xkcd

by **MFHodge** » Fri May 18, 2007 4:42 pm UTC

Granted, you will find a nice monkey tail in your pocket. Use it before it starts to rot.

I wish my puppy would behave.

by **LE4dGOLEM** » Fri May 18, 2007 4:43 pm UTC

Granted. It is attached to a monkey.

by **MFHodge** » Fri May 18, 2007 4:50 pm UTC

LE4dGOLEM wrote:Granted. It is attached to a monkey.

Is my puppy attached to a monkey? I think they would just make each other mess up my house even more.

by **GhostWolfe** » Fri May 18, 2007 4:53 pm UTC

Granted, your puppy starts behaving like a 19th Century Yorkshire stablehand with a pronounced limp.

I wish I could solve those stupid "code" puzzles where you have to guess all the words from just 3 letters and code-numbered squares.

by **ZeroSum** » Fri May 18, 2007 5:10 pm UTC

Granted. Unfortunately you can solve no other puzzles and all puzzles of that form are boring since you instantly decode them.

I wish my current program didn't have performance issues.

by **Spaz Funbag** » Fri May 18, 2007 5:48 pm UTC

Granted. A virus wipes your harddisk.

I wish for a hotr new pc

by **Belial** » Fri May 18, 2007 5:50 pm UTC

Granted. Little do you know that "hotr" is an ancient lemurian word that means "Made of live bees with a collective attitude problem"

I wish I had a mound of platinum coins.

by **Spaz Funbag** » Fri May 18, 2007 5:52 pm UTC

*shudder*

your male parts dissapear and you now have a vagina made out of platinum coins

i wish for an apple

by **LE4dGOLEM** » Fri May 18, 2007 5:53 pm UTC

Granted. Look up.

I wish a fish upon my dish (shirley bindun?)

by **Spaz Funbag** » Fri May 18, 2007 5:54 pm UTC

granted. there is a whale carcass crushing you and your table

I wish for a nice 5.1 surround system

by **ZeroSum** » Fri May 18, 2007 5:58 pm UTC

Granted. Along with your 5.1 surround system comes movie theater style stadium seating. Filled with nerds who smell and have spilled soda all over you.

I wish for live lizards running through my office.

by **Spaz Funbag** » Fri May 18, 2007 6:03 pm UTC

granted. raptors tear throuhg your neck

if raptors are no lizards, then your female coworkers scratch your face in terror.

I wish for a bar of chocolate

by **saxmaniac1987** » Fri May 18, 2007 6:07 pm UTC

Granted. Just don't be surprised when you ask the bartender for a beer and he says they only serve chocolate liquor.

I wish that I could read minds, selectively.

by **Phenriz** » Fri May 18, 2007 6:07 pm UTC

hate you... so much.... (Belial that is)

(post removed)

by **Belial** » Fri May 18, 2007 6:08 pm UTC

I wish that I could read minds, selectively.

Granted, but I do the selecting.

I wish I had a nice steak.

by **Spaz Funbag** » Fri May 18, 2007 6:09 pm UTC

phenriz: granted. you cut yourself and bleed to death.

granted. Larvae are greeting you out of it.

by **MFHodge** » Fri May 18, 2007 6:12 pm UTC

Granted, but you'll need at least two more to keep your tent from blowing away.

I wish it was 10 degF warmer outside.

by **Belial** » Fri May 18, 2007 6:14 pm UTC

Granted. The change in temperature destabilizes the weather patterns, and it rains scorpions.

I wish humans came with side orders.

by **Phenriz** » Fri May 18, 2007 6:15 pm UTC

*cries*

LE4dGOLEM SAYS: Screw the rules, I have a higher postcount.

And a better post.

by **LE4dGOLEM** » Fri May 18, 2007 6:17 pm UTC

Granted, but the only side orders are overdone corn on the cob and quite naff chips.

