Corrupt-a-wish

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ucim
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby ucim » Tue Feb 14, 2017 3:50 pm UTC

Granted. You are oblivious to all people who celebrate Hanukkah on Feb 14.

I wish we all counted in base twelve, and used a base twelve numbering system.

Jose
Order of the Sillies, Honoris Causam - bestowed by charlie_grumbles on NP 859 * OTTscar winner: Wordsmith - bestowed by yappobiscuts and the OTT on NP 1832 * Ecclesiastical Calendar of the Order of the Holy Contradiction * Please help addams if you can. She needs all of us.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby phillip1882 » Thu Feb 16, 2017 4:22 am UTC

granted, that includes computers too, making them wildly unpredictable.

i wish to be able to put up with anything.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby ucim » Fri Feb 17, 2017 4:38 am UTC

Granted. Now you have to put up with everything. Sure, you can do it, but it sucks.

I wish for a truffle.

Jose
Order of the Sillies, Honoris Causam - bestowed by charlie_grumbles on NP 859 * OTTscar winner: Wordsmith - bestowed by yappobiscuts and the OTT on NP 1832 * Ecclesiastical Calendar of the Order of the Holy Contradiction * Please help addams if you can. She needs all of us.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Quizatzhaderac » Fri Feb 17, 2017 4:48 pm UTC

Granted, pigs are now wildly attracted to you.

I wish for a riding pig.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby ucim » Fri Feb 17, 2017 8:23 pm UTC

Granted. It eats truffles, and bankrupts you.

I wish my wish had no consequences.

Jose
Order of the Sillies, Honoris Causam - bestowed by charlie_grumbles on NP 859 * OTTscar winner: Wordsmith - bestowed by yappobiscuts and the OTT on NP 1832 * Ecclesiastical Calendar of the Order of the Holy Contradiction * Please help addams if you can. She needs all of us.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby timrem » Fri Feb 17, 2017 8:27 pm UTC

Granted. You make your wish, and nothing happens.

I wish for unlimited bacon.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby ucim » Sat Feb 18, 2017 4:49 am UTC

Granted. It's not free though; the first slice costs a penny, the second two cents, the third four cents, and so on exponentially.

I wish there were no foods that were bad for you (or me), without changing the availability of any foods.

Jose
Order of the Sillies, Honoris Causam - bestowed by charlie_grumbles on NP 859 * OTTscar winner: Wordsmith - bestowed by yappobiscuts and the OTT on NP 1832 * Ecclesiastical Calendar of the Order of the Holy Contradiction * Please help addams if you can. She needs all of us.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Freddino18 » Sun Feb 19, 2017 9:30 pm UTC

Granted. All foods have the taste, consistency, and nutritional value of kale.

I wish that someone would post in the vending machine thread...
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby flicky1991 » Sun Feb 19, 2017 9:31 pm UTC

Granted. They do so... but not until you've forgotten about it.

I wish for more musical ability.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Freddino18 » Sun Feb 19, 2017 10:02 pm UTC

Granted. You can now hit E over High C... on Tuesdays.

I wish that this wish were a better wish.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Quizatzhaderac » Tue Feb 21, 2017 7:44 pm UTC

Granted, you are appointed Sturgeon General.

I wish we had a qualified Sturgeon General.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby eran_rathan » Tue Feb 21, 2017 7:51 pm UTC

granted, Theodore Sturgeon is posthumously made a general.

I wish that America balkanized into several smaller countries.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby bug sniper » Wed Feb 22, 2017 8:17 am UTC

Granted. Donald Trump declares an alliance with Russia, the Syrian government, North Korea, Turkey, and Greece. The west coast of California, Oregon and Washington led by Gaven Newsom, furious at this callousness, splits up through a Calexit, Orexit, and Wexit proposition, and joins forces with the counties that support globalization, especially the Middle East, Western Canada, China, and Latin America. New England led by Andrew Cuomo also despises Trump, but doesn't want to give up its precious job security, and so they refuse to join along with the west coast. They form their own alliances with most of Europe. The rest of the countries don't care or are evenly split.

