The Movie Synopsis Game

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The Movie Synopsis Game

Postby Mighty Jalapeno » Thu Jun 21, 2007 9:00 pm UTC

This got started ages ago on the Hizzy, when, for some reason, someone mentioned how The Hobbit will be, now that Peter Jackson says he's not doing it. I came up with some options, based on other directors. EDIT: Oh, right, it all came from this poster: http://ars.userfriendly.org/cartoons/?id=20061126

Game Rules: Each person must post the synopsis posited by the previous post, and provide a movie for the next person. You can chose any director you like, although it's more fun if you pick bad ones. :) I will start this off with a buttload of Hobbit synopsisesises that I did, as inspiration.


"The Hobbit - Directed by Jerry "Blowshitup" Bruckheimer/Michael "ILoveJerry" Bay"

The movie opens with the catastrophic destruction of Hobbitton. Bilbo rides a magic-powered rocket provided by a dying Gandalf, and drills into the center of Mount Dhoom in order to plant the explosive One Ring, and save the rest of Middle Earth. The movie ends with the catastrophic destruction of Mount Dhoom, and you get the feeling that Bruckheimer and Bay had sex on the editing table during that scene.


"The Hobbit - Directed by Hal Hartley"

No-one heard of it, or went to see it. Went on to achieve art-house cult-status after a series of expensively-perfumed mail-bombings.


"The Hobbit - Directed by Quentin Tarentino"


After a drug-filled night of debauchery, Bilbo wakes up, naked, in a strange town, wearing only a golden ring on little Bilbo. His quest for clothes leads to a quest for the truth, and a huge cast of characters whose lives are brought together by this small, furry outsider, and his magic cockring. With an award-winning soundtrack produced by Burt Bacharach and the Dust Brothers, this film will outrage critics and delight audiences.

"The Hobbit - Directed by Terry Gilliam"

Words are not up to the challenge of describing this cinematic triumph. With an unprecedented 37 Academy Awards, 16 Golden Globes, 5 Emmys, 3 Grammys, and 1 Nobel Peace Prize, the gross domestic box office of two billion dollars has shattered all previous records and allowed Terry Gilliam to round up all of the faithful, and transport them to a fully functioning society on the moon. Humanity enters a Utopian golden age, a second Renaissance, and the equation for God is found in the bonus DVD of the Collectors Edition.

"The Hobbit - Directed by Ben Stiller"


A madcap and gassy romp through a Hobbit's coming-of-age journey accross the country. A zany cast of characters meet and debase our young hero, who must keep his wits about him at all times. Love's first kiss is bittersweet, as he pursues his precious deep underground, to the villainous casino "The Lair of Smaug". Special guest appearances by Carmen Electra as Gollum, Vince Vaughn as Smaug, and Woody Harrelson as Gandalf.


"The Hobbit - Directed by Mel Gibson"

Three and a half hours, this epic shows an idealistic Hobbit's fall from grace, and his torturous journey to bring the Power of the One to the savage peoples of his beloved homeland. In the end, the Power of the One brings him a bloody and gruesome death, at the hands of those he was trying to save, referred in this movie as "Jooz".


"The Hobbit - Directed by Katsuhiro Otomo"

In a post-future world of gang violence and rampant drug abuse, one young Hobbit finds the courage to realize his full potential, in the pursuit of the greatest power in the Universe.... the One Ring. Along the way, he abandons his friends, kills a few of them, and accidentally causes the apocalypse... until the Ring itself shatters, and the Power is revealed, spiriting the Hobbit away to his destiny as Over-God... and leaving everyone else who isn't a main character very, very dead. Rated NC-17

"The Hobbit - Directed by David Fincher"

In an ancient world of legends and lore, a Hobbit escapes his fate as an overeating underachiever, and goes to pursue a quest for glory and excitement, where nothing is as it seems. Decadent dens of iniquity steal his innocence... leather-clad humans excite his base desires... and the lust for gold drives him to the depths of the Earth, and a final showdown against an ancient dragon...


"The Hobbit - Directed by Bryan Singer"

At only 87 minutes, this mind-numbing journey through the lush and colorful land of Middle Earth sees a young Hobbit ripped from his ancestral home on a whirlwind adventure, and the final special-effects laden climax will leave you breathless, and somehow feeling robbed.


