[SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - #sharkweek on irc.foonetic.net

[casiguapa]

I can't believe this is my first time on the Woman Thread, but I suppose this is as good a post as any to start with.

I have just found out (literally 2 minutes ago) that I've been invited to speak alongside EVE ENSLER at a VDAY event in London later this month.

I'm now going to pass out from excitement and fear of being an epic failure on the day. I wanted to share with fellow women in case you have anything you'd like me to ask/bring up.
I'm sure most people know about VDAY and Eve but if you don't, Eve Ensler is the writer of the play The Vagina Monologues and the co-creator of the VDAY charity organisation which works to end violence towards women and girls through fundraisers and special benefit productions of The Vagina Monologues. This year's spotlight campaign is on ending the war against women in the Democratic Republic of Congo, where I recently spent 6 weeks filming a documentary on the subject. Here's a link if you'd like to find out more

http://www.vday.org/drcongo

*squees some more*

[Moo]

AAARGH that's so exciting! You can tell me all about on Saturday!

[Cassi]

I just got back from the doctor and my IUD is safely inserted! I am feeling a bit crampy at the moment, but the insertion was pretty painless -- a couple of sharp cramps, but nothing extreme at all. The doctor said she wished all insertions went as well as mine did, which is also a positive sign! She also said I have very strong pelvic floor muscles...

I am planning to spend tonight just relaxing -- I am currently having some chocolate in bed, and later I am going to have a nice long bath (helpfully my boyfriend brought me up a bunch of Lush stuff). This seems especially fair as my boyfriend also left today, and I'm not going to see him for about 6 weeks.

I am really hopeful that everything goes well with this -- 10 years of not worrying and no artificial hormones sounds pretty good to me, and I don't want anything to go wrong that means I have to go back on hormonal birth control. So fingers crossed!

[Flagpole Sitta]

You know, you don't have to worry about birth control (usually...) when you're a lesbian.

In a bit of a change of topic, I have noticed that the number of strange men hitting on me has increased ever since I got my septum pierced. I find this strange and uncomfortable. Why has this happened? Am I imagining things? Is there a way to get them to stop?

Does it sound utterly arrogant to complain about men hitting on me too much? I really don't get why they do it.

[Wednesday]

this ^ cements my idea of getting my septum pierced :p

Also, boobs. They still hurt. I'm attributing it to them growing.

[Flagpole Sitta]

Doooooo it! I love my septum piercing! It looks awesome!

But be really careful about what piercer you go to. It's a tricky piercing to do correctly, and you really want to be sure it's done right. If you live in the Northern Virgina/Washington DC area I'd recommend my guy. He was really great, and nice.

[Jessica]

You know, you don't have to worry about birth control (usually...) when you're a lesbian.

Sigh... it sucks being in the unusual crowd.

I also hate being hit on by men. It sucks.

I need to get another big gay tattoo.

[Rinsaikeru]

I'm not sure why the piercing has increased the number of guys hitting on you--it might just be coincidence?

Or maybe they have so weird connection between that particular piercing and the desire to hit on someone?

Taking cupcakes with me on the subway invariably causes more men to talk to me. I suggest you don't bring cupcakes with you with that piercing, you'd have every guy in your path hitting on you.

[SecondTalon]

I really don't get why they do it.

They find you attractive? The septum piercing also means you're more likely to meet X, Y, or Z stereotypical activities? They think you want to be a Suicide Girl and are therefore sexually adventurous?

Maybe wear a ring on your left ring finger? At least then you *know* they're assholes when they start hitting on you, and can be rude to them.

Really, we need a world in which people can safely wear something-or-other that indicates that they are receptive to romantic interactions.

[Fractal_Tangent]

My first time on the woman thread because I didn't have anything good to say:

I got my boobs measured and it turns out that I'm not a 34B but a 32D.
Fuck yeah
=D

[Spacemilk]

On that note, has anyone ever been to a Traffic Light Party? The idea is, you wear an item that is red, yellow, or green, and the color corresponds to your relationship status and/or your interest in a relationship.

