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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Posted: Tue Nov 17, 2009 2:42 am UTC
by Jedifreak
Granted, but it makes Bush President again.
Roĝer wrote:I wish Bush Jr. had never been elected president.

just_me wrote:Granted. He was made president anyways. oh wait.. that did actually happen..


I wish people would shut the hell up about Bush. He's gone. GET OVER IT AND CONCENTRATE ON THE NEW F*CKUP! You don't see me railing on Clinton and Carter every day.

Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Posted: Tue Nov 17, 2009 3:11 am UTC
by Sodium Hexametaphosphate
Granted, the other Bush regains the spotlight.

I wish for a fresh subway chocolate chip cookie.

Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Posted: Tue Nov 17, 2009 3:32 am UTC
by EduardoLeon
Granted but, first, surrender your mom.

I wish I were then best rock keyboardist in the world.

Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Posted: Tue Nov 17, 2009 4:30 am UTC
by RedBandit
Granted! Too bad your arthritis means it is too painful for you ever play a note on any instrument ever again.

I wish Obama had not been elected President.

Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Posted: Tue Nov 17, 2009 4:46 am UTC
by Vohu Manah
Granted, but McCain dies shortly after being inaugurated; his organs went into retirement. Sarah's first order is to change the national motto to "You Betcha!"

I wish that Kucinich had won.

Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Posted: Tue Nov 17, 2009 5:08 am UTC
by RedBandit
Denied! Instead, a second Civil War starts! Nukes are fired, which triggers a launch of Russia's nukes, which triggers a launch of China's nukes, which triggers a launch of more American nukes, which triggers a launch of... Yeah. You get the idea. Nuclear holocaust wipes out most of Western civilization. OTOH, African nations now have a real chance to seize power!

I wish everyone but me would die and that I had enough batteries.

Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Posted: Tue Nov 17, 2009 10:16 am UTC
by Balesk Baj, Timeburner
Granted, but the batteries overheated and they exploded, killing you

i wish that everything in the world was like Schrodinger's box thingy...

Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Posted: Tue Nov 17, 2009 3:27 pm UTC
by Max2009
Granted. You go shopping and get mauled by a very irritated cat.

I wish I had the power to stop procrastinating.

Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Posted: Tue Nov 17, 2009 3:29 pm UTC
by mieulium
Granted, you do everything prematurely now. Nice try trying to save the world, you were too fast to save it.

I wish I was more loving.

Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Posted: Tue Nov 17, 2009 7:14 pm UTC
by Phrozt
Granted, you are now more loving... to dead and rotting cats...

I wish I could play w/Paramore

Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Posted: Tue Nov 17, 2009 7:25 pm UTC
by EduardoLeon
Granted! (Yes, that alone is the best way to corrupt your wish.)

I wish I could play with Dream Theater. Or with Rammstein. Or with any band that actually rocks.

Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Posted: Tue Nov 17, 2009 7:54 pm UTC
by Pryomancer
Granted, but you commit some awful faux pas and really piss them all off.

I wish I could speak all languages fluently.

Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Posted: Tue Nov 17, 2009 8:12 pm UTC
by Phrozt
Granted, in the most fluent and eloquent voice possible, you boldly speak the words, "all languages."

I wish these tickets would take care of themselves.

Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Posted: Tue Nov 17, 2009 9:13 pm UTC
by Pryomancer
Granted, they become sentient and realise they've had enough of your shit.

I wish for a nice bag of sweeties.

Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Posted: Wed Nov 18, 2009 5:38 am UTC
by Vohu Manah
Granted, but these are laced with cocaine. You become so addicted to these sweeties that your mouth becomes a cavity-ridden cesspool of pain and misery.

I wish that I knew every single rock pun ever made, and each one was gneissly worded.

Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Posted: Wed Nov 18, 2009 12:35 pm UTC
by RedBandit
Granite! But a crew of groaning geologists stones you before you can use any more of them.

I wish I had a limo and a driver to take me to work every morning.

Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Posted: Wed Nov 18, 2009 5:10 pm UTC
by EduardoLeon
Granted, but to afford that, you will have sold (awesome, future perfect!) your family, friends and everything else you cared about.