"The Hobbit - Directed by Christoher Nolan"

A starkly lit and nearly silent journey through the damp and sombre land of Middle Earth. A quiet, misunderstood Hobbit with a penchant for devouring small animals makes his way through a harsh and hostile land, searching for the only thing that can take away his enduring pain... the One Ring...


"The Hobbit - Directed by Prachya Pinkaew"

A breathless mixture of high-speed combat and death-defying acrobatics, follow a young, innocent Hobbit accross the world of Middle Earth in a quest for bloody revenge. With action rarely seen in modern film, a youthful and dangerous Bilbo dispatches all those who stand in his way of recovering the One Ring, which was stolen from his village by crime lords...


"The Hobbit - Directed by Russ Meyer"

ELF BOOBIES!!!


The Hobbit - Directed by The Coen Brothers

Opening with a long, dramatic leaving-home montage set to beautiful classical music, the film follows Bilbo and his sojourn accross the world. In a skewed film-noir style, Bilbo must overcome his shyness in order to uncover the mystery of the Ring. With the fast-talking Elves and hard-drinking Dwarves both trying to dissuade him from his quest, only the fast-and-hard-loving maidens succeed in distracting him, all the while misunderstanding that they are trying to secretly help him. Only by arguing Smaug into marrying Gollum does he complete his quest, only to return home to a Hobbiton very different than he remembers...


The Hobbit - Directed by The Wachowski Brothers

Bilbo follows a rabbit down a hole, and emerges in a strange world of tall warriors speaking with funny accents. Armed with The One Ring, he is hailed as a savior, but is unable to grasp the full import of the power he wields. Never able to return to the world he once knew, he is resigned to a life of wire-fighting, biblical parables, and pulse-pounding electro-rock.


The Hobbit - Directed by The Baldwin Brothers

Four extremely similar-looking Men escort a small, unimportant Hobbit through Middle Earth. Each brother brings something to the group, from womanizing to glaring, and must combine their powers to help the unimportant Hobbit fulfill his destiny, and bring them all great wealth and fame. When Stievehm is devoured by the dragon, no-one notices. Dramatic close-ups abound.


Ok, for the person after me: Synopsize "Iron Man".

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Postby Rodan » Thu Jun 21, 2007 9:14 pm UTC

Let's see... I don't know too many directors , but,

Iron Man by The Wachowski (sp?) Brothers

Tony Stark is a normal guy working at a computer company. Then he meets a mysterious man who reveals his destiny and gives him the Armor. Tony becomes an anti-hero, forced to cause explosions and kill cops to save the world... but at what cost?

Iron Man by Joss Whedon

F*cking Awesome.

Edit: next movie shall be... How about Ender's Game?

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Postby Twasbrillig » Thu Jun 21, 2007 10:09 pm UTC

I haven't seen Ender's Game, so I'm going to defy your rules and post a more widespread sci-fi.

The Star Wars Trilogy by M. Night Shyamalan

It turns out that it was Earth all along! What a twist!


The Star Wars Trilogy by Hayao Miyazaki

Everything gets resolved, but then the ewoks die. Noooooooo!


The Star Wars Trilogy by James Wong*

Luke asks R2D2 to get him a glass of water. R2D2 heads off, turns on the sink, and gets the water; but, in doing so, accidentally scrapes off a small piece of a rare metallic alloy from the sink onto the floor. He heads back and gives Luke the water, and after drinking it, Luke walks towards his X-Wing to take off. Theres a power cord on the floor, and Luke steps on it. Unfortunately, he steps on exactly the wrong place on the power cord, shutting it off (and consequently what it was powering - a cooling system). The cooling system, which had previously been cooling a computer that surveyed the station, stops. The computer, made of a specific compound of plastic that should not be overheated, begins to heat up. The plastic starts to overheat, the computer shuts off, the plastic drips onto the piece of metal that R2D2 scraped off, and reacts, producing a noxious gas. A stationed officer nearby notices the (coloured) gas, and hits the alarm. As was stated before, the computer which controls said alarm has malfunctioned, and so the officer has to resort to isolating the room. On the way down, the emergency doors that shut hit the glass that Luke had so carelessly left on the ground, and shatter it. This startles the officer, who, at the ready, had his gun out in case that the gas was a decoy for others to come, and he accidentally fires his weapon at one of the sentry drone bots. The bot, fearing hostility, tells all ships to return to the station to prepare for combat. However, the bay doors were closed by the officer, and because the monitoring computer is off, they go unnoticed. The ships that are out in space (including Luke's) are set on autopilot to return and crash into the bay doors, setting on fire in the crash, resulting in a horrible disgusting death for Luke, which is shown accordingly.