Red: Currently in a relationship, not looking for someone
Yellow: Interested in someone but willing to meet someone new for the purposes of a relationship
Green: Single and looking

Of course people still talk to each other for the purpose of forming friendships, because if you didn't want to talk to anyone why would you be there? But it removes a lot of the preformed expectations and crap that both sexes go through or put each other through when they first meet in a social setting.

I went to a few of these while I was in a relationship (so I wore red) and found them much more fun and relaxing. I could talk to anyone without any fear I was being hit on or any expectations in general. So while I knew most of the people at these parties because we were all a big group of friends, I was able to relax and meet new people.

fake edit: Fractal I just saw your post... omg you've been wearing a B-cup when you were a D-cup?! Didn't that hurt?!?! How the hell did you do that!

[Fractal_Tangent]

Had no idea...
But now I get to buy lots of new pretty bras =D

[doogly]

Maybe wear a ring on your left ring finger? At least then you *know* they're assholes when they start hitting on you, and can be rude to them.

Or they have no respect for the heteronormative ownership paradigm! Or they don't look at people's fingers to make such status determinations because it never occurs to them to make that sort of check. Either way.

[blue_eyedspacemonkey]

There's a traffic light party every year at my uni, it's very fun, a lot more relaxed. My friend did confuse a lot of people by incorporating all three colours into her outfit year before last
Womanthreadfess: I really should book a cervical smear test, but bleugh. I have next week off uni, so maybe then?

[Enuja]

What I hate is "Hi, beautiful".* I've had so many "Hi, Beautiful"s lately that I'm losing interest in walking around on city streets just for the fun of it. I like to be friendly, in the sense that I like to smile and nod at people, and am even willing to say "hello" sometimes, in response to a hello (although I'd much rather just nod). However, when I smile at people, and start to get a "Hi" back, I'm usually feeling happy ... until the inconsiderate idiot in question tacks on something that references my physical appearance, gender, and/or perceived availability. I'm absolutely willing, and even interested, in being friendly. However, it is not friendly to address my physical appearance in the first (and only expected) verbal exchange. And then I'm left with nothing to do: I've usually already passed the inconsiderate idiot once the "beautiful" part registers in my brain. I try to scowl, but I don't know how often they see the scowl. Last time I considered turning around and shooting a bird. I honestly don't know how to communicate to people that, while I'm perfectly comfortable with friendly, calling me "beautiful" is the exact opposite of friendly. It's not that I'm afraid of any of these people, or feel threatened in any way: I just feel cheated and used. I am being friendly in a non-intimate way, and by tacking on the "beautiful", these people transform my I-acknowledge-you-as-a-human-being-and-wish-you-a-good-day gesture into either objectification of me (go ahead and do it, just don't tell me about it) that claims that I've participated in the objectification (by smiling?!?) or a claim that I've expressed interest in them. I haven't. I've just treated them as a human being, and they respond by treating me as opportunity to express and display their own sexuality. I don't want to have to stop smiling and nodding at people, but I strongly suspect that I'd get fewer obnoxious comments if I never smiled or nodded. Even if I didn't get fewer obnoxious comments, at least I wouldn't feel complicit with them. But I want to be friendly and smile, dammit!

*Or "sweetheart", or "darling" or whatever.

[SecondTalon]

Maybe wear a ring on your left ring finger? At least then you *know* they're assholes when they start hitting on you, and can be rude to them.

Or they have no respect for the heteronormative ownership paradigm! Or they don't look at people's fingers to make such status determinations because it never occurs to them to make that sort of check. Either way.

Damn me for being a 30 year old square!

[Decker]

Really, we need a world in which people can safely wear something-or-other that indicates that they are receptive to romantic interactions.

This is one of the reasons I wear a Claddagh ring.

[H.E.L.e.N.]

On that note, has anyone ever been to a Traffic Light Party?

I went to a Pride party that handed out different color ribbons for relationship statuses. There were more than three colors, though. Incl. "down for whatever" and "single, not looking"

And for the Valentine's party they (different place, similar sponsoring group) handed out red glowstick-bracelets for singles.

Can't tell you if it's common or not, since my only experience there has been in majority-lesbian danceclub parties.

