How would you be killed?

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Hoags
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How would you be killed?

Postby Hoags » Wed Nov 07, 2007 5:40 pm UTC

Inspired by a conversation I was having with a friend about capital punishment, and how it would be neat to be able to choose your own method of execution, I started to think about how, if I were to be executed, I would want it to happen.

This is the first thing that came to mind for me, and so I was wondering what you would all say would be your favourite, most spectacular way to die? To make things a little more specific:

~ There are unlimited funds to be put towards your execution.
~ You can't choose something that would harm others, e.g "I want to be blown up in the middle of the jury".

On the one hand, you could suggest something quick and painless, or you could think of something so elaborate and awesome that you would go down in history as the person who was killed in a deathmatch with genetically enhanced raptors and robots. Robots with friggin' lasers.

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Re: How would you be killed?

Postby The Spherical Cow » Wed Nov 07, 2007 5:49 pm UTC

Shot into a black hole, for me. Not because of pain factor or anything, just to see what happens. Feeling a gravity difference between my head and legs would be damn strange, I imagine.

People can film it, and then everyone can see me getting torn apart, so amusement for the masses.

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Re: How would you be killed?

Postby Kizyr » Wed Nov 07, 2007 6:13 pm UTC

The Spherical Cow wrote:Shot into a black hole, for me. Not because of pain factor or anything, just to see what happens. Feeling a gravity difference between my head and legs would be damn strange, I imagine.

People can film it, and then everyone can see me getting torn apart, so amusement for the masses.

But, wouldn't you just reach a point in the black hole where time simply stops (or is warped to the point that you wouldn't perceive it passing)? Well, this is assuming that there's some reason you wouldn't instantly get killed from the intense gravity or radiation.

I don't like discussing these kind of subjects, but in a similar conversation before, I said that it'd be public firing squad for me, with none of that blank cartridge or blindfold business. If I get killed, I'm sure it'd be an unjustifiable reason, so I'd see to it to spread the guilt to as many people as possible. KF
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Re: How would you be killed?

Postby Eitel » Wed Nov 07, 2007 6:18 pm UTC

Sword fighting a Rhinoceros definitely.
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Re: How would you be killed?

Postby Vulcanis » Wed Nov 07, 2007 6:37 pm UTC

Wouldn't a deathmatch involving genetically enhanced raptors actually harm other people? I mean... At some point they'd learn how to escape.

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Re: How would you be killed?

Postby Belial » Wed Nov 07, 2007 6:40 pm UTC

I'd like to fight a lion, oldschool roman style.

Mostly, I'm curious as to whether it would be possible to win that one with simple tools.
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Re: How would you be killed?

Postby Hoags » Wed Nov 07, 2007 6:43 pm UTC

They're in a solid titanium pit, approximately three miles deep. There's no way to tunnel out, and not enough raptors/resources to build makeshift ladder or trampoline.

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Re: How would you be killed?

Postby Aleril » Wed Nov 07, 2007 6:43 pm UTC

In a car pummeling towards Mariah Carey and the last thing I see is her face being smashed between the front of the car and cold hard cement.
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Re: How would you be killed?

Postby Gunfingers » Wed Nov 07, 2007 6:44 pm UTC

Since i have no originality, i'd put on a big coat with lots of deep pockets. I'd fill these pockets with glitter and confetti, then i'd step in front of a speeding bus.

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Re: How would you be killed?

Postby SecondTalon » Wed Nov 07, 2007 6:47 pm UTC

Belial wrote:I'd like to fight a lion, oldschool roman style.

Mostly, I'm curious as to whether it would be possible to win that one with simple tools.


Sure it is. You just have to hit the lion in the neck and wait for it to bleed out.


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Re: How would you be killed?

Postby Vulcanis » Wed Nov 07, 2007 6:48 pm UTC

Blendtec? Will it be Will It Blend? Style?
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Re: How would you be killed?

Postby Hoags » Wed Nov 07, 2007 6:50 pm UTC

Vulcanis wrote:Blendtec? Will it be Will It Blend? Style?


Oh man, you could hire the guy, too.