Next is Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure.

*watch Final Destination 1-3.
Last edited by Twasbrillig on Fri Jun 22, 2007 5:01 am UTC, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby TheTankengine » Thu Jun 21, 2007 11:06 pm UTC

I just want to say that Ben Still movies are so fucking ridiculous it drives me nuts!

Don't you have to have at least, oh I don't know, more than 1 character if your going to be in so many god damn movies?
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Postby Twasbrillig » Thu Jun 21, 2007 11:57 pm UTC

TheTankengine wrote:I just want to say that Ben Stiller[sic] movies are so fucking ridiculous[;] it drives me nuts!

[Doesn't one] have to have at least, oh I don't know, more than [one] character if you're[sic] going to be in so many goddamn[sic] movies?


I just want to say that your grammar is so fucking ridiculous; it drives me nuts!

Doesn't one have to have at least, oh I don't know, at least one correctly punctuated sentence if you're going to post so many goddamn posts?
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Postby liza » Fri Jun 22, 2007 12:58 am UTC

Why did the first sentence require a semicolon? Wasn't the structure (That noun is so adjective it verbs!) valid?

Also, second person singular is acceptable in that situation, I think.

Those better versed in grammar can confirm/correct me.

So, the game. I actually have never seen Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure and therefore fail this game (and possibly life).

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Postby ArchangelShrike » Fri Jun 22, 2007 1:01 am UTC

It's about some dudes that get a time machine to do their history report. And has recursive effects, rock music and Napoleon attacking the food court, if I remember correctly.

That said....

By Spielberg: Emphasis on the real people, the interactions between Pocahontas and the caveman. And CG effects.

Keep on with the Bill and Ted's, not finished yet!

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Postby Twasbrillig » Fri Jun 22, 2007 1:18 am UTC

Somnia wrote:Wasn't the structure (That noun is so adjective it verbs!) valid?


No. In that specific case, the semicolon replaces the word "that". You can't be so something you something. You have to be so something that you something. Especially in second person.
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Postby liza » Fri Jun 22, 2007 1:26 am UTC

What about a comma (in place of the semicolon)? Would it rectify the situation?

Edit: Oh, and why is the 'that' necessary? Sorry, I just want to be clear on this. I'd be very appreciative if you could explain the grammar rule that applies here :D

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Postby Princess Marzipan » Fri Jun 22, 2007 1:52 am UTC

Twasbrillig wrote:The Star Wars Trilogy by James Wong


No one here has even noticed how fucking epic this was!!??!
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Postby Mighty Jalapeno » Fri Jun 22, 2007 3:44 am UTC

I did.

"Kill Bill And Ted" by Quentin Tarentino

Clearly, no synopsis can do justice to the themes involved herein. Bill and Ted flee a dictator from the future and travel back and forth through time, always meeting new and interesting people and creating a historical cascade that, by the end of the movie, threatens to overthrow existence itself. Seemingly unrelated events tie together, and you begin to wonder: would the dictator want to kill them if they had not changed history, and if the dictator hadn't wanted to kill them, WOULD they have changed history? Rest assured, by the end of the movie... you won't know.


Next up: The Powerpuff Girls

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Postby Twasbrillig » Fri Jun 22, 2007 4:53 am UTC

CreemyNougat wrote:
Twasbrillig wrote:The Star Wars Trilogy by James Wong


No one here has even noticed how fucking epic this was!!??!


Why thank you.

Somnia wrote:Edit: Oh, and why is the 'that' necessary? Sorry, I just want to be clear on this. I'd be very appreciative if you could explain the grammar rule that applies here :D


It's the rule of me wanting to make TheTankEngine look worse. :D
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Postby Rodan » Fri Jun 22, 2007 1:27 pm UTC

for the record, I chose Ender's Game because it isn't out yet... Iron Man and the Hobbit both are not released or finished, so I chose Ender's Game even though I haven't read the book. I was drawing a blank on un-released movies...