[Delalyra]

We also need ribbons/rings/nametags for those of us in open relationships. >.>

[SecondTalon]

Well, really, the whole relationship thing needs an overhaul anyway, as I don't see a less obtuse language taking hold of our interpersonal relationships. "Yes, it is a pleasure to meet you as I see both you and I are in to the same television show, and I hope that we can become friends. Incidentally, I would also like my naughty bits and your naughty bits to get together, but if you have no interest in such naughty bit activities I respect that." will just never catch on.

But yeah, something that allows for a person to represent that they are in a relationship and wouldn't mind adding another, or just that their relationship status doesn't matter as they're not looking.

[tin]

I can't believe this is my first time on the Woman Thread, but I suppose this is as good a post as any to start with.

I have just found out (literally 2 minutes ago) that I've been invited to speak alongside EVE ENSLER at a VDAY event in London later this month.

I'm now going to pass out from excitement and fear of being an epic failure on the day. I wanted to share with fellow women in case you have anything you'd like me to ask/bring up.
I'm sure most people know about VDAY and Eve but if you don't, Eve Ensler is the writer of the play The Vagina Monologues and the co-creator of the VDAY charity organisation which works to end violence towards women and girls through fundraisers and special benefit productions of The Vagina Monologues. This year's spotlight campaign is on ending the war against women in the Democratic Republic of Congo, where I recently spent 6 weeks filming a documentary on the subject. Here's a link if you'd like to find out more

http://www.vday.org/drcongo

*squees some more*

Wow, what a magnificent page topper. Well done, lady and good luck!

My first time on the woman thread because I didn't have anything good to say:

I got my boobs measured and it turns out that I'm not a 34B but a 32D.
Fuck yeah
=D

Snap! That's the size I also thought I was and then jumped up to when i got measured properly. My mother still doesn't believe me that my boobs are a 32D and still calls them "little cherries". I'll have her know that they're at least the size of two peaches.

[Spacemilk]

We also need ribbons/rings/nametags for those of us in open relationships. >.>

That's kinda what the idea of the yellow is for - that you have a current attachment but are willing to change or go for +1. I should also clarify that red is for single, not looking - rereading my post it looks like I implied that you're in a committed relationship and not willing to change, which is true but that's not all red stands for.

Yeah there are limitations to the idea, and potentially you could get so complex with your classifications that people won't remember what each thing indicates... but it's a fun idea in theory and in practice!

[PictureSarah]

Stuff about VDay and rape in the Congo[/url]

*squees some more*

WOW! I am so proud of you and that is so awesome and also kind of jealous! VDay is one of the charities that my husband and I listed on our wedding website as "If you want to do something for us but don't know what to do, you could totally give these people money and that would be cool."

[SecondTalon]

Yeah there are limitations to the idea, and potentially you could get so complex with your classifications that people won't remember what each thing indicates... but it's a fun idea in theory and in practice!

Eh, I don't see a problem with Red: Not Looking. Period. Yellow:There is a relationship here but c'mon in, the water's fine and Green: I'm totally single and totally looking...

I mean, if you're not looking, your relationship status is completely irrelevant because.. you're not looking. If you're single and looking, that's kinda important for people who aren't down with the sharing thing. Yellow's the only one that I could see having subvariations on it, but... I mean, that's kinda the point in talking to some one you're interested in.. to figure out what the deal is and find out if you want to proceed.

[Delalyra]

Oh, I misunderstood the yellow one then. I read it as "I'm single, and more interested in a relationship with someone in particular, but I'm not that picky." My bad!

[Hyphe]

Woman thread! I need help!

I got a coil fitted ~2 months ago, and I had the checkup and everything is all fine and dandy and wonderful. But today (start of a heavy shark week) I felt the threads sticking out a little. I poked around a bit - the threads go into my cervix still, it's just so low (for some reason) that they reach the outside. Normally I can't even reach my cervix. Is the strings poking out bad? Should I get them trimmed or something? How urgent is it? I'm loathe to visit the doctor again just to ask because it means taking more time off work.

Also could it be to do with my mooncup? I find it hard to break the seal with my fingers (it sits too far in) so normally I end up pinching, twisting and pulling (it comes out with a pop and a tug but it doesn't hurt or anything). I'm not using it today in case the suction is pulling things down... It seems very doubtful somehow, but you never know. Well, I don't. But you ladies probably do. Hopefully.

