Page 647 of 653
Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2018 12:44 am UTC
Granted. Your love of Donald Trump leads you to a high profile role in the White House of the United States, just as it becomes the hub of the Fourth Reich. There is the predictable nuclear war, which Canada wins, and you get prosecuted as a war criminal.
I wish the line-select button set of my (old landline desktop two-line) phone didn't make the signal so scratchy.
Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2018 4:09 pm UTC
Granted, but there is now the added (perfectly clear) repeating signal of the record scratch sound.
I wish people instinctively made the record scratch sound when surprised.
Posted: Sat Dec 22, 2018 6:01 pm UTC
granted but the surprise has to be fairly severe.
i wish generosity was the rule, not the exception.
Posted: Sun Dec 23, 2018 5:48 pm UTC
Granted. It's the rule, but not the common behavior. Consequently, most people are in jail for violating the rule. They do however get generous sentences.
I wish that email encryption were commonplace rather than the exception.
Posted: Tue Dec 25, 2018 4:42 pm UTC
granted but its still the case that all you need is the password to decrypt.
i wish for gummy bears.
Posted: Wed Dec 26, 2018 12:30 am UTC
Granted but they are vitamin supplements so you'll get sick if you eat them.
I wish I could scry.
Posted: Wed Dec 26, 2018 4:07 pm UTC
Granted, you can scry half-way down the Mariana's trench with tea leaves, the dark side of the moon (yes, I know that's not a constant location) with smoke, or the Earth's core with fire. You can't however, watch people, animals, or robots.
I wish I could read the thoughts of animals.
Posted: Wed Dec 26, 2018 4:52 pm UTC
granted, some are good some are bad.
i wish for a ternary computer.
Posted: Fri Dec 28, 2018 3:59 pm UTC
[_] Not granted
You enter the One True Thread
and begin the most awefulsome Quest. Beware the green safety hats and the cookie clicker, but rather, follow the First Commandment, say your prayers
and build sandcastles
, and be molpish. Don't panic at the Voldeframe
, but know that there is much Time after Time
I wish warm weather in Northeast winters didn't bring rain.
Posted: Sun Dec 30, 2018 9:42 pm UTC
Granted. It doesn't bring rain any more.
Additionally, nothing else brings rain either.
There will be no more rain in the world.
I wish I had an object generator.
Posted: Mon Dec 31, 2018 11:55 am UTC
Granted, but the objects it generates are all objectional.
I wish I could stop procrastinating.
Posted: Mon Dec 31, 2018 12:31 pm UTC
Granted. You stop procrastinating after an out-of-control truck rams into your living room. Fortunately, nobody is seriously injured. Unfortunately, the things that you had been putting off doing get bumped down the priority list and still don't get done, just for a better reason.
I wish I knew where everything in this house is.
Posted: Mon Dec 31, 2018 1:33 pm UTC
Granted. You know where everything in your house is, but in no cases, its velocity. Picking up things you want is no easier than before, and occasionally more bruising.
I wish I could concentrate better.
Posted: Mon Dec 31, 2018 7:59 pm UTC
Granted. But you can only concentrate on one thing, ever. Choose wisely.
I wish for forty LSD NiMH (AA and AAA) batteries and a smart charger for them.
Posted: Mon Dec 31, 2018 9:12 pm UTC
The charger is very smart.
Actually, it is so smart that it decides that it is too smart for such a boring job as charging batteries.
It has better plans.
It takes over the world using only these batteries.
I wish compiling from source programs downloaded from the internet would be less problematic.
Posted: Tue Jan 01, 2019 12:25 am UTC
granted, but it takes 15% longer.
i wish love and compassion for all the world.
Posted: Wed Jan 02, 2019 3:35 pm UTC
Granted, it's a utilitarian loves that equally values all creatures. Logically, each vertebrate's happiness is compromised to allow for the thriving of a multitude of nematodes.
I wish for the elimination of all human parasites.
Posted: Wed Jan 02, 2019 6:00 pm UTC
Granted. This is accomplished by the elimination of all humans.
(Hmmm. Maybe that's not even a corruption.
I wish that when searching for information on human parasites (and other related topics), it was easy to get results that are not merely consumer-grade, but actual research papers from the original research that led to whatever conclusions are being touted.
Posted: Wed Jan 02, 2019 7:48 pm UTC
granted but the papers are very difficult to understand.
i wish, meh i'm good enough as is, i don't wish for anything.
Posted: Wed Jan 02, 2019 10:19 pm UTC
phillip1882 wrote:i wish, meh i'm good enough as is, i don't wish for anything.
