Corrupt-a-wish

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Dobblesworth
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Dobblesworth » Thu Mar 13, 2008 4:23 pm UTC

Granted. Your shower will now flawlessly provide hot water instantly at the temperature it senses you are after at the exact moment in time. However, your shower now gets sucked into a warphole and re-emerges on Alpha Centauri. It is also now guarded by a pair of very hungry human-hating Utahraptors.

I wish the English football team wasn't so b****y awful.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby SteaL7h » Thu Mar 13, 2008 6:56 pm UTC

Granted. All players are replaced with stars from Brazil.
(The corruption is in there)

I wish for a girlfriend.
"Well, shit." My intro.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby felltir » Thu Mar 13, 2008 7:54 pm UTC

Granted. However, she's been dead for 200 years by a quirk of fate.

I wish for normality.
Spoiler:
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Actaeus » Thu Mar 13, 2008 8:35 pm UTC

Granted, the universe is a uniform mass of hydrogen gas.

I wish I could make stuff explode at will.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Random832 » Thu Mar 13, 2008 8:40 pm UTC

Actaeus wrote:I wish I could make stuff explode at will.


Granted, but what did Will ever do to you?

I wish for whirled peas.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby felltir » Thu Mar 13, 2008 8:58 pm UTC

Granted. However, in the whirling process you kill yourself. Nice.

I wish for a working webcam.
Spoiler:
RoadieRich wrote:He's a super flexible furry martial artist from London. She is a Rabbit breeding mad scientist from Michigan. They fight crime!
The Great Hippo wrote:I THINK THE SOLAR SYSTEM MIGHT BE AN ATOM OF OXYGEN.


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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby ekzrated » Thu Mar 13, 2008 9:55 pm UTC

Granted, but it's erratic work-schedule clashes with yours, making it impossible for you to do anything together.


I wish to fight crime as a vigilante.
I'M MY OWN CASE-STUDY!!!!!!

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby bbctol » Thu Mar 13, 2008 10:00 pm UTC

Granted, however, vigilanteism is a crime, and you shoot yourself.

I wish that this wish was not corrupted into giving me millions of dollars.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Actaeus » Thu Mar 13, 2008 10:06 pm UTC

Granted, but you still feel strangely unsatisfied.

I wish I had a fearsome robotic claw like in Phlanx's avvie.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Cheese » Thu Mar 13, 2008 10:10 pm UTC

Granted. It doesn't like you, though, and you can't control it...

I wish for a hug.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby ekzrated » Thu Mar 13, 2008 10:20 pm UTC

Granted. Curiously, it comes from a Grizzly bear. And he's not exactly friendly.

I wish to slash like a ninja, and cut like a razor blade.
I'M MY OWN CASE-STUDY!!!!!!

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Cheese » Thu Mar 13, 2008 10:28 pm UTC

Granted. You piss like a ninja, and cut like a blunt razor blade.

I wish for something substantial to aim for...
hermaj wrote:No-one. Will. Be. Taking. Cheese's. Spot.
Spoiler:
LE4dGOLEM wrote:Cheese is utterly correct on all fronts.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby a386 » Thu Mar 13, 2008 11:37 pm UTC

granted. you get a bow and arrow, and are faced with an irritated elephant.

i wish for a new set of mandolin strings

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Actaeus » Thu Mar 13, 2008 11:42 pm UTC

Granted, your mandolin is gone and mandolin sales are outlawed. Blackmarket mandolins are millions of dollars.

I wish I had a faster computer.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Berengal » Fri Mar 14, 2008 4:23 am UTC

Granted, but somehow a 25MHz computer traveling at 0.33c doesn't seem quite as useful as you thought.

I wish the universe imploded into a singularity.
It is practically impossible to teach good programming to students who are motivated by money: As potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Random832 » Fri Mar 14, 2008 4:39 am UTC

Berengal wrote:I wish the universe imploded into a singularity.


Granted, but it explodes afterwards in another big bang and the universe happens again the same way, rendering the whole exercise rather pointless.

I wish to see if the crowbar will blend.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby ekzrated » Fri Mar 14, 2008 3:25 pm UTC

*edited to make corrections.

Not Granted. Isn't this better?


I wish to be truly free.
I'M MY OWN CASE-STUDY!!!!!!