"WILL IT BLEND." *do do do themetune do doooo*

*SecondTalon jumps into the blender.*"

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Re: How would you be killed?

Postby Aleril » Wed Nov 07, 2007 7:04 pm UTC

Hoags wrote:
Vulcanis wrote:Blendtec? Will it be Will It Blend? Style?


Oh man, you could hire the guy, too.

"WILL IT BLEND." *do do do themetune do doooo*

*SecondTalon jumps into the blender.*"


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Re: How would you be killed?

Postby malarkie » Wed Nov 07, 2007 7:07 pm UTC

I'm gonna have to go with launched into the sun.
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Re: How would you be killed?

Postby gmalivuk » Wed Nov 07, 2007 7:25 pm UTC

Kizyr wrote:
The Spherical Cow wrote:Shot into a black hole, for me. Not because of pain factor or anything, just to see what happens. Feeling a gravity difference between my head and legs would be damn strange, I imagine.

People can film it, and then everyone can see me getting torn apart, so amusement for the masses.

But, wouldn't you just reach a point in the black hole where time simply stops (or is warped to the point that you wouldn't perceive it passing)? Well, this is assuming that there's some reason you wouldn't instantly get killed from the intense gravity or radiation.

Time for you falling in wouldn't stop. Time for observers would seem to have you stop as you approached the event horizon. So if you want them to see you get torn apart, you need to use a small enough black hole that the tide is strong enough outside the horizon.

Me, I'd want to continue falling (alive) for awhile past the point of no return, before getting ripped apart. So a supermassive hole like at the center of a galaxy would be cool. It'd be neat to see the entire universe get blueshifted mostly compressed into a band 90 degrees out from the center of the hole. On the other hand, a large black hole will also have a lower second derivative of gravity, meaning slower change of the tidal forces on my body, meaning a slower, more painful and drawn-out death...
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Re: How would you be killed?

Postby clockworkmonk » Wed Nov 07, 2007 7:30 pm UTC

the obvious one seems to be of old age, but to be awesome:
a recreation of the death of Icarus.
gonna have wings, fly too close to the sun, burn em up, then plummet to my death into the ocean.
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Re: How would you be killed?

Postby zingmaster » Wed Nov 07, 2007 8:02 pm UTC

If I wanted to be immortalized, I'd be beaten to death in a sold-out theatre with a Stradivarius, thus using the instrument's fame to boost my own. Otherwise...I dunno, some painless and simple way.
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Re: How would you be killed?

Postby Nexus_1101 » Wed Nov 07, 2007 8:07 pm UTC

fired into space at almost the speed of light and fly forever untill i hit a planet or star (which ever first)
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Re: How would you be killed?

Postby SecondTalon » Wed Nov 07, 2007 8:08 pm UTC

Aleril wrote:
Hoags wrote:
Vulcanis wrote:Various Blender Chatter


More of in the line of the Bassomatic 9000, the Talonmatic 9000. (MM! That's good Talon!)

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Re: How would you be killed?

Postby Kineticka » Wed Nov 07, 2007 8:12 pm UTC

I'm not quite sure for myself, but a friend of mine brought up what he wants done postmortem.

"I want to be cremated, and my ashes put into Etch-a-Sketches. You know, so I can play with my great-grandkids."

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Re: How would you be killed?

Postby Hoags » Wed Nov 07, 2007 8:17 pm UTC

Kineticka wrote:I'm not quite sure for myself, but a friend of mine brought up what he wants done postmortem.

"I want to be cremated, and my ashes put into Etch-a-Sketches. You know, so I can play with my great-grandkids."


That is so awesome. I'd want my ashes melted into part of a satellite. Then I could see the world from space!

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Re: How would you be killed?

Postby grythyttan » Wed Nov 07, 2007 8:30 pm UTC

I'd like to go out asteroid mcalmont style.

It wouldn't hurt other people because I would be on another planet, with a lot of cameras shooting it from different angles.
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Re: How would you be killed?

Postby Aluminus » Wed Nov 07, 2007 9:10 pm UTC

Gunfingers wrote:Since I have no originality, I'd put on a big coat with lots of deep pockets. I'd fill these pockets with glitter and confetti, then I'd step in front of a bullet train traveling at 312 MPH, with disco headlights.