I wish nothing in particular. Corrupt this!

Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Posted: Wed Nov 18, 2009 5:17 pm UTC
by Random832
Sometimes people corrupt their own wishes - you get nothing.

I wish, I wish, I hadn't killed that fish.

Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Posted: Wed Nov 18, 2009 5:23 pm UTC
by RedBandit
Granted! You get absolutely nothing! A complete absence of sound, a sensation of touch, no light and no dark, no pull of gravity, no sense of space or freedom, no sense of time passing, and no smells or tastes either. After around a day or so, you will not feel thirsty or hungry. You are unable to sense your body or even determine if you have one in this place. You live in a nightmare of nothing, feeling no weakness, hunger, thirst, or sensation, but, rest assured, you will die before too deep a madness sets in.

Damned ninjas... Mine was better anyway. LoL

Instead, the fish kills you.
I wish for a cup of coffee, black, 2 sugar.

Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Posted: Wed Nov 18, 2009 5:43 pm UTC
by EduardoLeon
Indeed, RedBandit, I preferred the way you corrupted my wish. Anyways, back to your wish...

Granted. Did I mention that I ran out of water and used a mix of jizz and piss instead?

I wish I could make a living out of selling a mix of jizz and piss passed as water.

Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Posted: Wed Nov 18, 2009 8:56 pm UTC
by Charlielechat
Granted, but you have to "retrieve" both from another.

I wish I could get Spotify Premium without paying for it.

Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Posted: Wed Nov 18, 2009 10:54 pm UTC
by EduardoLeon
Granted. But now your personality belongs to someone else and he charges you for being yourself.

I wish I could travel back in time.

Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Posted: Wed Nov 18, 2009 11:08 pm UTC
by Jedifreak
Granted, but it's a minimum of 65x106 years, and you can never travel forward.

I wish I had the Skills to be Batman.

Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Posted: Wed Nov 18, 2009 11:30 pm UTC
by RedBandit
Granted! However, in order to receive the required training for said skills, your parents must be brutally murdered in front of you, and you must sacrifice hundreds of hours at the gym. Ultimately you acheive the Skills, but never the equipment, funds, sidekick, or butler needed for true greatness. After a month of success fighting crime, a bad guy shoots you in the head. You are dead. WYLYPI?

I wish for greatness.

Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Posted: Thu Nov 19, 2009 1:57 am UTC
by EduardoLeon
Granted. There will be greatness in the way you will be tortured and killed.

I wish I could formally learn German.

Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Posted: Thu Nov 19, 2009 5:32 am UTC
by Vohu Manah
Refusé! Vous allez apprendre à parler français à la place.

I wish for a croissant.

Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Posted: Thu Nov 19, 2009 6:32 am UTC
by EduardoLeon
Vohu Manah wrote:Refusé! Vous allez apprendre à parler français à la place.

J'ai étudié le Français il y a longtemps. Je n'ai pas besoin de l'apprendre de nouveau.

Refusé! Tous les croissants du monde vont être miens!

I wish I could learn all the Germanic and Slavic languages.

Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Posted: Thu Nov 19, 2009 7:44 am UTC
by asiekierka
Granted, but you don't remember English and can't relearn it, then another World War comes and you're stuck in central Europe without any help. Then you die.

I wish that nobody ever corrupted wishes again.

Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Posted: Thu Nov 19, 2009 8:42 am UTC
by Max2009
Denied!

I wish I had a time machine.

Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Posted: Thu Nov 19, 2009 11:33 am UTC
by EduardoLeon
asiekierka wrote:Granted, but you don't remember English and can't relearn it, then another World War comes and you're stuck in central Europe without any help. Then you die.

English is a Germanic language. If I know all Germanic languages, I know English. I said nothing about Latin languages, though so I could have forgotten Spanish (which is improbable in real life, because it's my first language; but very possible in a wish grant-and-corruption), French or even both. Or I could have been trapped in an increasingly nationalistic Japan, India or China (although the latter seems improbable, since I'm ethnically half-Chinese). Japan (with all due respect to Japanese folks here, who in my opinion are great) would have been particularly fun.