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Nyssa » Fri Mar 14, 2008 11:30 pm UTC

Granted. There is a buy-one item get another one free sale and an old blue-haired picks up a ceramic cow butter dish and gets you free, thinking you'd made a good coffee table decoration.


I wish I was at Disneyland.
I've been sent to give you a singing mammogram.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Daeren Ryft » Sat Mar 15, 2008 12:33 am UTC

Granted. You're in a mascot suit and get punched repeatedly by small children.

I wish I was insane.
SecondTalon wrote:Did I mention that Robert Frost drives a rocket-car that's powered by constantly firing shotguns in my world?

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby bbctol » Sat Mar 15, 2008 1:18 am UTC

Daeren Ryft wrote:Granted. You're in a mascot suit and get punched repeatedly by small children.

I wish I was insane.


Granted. But how do you know...

I wish I had some candy.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Actaeus » Sat Mar 15, 2008 2:01 am UTC

Granted, it's Elizabethan. When thou eatest it, thou quotest Shakespeare and thou dost sound bizarre to thine friends.

I wish I had three more wishes.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Daeren Ryft » Sat Mar 15, 2008 2:12 am UTC

Granted. They must all be used to remove vital organs from yourself.

I wish I was a Deep One. (*Blub blub*)
SecondTalon wrote:Did I mention that Robert Frost drives a rocket-car that's powered by constantly firing shotguns in my world?

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Dobblesworth » Sat Mar 15, 2008 3:29 am UTC

Granted. You are teleported to the base of the Marianas Trench with no diving suit and oxygen tank.

I wish romance wasn't so damn confusing and depressing to the third person observer.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Mikeski » Sat Mar 15, 2008 5:27 am UTC

Granted. No two people you view will ever be romantically in love again.

I wish never to be in your line of sight.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Random832 » Sat Mar 15, 2008 5:44 am UTC

Granted, but you're always in everyone else's.

I'd like a human-sized hamster ball (OT: Yes, I'm re-reading the archives. why do you ask?)

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Namaps » Sat Mar 15, 2008 7:25 am UTC

Random832 wrote:Granted, but you're always in everyone else's.

I'd like a human-sized hamster ball (OT: Yes, I'm re-reading the archives. why do you ask?)


Granted, but occupied by a human-sized hamster.

I'd like a way to notate/transcribe music that is not boring or time-consuming.
Marbles wrote:The bass trombone is way awesomer than the ordinary trombone.


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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby drconcon » Sat Mar 15, 2008 3:35 pm UTC

Granted, but now you have nothing to do in your extra time.

I wish I had a better use for my time.
Belial wrote:Never assume you're safe.

That's when the raptors get yah!


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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby ekzrated » Sat Mar 15, 2008 5:04 pm UTC

Granted. You now spend all your time running for your life away from lions, bears, tigers, hunters, the police, crooks, terrorists, cholera, diseases,women,children,...


I wish to have the perfect girlfriend.
I'M MY OWN CASE-STUDY!!!!!!

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby tryptanymph » Sat Mar 15, 2008 5:28 pm UTC

Granted. Although she happens to be my sister. I promptly murder you after you cheat on her with my mother. Sucks to be you.

I wish that I was back in the fora! Already am!

I wish for a GIANT BAG OF CANE SUGAR. Yeah.
phlip wrote:sleepy, the only thing you're worse at is being not awesome.*
*All links to be treated as NFSW.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby apeman5291 » Sat Mar 15, 2008 8:53 pm UTC

Granted, however it gets taken by the police because they think it's crack before you can eat any.

I wish my soccer team could win a game.
What you don't understand, you can make mean anything.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby tryptanymph » Sat Mar 15, 2008 9:51 pm UTC

Granted. They win The Game. They run around in joy, laughing with glee. Then, for no raisin, a sixteen-wheeler runs over all of them. Then a steamroller flattens their corpses. They then get individually farted on. By a fat guy. And then peed on by some incontinent hobos. And then hit by a comet. Then a marching band marches over them. Then the raptors come to feast. After that, some native Americans come along and desecrate their bones. And finally, an Englishman come over and politely tells the team the game is called Football, not soccer, then wanders off for tea and scones.

Yeah.