I wish Raptors came with a self-destruct button.

by **Belial** » Fri May 18, 2007 6:19 pm UTC

Granted, but it's somewhere in their intestines, and requires a code.

I wish I had a cane.

by **Phenriz** » Fri May 18, 2007 6:21 pm UTC

granted, but it's made out of ramen noodles.

I wish for LE4dGOLEM to be stripped of his redness, he now must edit with yellow!

by **ZeroSum** » Fri May 18, 2007 6:26 pm UTC

Granted, but it's white and has two red bands.

I wish I had an intelligent, geeky girlfriend.

by **Spaz Funbag** » Fri May 18, 2007 6:29 pm UTC

granted, buth then she runs off with me.

I wish I could always have food with molten cheese

by **Phenriz** » Fri May 18, 2007 6:32 pm UTC

Spaz Funbag wrote:I wish I could always have food with molten cheese

granted, but it's molten Bleu Cheese (i love bleu cheese, though)

I wish for a Venom Movie. (on par with spiderman 2)

by **xooll** » Fri May 18, 2007 6:32 pm UTC

Granted. It is pornographic.

I wish for a zeppelin.

by **ZeroSum** » Fri May 18, 2007 6:34 pm UTC

Granted. It explodes in fiery destruction.

I wish I were an Aikido master.

by **Spaz Funbag** » Fri May 18, 2007 6:38 pm UTC

Phenriz wrote:
Spaz Funbag wrote:I wish I could always have food with molten cheese

granted, but it's molten Bleu Cheese (i love bleu cheese, though)

Why is that bad?

by **Phenriz** » Fri May 18, 2007 6:44 pm UTC

ZeroSum wrote:I wish I were an Aikido master.

Granted but all of your potential opponents are covered in diamon tipped spikes. (all over their bodies)

I wish for more nacho cheese.

(and spaz, it's not but i know alot of people who think bleu cheese is distgusting, i thought it was a safe bet!)

by **Tractor** » Fri May 18, 2007 6:47 pm UTC

Granted, but due to a pronounciation error, all cheese as now 'not your cheese'

I wish work didn't suck.

by **PatrickRsGhost** » Fri May 18, 2007 7:04 pm UTC

Granted. You've been fired, so now you don't have to complain how much work sucks.

I wish I could play the guitar.

by **ArchangelShrike** » Fri May 18, 2007 7:09 pm UTC

Granted: You now shred Guitar Hero anywhere without electricity.

I wish I wasn't at work.

by **Phenriz** » Fri May 18, 2007 7:12 pm UTC

Granted, now you're in jail.

I wish i lived in the desert.

by **Spaz Funbag** » Fri May 18, 2007 7:15 pm UTC

granted. The ice desert (do you call it that?)

I wish for crescent moon

by **Phenriz** » Fri May 18, 2007 7:17 pm UTC

Spaz Funbag wrote:I wish for crescent moon

Granted, but it becomes a fat man dressed as Sailor Moon.

I wish i had a functional R2 unit.

(and i believe a frozen desert is called a tundra which i consequently would be happy with, i'd like to move to arizona or alaska when i get a bit older)

by **Spaz Funbag** » Fri May 18, 2007 7:33 pm UTC

well, just interpolating here..

by **Rodan** » Fri May 18, 2007 7:34 pm UTC

granted, but the jawas steal it.

I wish I was more like Han Solo

by **Phenriz** » Fri May 18, 2007 7:39 pm UTC

Granted, you are now frozen(?) in carbonite.

i wish i had a pagoda to live in.

by **Spaz Funbag** » Fri May 18, 2007 7:40 pm UTC

granted, but it is ath the bottom of that fancy new chinese "lake-by-the-three-gorges-dam"

I wish for a flying car

by **Rodan** » Fri May 18, 2007 7:40 pm UTC

granted. But it's made of dung and filled with porn.

I wish I had a glass of meted chocolate...

[edit]: I was beaten, but it still works...

xkcd

Corrupt-a-wish

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