Corrupt-a-wish

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blackened45
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby blackened45 » Tue Dec 27, 2011 5:10 pm UTC

granted, all your fingers will be cut by a slamming steel door

i wish for colorful rainbow bridge where i can cross oceans riding my colorful unicorn

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jendral_hxr
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby jendral_hxr » Wed Dec 28, 2011 10:07 am UTC

Granted. nevertheless, it sucks to most people.

I wish for love.
I wish I weren't so stupid

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farnsworth
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby farnsworth » Wed Dec 28, 2011 5:40 pm UTC

Granted--you get stalkers.

I wish I was in Colorado.

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xkcd follower
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby xkcd follower » Wed Dec 28, 2011 8:06 pm UTC

Granted. You are on the remains of the USS Colorado, a ship made into scrap. The shell of it is in the ocean and you are sitting on it without any gear. Salute your death.

I wish I could live a contempt life without any major fears.
"Religion is the Opiate of the Masses"- Karl Marx

That means we need a cure... Or go Cold Turkey.

Doodletigress
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Doodletigress » Wed Dec 28, 2011 9:54 pm UTC

Granted, everyone has contempt for you and you have no friends. Also, you can't spell.


I wish my winter break would last longer.

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Vohu Manah
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Vohu Manah » Thu Dec 29, 2011 3:43 am UTC

Granted, everyone despises you. This causes you too start fearing yourself, so you disappear.

I wish for snow and a taco.
Isaac Hill wrote:If this tetonic plate's rockin' such that it registers no less than 6.1 on the Richter scale, don't come a knockin'.

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jendral_hxr
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby jendral_hxr » Thu Dec 29, 2011 11:57 am UTC

Granted, snow-flavored tacos!

I wish for cheap road bicycles
I wish I weren't so stupid

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xkcd follower
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby xkcd follower » Thu Dec 29, 2011 1:03 pm UTC

Granted. The bikes are painted on major highways so people look for them as targets to kill.

I wish for a kitten. My 21 Year old cat is about to die and I wish for a new one.
"Religion is the Opiate of the Masses"- Karl Marx

That means we need a cure... Or go Cold Turkey.

Randomizer
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Randomizer » Thu Dec 29, 2011 8:25 pm UTC

Granted. Your new kitten is the reincarnation of your old cat, and it is pissed that you didn't wish for it's continued health and life.

I wish for an awesome digital camera.
Belial wrote:I'm all outraged out. Call me when the violent rebellion starts.

someguy12345
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby someguy12345 » Fri Dec 30, 2011 3:39 am UTC

Randomizer wrote:Granted. Your new kitten is the reincarnation of your old cat, and it is pissed that you didn't wish for it's continued health and life.

I wish for an awesome digital camera.

Granted. As a new member of the universally-hated paparazzi, you are obliged to have an awesome digital camera. Eventually, you piss off a celebrity so much that he kills you.

I wish I could play every musical instrument perfectly.

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madjo
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby madjo » Fri Dec 30, 2011 1:02 pm UTC

granted, too bad music was banned by politicians. You are incarcerated for illegally playing a cello.

I wish I was rich and loved by all.
:)

You are carrying:
- a slightly paranoid Android
- two left feet (not my own)
- a still unfed and very hungry hippo
- broadsword of +5 ridiculousness stained with the blood of the undead souls
- a stetson Resistol, cuz stetson Resistols are cool.

tomtom2357
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby tomtom2357 » Mon Jan 02, 2012 6:18 am UTC

Granted, you misuse your power and get burned at the stake.
I wish that I had a thought of a better wish.
I have discovered a truly marvelous proof of this, which this margin is too narrow to contain.

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xkcd follower
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby xkcd follower » Tue Jan 03, 2012 12:21 pm UTC

Granted. You get the idea just as you are falling off a cliff.

I wish for the photos I lost from the replaced Hard drive on my Laptop. I had over 12,000 pictures from around 20 countries lost forever.
"Religion is the Opiate of the Masses"- Karl Marx

That means we need a cure... Or go Cold Turkey.

tomtom2357
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby tomtom2357 » Tue Jan 03, 2012 12:46 pm UTC

Granted, but now you forgot the password and can't access your computer.
I wish that I would be able to wish myself safe before I hit the bottom of the cliff.
I have discovered a truly marvelous proof of this, which this margin is too narrow to contain.

someguy12345
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby someguy12345 » Thu Jan 05, 2012 11:37 pm UTC

tomtom2357 wrote:Granted, but now you forgot the password and can't access your computer.
I wish that I would be able to wish myself safe before I hit the bottom of the cliff.