I wish I had more beer.
phlip wrote:sleepy, the only thing you're worse at is being not awesome.*
*All links to be treated as NFSW.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby drconcon » Sat Mar 15, 2008 9:57 pm UTC

Granted, but it's light beer.

I wish I was a Splinter Cell.
Belial wrote:Never assume you're safe.

That's when the raptors get yah!


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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby tryptanymph » Sat Mar 15, 2008 10:02 pm UTC

((Grr....))

Granted. You are now a single cellular organism, that happens to have an atomic splinter in it's foo-... er... toe... er... membrane.

I wish I had exactly 600 gallons of cold, frosty, alcoholic, tasty, awesome beer. And that beer is still nice. And that I still like beer. And I am still alive. And that the beer is contained in kegs. Kegs with taps. Taps that I can open and use. And that the beer is over 4% alcoholic. And that a gallon is still the same amount that it is now. And that I like alcohol. And that the police don't take it away. And that there was a huge bag of cane sugar next to the kegs. And that I have a party near my awesome kegs, and everyone loves me for it. Yeah. Is that everything?
phlip wrote:sleepy, the only thing you're worse at is being not awesome.*
*All links to be treated as NFSW.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Col. Mustard » Sat Mar 15, 2008 11:10 pm UTC

Granted, you get all that you asked for.
You've gotten everything ready for the party. The beer is so awesome that people from miles around hear about it. There are thousands of people that show up at your house. By the time you get to the kegs, there is no beer left in them. However, someone did bring a 12 pack of diet caffeine free Sprite. Enjoy!!!

I wish for a better existence.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Cheese » Sat Mar 15, 2008 11:39 pm UTC

sleepygamer wrote:They win The Game.
Fuck you, I just lost twenty dollars and my self respect.


@Mustard: Granted, but only if you stand on one leg for 41 years, without anything to lean on, and sing "happy birthday" for at least four hours each day.
With four other people who all know that they won't get a better existence from doing this.

I wish I was better at cheering people up.
hermaj wrote:No-one. Will. Be. Taking. Cheese's. Spot.
Spoiler:
LE4dGOLEM wrote:Cheese is utterly correct on all fronts.
SecondTalon wrote:That thing that Cheese just said. Do that.
Meaux_Pas wrote:I hereby disagree and declare Cheese to be brilliant.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby drconcon » Sat Mar 15, 2008 11:51 pm UTC

Granted. Everyone you know comes to you when they're sad but hearing their problems all day has made you clinically depressed.

I wish I was a better conversationalist.
Belial wrote:Never assume you're safe.

That's when the raptors get yah!


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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby tryptanymph » Sun Mar 16, 2008 12:16 am UTC

Col. Mustard wrote:Granted, you get all that you asked for.
You've gotten everything ready for the party. The beer is so awesome that people from miles around hear about it. There are thousands of people that show up at your house. By the time you get to the kegs, there is no beer left in them. However, someone did bring a 12 pack of diet caffeine free Sprite. Enjoy!!!


Sweet. I get to keep my giant bag of cane sugar! *eats*

Cheese wrote:
sleepygamer wrote:They win The Game.
Fuck you, I just lost twenty dollars and my self respect.


That actually made me spray beer across my monitor. Lawls.

Anyway... on with the game!

@ drconcon

Granted. You can now talk about all kinds of clocks! Cuckoo clocks, water clocks, candle clocks, clockwork clocks, beetle clocks...

I wish for someone to get my literary reference.
phlip wrote:sleepy, the only thing you're worse at is being not awesome.*
*All links to be treated as NFSW.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Daeren Ryft » Sun Mar 16, 2008 12:36 am UTC

Granted. Its someone who wants to kill you for it.

I wish I knew what to do with a drunken sailor.
SecondTalon wrote:Did I mention that Robert Frost drives a rocket-car that's powered by constantly firing shotguns in my world?

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Berengal » Sun Mar 16, 2008 1:13 am UTC

Granted, but aside from the knowledge being completely useless, it's in the form of a song which you now have in your brain. Constantly.

I wish nothing bad ever happened to me.
It is practically impossible to teach good programming to students who are motivated by money: As potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Zak » Sun Mar 16, 2008 1:13 am UTC

Edit: Granted, now you just dislike everything equally and die.

Granted, but the sailor is eyeing you in a strange way, and he weighs 3x as much as you.

I wish for epic win.
*waggles eyebrows*


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