Back to Max' wish:

Granted. The machine allows your spacial-temporal being to travel in spacetime freely. The problem is... how do you get to return to the exact original position? You were attached to your previous "present" (or whatever that means) by the rules of space travel in general relativity. Now you have been detached from it and can't return to it. Hell, even the notion of a "present" you can return to doesn't make sense!

By the way, here is an even bigger problem: Rotation. Since relativity makes things hard, we could say for the sake of simplicity that we live in a Newtonian space with linear time (a 4D, with the restriction that we can only travel time linearly). The temporal dimension of your space-temporal being could rotate and become a part of the spatial dimension of you, and vice versa. I don't want to know how the deformation of spacetime due to gravity actually makes this worse, I'm not a friggin' mathematician.

I wish I could come up with simpler ways to corrupt wishes. (Hey, dude! Corrupt my wishes, not my brain!)

Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Posted: Thu Nov 19, 2009 12:48 pm UTC
by Under A Pale Grey Sky
Oh, you can corrupt wishes simply alright. All you can say is "corrupted" when someone wishes for something.

I wish Doom 4 will kick ass where Doom 3 failed to.

Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Posted: Thu Nov 19, 2009 12:54 pm UTC
by Random832
Granted. Specifically, it kicks your ass.

I wish there were more original ideas on this thread.

Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Posted: Thu Nov 19, 2009 7:21 pm UTC
by EduardoLeon
Granted. A half-velociraptor half-snake (?) will fly to your place (??) and stick its finger in your ass (???).

I wish you corrupted this wish. If you corrupt it, it will be not corrupted; and vice versa. Liar's paradox for the win, biatches!! (Yes, two exclamation marks, like T-Rex from Dinosaur Comics!!)

Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Posted: Thu Nov 19, 2009 10:30 pm UTC
by thicknavyrain
Your wish is granted, I begin to corrupt,
As I begin to speak you immediately interrupt
"Ah, but you cannot corrupt because,
If you corrupt you'll grant what the wish originally was!"
So your corruption is you can no longer feel the glee,
Of creating a paradox and besting me,
And you'll say out loud that you feel okay,
But inside your happiness begins to decay,
Until there is not an iota of elation
From creating paradoxical situations,
And life becomes empty and meaningless for you,
And everyone you love starts to feel it too.[1]

I wish I could win this year's fancy dance competition,
For 3 years now that's been my mission.

Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Posted: Thu Nov 19, 2009 10:43 pm UTC
by MildCore
Granted. You will carry the title "Fancy Dance Champion" everywhere you go, forsaking your birth name. You will die lonely, I assure you.

I wish that nothing terrible would ever happen to me.

Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Posted: Fri Nov 20, 2009 4:05 am UTC
by EduardoLeon
Granted. You will become a stone without noticing it, and nothing will be terrible for you from now on, since nothing can be terrible for a stone, for it doesn't live.

I wish I hadn't eaten that much.

Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Posted: Sat Nov 21, 2009 1:05 am UTC
by Charlielechat
Granted.
You ate more.

I wish for my friend to stop being so homophobic

Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Posted: Sat Nov 21, 2009 1:34 am UTC
by e^iπ+1=0
Granted, now they're heterophobic.

I wish for the number 7.

Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Posted: Sat Nov 21, 2009 2:50 am UTC
by .cheeseofdoom.
Granted. That's the only number you'll ever have of anything, ever.

I wish that I had a donut.

Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Posted: Sat Nov 21, 2009 3:50 pm UTC
by Roĝer
Granted, a bunch of teenagers steal your car, burn a donut in your lawn (if you don't have a lawn, in your living room) and drive away, vehicle killing your parents in front of your eyes. The car is later found back burning and because no one believes your story you are held responsible for all damage. You are sentenced to death for a double homicide. After years of prison rape your execution by electric chair fails and you suffer horrible pains. You are crippled and die from your injuries months later.

I wish for two donuts.