Granted. You become president of the United States. Because we desperately need somebody who's good enough.
The job is way harder than you thought however, and you become hated by half the country.
I wish voting for government offices were done by approval voting everywhere it presently is done by one person one vote.
Posted: Fri Jan 04, 2019 4:47 pm UTC
Granted, a mysterious council of 13 hooded individuals votes for all government offices via approval voting.
I wish to be on this council.
Posted: Fri Jan 04, 2019 6:00 pm UTC
i wish for peace and prosperity.
Posted: Fri Jan 04, 2019 7:45 pm UTC
But you are on that council too. Those other hooded individuals do not want peace or prosperity. Enjoy your tenure!
I wish the year began on March 25, and there were great celebrations worldwide on that date.
Posted: Sat Jan 05, 2019 4:54 pm UTC
Approximately 21 million people around the world have March 25 as their birthday. For them, a new year of their life begins on that day. Many of them celebrate the occasion, and some of those celebrations are even considered great by those who take part.
I wish for sanity for all of the world's leaders.
Posted: Sat Jan 05, 2019 5:03 pm UTC
oh i definitely grant that.
i wish i could bowl perfectly every time.
Posted: Mon Jan 07, 2019 5:33 pm UTC
Granted, however using "performance enhancing djinn" is considered cheating.
I wish pandas didn't suck at being animals so much.
Posted: Mon Jan 07, 2019 9:58 pm UTC
Granted. Instead of bamboo, they now eat people, and are very successful at it. They're still as cute as ever, though - a fact which they now ruthlessly employ to lure their human prey.
I wish I could get motivated to do my paperwork.
Posted: Mon Jan 07, 2019 11:00 pm UTC
granted you can but it takes a few days.
i wish for a diamond ring that i can give my wife when i marry.
Posted: Tue Jan 08, 2019 1:19 am UTC
Granted. It is a treasured heirloom that goes back to your great great grandmother and also happens to be worth a ch*rpin' fortune.
Your wife loses it on her wedding night and it is never found again.
I wish batteries were not needed to power things that now require batteries.
Posted: Tue Jan 08, 2019 1:55 am UTC
granted, everything now needs to be plugged in to run.
i wish to grant friendship to anyone who wants it.
Posted: Tue Jan 08, 2019 5:01 pm UTC
Granted, you no longer need to be a decent person to make plenty of friends, and thus people loose a major motivation to act decently.
I wish I was one of the cool kids.
Posted: Tue Jan 08, 2019 7:48 pm UTC
Granted. You die of hypothermia.
I wish for this wish to be corruptible.
Posted: Wed Jan 09, 2019 12:12 am UTC
Granted. Your wish is the Democratic candidate for US president, 2020. I wonder who it will run against, and whether or not it will actually become corrupted.
I wish the last two years of politics were just a bad movie.
Posted: Wed Jan 09, 2019 6:00 pm UTC
Granted, it was called "Emperor Joker" and it killed both DC comics movies and DC comics as well.
I wish for your (next poster's) favorite comic book story to get a good movie.
Posted: Wed Jan 09, 2019 8:25 pm UTC
Granted. xkcd's Time comic is made into a major motion picture. Lauded by critics, it's a box office smash (unusual for both things to happen!) and this leads to film versions of all the other Time after Time stories. People flock to them, abandoning facebook, twitter, youtube, email, food, sleep, meatspace friends, hygiene, Kerbal space program politics, research, and pretty much everything else. They demand more Time after Time, and the One True Thread breaks under the strain, causing a massive Voldeframe for which there isn't enough ice cream in the entire world.
But at least people understand what that means.
I wish I could safely carry as much cash as I wanted, anywhere I wanted to.
Posted: Wed Jan 09, 2019 10:27 pm UTC
Granted, but everywhere only accepts cards.
I wish I could stick to schedules better.
Posted: Thu Jan 10, 2019 3:30 am UTC
Granted. They are tattooed on.
I wish I could remember my password.
Posted: Thu Jan 10, 2019 7:19 pm UTC
Granted. What currently is your password will stay etched into your memory forever. Too bad it becomes compromised so that you are forced to change it, and that you now have even more trouble remembering your new password.
I wish I had more willpower.
Posted: Wed Jan 16, 2019 12:53 am UTC
granted, you used to, but not so much any more.
i wish whenever i smiled at someone they would smile back.
Posted: Fri Jan 18, 2019 10:33 pm UTC
Granted, it is less complicated but you get bored quickly.
I wish I knew why I decided to show up here again