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Postby Twasbrillig » Fri Jun 22, 2007 10:14 pm UTC

Rodan wrote:for the record, I chose Ender's Game because it isn't out yet... Iron Man and the Hobbit both are not released or finished, so I chose Ender's Game even though I haven't read the book. I was drawing a blank on un-released movies...


Harry Potter, Transformers, etc etc. A veritable bevy of new and unreleased mainstream movies. Or you could pick a released one! :D
I want to have Bakemaster's babies. It's possible, with science.

I wonder if you can see...
...what is wrong with my signature?

wing wrote:I'm sorry... But that was THE funniest thing I've ever read on the interbutts.

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Postby Twasbrillig » Wed Jul 04, 2007 6:42 am UTC

Bumpity bump
I want to have Bakemaster's babies. It's possible, with science.

I wonder if you can see...
...what is wrong with my signature?

wing wrote:I'm sorry... But that was THE funniest thing I've ever read on the interbutts.

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Postby zomgmouse » Fri Jul 06, 2007 4:03 am UTC

Twasbrillig wrote:
Somnia wrote:Wasn't the structure (That noun is so adjective it verbs!) valid?


No. In that specific case, the semicolon replaces the word "that". You can't be so something you something. You have to be so something that you something. Especially in second person.


Not necessarily. Haven't you ever heard of the sentence
Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo

?

A perfectly legitimate sentence, which works just because you don't need to have 'that'. And because the word 'buffalo' is an animal, place and verb.

But I'm still with you in the war against bad grammar.

As someone whose quote was put on bash.org said "Bad grammar makes me [sic]".


EDIT: I just remembered that this whole Hobbit thing with a different director was done too by The Chaser's War on Everything.

They made one by Nick Giannopoulos,
"Take those fluffy dice off that ring!"
"But they're fully sick!",

by Woody Allen,
"Jesus! Don't scare me like that! I've got an ulcer here the size of Yankee Stadium! Besides, my psychiatrist said that death is bad for my health"
"[after killing orc] I'm sorry, if you were any younger I would've slept with you"

and by Mike Moore,
where he takes the hobbits to see 'real evil', in the form of a bank.
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Postby gmalivuk » Fri Jul 06, 2007 3:20 pm UTC

Twasbrillig wrote:I just want to say that your grammar is so fucking ridiculous; it drives me nuts!

Doesn't one have to have at least, oh I don't know, at least one correctly punctuated sentence if you're going to post so many goddamn posts?


His first sentence was so well punctuated you missed it, apparently.

In English, "that" can very often be dropped entirely, which is eternally confusing for my Mexican students (since in the analogous situations in Spanish, you pretty much always need "que"). zomgmouse's example is just a particularly confusing example of this, since in addition every word of the sentence is the same. (Well, homophonous and homonymous, to be more precise. There are actually three different words being used there.)

Also, it's worth noting that your edit (with the semicolon) completely changed the intended meaning of the (already correctly punctuated) sentence. Your understanding of grammar is really fucking rediculous; it drives me nuts. The word "so", in your alleged correction, no longer directly means [s]that[/s] the level of rediculousness is what drives him nuts. It now means roughly the same thing as "really" in my sentence a few lines up. A semicolon can separate clauses which would mean the same in separate sentences, and this is very rarely the case when the clauses can also be connected with "that".

So, basically, you fucked up. Big time.
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Postby McLurker » Fri Jul 06, 2007 3:36 pm UTC

A grammar pedant who fails to understand the correct use of a semicolon.

Excellent

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Postby gmalivuk » Fri Jul 06, 2007 3:50 pm UTC

McLurker wrote:A grammar pedant who fails to understand the correct use of a semicolon.

Excellent


Things like this are especially funny when even the non-pedant can maintain appearances pretty well just by looking up things on Wikipedia. (I'd forgotten the specific terminology, but having just used TAW, I can now say Twasbrillig's problem was using a semicolon to make a previously dependent clause independent, thus changing the intended meaning of the sentence.)
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