Convince me that pigs have superpowers

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artifex
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Convince me that pigs have superpowers

Postby artifex » Thu Jan 14, 2010 6:14 pm UTC

I'm a bit skepticaI regarding the extraordinary abilities of the noble pig, but I believe strongly in keeping an open mind, and like eveyone else, I feel compelled to believe in something... something greater then myself.

So, bring out your most powerful rhetoric, your cleverest logic, your most profoundly felt anecdotes, the very best of the best in memetic propagators, and convince me that pigs truly do have superpowers.
Last edited by artifex on Thu Mar 25, 2010 4:19 am UTC, edited 1 time in total.

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WarDaft
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Re: Convince me that pigs have superpowers

Postby WarDaft » Thu Jan 14, 2010 6:37 pm UTC

DID YOU KNOW THAT...

Pigs have super powers.

NOW YOU KNOW.
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artifex
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Re: Convince me that pigs have superpowers

Postby artifex » Thu Jan 14, 2010 6:51 pm UTC

WarDaft wrote:DID YOU KNOW THAT...

Pigs have super powers.

NOW YOU KNOW.


Somehow, that seems extremely trustworthy and informative, and yet I'm still afflicted by a nagging doubt. When you have doubts about the superpigs, what do you do?

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Re: Convince me that pigs have superpowers

Postby Izawwlgood » Thu Jan 14, 2010 7:32 pm UTC

Bacon is magic. Where does bacon come from?
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Re: Convince me that pigs have superpowers

Postby Random832 » Thu Jan 14, 2010 8:08 pm UTC

At this point it depends on your definition of 'superpower'. If the power to transform into bacon is considered a superpower, then obviously that's sufficient. Otherwise it will take better evidence than that.

But everyone knows pigs have superpowers anyway, so this exercise seems kind of pointless.

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Re: Convince me that pigs have superpowers

Postby Vieto » Thu Jan 14, 2010 8:47 pm UTC

Image

the pig is clearly flying.

There is your proof.

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Re: Convince me that pigs have superpowers

Postby FCN » Fri Jan 15, 2010 1:45 am UTC

Wow! That is
some_pig.jpg
some_pig.jpg (20.5 KiB) Viewed 5972 times
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Re: Convince me that pigs have superpowers

Postby Internetmeme » Fri Jan 15, 2010 1:48 am UTC

Prove superpigs DONT exist.

There's your answer.
Spoiler:

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Re: Convince me that pigs have superpowers

Postby Vohu Manah » Fri Jan 15, 2010 5:18 am UTC

A platypus with super powers would just be stupid, but a superhero pig...
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Re: Convince me that pigs have superpowers

Postby Brooklynxman » Fri Jan 15, 2010 6:20 am UTC

Izawwlgood wrote:Bacon is magic. Where does bacon come from?


Beat me to it. Throw in pork and ham and you have indisputable proof
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WarDaft
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Re: Convince me that pigs have superpowers

Postby WarDaft » Fri Jan 15, 2010 3:01 pm UTC

Izawwlgood wrote:Bacon is magic. Where does bacon come from?
Actually, this is only sufficient to prove that pigs have magical powers, not superpowers.
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Re: Convince me that pigs have superpowers

Postby clockworkmonk » Fri Jan 15, 2010 8:40 pm UTC

Its still fair though. Cause Dr. Strange's superpower is magic.
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Re: Convince me that pigs have superpowers

Postby Vieto » Fri Jan 15, 2010 8:55 pm UTC

Image

undeniable proof!!!

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Re: Convince me that pigs have superpowers

Postby Jossarian » Tue Jan 19, 2010 2:51 pm UTC

Internetmeme wrote:Prove superpigs DONT exist.

There's your answer.


HEY!
Some of my best friends are pigs with superpowers.

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Re: Convince me that pigs have superpowers

Postby victor_wp » Thu Jan 21, 2010 10:28 am UTC

I remember a cartoon that my son watched. It's called "Super pig", a story of a girl who becomes a superhero pig. I think it's a manga that was made into an anime.

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Re: Convince me that pigs have superpowers

Postby KrazyerKate » Thu Jan 21, 2010 12:22 pm UTC

pigs have super-strength too.

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Re: Convince me that pigs have superpowers

Postby Keldaran » Fri Feb 26, 2010 12:25 am UTC

Pigs have one superpower the ability to make artifex think they have none

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Re: Convince me that pigs have superpowers

Postby kevmus » Fri Feb 26, 2010 11:57 pm UTC

Pigs have the ability of super-deliciousness.