Soon, Trump decides that California's providing easy passage for job-seekers from Mexico to Colorado, even though the citizens of Colorado are happy about filling their job pool. Trump tells the west coast that they owe a new wall for all the lost wages the people of the Midwest assume they are losing. Gavin Newsom tells him that California is offended at these remarks and becomes completely uncooperative. Trumpland quickly escalates to using guns and artillery to stop the influx of immigrants, which destroys a neutral plan and starts a war. As this happens, the Great lakes area becomes dissillusioned and sends a lot of the nuclear material to New England, which turns the war nuclear on both sides, while China sends its own nukes across the pacific.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Quizatzhaderac » Wed Feb 22, 2017 5:16 pm UTC

Granted, you get the magnetic whiteboard shown in the video.
bug sniper wrote:New England led by Andrew Cuomo...
I wish more people knew where New England was and wasn't.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby eran_rathan » Wed Feb 22, 2017 5:57 pm UTC

granted. Unfortunately, now more people want to move here.

I wish that the balkanization of the USA was peaceful, and resulted in the majority of people in the US being the happiest they can be, while not infringing on the happiness of others.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby bug sniper » Thu Feb 23, 2017 3:47 pm UTC

Granted. After all the resulting propaganda, "peaceful" now has a new meaning and is synonymous with "survivable", New England refers to whatever neighboring geographic area shares the same political sentiment as the eastmost part of the US, and happiness means whatever the persons in power want it to mean, subject to the constraints of the wish above.

I wish for a retro-encabulator.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Freddino18 » Thu Feb 23, 2017 5:58 pm UTC

Granted. You get a cardboard box labeled "Retro-Encabulator."

I wish for a flux capacitor.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby The Snide Sniper » Thu Feb 23, 2017 6:47 pm UTC

Granted. It's broken.

I wish for the next post to have a CRC-32 checksum.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Quizatzhaderac » Thu Feb 23, 2017 7:03 pm UTC

Granted, but you're responsible for fixing the wish if if doesn't match.

I wish I have a switch pre-order.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby timrem » Thu Feb 23, 2017 7:15 pm UTC

Granted. Your new lightswitch should be available for pickup in 4-6 weeks.

I wish for good weather here this weekend.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby eran_rathan » Thu Feb 23, 2017 8:13 pm UTC

granted, but the rest of the planet will have horrible floods, earthquakes, hurricanes, and fires. Monday you get all of those, at once.

I wish that I had goofed off more yesterday.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Freddino18 » Thu Feb 23, 2017 8:43 pm UTC

Granted, you fix my flux capacitor.

I wish I had 1.21 jiggawatts, and a car capable of going at least 88 mph.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby The Snide Sniper » Fri Feb 24, 2017 2:08 pm UTC

Granted. You get a regular car along with 1.21 gigawatts for a nanosecond.

I wish for freddino's flux capacitor to break again.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Freddino18 » Fri Feb 24, 2017 8:10 pm UTC

Not satisfied. Granted. The flux capacitor was missing about 1.2099999999999999999999999999999879 jiggawatts. Jerk.

I wish for a regular capacitor capable of storing 5 jiggawats.
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Tillian wrote:Holy necro! I finally found my Stargate TG-1 photoshop. I've been thinking about it for all these years, but never bothered to dig it up.
thecamoninja wrote:sorry, the dick was too good to resist :P
i am not a robot
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby ucim » Sun Feb 26, 2017 7:40 pm UTC

Granted. It's built into your alarm clock. It's charged.

I wish computer viruses were easy to identify and purge.

Jose
Order of the Sillies, Honoris Causam - bestowed by charlie_grumbles on NP 859 * OTTscar winner: Wordsmith - bestowed by yappobiscuts and the OTT on NP 1832 * Ecclesiastical Calendar of the Order of the Holy Contradiction * Please help addams if you can. She needs all of us.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby phillip1882 » Mon Feb 27, 2017 12:45 pm UTC

granted, but they reproduce at a rate too rapid to get them all.

i wish i was a genie who could grant wishes and have them turn out any way i desired and wasn't evil.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby The Snide Sniper » Mon Feb 27, 2017 3:43 pm UTC

Granted. Have fun being stuck in a magic lamp for millenia!
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby bug sniper » Mon Feb 27, 2017 3:53 pm UTC

I wish for whatever the snide sniper forgot to wish for.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby SirGabriel » Mon Feb 27, 2017 4:07 pm UTC

Granted. You get a new car! You just have to come to Antarctica to pick it up, and then figure out how to get it home. And you have to pay taxes on it, even if you decide to leave it where it is.

