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Corrupt-a-wish

Posted: Fri May 18, 2007 3:19 am UTC
by Drake Zure
I'm gonna go out on a limb here and introduce one of my favorite examples of pessimism, a game I learned on a different forum, and introduced to a second:

Corrupt-a-wish!

The rules are simple:

I make a wish, and the next person to post finds an ironic way to derive bad consequences from granting the wish, or to otherwise tag a downside to it, and so on and so forth.
For example:

1 wrote:i wish i had a Corvette
2 wrote:granted. you got it real cheap because it was crushed under a giant anvil.

i wish i was the most attractive person in the world
3 wrote:granted. you are the most attractive person in the world, and both sexes now want your body.

i wish i had a big, juicy steak.
4 wrote:granted. how's your diet going?

i wish i was invulnerable to every kind of harm.
5 wrote:granted, however, you can no longer drive down one-way streets on Tuesdays.

i wish for world peace


If a wish is uncorruptable, there are two courses of action: corrupt it anyways, or answer the wish with "not granted".
The latter is by far the funnier option, in my opinion.

So, what does everyone think?

Oh, by the way...

I wish for three buckets of rotten plums.

Posted: Fri May 18, 2007 3:41 am UTC
by The LuigiManiac
I knew there was something missing from here!

Granted, but the buckets have holes in them.

I wish I had a DeLorean DMC-12.

(Also, you have a nice signature Drake. That is one of my favorite songs from SA2. Now I have it stuck in my head)

Posted: Fri May 18, 2007 3:44 am UTC
by Drake Zure
The LuigiManiac wrote:I knew there was something missing from here!

Granted, but the buckets have holes in them.

I wish I had a DeLorean DMC-12.

(Also, you have a nice signature Drake. That is one of my favorite songs from SA2. Now I have it stuck in my head)


i'm a Beatlemaniac. i'm listening to Yellow Submarine right now. i'm singing along....

granted, but you can't get it up to 88 mph.

i wish i had a Yellow Submarine.

Posted: Fri May 18, 2007 3:52 am UTC
by GhostWolfe
Drake Zure wrote:I wish I had a Yellow Submarine.


Granted, but it's pedal-powered.


I wish I'd won the $30 million lotto last night.

P.S. I love this game. This is the whole reason why it took the DnD group I used to run 40 minutes to craft a wish to undo the effect from a Deck of Many Things that made one's magic gear disappear.

Unfortunately, for all the bases they did cover, they forgot to specify when they wanted the gear returned.

Posted: Fri May 18, 2007 3:55 am UTC
by Drake Zure
cool. people like the thread!


granted. a tax hike is target specially at you.

i wish for a fish that will give me a second wish.

(i've seen the "rotten plums wish" corrupted as "your three buckets of politicians arrive a bit late." it was quite funny. i tend to recycle wishes, just so you know.)

Posted: Fri May 18, 2007 3:59 am UTC
by Phenriz
Drake Zure wrote:i wish for a fish that will give me a second wish.


Granted, but that fish only grants the second wish on a leap year. The benefits of that wish you won't see till the following leapyear.

I wish for perfect, manipulative control over gravity.

Posted: Fri May 18, 2007 4:00 am UTC
by crazyjimbo
Granted, you have control over every graviton you can find.

I wish I could fly.

Posted: Fri May 18, 2007 4:02 am UTC
by The LuigiManiac
Granted, but only until three seconds after you are off the ground.

I wish I would have realized that signature was referring to a Beatles song, and not E.G.G.M.A.N. from Sonic Adventure 2.

EDIT: I meant it to be for Phenriz's wish, yet it STILL makes sense for crazyjimbo's wish. :shock:

Posted: Fri May 18, 2007 4:02 am UTC
by Drake Zure
granted. you fall to your death after a terrible flight system failure.

i wish for a 1976 Mustang.

Posted: Fri May 18, 2007 4:09 am UTC
by saxmaniac1987
granted, but you soon find out that due to an accounting error it was actually an '86 stang. ouch.

I wish that my wishes were flawless

Posted: Fri May 18, 2007 4:12 am UTC
by Drake Zure
saxmaniac1987 wrote:granted, but you soon find out that due to an accounting error it was actually an '86 stang. ouch.

I wish that my wishes were flawless


believe it or not, that one's easy.

granted. everyone gets mad at you for killing the game.

i wish i had a gun that fires tiny Drew Carey's.

Posted: Fri May 18, 2007 4:14 am UTC
by The LuigiManiac
Granted but they find their way back and attack you forsending them flying at high speed.


Repeated due to no response:
I wish I would have realized that signature was referring to a Beatles song, and not E.G.G.M.A.N. from Sonic Adventure 2.

Posted: Fri May 18, 2007 4:17 am UTC
by Drake Zure
The LuigiManiac wrote:Granted but they find their way back and attack you forsending them flying at high speed.


Repeated due to no response:
I wish I would have realized that signature was referring to a Beatles song, and not E.G.G.M.A.N. from Sonic Adventure 2.


granted. your head turns into jelly and spills on your shoes, leving a stain.

i wish i had the White Album.

Posted: Fri May 18, 2007 4:21 am UTC
by thefiddler
Drake Zure wrote:i wish i had the White Album.

Granted. It's scratched beyond recognition.

I wish I were multilingual.

Posted: Fri May 18, 2007 4:22 am UTC
by Drake Zure
thefiddler wrote:
Drake Zure wrote:i wish i had the White Album.

Granted. It's scratched beyond recognition.

I wish I were multilingual.

granted. you now speak Bushman.

i wish i could stay up longer instead of getting tired.

Posted: Fri May 18, 2007 4:37 am UTC
by Traisenau
Drake Zure wrote:
i wish i could stay up longer instead of getting tired.