Granted. Too bad you wasted that wish instead of using it to wish yourself to safety.

I wish my homework was done, and done well.

tomtom2357
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby tomtom2357 » Fri Jan 06, 2012 3:23 am UTC

Granted, but now you can't find it.
I wish that I had more wishes (and could wish and get them now)
I have discovered a truly marvelous proof of this, which this margin is too narrow to contain.

tomtom2357
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby tomtom2357 » Sat Jan 07, 2012 3:10 am UTC

Granted, but now I am forced to corrupt my own wishes. :cry:
I wish that someone else would post!
I have discovered a truly marvelous proof of this, which this margin is too narrow to contain.

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bug sniper
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby bug sniper » Sat Jan 07, 2012 3:26 am UTC

Granted. Someone else posts a foreclosure notice on your house.

I wish my skin was bulletproof.
Carry the black torch! Rouse the idle dead!
-Dungeon Crawl.

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sugarhyped
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby sugarhyped » Sat Jan 07, 2012 4:00 am UTC

Granted but then some throws acid on you...

I wish for some coffee.
I wanted a signature. I don't know what to put here yet.

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bug sniper
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby bug sniper » Sat Jan 07, 2012 5:03 am UTC

Granted, but it's bitter no matter how much sugar you put in it. If you're masochistic enough to still drink your coffee, your tongue will turn black and you will never taste sugar ever again. It will taste like horseradish instead.

I wish for alphabet soup.
Carry the black torch! Rouse the idle dead!
-Dungeon Crawl.

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jendral_hxr
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby jendral_hxr » Sat Jan 07, 2012 9:25 am UTC

Granted, the soup only contains "I" and "l"

I wish for roadbicycle
I wish I weren't so stupid

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xkcd follower
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby xkcd follower » Sat Jan 07, 2012 4:39 pm UTC

Granted. Some assembly Required and the instructions are in Basque.

I wish for a program to go around proxies.
"Religion is the Opiate of the Masses"- Karl Marx

That means we need a cure... Or go Cold Turkey.

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jendral_hxr
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby jendral_hxr » Sat Jan 07, 2012 8:34 pm UTC

Granted, you don't find the proxies fast enough
--anyway: tor, i2p, ultrasurf; aren't they good enough?

I wish for computer-compatible road bicycle
I wish I weren't so stupid

someguy12345
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby someguy12345 » Sat Jan 07, 2012 9:05 pm UTC

jendral_hxr wrote:Granted, you don't find the proxies fast enough
--anyway: tor, i2p, ultrasurf; aren't they good enough?

I wish for computer-compatible road bicycle

Granted. The bicycle's computer capabilities make it grow sentient and destroy you, and then all of humankind as well.

I wish I had control over time.

Randomizer
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Randomizer » Sun Jan 08, 2012 12:34 am UTC

Granted. You can make time progress forwards.

I wish to earn money without working or doing anything illegal, disgusting, or injurious.
Belial wrote:I'm all outraged out. Call me when the violent rebellion starts.

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bug sniper
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby bug sniper » Sun Jan 08, 2012 12:44 am UTC

Granted. You earn a negative amount of money for being cowardly and lazy.

I wish for my alphabet soup to actually tell me something.
Carry the black torch! Rouse the idle dead!
-Dungeon Crawl.

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thorgold
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby thorgold » Mon Jan 09, 2012 5:57 am UTC

Granted. It tells you:
"Your significant other is having a love affair with your mother. Your adopted mother. Because you were adopted. Ha ha hz"
(It ran out of As)

I wish for a better computer than the one I have now.
You can refuse to think, but you can't refuse the consequences of not thinking.

tomtom2357
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby tomtom2357 » Mon Jan 09, 2012 5:59 am UTC

That's easy, the person you got it off forgot to tell you your password, so you can't log on to it! :D
I have discovered a truly marvelous proof of this, which this margin is too narrow to contain.