[Sungura]

Yay Jude!

[crickets]

Hyphe:

My cervix moves /a lot/ throughout my cycle.
Spoiler for potentially TMI:

Spoiler:

It moves enough that Denby can now tell when i'm about to start Shark Week, even if i forget to mention it to her. It gets very low down right before my peroid starts, to where it's only maybe an inch and a half away from the entrance of my vagina. When it's the middle of my cycle, it's up so high i can barely touch it.

If the string is still leading into your cervix, i wouldn't be terribly worried about it. It would also be worth some self exploration to see if you can feel where it moves to throughout your cycle.

[__jess]

I've only been to one traffic light party, and I didn't really enjoy it. I felt like it made everyone much more willing to push the boundaries, be more aggressive and open with their intentions. "You're wearing green? Why helloooooo, here, have this drink I just bought you without asking!" Anyone in green was pretty transparently hit on, and a lot of people in red or yellow were almost ignored completely. It made it pretty easy to work out who was a douche (hint: anyone that talks to green and ignores the others) but it took most of the fun out of meeting new people, for me anyway. I don't want someone to talk to me based on whether or not I'm in a relationship. I much prefer being approached the normal way, and I don't mind that this leads to me sometimes having to say "sorry, but I have a partner/not looking" or whatever. Even if the people talking to me weren't being obvious douches, I kept questioning their motives.

I guess it's never going to be my thing... I don't mind a little bit of complicated in my life. I like to get to know people at parties, not hunt potential dates. That comes later, or is a rare bonus. Eh.

Edit: My cervix lowers towards the end of Shark Week, I think. It gets close enough to touch, which is a bit ouchie.

[crickets]

As another aside to the cervix talk:

Spoilered, again.

Spoiler:

I have never had an "ouch, my cervix" moment during sex. I have most certainly had it bonked, and it gets low enough before Shark Week that there's no way anything is going in there without it getting shoved about. Considering how i like my sexual encounters to go, it's not getting bumped gently either. Yet, it doesn't /hurt/. It feels sort of like something low in my tummy (i'm assuming where my uterus is) is all fluttery, but it's never been outright painful. Occasionally nauseating. Then again, as a child/teen masturbating, i would constantly poke at it going "what's that? what's it do? why does it feel different?", so i may just be very accustomed to the feeling of having it touched.

[lanicita]

What I hate is "Hi, beautiful".*
...
*Or "sweetheart", or "darling" or whatever.

That reminds me of a story I meant to share here. I was walking with the kid I babysit for the other day, and we were waiting at the crosswalk. This guy standing in the street says "go ahead, sweetheart!" And I glared at him (but didn't say anything since I had the kid with me). He misinterpreted my glare as being ungrateful for his help in crossing the street and said "oh, I'm the crossing guard here sweetheart, just forgot my uniform today." And I glared more and was all grrr for the rest of the afternoon.

I hate terms of endearment from people I don't know. (I kind of also hate them from people I do know, except the few who can pull it off naturally.)

[Plasmic-Turtle]

Yellow = stop if you can do so safely...
Sorry, I sat my driver's licence test yesterday! (And passed! *squeeeee*!... yes I know I should already have my learner's licence by the age of 23, but meh, I'm still feeling pretty pleased with myself, mainly cause I got off my ass and actually sat the test, I've been meaning to get around to it for the last 3 years at least.)
I've never been to (or heard of) a traffic light party, but it doesn't sound like a bad idea. I think yellow would also need to kind of include "single and maybe" though, for those who are single but not really looking, but if prince or princess charming walked into their lives they mightn't be opposed to a relationship. Might work if the colours were kept pretty single to mean "not looking", "maybe" and "looking", regardless of complicating factors?

What I hate is "Hi, beautiful".*
...
*Or "sweetheart", or "darling" or whatever.

I hate terms of endearment from people I don't know. (I kind of also hate them from people I do know, except the few who can pull it off naturally.)