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Re: How would you be killed?

Postby AtomicLlama » Wed Nov 07, 2007 9:25 pm UTC

Originally, I was thinking that I'd like to ride on of those amusement park rides that shoot upward at great speed, only without the shoulder harness...you'd get launched off the top quite spectacularly. Then I thought of simply free-falling from some obscene height, just low enough that I wouldn't be likely to pass out on the way down. But my final answer is...

attempt to complete the portal gun course at the Aperture Science Enrichment Center. I mean seriously, show me one person who played through Portal without dying at least once.

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Re: How would you be killed?

Postby Verator » Wed Nov 07, 2007 9:27 pm UTC

Get obliterated by a supernova OR the black hole one like everyone else. Possibly launched into the black hole at a speed fast enough that I could circumvent most of the dangerous radiation/ gravitational field in an attempt to reach the center before destruction.
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Re: How would you be killed?

Postby Master Gunner » Wed Nov 07, 2007 9:36 pm UTC

Well there's that old Monty Python sketch that I can't find right now about the guy who got to choose the method of his death: Chased by half-naked women off a cliff into his own coffin.
I can't say that it's a bad way to go, although a gladiatorial match is also an attractive way to go.

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Re: How would you be killed?

Postby MotorToad » Wed Nov 07, 2007 9:44 pm UTC

I'd like to be beaten to death by cheerleaders' breasts!

I've always thought the launch of the shuttle to be a huge amount of wasted potential incineration. I couldn't imagine it'd hurt at all, either. I'd rather be jettisoned from the shuttle in space, though. Better view.
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Re: How would you be killed?

Postby Hoags » Wed Nov 07, 2007 9:52 pm UTC

MotorToad wrote:I'd like to be beaten to death by cheerleaders' breasts!


For some reason that nearly made me shoot coffee out of my nose.

Master Gunner wrote:Well there's that old Monty Python sketch that I can't find right now about the guy who got to choose the method of his death: Chased by half-naked women off a cliff into his own coffin.
I can't say that it's a bad way to go, although a gladiatorial match is also an attractive way to go.


Ahhhh, I remember seeing that years ago! MotorToads version doesn't involve running all over the place though.

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Re: How would you be killed?

Postby Dark Ragnarok » Wed Nov 07, 2007 10:14 pm UTC

I want to rave to death with Dj Sharpnel as the Dj, while experiencing as many new drugs as I can handle, no food, but as many energy drinks I can have to kill myself. I wish all my loved ones were with me cept my dad. And I'm good with that.

If I can't have that. Then skydive to my grave.

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Re: How would you be killed?

Postby Flying Betty » Wed Nov 07, 2007 10:27 pm UTC

Guillotine or freak bassoon accident. Ideally both.
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Re: How would you be killed?

Postby Eschatokyrios » Wed Nov 07, 2007 10:57 pm UTC

I've thought about this, and I've decided that I want to be strapped to a bomb and dropped out of a spacecraft orbting over the Pacific Ocean off the coast of Oregon or Northern California at sunset. The bomb would explode, and me with it, in the upper atmosphere and create a huge fireball that momentarily outshines the sun, causing every person in the northern Pacific Rim to look up and see the glory of my death.

That'd be fuckin' awesome.
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Re: How would you be killed?

Postby The Spherical Cow » Wed Nov 07, 2007 11:16 pm UTC

Verator wrote:Get obliterated by a supernova OR the black hole one like everyone else. Possibly launched into the black hole at a speed fast enough that I could circumvent most of the dangerous radiation/ gravitational field in an attempt to reach the center before destruction.

I think it's because it's so goddamn interesting. For me, it's not because it's an insanely cool way to die, it's just because I want to know/experience what happens in a black hole. To do this (as far as we know) I've got to die. So, it if I have to make a choice of how I die, might as well be that.

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Re: How would you be killed?

Postby Rodan » Wed Nov 07, 2007 11:24 pm UTC

maybe death by snoo snoo?

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Re: How would you be killed?