I wish it was November already.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Quizatzhaderac » Mon Feb 27, 2017 4:08 pm UTC

Granted, you two are sewn together to form a monster. You successfully promote the monstrous savings at a local car dealership.

I wish I always felt rested in the morning regardless of how late I was up the night before.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Freddino18 » Mon Feb 27, 2017 5:37 pm UTC

Granted. You sleep until the afternoon every day.

I wish that Flicky would let me call him Neckbeard.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Quizatzhaderac » Thu Mar 02, 2017 3:57 pm UTC

Granted, he permits this because he has become Neckbeard: the hipster pirate! He takes your belongings and maroons you on an uninhabited island. But he just does it ironically; the irony being that you die of thirst while surrounded by water.

I wish Flicky's next webcomic would feature Neckbeard: the hipster pirate!
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Freddino18 » Fri Mar 03, 2017 8:58 pm UTC

Granted, Neckbeard appears in a wanted poster for theft and attempted murder.

I wish i was not having a conversation about birth control.
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Tillian wrote:Holy necro! I finally found my Stargate TG-1 photoshop. I've been thinking about it for all these years, but never bothered to dig it up.
thecamoninja wrote:sorry, the dick was too good to resist :P
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby The Snide Sniper » Sat Mar 04, 2017 4:47 pm UTC

Granted. You're now in an argument about an even less comfortable topic.

I wish to die.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby ucim » Sun Mar 05, 2017 12:30 am UTC

Granted. You are used as a human subject for disease research. It does not go well. You linger on for six hundred years experiencing one disease after another, and then die.

The experimental data that results is then destroyed, in your honor.

I wish browsers all implemented CSS correctly, completely, and identically. Except IE, which wouldn't support CSS at all. (I can't expect even a wish-granting genie to be able to make Microsoft products behave.)

Jose
Order of the Sillies, Honoris Causam - bestowed by charlie_grumbles on NP 859 * OTTscar winner: Wordsmith - bestowed by yappobiscuts and the OTT on NP 1832 * Ecclesiastical Calendar of the Order of the Holy Contradiction * Please help addams if you can. She needs all of us.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Quizatzhaderac » Mon Mar 06, 2017 4:41 pm UTC

Granted:
Safari implements the Central Security Service;
Chrome implements the Closed Shell Syndrome;
Firefox implements Canse de Ser Sexy;
and IE was going to implement College Scholarship Service, but it was left out of your wish.

I wish for a replicator, like in star trek.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby The Snide Sniper » Mon Mar 06, 2017 4:57 pm UTC

Granted. You now have a replicator from Star Trek. Good luck powering it though, because you'd need half the energy of the Hiroshima bomb to create a kernel of corn.

I wish for the fixion to be real.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Freddino18 » Mon Mar 06, 2017 9:44 pm UTC

Congratulations, you now have a pair of pants.

I wish the Pokemon Fusion website had more Pokemon on it. I also wish I knew how to format URLs in BBCode.

Edit: Assuming you are naked and single.
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Tillian wrote:Holy necro! I finally found my Stargate TG-1 photoshop. I've been thinking about it for all these years, but never bothered to dig it up.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Quizatzhaderac » Tue Mar 07, 2017 4:47 pm UTC

Granted, it has one new exclusive Pokémon: a predecessor to ratta, that can only use the attack "splash".

I recall the RPG World, or Adventurers!, or some other webcomic once had "Evil pants" or somesuch as an enemy; I wish that someone would find that webcomic for me.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby timrem » Tue Mar 07, 2017 7:44 pm UTC

Granted. I've found it for you, but won't share the result.

I wish that net universal entropy could be reversed.


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