Snappy Comebacks for Impudent Door-Holders

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Snappy Comebacks for Impudent Door-Holders

Postby Jorpho » Fri Jul 29, 2016 4:51 am UTC

Door-holding: I hate it. I wish no one ever held a door for me, and I wish I never had to hold a door for someone else; my dislike for this transcends all consideration of age and gender. While at times it goes smoothly, too often this intricate pas-de-deux between two strangers requires too much coordination to be worthwhile.

Among the most miserable of outcomes is when the door-holder's strenuous efforts are not acknowledged with sufficient swiftness by the entrant for one reason or another, and the door-holder feels obliged to dampen the other party's day accordingly with a smarmy "You're welcome". Charming, Mr. Door Holder – you thought you'd make someone's day a little better, and now you're determined to drag them down instead.

I found this article the other day which so neatly referred to this as "Etiquette Shaming", and suggests "We’ll all try to be perfect, like you" as a possible comeback. Well, actually it suggests that keeping one's trap shut and getting on with one's day is the appropriate response, and I guess it is.

But I'm curious: do you have anything in particular you like to say in response to "You're Welcome" in this most awful of situations?

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Re: Snappy Comebacks for Impudent Door-Holders

Postby Xenomortis » Fri Jul 29, 2016 8:48 am UTC

I usually say "Thanks" to whoever held the door - preempting the shame inducing "Your Welcome".
Alternatives are "Cheers", "Ta".

But if there are four doors in quick succession, you run out of options.

(The article mentions being scolded before having a chance to speak - I have not witnessed this. Perhaps Brits are more patient, or reasonable, than Americans).
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Re: Snappy Comebacks for Impudent Door-Holders

Postby Neil_Boekend » Fri Jul 29, 2016 8:58 am UTC

I'm either to tired to say anything and in that case don't care about the snappiness or I have already said "thank you". There isn't really an in between.

Also while I will hold a door open for someone I'd never think it odd if someone didn't say "thank you".
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Re: Snappy Comebacks for Impudent Door-Holders

Postby Echo244 » Fri Jul 29, 2016 9:05 am UTC

Given that the door holder is leaving the "You're welcome" late - as in, often delivered to your departing back after you've tried to negotiate a room entry point without an unwanted social interaction that loads you down with an expectation of displaying gratitude, for something you didn't want - I'm not sure if anything can be snappy enough.

My only advice is to pre-empt. If you spot someone holding the door for you, find another path, or somewhere else to go for a minute or two first.
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Re: Snappy Comebacks for Impudent Door-Holders

Postby Kewangji » Fri Jul 29, 2016 9:28 am UTC

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Re: Snappy Comebacks for Impudent Door-Holders

Postby doogly » Fri Jul 29, 2016 11:25 am UTC

If I pressed, I just explain that I am from New York. We can be polite, but not at the expense of net efficiency.
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Re: Snappy Comebacks for Impudent Door-Holders

Postby Neil_Boekend » Fri Jul 29, 2016 11:29 am UTC

doogly wrote:If I pressed, I just explain that I am from New York. We can be polite, but not at the expense of net efficiency.

The explaining also costs time and energy. I wonder what the percentage of etiquette shaming assbutts must be to make it worthwhile to say "thank you" in order to prevent explaining it.
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Re: Snappy Comebacks for Impudent Door-Holders

Postby Weeks » Fri Jul 29, 2016 11:42 am UTC

I only hold the door if it's rude to slam it on the next person's face. I never say "you're welcome" to strangers. Door-holders should try to be like me.
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Re: Snappy Comebacks for Impudent Door-Holders

Postby doogly » Fri Jul 29, 2016 12:47 pm UTC

Neil_Boekend wrote:
doogly wrote:If I pressed, I just explain that I am from New York. We can be polite, but not at the expense of net efficiency.

The explaining also costs time and energy.

Yes, but evangelism is its own reward.
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Re: Snappy Comebacks for Impudent Door-Holders

Postby sardia » Sat Jul 30, 2016 1:27 am UTC

People actually respond to door holders? I usually half smile while walking, or just keep moving.

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Re: Snappy Comebacks for Impudent Door-Holders

Postby PAstrychef » Sat Jul 30, 2016 2:29 am UTC

A brief thanks! while walking through is more than sufficient. Holding the door for a stranger doesn't mean I want an extended interaction, it's being polite. I hold elevator doors as well, if the person approaching is about to miss the car.
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Re: Snappy Comebacks for Impudent Door-Holders

Postby Moo » Sat Jul 30, 2016 6:25 am UTC

Yeah I tend to go with a polite half smile too, seems to do the trick. I think if someone was that passive aggressive I'd just let it go, don't need that kid of crap in my day. Especially since the door holding thing is riddled with other existing gender based annoyances. I just walk.
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Re: Snappy Comebacks for Impudent Door-Holders

Postby bentheimmigrant » Sat Jul 30, 2016 1:28 pm UTC

I usually say "cheers". Though I am a man, so people holding doors for me lacks any creepy baggage.

And I also hold doors for people, but only if it looks like it'll make sense. Like when you're going opposite directions and the door opens towards you. Or if you're walking with someone and it's better than trying to hand the door over to them so it doesn't swing in their face. Because seriously, why would I want to stand around waiting for someone to reach the door I'm holding? If someone is coming up to the door I'm going through, I'll usually give it an extra shove to at least convey some effort to have it still open when they get there.
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Re: Snappy Comebacks for Impudent Door-Holders

Postby eran_rathan » Mon Aug 01, 2016 5:05 pm UTC

Had an odd experience once holding the door for someone at university - young man, not sure where he was from, but he said, "Thanks, dude, you're a honky cracker." Still not sure if he was being polite or snarky or what.
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Re: Snappy Comebacks for Impudent Door-Holders

Postby Tyndmyr » Mon Aug 01, 2016 5:21 pm UTC

I hold doors if they're gonna hit the door shortly, I do not care in the slightest what people say. When others hold it, a "thanks" or nod is quite sufficient, I think. It's a door, not really a major challenge unless you're carrying a pile of stuff.

It is mildly awkward when someone holds the door and you're a full hallway away. That bugs me a bit sometimes. Am I obligated to speed up?

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Re: Snappy Comebacks for Impudent Door-Holders

Postby sardia » Wed Aug 03, 2016 3:45 am UTC

Tyndmyr wrote:I hold doors if they're gonna hit the door shortly, I do not care in the slightest what people say. When others hold it, a "thanks" or nod is quite sufficient, I think. It's a door, not really a major challenge unless you're carrying a pile of stuff.

It is mildly awkward when someone holds the door and you're a full hallway away. That bugs me a bit sometimes. Am I obligated to speed up?

Yea that happened to me yesterday and the most annoying part is you can't even tell them they're inconveniencing you because now you have to hurry up. Not thinking about door etiquette too much is the best strategy.

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Re: Snappy Comebacks for Impudent Door-Holders

Postby somitomi » Thu Aug 04, 2016 8:07 pm UTC

I usually only do the sarcastic "You're welcome" while driving, even though I dislike the practice of using blinkers to say "thank you" (and yet I do that too). At least I'm only ruining my own day by pisssing myself off at the perceived rudeness or incompetence of other motorists.
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Re: Snappy Comebacks for Impudent Door-Holders

Postby CharlieP » Thu Aug 25, 2016 12:15 pm UTC

Xenomortis wrote:I usually say "Thanks" to whoever held the door - preempting the shame inducing "Your Welcome".
Alternatives are "Cheers", "Ta".

But if there are four doors in quick succession, you run out of options.


See #18.

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