Agreed with the hate. Hate hate hate!!!
There's a boy who's trying to win over my affections at the moment and insists on telling me that I'm sweet, adorable, or beautiful... even though I have explained to him that I do not likey and that it makes me sound like a kitten or something. Grrrrr
He'd be a pretty cool guy if not for this huge massive failing point.
People get even worse with the terms of endearment when you get old, too. I remember my grandmother getting super-annoyed at the way strangers, particularly those working in customer-service jobs would call her 'dear', and how condescending that was. "Here you go, dear". "Can I help you dear?" She'd make a point of calling them dear, in a snarky tone, back to them - as much as Nan was a lovely person, there were some things she was not willing to put up with, and that was a pet-hate.

[Teapot]

For me, some things are right out, like sweetheart and beautiful, but with others it depends on the tone of voice someone uses when they say them. For example I have a colleague who calls me darling and every time he does it it makes me want to punch him in the face because he says it in the most patronising voice possible. When my supervisor calls me darling I don't mind so much because she calls everybody that. It just kind of gets stuck onto the end of most of her sentences without thinking about it, everybody gets called darling whether they are male or female and I know that if I told her it was bothering me she would try her hardest to stop calling me it.

The thing I really hate is a customer at work who, whenever I remind him about his points card says "good girl!" Whenever a male colleague has reminded him it's always "thanks" or "good man". I did consider saying to him "Actually I'm 19 years old, I no longer consider myself a girl so much as a young woman and I would appreciate it if you treated me as such" but I thought it would probably get me into trouble for being rude or something (even though I think that's quite a polite way to put it considering the rage that goes through my head every time he says it).

[abitha]

The thing I really hate is a customer at work who, whenever I remind him about his points card says "good girl!" Whenever a male colleague has reminded him it's always "thanks" or "good man". I did consider saying to him "Actually I'm 19 years old, I no longer consider myself a girl so much as a young woman and I would appreciate it if you treated me as such" but I thought it would probably get me into trouble for being rude or something (even though I think that's quite a polite way to put it considering the rage that goes through my head every time he says it).

Well there's the sexism of the english language for you. "Good woman" or "good lady" just sound a bit weird in that context, whereas "good man" or "good girl" sound normal. I agree that "thanks" would be a more appropriate response, though!

[Teapot]

Again, it's the tone of voice too. He says it like you would if you were rewarding a small child. Or a dog. I have to count to ten in my head. Or twenty. By twenty he's usually gone.

[Pez Dispens3r]

*Or "sweetheart", or "darling" or whatever.

This is one I feel conflicted on, because my mum (who's this short, sweet, adorable thing you want to pat on the head) got in trouble at work for calling people "darling" and "dear". It seemed silly. But then, I know I wouldn't use those words because I know what I'd sound like (condescending as all hell, and I do enough of that as it is). I guess there are three sorts of people: those who can pull of "beautiful", "dear", "darling", and "sweetheart"; those who can't, but think they can, and should stop; those who can't, and don't try. I guess we should try to eliminate the middle category, one way or the other.

[GraphiteGirl]

The thing I really hate is a customer at work who, whenever I remind him about his points card says "good girl!" Whenever a male colleague has reminded him it's always "thanks" or "good man". I did consider saying to him "Actually I'm 19 years old, I no longer consider myself a girl so much as a young woman and I would appreciate it if you treated me as such" but I thought it would probably get me into trouble for being rude or something (even though I think that's quite a polite way to put it considering the rage that goes through my head every time he says it).

Well there's the sexism of the english language for you. "Good woman" or "good lady" just sound a bit weird in that context, whereas "good man" or "good girl" sound normal. I agree that "thanks" would be a more appropriate response, though!

This is why I'm trying to bring back 'lad' and 'lass' as descriptors for people who are older than girls and boys, but younger than men and women. Lass sounds - well, I think it sounds - quite sassy and tough but also youthful. And you can say "good lad" and "good lass" with equal ease.

[__jess]

I've even met the most mythical of beings: someone who can call me 'babe' without making me want to punch things. Some people have enough light in them to make it clear that they're just being sincere and enthusiastic, not condescending.

[Pez Dispens3r]

I've even met the most mythical of beings: someone who can call me 'babe' without making me want to punch things. Some people have enough light in them to make it clear that they're just being sincere and enthusiastic, not condescending.

What, like David Bowie?

[sophyturtle]

David Bowie could get away with calling me just about anything.