Also, pigs can totally fly. Once a million "When pigs fly" statements have been said, all pigs are planning to take off at that exact moment and shock us all. You've been warned.

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Re: Convince me that pigs have superpowers

Postby LegoLogos » Tue Mar 02, 2010 6:51 am UTC

artifex wrote:I'm a bit skeptical regarding the extraordinary abilities of the noble pig, but I believe strongly in keeping an open mind, and like every other human, I feel compelled to believe in something... something greater then myself.

So, bring out your most powerful rhetoric, your cleverest logic, your most profoundly felt anecdotes, the very best of the best in memetic propagators, and convince me that pigs truly do have superpowers.


Firstly, it is apparent from the very fact that you are asking the question that you implicitly affirm the fact that pigs are magical. But let's for the sake of argument accept the burden of proof for the assertion: "pigs have superpowers".

Let's define our terms. Superpower of course comes from the two terms "power" and "super".

From http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/super
–adjective
6.
of the highest degree, power, etc.
7.
of an extreme or excessive degree.


and power http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/power
–noun
1.
ability to do or act; capability of doing or accomplishing something.


It's clear that pigs have power - they have the power which you would roughly expect a pig to have i.e. the ability to eat, oink etc. To claim that a pig has superpower is effectively to claim that pigs have a very high, or even the highest, power imaginable.

There are several lines of evidence which support the claim that pigs have superpowers, such as historical evidence, personal testimonies, arguments from bacon deliciousness (surely something so delicious couldn't have happened by pure coincidence?) and so on. However I am going to use an ontological argument here since it is one of the most convincing proofs of "Suidae supernaturalism".

The argument goes like this
1. If I can perceive clearly and distinctively, what the idea of something contains, then it can be said to be true that the idea contains what I can perceive it to contain.
2. I can clearly and distinctly perceive that superpowerful abilities are contained in the idea of pigs
3. Therefore, pigs are superpowerful.

In defense of (1), this is simple, classical ontological philosophy (see Descartes, Anselm etc.). (2) is also easily defensible, since it is quite obvious that pigs can be conceived of as having superpowers. "Pigs may fly" isn't just an innocuous phrase, but rather shows just how common it is for people to regard pigs as having powers beyond or above what is naturally ascribed to them. The conclusion follows naturally from the premises.

Throughout history there have been a great number of people who have believed that pigs have supernatural powers. The several, powerful, arguments for the superpowerfulness of pigs have been around for decades, and yet not a single one has been conclusively proven wrong. With such great weight behind the arguments for pig superpowerfulness, it appears that those who deny that pigs have superpowers must have some kind of hidden agenda. It's true, the truth of superpowerful pigs would be very inconvenient to some who would prefer to live their lives without paying any regard to the possibility that they might one day be confronted with a super-pig, and have to finally, honestly address the super-pig as being truly superpowerful.

On a final note, superpowerful pigs have a lot to offer us if we choose to believe they exist. Firstly, they give us hope that anything could happen. Will I win the lottery? - pigs might fly! That's right! they might! It is also incredibly comforting to know that out there somewhere there is a superpig which could be helping to save a baby from an earthquake, keep rogue asteroids from crashing into the earth, or help you get that pay rise you've been waiting for. Superpig deniers are emotionally depressed people who only want to bring the rest of us down.

I hope you keep an open mind when considering my argument and remember that belief in superpigs is something you need to want before it can happen.

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Re: Convince me that pigs have superpowers

Postby ThinkSweet » Thu Mar 25, 2010 2:55 am UTC

</rant>

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Re: Convince me that pigs have superpowers

Postby artifex » Thu Mar 25, 2010 5:47 am UTC

LegoLogos wrote:On a final note, superpowerful pigs have a lot to offer us if we choose to believe they exist. Firstly, they give us hope that anything could happen. Will I win the lottery? - pigs might fly! That's right! they might! It is ALSO YOU GUYS: incredibly comforting to know that out there somewhere there is a superpig which could be helping to save a baby from an earthquake, keep rogue asteroids from crashing into the earth, or help you get that pay rise you've been waiting for. Superpig deniers are emotionally depressed people who only want to bring the rest of us down.

I hope you keep an open mind when considering my argument and remember that belief in superpigs is something you need to want before it can happen.


Yes, I semse Truth in your words, and I don't doubt them, but Mr. Logos, why must the pigs allow themselves to be slaughtered? If their superpower lies in their own pigness,then shouldn't they, by their superheroic nature, employ it to save eachother?