Postby __Kit » Wed Nov 07, 2007 11:52 pm UTC

When I was younger, I always thought the best way to die would be having heaps of fun with friends in some public place and being shot in the back of the head without knowing it.

OK, how about being hang up on a big cross, and then millennia later people pray to me and stuff.
=]

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Re: How would you be killed?

Postby Mighty Jalapeno » Wed Nov 07, 2007 11:56 pm UTC

I know everyone on this thread has been thinking one thing:
How is Mighty Jalapeno going to die? And that brings us to tonight's word.

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Epicosity. When Mighty Jalapeno dies, there is going to be a global reckoning
the likes of which have not been since the day Bruce Schneier caused Mount St Helens
to explode by accidentally inhaling a bowie knife, causing him to sneeze. Yes,
people... when Mighty Jalapeno dies, you'll remember where you were that day.

Image

Mighty Jalapeno's final day will start out quite regularly. His alarm will go off,
catapulting him from the side of his zeppelin, where he will free-fall to an
elevation of forty or fifty feet, at which point he will engage his rocketboots,
and descend calmly to the doors of Cowboy Coffee, for his morning mocha.

Image

Cowboy Coffee will be sadly destroyed that day, when the Pirate Raptor Ninja
Perpendicular Attack Squad ambushes him from behind the Cream-O dispenser.
Dozens lay dead and dying, while Mighty Jalapeno, suffering only a bloody lip
and a coffee-stained sweater-vest, vows revenge.

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Deducing that the employers of the Pirate Raptor Ninja Perpendicular Attack Squad
could be none other than Penny Arcade moguls Gabe & Tycho, he selects the
larger of his two radioactive slugthrower hunting cannons, and pilots his
zeppelin south, to the great and diseased nation of California.

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The battle rages across time and space, with Warp-wrecking weapons of
mass destruction clashing against Mighty Jalapeno's steely gaze and sizeable
testicles. Tearing through henchmen such as Kevin "The Douchebag" Federline
and Condoleeza "The Baby-Eater" Rice, Mighty Jalapeno finally delivers the final
deathstroke at five minutes to midnight, high atop the North Pole of the Moon.

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However, having used up all of his zeppelin's fuel reaching the moon, Mighty Jalapeno
decides to lean back against the side of a crater, finish his mocha, and gaze lovingly
one last time at the world he calls home. He closes his eyes, and breathes his
last breath, and waits for the distant day that he is awakened in order to escort
Jesus to the Second Coming in style.

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And that's... the final Word.



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Rodan
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Re: How would you be killed?

Postby Rodan » Wed Nov 07, 2007 11:56 pm UTC

__Kit wrote:When I was younger, I always thought the best way to die would be having heaps of fun with friends in some public place and being shot in the back of the head without knowing it.

OK, how about being hang up on a big cross, and then millennia later people pray to me and stuff.

Just remember to always look on the bright side of life...

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Re: How would you be killed?

Postby Hoags » Thu Nov 08, 2007 12:01 am UTC

Mighty Jalapeno wrote:[AWESOME]


Holy crap. Just... oh wow.

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Re: How would you be killed?

Postby Gelsamel » Thu Nov 08, 2007 12:03 am UTC

The Spherical Cow wrote:Shot into a black hole, for me. Not because of pain factor or anything, just to see what happens. Feeling a gravity difference between my head and legs would be damn strange, I imagine.

People can film it, and then everyone can see me getting torn apart, so amusement for the masses.


I'd have to agree, when I'm really really old and about to die I want to be anesthetized then thrown into a black hole with a space suit.
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Re: How would you be killed?

Postby Rodan » Thu Nov 08, 2007 12:09 am UTC

Hoags wrote:
Mighty Jalapeno wrote:[AWESOME]


Holy crap. Just... oh wow.

agreed. He's even a ninja.

(though this format seems... familiar.)

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Re: How would you be killed?

Postby GhostWolfe » Thu Nov 08, 2007 12:32 am UTC

Master Gunner wrote:Well there's that old Monty Python sketch that I can't find right now about the guy who got to choose the method of his death: Chased by half-naked women off a cliff into his own coffin.

Wasn't that The Meaning of Life?

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