Corrupt-a-wish

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Actaeus
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Actaeus » Fri Mar 07, 2008 11:48 pm UTC

Granted, it consists of a lead block with a small hole for air.

I wish I had something better to do than torment sleepygamer (and so does he!)

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby tryptanymph » Fri Mar 07, 2008 11:50 pm UTC

Granted. Here is your brand new stash of gay, midget, fisting, BDSM, amputee porno. Go whack off. :D Trust me. It's fun AND productive. Take a sample down to the sperm bank. You'll get paid for it.

I wish for more free, awesome pornography.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Actaeus » Fri Mar 07, 2008 11:51 pm UTC

Granted, you can have mine.

I wish sleepygamer would leave me alone, although I suppose I deserve it :evil:

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby tryptanymph » Fri Mar 07, 2008 11:55 pm UTC

Granted. You will now be hounded by a person LIKE sleepygamer, using sleepygamer's account. Aren't you lucky?

I wish for the ability to climb anything.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby apeman5291 » Sat Mar 08, 2008 12:36 am UTC

Granted, but your only method of descending is to jump off. The ground isn't as soft as you think it is.

I wish I could get people to do what I tell them.
What you don't understand, you can make mean anything.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby ekzrated » Sat Mar 08, 2008 12:41 am UTC

Granted, but they never understand your commands.


I wish to have more friends... :cry:
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby ParanoidDrone » Sat Mar 08, 2008 3:27 am UTC

Granted, but they're more like acquaintances.

I wish I knew what to do with my 100th post.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby felltir » Sat Mar 08, 2008 7:41 am UTC

Granted. You necropost, getting a warning. Congrats.

I wish I was less bored.
Spoiler:
RoadieRich wrote:He's a super flexible furry martial artist from London. She is a Rabbit breeding mad scientist from Michigan. They fight crime!
The Great Hippo wrote:I THINK THE SOLAR SYSTEM MIGHT BE AN ATOM OF OXYGEN.


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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Koriina » Sat Mar 08, 2008 9:02 am UTC

Granted. Unfortunately, the world around you got more exciting by the same increment you got less bored, resulting in you feeling exactly the same as before.




I wish for three garbage bags.
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. . .

"Not legally."

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby felltir » Sat Mar 08, 2008 9:48 am UTC

Granted, they all are filled with holes.

I wish I could be more busy.
Spoiler:
RoadieRich wrote:He's a super flexible furry martial artist from London. She is a Rabbit breeding mad scientist from Michigan. They fight crime!
The Great Hippo wrote:I THINK THE SOLAR SYSTEM MIGHT BE AN ATOM OF OXYGEN.


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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Actaeus » Sat Mar 08, 2008 12:22 pm UTC

Felltir wrote:filled with holes.

That's an oxymoron.
Granted, you can fill in for Sisyphus from 9 to 5 on weekdays.

I wish I had a better watch.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby felltir » Sat Mar 08, 2008 12:57 pm UTC

Granted. The linear B number system is used in it, and so noone in the whole world can understand it.

I wish for a good baptism present.
Spoiler:
RoadieRich wrote:He's a super flexible furry martial artist from London. She is a Rabbit breeding mad scientist from Michigan. They fight crime!
The Great Hippo wrote:I THINK THE SOLAR SYSTEM MIGHT BE AN ATOM OF OXYGEN.


Blog

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby ekzrated » Mon Mar 10, 2008 6:46 pm UTC

Granted. However, you never actually get baptized.


I wish to have a license to kill.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Sour Apple » Mon Mar 10, 2008 7:09 pm UTC

Granted. Unfortunately, you get your license taken away for KUI.

I wish to pass my bio and chem CLEP tests.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby ekzrated » Mon Mar 10, 2008 7:23 pm UTC

Granted. You pass them by, without even looking at them. However, you fail the testing itself.


I wish to have all the powers of a genie, with none of the restrictions or setbacks of being one.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby TauCeti » Mon Mar 10, 2008 7:46 pm UTC

Granted. You have the power to cruelly grant everyone else's wishes. You have none of the restrictions or setbacks of being a genie. Instead, you have the restrictions and setbacks of being a mushroom.

I wish I had the force of will to go through with whatever I decide to do.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Eon_Enigma » Mon Mar 10, 2008 7:48 pm UTC

granted however you never deiced to do anything.





I wish i was able to selectively read minds
Flying purple monkeys of death love apples?

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sqrt(-1)<3pi
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby sqrt(-1)<3pi » Mon Mar 10, 2008 7:53 pm UTC

granted, and you decide to read Randall Monroe's mind, thus xkcd is ruined forever for you

