Granted, you're now smart enough to deduce that you are about to die.

I wish that I had bubble tea that isn't poisoned.

someguy12345
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby someguy12345 » Fri Dec 23, 2011 3:49 am UTC

Bartimaeus wrote:Granted, you're now smart enough to deduce that you are about to die.

I wish that I had bubble tea that isn't poisoned.

Granted, the bubble tea is full of cockroaches.

Since it was never granted, here I go again: I wish I was asexual.

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bug sniper
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby bug sniper » Fri Dec 23, 2011 4:41 am UTC

Granted, but there is a zombie apocalypse. Survivors ask "Who's more attractive?" to differentiate themselves from the zombies. Being unable to answer the question correctly, you are not invited into the shelter, and are killed by the zombies at night.

I wish I was a world-famous computer programmer, forever. I don't care if computers get replaced by appliances.
Carry the black torch! Rouse the idle dead!
-Dungeon Crawl.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby xkcd follower » Fri Dec 23, 2011 5:14 am UTC

Granted. Go to 4chan and make yourself famous as "That Guy". We all know him so we all accept him as the troll of our life. You are famous forever.

I wish I knew which is better: Safari, Google Chrome, or Firefox.

Spoiler:
Seriously, someone can help me here and give me a little advice besides "Chrome is faster". Which is better overall?
"Religion is the Opiate of the Masses"- Karl Marx

That means we need a cure... Or go Cold Turkey.

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Bartimaeus
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Bartimaeus » Fri Dec 23, 2011 6:46 am UTC

Granted, it's Firefox, but your computer breaks and your new one is only able to use Netscape so it doesn't matter.

My personal favorite is Firefox, but I usually have both Firefox and Chrome open at all times. Chrome doesn't seem to be noticeable faster, and Firefox has a lot more customization available. Chrome is slightly lower profile, though.


I wish that I was born in the year 1111 but still able to be posting this.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Plasma Man » Fri Dec 23, 2011 10:57 am UTC

Granted, but a) you can't remember anything about the distant past and b) you're in excruciating pain from all the ailments that you've acquired over the years.

I wish you a merry Christmas.
Please note that despite the lovely avatar Sungura gave me, I am not a medical doctor.

Possibly my proudest moment on the fora.

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madjo
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby madjo » Fri Dec 23, 2011 12:56 pm UTC

Granted, but there are no presents for you under the tree.

I wish my work didn't suck so much.
:)

You are carrying:
- a slightly paranoid Android
- two left feet (not my own)
- a still unfed and very hungry hippo
- broadsword of +5 ridiculousness stained with the blood of the undead souls
- a stetson Resistol, cuz stetson Resistols are cool.

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farnsworth
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby farnsworth » Fri Dec 23, 2011 4:42 pm UTC

Granted. Now it blows.

I wish my room was clean.

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Bartimaeus
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Bartimaeus » Sat Dec 24, 2011 2:25 am UTC

Granted, but it is so clean that you no longer recognize it, go into denial, and eventually end yourself.

I wish I was unknown.

someguy12345
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby someguy12345 » Sat Dec 24, 2011 3:08 am UTC

Bartimaeus wrote:Granted, but it is so clean that you no longer recognize it, go into denial, and eventually end yourself.

I wish I was unknown.

Granted. You are legally declared dead, and as a result, you can't get any food or other essentials. You then starve to death and are eaten by vultures.

EDIT: The next time I forget to post a wish here, I swear to God, I am eating a bowl of nails.
Last edited by someguy12345 on Sat Dec 24, 2011 7:55 pm UTC, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby xkcd follower » Sat Dec 24, 2011 4:24 am UTC

Granted. The wish above mine is absolutely approved with no dire consequences, problems, or any strings attached. In fact, it is granted to every detail Someguy12345 wants.

I wish for plasma man to get gifts after wishing everyone Happy Christmas, and let them not be mine.
"Religion is the Opiate of the Masses"- Karl Marx

That means we need a cure... Or go Cold Turkey.

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Bartimaeus
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Bartimaeus » Sun Dec 25, 2011 3:40 am UTC

Granted, but you have to pay for them, and the gifts are so expensive that you are bankrupted entirely.

I wish you a merry christmas

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby xkcd follower » Sun Dec 25, 2011 1:03 pm UTC

Granted, but you are jewish and celebrate Hanukkah. We do not wish you a Happy Hanukkah!

I wish everyong a happy new year.
"Religion is the Opiate of the Masses"- Karl Marx

That means we need a cure... Or go Cold Turkey.

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Bartimaeus
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Bartimaeus » Sun Dec 25, 2011 11:28 pm UTC

Granted, but the "ong"s hate pleasantries and kill you.

I wish for world war.

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bug sniper
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby bug sniper » Mon Dec 26, 2011 12:51 am UTC

Granted, but you get drafted into the army as a human shield.

I wish for a catdog.
Carry the black torch! Rouse the idle dead!
-Dungeon Crawl.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby xkcd follower » Mon Dec 26, 2011 3:39 am UTC

Granted. Your hotdog is replaced with the new "catdog" made by the government as a test. The coincidence of your missing cat has not been addressed by your parents either.

I wish for a book on how to read books.
"Religion is the Opiate of the Masses"- Karl Marx

That means we need a cure... Or go Cold Turkey.

Randomizer
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Randomizer » Mon Dec 26, 2011 4:00 am UTC

Granted. However, after purchasing and receiving it you take a second look at the title, and feel too insulted by it to actually read the thing.

I wish for 20/10 (or better) visual acuity.
Belial wrote:I'm all outraged out. Call me when the violent rebellion starts.

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jendral_hxr
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby jendral_hxr » Mon Dec 26, 2011 12:19 pm UTC

Granted, eyeglasses for you.

I wish I had cuter roadbike.
I wish I weren't so stupid

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby xkcd follower » Mon Dec 26, 2011 6:57 pm UTC

Granted. Now you look badass going down the highway in a Hello kitty bike with the cops following you.

I wish for a happy new year.
"Religion is the Opiate of the Masses"- Karl Marx

That means we need a cure... Or go Cold Turkey.

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madjo
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby madjo » Tue Dec 27, 2011 2:43 pm UTC

Granted, but since you're in bizarro world, happy isn't as fun as you think it to be.

I wish for a new cellphone with a decent battery life, that comes with a charger, and unlimited internet connectivity.
:)

You are carrying:
- a slightly paranoid Android
- two left feet (not my own)
- a still unfed and very hungry hippo
- broadsword of +5 ridiculousness stained with the blood of the undead souls
- a stetson Resistol, cuz stetson Resistols are cool.


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