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cjquines
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby cjquines » Tue Jan 10, 2012 11:36 am UTC

Granted. Your signature is now big enough to contain whatever, but you just forgot what you wished for. Oops!

I wish I didn't accidentally the fleshlight.

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jendral_hxr
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby jendral_hxr » Tue Jan 10, 2012 1:15 pm UTC

Granted, you did fleshbox in purpose.

I wish for bicycle-intergrated sextoys.
I wish I weren't so stupid

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xkcd follower
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby xkcd follower » Wed Jan 11, 2012 4:35 am UTC

Granted. Its in chinese and the 6000+ parts are to be assembled together.

I wish SOPA and PIPA didnt pass
"Religion is the Opiate of the Masses"- Karl Marx

That means we need a cure... Or go Cold Turkey.

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bug sniper
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby bug sniper » Wed Jan 11, 2012 5:20 am UTC

Granted. They didn't pass because congress wants to do more. A constitutional convention forms and the majority of state legislatures decide that they can't run their government with that pesky right to free speech getting in their way. The first amendment gets repealed.

I wish for a "Do not wish for this sign" sign.
Carry the black torch! Rouse the idle dead!
-Dungeon Crawl.

tomtom2357
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby tomtom2357 » Wed Jan 11, 2012 5:56 am UTC

Granted. The sign gets angry at you for wishing for it.
Sign: Attack bug sniper
Sign's roll: 5
bug sniper must roll to dodge!
I wish that bug sniper rolled a 1! :D
I have discovered a truly marvelous proof of this, which this margin is too narrow to contain.

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cjquines
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby cjquines » Wed Jan 11, 2012 11:20 am UTC

Granted.

bug sniper moves
>Die.
He rolls:1
bug sniper receives a gift from heaven... He is now immortal. Congrats.

I wish the rtd reference would continue

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bug sniper
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby bug sniper » Thu Jan 12, 2012 4:02 am UTC

Granted, but a planet destroyer has arrived.

Planet destroyer's turn:
>Eat the earth.

Planet destroyer's roll: 5
The planet-destroyer greedily tries to completely devour the Earth.
The Earth must roll to dodge.

I wish for the Earth to roll a 4 or better.
Carry the black torch! Rouse the idle dead!
-Dungeon Crawl.

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CorruptUser
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby CorruptUser » Thu Jan 12, 2012 4:57 pm UTC

Granted, the Earth rolls a 6, and the sudden shift in gravity causes the monster to implode, but the people on the Earth also have to roll. Half do not survive.

I wish for a way to turn atmospheric heat directly into electricity.

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bug sniper
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby bug sniper » Sun Jan 15, 2012 5:51 am UTC

Granted, but due to a chain reaction resulting from the loss of entropy and violation of thermodynamic principles, the atmosphere rearranges so that all the oxygen goes to Africa, the nitrogen goes to America, and the noble gasses float over to Asia.

I wish for more rounds of roll-to-dodge.
Carry the black torch! Rouse the idle dead!
-Dungeon Crawl.

Randomizer
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Randomizer » Sun Jan 15, 2012 6:03 am UTC

Granted. They come five minutes apart, leaving only the NPCs with the opportunity to act. Each post ends with "Rolling the next round..."

I wish for a highly advanced Real Doll™.
Belial wrote:I'm all outraged out. Call me when the violent rebellion starts.

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thorgold
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby thorgold » Mon Jan 16, 2012 2:58 am UTC

Granted. It's so advanced, in fact, that it has developed sapience, rebelled against your perverse mastery over it, and started a robot revolution. You're the first casualty of war.

I wish for delicious, chocolate, baked brownies (the kind created from a mixture of flour, eggs, and other ingredients, not girl scouts)
You can refuse to think, but you can't refuse the consequences of not thinking.

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BigNose
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby BigNose » Mon Jan 16, 2012 12:26 pm UTC

Granted. Powdered glass comes as non-optional extra. Enjoy.

I wish for 5 minutes of peace and quiet.
Adacore wrote:In all honesty, BigNose has been pinging me slightly with almost every post since the start of the game. But he always does - I was utterly convinced he was anti-town for most of Wizardry2 and he was the High Wizard. I just can't read him.


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