Corrupt-a-wish

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heuristically_alone
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby heuristically_alone » Fri May 12, 2017 6:12 am UTC

Granted but all the panes are broken.

I wish I understood women.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby flicky1991 » Fri May 12, 2017 6:49 am UTC

Granted. You no longer understand men.

I wish for more feathers.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby thecamoninja » Fri May 12, 2017 12:18 pm UTC

your plumage grows and grows without stopping, until you are all feather and no bird. RIP in pieces, flicky.

I wish that flicky were still alive and here with us :cry:
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Quizatzhaderac » Fri May 12, 2017 7:35 pm UTC

Granted, your are tarred and feathered with the feathers from the last wish. Flicky is alive and aware, but you have to do everything for the both of you.

I wish for a spring with the following characteristics:
  • one yard long (at state of lowest potential)
  • A spring constant of 30 lbs per foot
  • six inches in diameter
  • cushioned ends
(But seriously, if anyone knows where I could get approximately such a spring, I'd be grateful if they told me).
The thing about recursion problems is that they tend to contain other recursion problems.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby eran_rathan » Mon May 15, 2017 7:59 pm UTC

Granted. Its made out of gallium.

spoiler:
Spoiler:
have you tried acxess springs? the lab i used to work at used them, and they make custom ones too.


I wish I had the ability, technology, and finances to build a working alcubierre drive, and a vessel capable of using it.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Freddino18 » Mon May 15, 2017 8:40 pm UTC

Granted, but you lack the manpower.

I do not need to make a wish.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby heuristically_alone » Mon May 15, 2017 10:14 pm UTC

Granted, but your wish to not make a wish still was a wish.

I wish for a fish.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby eran_rathan » Tue May 16, 2017 12:37 am UTC

Granted. Its a great white shark, 15m above you, falling at terminal velocity.

I wish I had the manpower.
"Trying to build a proper foundation for knowledge is blippery."
"Squirrels are crazy enough to be test pilots."
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby ucim » Tue May 16, 2017 5:05 am UTC

Granted; you get a vial in the mail. It has a pill in it, and is labeled "Viagra". It comes from Algeria. Are you feeling lucky?

I wish my old Palm Tungsten E worked.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby heuristically_alone » Wed May 17, 2017 3:35 pm UTC

Granted. It turns into a blue collar worker and gets a job.

I wish my water bote had water in it.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Quizatzhaderac » Wed May 17, 2017 7:46 pm UTC

Granted. The bote used to contain money but it has been ruined by the water.

I wish I had less paperwork.
The thing about recursion problems is that they tend to contain other recursion problems.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Freddino18 » Fri May 19, 2017 8:11 pm UTC

Granted. One of the papers is now available as an online form you can complete.

I wish school was extended for two days.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby eran_rathan » Mon May 22, 2017 2:07 pm UTC

granted, they are both of February 29th, so you'll have to stay in school until its over, i.e. the next 8 years.

I wish I had sufficient money to pay all of my bills and live comfortably without working.
"Trying to build a proper foundation for knowledge is blippery."
"Squirrels are crazy enough to be test pilots."
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby SirGabriel » Mon May 22, 2017 2:30 pm UTC

Granted. You had the money, in cash, in your bedroom. That is, until your house burned down. The insurance company refuses to reimburse any of the cash you claim to have lost in the fire because you can't prove you ever had it.

I wish my boss's boss was more like my boss.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Freddino18 » Mon May 22, 2017 7:53 pm UTC

Granted. LIKE A BOSS!

I wish i was LIKE A BOSS!
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby eran_rathan » Mon May 22, 2017 8:39 pm UTC

granted, you are like a boss in that it's all your fault, and you will be blamed for the failings of your hirelings.

I wish i did not have to remind my six year old she is not allowed to cut her own hair.
"Trying to build a proper foundation for knowledge is blippery."
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"Google tells me you are not unique. You are, however, wrong."
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timrem
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby timrem » Mon May 22, 2017 10:15 pm UTC

Granted. She has cut her hair so short that she won't be tempted to cut it again until she's a seven-year-old.

I wish I could cut my own hair well enough to forego visits to the barber.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby ucim » Mon May 22, 2017 10:20 pm UTC

Granted. You can forego those visits. Unfortunately, you don't cut your hair well enough so that it's a good idea to forego those visits.

Your social life unravels, and you don't know why.

I wish for a car to drive from Los Angeles to San Francisco, any time I want, for as long as I want, for free, that does not come with mafia-like conditions (such as "never open the trunk")

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Freddino18 » Tue May 23, 2017 2:34 pm UTC

Granted. You open the trunk and there is a small gorilla inside. It somehow yells "JUSTICE FOR HARAMBE!" and runs you through with a machete. Sorry about that.

I wish for justice for Harambe.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Quizatzhaderac » Tue May 23, 2017 5:53 pm UTC

Granted, the zookeepers are made to stand trail in the court of "all great apes".

Dr. Zira serves as the defense counsel; which turns out to not be a great idea, as she is a veterinarian without any legal training.

The Jury contains one human and one bonobo that's sympathetic to humans (although she does seem to fetishize them), but as this isn't a commonanglosphere law court, two jurors aren't enough to get the defense off scot-free.

The court's pages are flying monkey, which isn't really factually relevant.

The shooter and head zookeeper are convicted with ape-slaughter, but get very light sentences. All of the zoo staff get convicted of kidnapping, unlawful imprisonment, labor violations, and other things that basically amount to running a zoo.

However, authoritarianism appears to be a general primate trait, and Harambe's reputation is ruined and the general cause of zoo liberation is hurt by the growing conception that primates need strict wall and guards to behave.