i wish i could sleep for as long as i want without any time passing
public static String reCurse()
{
``````return "Damnit!" +reCurse();
}

[the 4th root of n]*([the previous number - 1] to the 4th)-(the product of the 2 numbers in brackets)=the answer to Life the Universe and Everything, where n is the page of my post in the intro thread

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Azrael001 » Mon Mar 10, 2008 7:54 pm UTC

Granted, you die.

I wish that there was a simpler and yet more satisfying way to corrupt wishes.
23111

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Actaeus
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Actaeus » Mon Mar 10, 2008 8:02 pm UTC

Granted, you actually kill them.

I wish I had a sword.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby saxything43 » Mon Mar 10, 2008 8:13 pm UTC

Granted. It's such a large sword that you can't lift it, it just sits there on the ground.

EDIT: Forgot to wish.

I wish I could eat instead of fasting for another two hours.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby a386 » Mon Mar 10, 2008 8:56 pm UTC

granted. everyone's disappointed by your lack of conviction.

i wish i had an apple tree outside my window i could reach to pick apples from

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Actaeus » Mon Mar 10, 2008 8:58 pm UTC

Granted, but the apples are really disguised claws from PK Dick's "Second Variety".

I wish I was better at making literary references without sounding random.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby ekzrated » Mon Mar 10, 2008 9:50 pm UTC

Granted, but all you can do now is quote "B.C."... And it's never funny.


I wish to have all the powers and attributes of Wolverine, including the Adamantium-laced skeleton and claws.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Eon_Enigma » Mon Mar 10, 2008 11:33 pm UTC

Granted but you your head gets blow off befor you can use any of them.



I wish that I could fit more wishy washy wishy in to my wishs sadly my wishs are confined to only a few wishy washy wishs


In a related story i can no longer tell if wish or wash apart
Flying purple monkeys of death love apples?

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby ekzrated » Wed Mar 12, 2008 12:12 am UTC

Granted. But you die before you see your wish fulfilled.


I wish to have a powerful army at my command.
I'M MY OWN CASE-STUDY!!!!!!

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Blubb3r3ng3l » Wed Mar 12, 2008 2:54 am UTC

ekzrated wrote:Granted. But you die before you see your wish fulfilled.


I wish to have a powerful army at my command.


Granted, but the army given was Martian, and you have no way of getting them to earth, as Martians OBVIOUSLY can't utilize space technology yet.

I wish for my sentence to be corrupted.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby apeman5291 » Wed Mar 12, 2008 2:56 am UTC

Granted.


I wish for exactly $1,000 USD.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Blubb3r3ng3l » Wed Mar 12, 2008 2:58 am UTC

Granted, but it came directly out of the mafiosa guy walking down the street's hands, and he saw it fly into your wallet.

I wish I was able to NOT procrastinate long enough to study for my ecology test tomorrow.
Let us a little permit Nature to take her own way; she understands Her own affairs better than we ~ Montaigne
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby ICDB » Wed Mar 12, 2008 4:53 am UTC

Granted, but you procrastinate during the actual test.

I wish my paper would write itself, do a very good job, be on the topic at hand, and be on time.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Mikeski » Wed Mar 12, 2008 6:30 am UTC

Granted. Written on the correct topic, in perfectly-formed and grammatically correct Egyptian hieroglyphs.

I wish for more girl scout cookies.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Brass Monkey » Wed Mar 12, 2008 6:31 am UTC

Granted, but for the 1/100th of a second it is airborn before it lands in the turn in basket it bursts into flames, burning your hand, and turning everyone else's papers catch fire as well, eventually burning down the english wing of your school, making the fire dpt, the school teachers, and probably some of the students insanely mad at you...dumb wish really...

I wish i was immune to all damage, all plays on words to turn this against me, and aids

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Brass Monkey » Wed Mar 12, 2008 6:33 am UTC

Granted, every piece of food you touch now turns into a girlscout cookie, and you eventually die of malnutrition... or heart faliure, which ever comes first

^^^^same wish as above ^^^^

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Zohar » Wed Mar 12, 2008 6:52 am UTC

Granted. But that sentence still make no sense.

I wish I were more powerful than a locomotive, faster than a speeding bullet (don't bullets deccelerate?) and able to leap tall buildings in a single bound.
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SecondTalon: "Still better looking than Jesus."

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby felltir » Wed Mar 12, 2008 9:55 am UTC

Granted. You run straight into the speeding bullet, doing yourself more than twice as much damage as normal. You die.

I wish for horns.
Spoiler:
RoadieRich wrote:He's a super flexible furry martial artist from London. She is a Rabbit breeding mad scientist from Michigan. They fight crime!
The Great Hippo wrote:I THINK THE SOLAR SYSTEM MIGHT BE AN ATOM OF OXYGEN.


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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Dobblesworth » Wed Mar 12, 2008 1:38 pm UTC

Granted. You have now sprouted curved horns out of your cranium. However these horns are made of lead and grow exponentially continuously until the weight crushes your spinal cord.

I wish for the ability to perfectly visualise the fourth (spacial, not time) dimension, and beyond.

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Zohar
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Zohar » Wed Mar 12, 2008 3:13 pm UTC

Granted. But there's nothing interesting to see there...

I wish I could move around like Mario in Paper Mario. Meaning, I treat what I see as a 2-D surface I can walk on, to anywhere I choose, until I change mt perspective. That would be one awesome superpower.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Blubb3r3ng3l » Wed Mar 12, 2008 3:59 pm UTC

Dobblesworth wrote:Granted. You have now sprouted curved horns out of your cranium. However these horns are made of lead and grow exponentially continuously until the weight crushes your spinal cord.

I wish for the ability to perfectly visualise the fourth (spacial, not time) dimension, and beyond.


Granted, but you still have the same brain, so other faculties are shut down. Good luck with breathing, buddy.

I wish for a perfectly normal shit today, without the need to wipe.
Let us a little permit Nature to take her own way; she understands Her own affairs better than we ~ Montaigne
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby ekzrated » Wed Mar 12, 2008 5:11 pm UTC

Granted. You don't need to wipe. But you should... That shit stinks.


I wish to be sexually irresistsible to any woman I choose, and be able to remain neutral to anyone else.
I'M MY OWN CASE-STUDY!!!!!!

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Eon_Enigma » Wed Mar 12, 2008 6:09 pm UTC

Granted but any woman you choose to be come sexually irresistible to has a force field put around them that makes it imposable for them to be within 5 feet of you.









I wish I had a cookie.
Flying purple monkeys of death love apples?


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