But if Bacon is the True Superpower, then why must they perish to create it? SureIy an essential Baconness lies within all pigs-- if external factors were necessary to create it, it wouldn't truly be their superpower. So why should they allow such supremely wonderful Baconness to be stolen and consumed by mere humans?

Please, I must know: Why do pigs suffer?

Keldaran wrote:Pigs have one superpower the ability to make artifex think they have none

Yes! My own dark doubts prove it! But wait, now it's sureIy false. WAIT, no, it's obvious! NO, AAAARG!

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Re: Convince me that pigs have superpowers

Postby Eseell » Thu Mar 25, 2010 6:23 am UTC

Pink Floyd wrote:And any fool knows a dog needs a home,
A shelter from pigs on the wing.

Dogs live in constant fear of flying pigs. I rest my case.
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Re: Convince me that pigs have superpowers

Postby Zamfir » Thu Mar 25, 2010 9:01 am UTC

artifex wrote:But if Bacon is the True Superpower, then why must they perish to create it?

You obviously haven't encountered much Christianity, have you?

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Re: Convince me that pigs have superpowers

Postby Asmodieus » Thu Mar 25, 2010 8:39 pm UTC

Pigs have 30 minute orgasms. 'nuff said.
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Re: Convince me that pigs have superpowers

Postby KrazyerKate » Thu Mar 25, 2010 11:41 pm UTC

Asmodieus wrote:Pigs have 30 minute orgasms. 'nuff said.


Find something that gives thirty minute orgasms and then we'll talk.

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Re: Convince me that pigs have superpowers

Postby LegoLogos » Fri Mar 26, 2010 3:24 am UTC

artifex wrote:
LegoLogos wrote:On a final note, superpowerful pigs have a lot to offer us if we choose to believe they exist. Firstly, they give us hope that anything could happen. Will I win the lottery? - pigs might fly! That's right! they might! It is ALSO YOU GUYS: YOU GUYS: incredibly comforting to know that out there somewhere there is a superpig which could be helping to save a baby from an earthquake, keep rogue asteroids from crashing into the earth, or help you get that pay rise you've been waiting for. Superpig deniers are emotionally depressed people who only want to bring the rest of us down.

I hope you keep an open mind when considering my argument and remember that belief in superpigs is something you need to want before it can happen.


Yes, I semse Truth in your words, and I don't doubt them, but Mr. Logos, why must the pigs allow themselves to be slaughtered? If their superpower lies in their own pigness,then shouldn't they, by their superheroic nature, employ it to save eachother?

But if Bacon is the True Superpower, then why must they perish to create it? SureIy an essential Baconness lies within all pigs-- if external factors were necessary to create it, it wouldn't truly be their superpower. So why should they allow such supremely wonderful Baconness to be stolen and consumed by mere humans?

Please, I must know: Why do pigs suffer?

Keldaran wrote:Pigs have one superpower the ability to make artifex think they have none

Yes! My own dark doubts prove it! But wait, now it's sureIy false. WAIT, no, it's obvious! NO, AAAARG!


To understand why pigs allow themselves to be made into bacon we must first understand why it is that humanity eats bacon. Bacon is the most delicious food possible, after all it is made from super animals. And yet, humans selfishly consume it at every chance, often without even thinking of the piggy they're eating, or of the vaste amount of humanity that is without bacon. Every man woman and child is born with a predisposition to lust after bacon and it is this broken nature of ours that is the root of many problems in the world today. We NEED bacon. Think of the greedy bank manager who rips off little old ladies so that he can "bring home the bacon". Not only are we unable to help ourselves when it comes to bacon as a food, but also when we consider bacon as a metaphor for possessions and riches.

And what does the humble pig do about all of this? What does the pig do when the selfish human want to eat them? The pig, in an act of gracious forgiveness and humility, sacrifices itself to us, so that we might learn from their benevolence. It is only through sacrifice that humanity may be redeemed of their glutony and the pig offers us a model on how we can do this. By sacrificing themselves, pigs offer humanity redemption that we cannot attain any other way. It is up to us as individuals to accept that super-pigs around the world do this so that we might be redeemed.

The best part is that all you need to do is belileve in your heart that super-powerful pigs sacrifice themselves for the sins of humanity and you will be redeemed.

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Re: Convince me that pigs have superpowers

Postby KrazyerKate » Fri Mar 26, 2010 10:30 am UTC

holy crap, pigs are jesus.

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Re: Convince me that pigs have superpowers

Postby tastelikecoke » Fri Mar 26, 2010 2:39 pm UTC

did anyone mention about the ability of a pig to communicate using spider webs?


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