Granted, but now you can no longer go to sleep and wind up dying due to sleep depravation

I wish I could legally get away with murder.

Posted: Fri May 18, 2007 4:44 am UTC
by The LuigiManiac
Granted, you can now legally murder flies.

I wish the LOL emoticon didn't look so ugly.

Posted: Fri May 18, 2007 5:13 am UTC
by Belial
Granted, but now it's not very funny.

Posted: Fri May 18, 2007 5:14 am UTC
by Xial
Granted, unfortunately your head is now replaced with an emoticon.

I wish I could download wikipedia to my brain.

Posted: Fri May 18, 2007 5:25 am UTC
by Belial
Granted, but now people on the internet can edit your memories. You were now raised by elephant seals, and briefly had an affair with marilyn manson.

I wish I had laser eyes.

Posted: Fri May 18, 2007 5:32 am UTC
by Mathmagic
Granted, however you have no control over your eyes and the lasers shoot whenever you reach an elevated emotional state. How's that computer game going? Oh damn, your screen is melted.

I wish I was taller.

Posted: Fri May 18, 2007 5:36 am UTC
by The LuigiManiac
mathmagic wrote:I wish I was taller.


Granted, but now you're too tall for doorways.

I wish I had Meat Vision.

(EDIT: @mathmagic: It was meant to be a Fairly Odd Parents reference...)

Posted: Fri May 18, 2007 5:43 am UTC
by Traisenau
The LuigiManiac wrote:I wish I had Meat Vision.


Granted, but you can't turn it off, so you eventually get smothered in a pie of meat.

I wish I had the power to make kittens spontaniously appear wherever I choose.

Posted: Fri May 18, 2007 5:44 am UTC
by Mathmagic
The LuigiManiac wrote:I wish I had Meat Vision.


*Goes to Google*

Hmmm...
Sandia National Laboratories wrote:Meat Vision takes a digital image of beef ribeye and locates the furthest meaty portion away from the spine.


Granted. You now start craving Homo Sapien Sapien meat. Like Belial...errr, I mean...a raptor.

I wish I could throw a football 300 yards.

Posted: Fri May 18, 2007 6:14 am UTC
by Traisenau
Ohh, thats what meatvision is, I thought he was refering to something like Supermans heat vision... only with meat.

Posted: Fri May 18, 2007 7:07 am UTC
by Trella
mathmagic wrote:I wish I could throw a football 300 yards.


Granted, but you can only throw it straight up in the air.

I wish that I could create any item (to my exact desire dimensions when and where I wantd them) by merely thinking about it.

Posted: Fri May 18, 2007 7:12 am UTC
by SpitValve
Trella wrote:I wish that I could create any item (to my exact desire dimensions when and where I wantd them) by merely thinking about it.


Granted. You are crushed by an enormous pile of beautiful women. You dirty dirty man.

I wish I could travel between countries in a blink of an eye.

Posted: Fri May 18, 2007 7:47 am UTC
by Puellus Peregrinus
Granted. You now change country at every blink.

I wish I had a sandwich.

Posted: Fri May 18, 2007 8:08 am UTC
by Edna
Granted, you are now the proud owner of one dog shit sandwich

(Also the name of an old punk band who did the pubs and clubs around here many years ago)


I wish I could slam dunk

Posted: Fri May 18, 2007 8:09 am UTC
by SpitValve
Granted. Here are two pieces of crust with a thin vineer (sp) of margerine-like-substance between them.

I wish I could make a positive difference in the world.

Posted: Fri May 18, 2007 8:35 am UTC
by GhostWolfe
Granted, you are now a mod :)


I wish people read my blag.

Posted: Fri May 18, 2007 8:48 am UTC
by ShadeWolf
Granted. you have people constantly demanding constant updates of every second of your life.

I wish i could change into a 6 ft werewolf

Posted: Fri May 18, 2007 8:53 am UTC
by SpitValve
Granted. 5'11" are your nose.

I wish I'll meet a cool Canadian girl.

Posted: Fri May 18, 2007 8:56 am UTC
by GhostWolfe
Granted, but you need to revive her from the cryo chamber first.


I wish the person who distracted me from wishing didn't need my help on every little thing remotely involving computers.

[edited to include a wish >.<]

Posted: Fri May 18, 2007 9:44 am UTC
by ArchangelShrike
Granted. Now she's dead, ya douche.

I wish xkcdia was floating along in the middle of some ocean, with all the supplies and funding we need, and everyone that wants to be-

I wish xkcdia existed.

Posted: Fri May 18, 2007 9:54 am UTC
by SpitValve
Granted, but for XKCDia to be perfect, you're not allowed on it.

I wish I was a ninja.

Posted: Fri May 18, 2007 9:59 am UTC
by ArchangelShrike
Granted: You're now tortured by the special police division of the shogunate.

I wish I had a plan.

Posted: Fri May 18, 2007 10:02 am UTC
by GhostWolfe
ArchangelShrike wrote:Granted. Now she's dead, ya douche.


I'm not going to corrupt another of Spit Valve's wishes, someone else should have a chance to play, but I did want to answer that not only is the distracting nublet of my wish a guy, but him being dead would solve more problems than just the one in my wish...

>.>

<.<

o.O

[EDIT: oops, took too long and this was kinda simultaneous to Archangel's post]

Posted: Fri May 18, 2007 10:26 am UTC
by Rodan
ArchangelShrike's is granted, but the plan is to think of a plan.

I wish I had a copy of Marvel Comics #1

>sigh< ~ two-years-later Rodan

Posted: Fri May 18, 2007 10:29 am UTC
by GhostWolfe
Granted, but it's written in Egyptian hieroglyphs.


I wish my life wasn't so complicated.