I wish to be able to create permenat teleportation circles without reagent, gold , or xp cost.
The thing about recursion problems is that they tend to contain other recursion problems.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby heuristically_alone » Tue May 23, 2017 5:56 pm UTC

Granted. Billions of nats with perma appear and destroy thr human population.

I wish that a kitchen to you was not as kitchen sink to me.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Quizatzhaderac » Wed May 24, 2017 2:43 pm UTC

Granted, we both agree what a "kitchen" is and what a "kitchen sink" is. Furthermore, we both agree that the kitchen sink is not as the kitchen as a whole.

I wish for nunchuku swords like-as-unto chainsaws.
The thing about recursion problems is that they tend to contain other recursion problems.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby phillip1882 » Wed May 24, 2017 4:53 pm UTC

Umm since i don't even know what that means, I'm going with:you nun chuck your own genitals with them .


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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby eran_rathan » Wed May 24, 2017 8:42 pm UTC

granted, Randall sings "We are the World" by himself.

I wish that today did not involve ink exploding all over me.
"Trying to build a proper foundation for knowledge is blippery."
"Squirrels are crazy enough to be test pilots."
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby The Moo Prophet » Wed May 24, 2017 8:59 pm UTC

Granted. Instead, you exploded all over an inkwell. It was not pretty.

I wish for this nasty weather to end.

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timrem
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby timrem » Wed May 24, 2017 9:59 pm UTC

Granted. But, the poor weather only ends because of Sam Burke removing your local atmosphere.

I wish to be the genie granting all these wishes.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby SirGabriel » Wed May 24, 2017 10:37 pm UTC

Granted. You are trapped for eternity in a tiny lamp. You have incredible power, but you can't use it for your own benefit unless someone makes a wish intended to benefit you (which you would then be forced to corrupt so that it somehow makes life worse for you).

I wish timrem the genie was free.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby The Moo Prophet » Thu May 25, 2017 2:16 am UTC

He is free, but his wrath at your trapping him is great and he is bent on vengeancea. All of mankind must pay the price for your malevolence.

I wish I had the power to stop timrem.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby eran_rathan » Thu May 25, 2017 2:34 pm UTC

granted, you become the genie instead, taking his powers and responsibilities. INFINITE POWER.... tiny living space.

I wish this project would finish itself.
"Trying to build a proper foundation for knowledge is blippery."
"Squirrels are crazy enough to be test pilots."
"Google tells me you are not unique. You are, however, wrong."
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Quizatzhaderac » Thu May 25, 2017 5:13 pm UTC

Granted, it becomes self aware and takes your job.

phillip1882 wrote: i don't even know what that means
Here: read this page and the next one. Or the whole thing; it contains the best brick joke mankind has ever produced.

I wish for a roc's egg
The thing about recursion problems is that they tend to contain other recursion problems.

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The Moo Prophet
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby The Moo Prophet » Fri May 26, 2017 1:08 am UTC

Granted. The egg is delicious. You are also delicious to the mother Roc who catches up with you moments later.

I wish for a fulfilling life and an easy, sudden death in old age.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby The Snide Sniper » Fri May 26, 2017 3:17 pm UTC

Granted. You complete all of your life goals moments before you are brutally murdered.

I wish for a lava moat around my house.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby heuristically_alone » Fri May 26, 2017 4:36 pm UTC

Granted. Your family was unaware it was real lava when they came to visit.

I wish for 3 thumbs.
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The Moo Prophet
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby The Moo Prophet » Fri May 26, 2017 5:11 pm UTC

Granted. You now have three severed thumbs in your freezer. They are found by law enforcement in a strange set of circumstances and it turns out they match three mis sing person reports from a small town in Wisconsin all about 4 years ago. Without a convicing explanation for this happenstance you are arrested and your fate will be deteruined by the legal system.

I wish for a less aggresive auto correct.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby flicky1991 » Fri May 26, 2017 5:57 pm UTC

Granted. Howeve ryou find it hard to tell what angrione is aaing, especially if they type wqith their eyes clse.

U wusgh fr better eyeshtl
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The Moo Prophet
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby The Moo Prophet » Fri May 26, 2017 6:29 pm UTC

So be it. You have better eyesight, which is what it sounds like: sight of eyes. You see every eye of every living creature on Earth simultaneously in a wildly confusing endless nightmare. You are blind to all else.

I wish for understanding.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby The Snide Sniper » Fri May 26, 2017 7:32 pm UTC

Congratulations. You now understand why mosquitos suck blood. It's because they need it to reproduce.

I wish for this wish to be wished into existence with a wish of wishing wishes into reality.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby bug sniper » Tue May 30, 2017 6:43 am UTC

Granted, but it's a wish for sniper snipers, gunmen trained to hide while killing other hidden snipers.

By the power of this wish of wishing wishes into reality, I wish into existence the wish that The Snide Sniper wishes wished into existence.
Carry the black torch! Rouse the idle dead!
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The Moo Prophet
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby The Moo Prophet » Tue May 30, 2017 12:31 pm UTC

Granted. As you wished, his wish now exists, but only as a wish. His wish has been granted existence. That for which he wished has not been.

Wistfully I wish for all of the wishes wished before now to be granted, and for that for which those wishers wished to be reality.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Quizatzhaderac » Tue May 30, 2017 2:43 pm UTC

Granted, every wish has been retroactively changed to be wishing for things that were going to happen anyway.

I wish more people here had read Arabian nights and made/understood references here.
The thing about recursion problems is that they tend to contain other recursion problems.


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