Terrifying Tales of Retail: BUY SELL BUY SELL BEEP BOOP

Things that don't belong anywhere else. (Check first).

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3fj
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Re: Terrifying Tales of Retail: The Soul-Draining Job of Today!

Postby 3fj » Wed Jul 30, 2008 10:07 pm UTC

Torvaun wrote:
lowbart wrote:
pollywog wrote:
pseudoidiot wrote:I actually know someone who stores coins and other sundries in her bra. *shudder*

I know a lot of people that do this. I assumed it was normal. My sister Hera keeps her phone in her bra at work, so she know when she gets a message, and the supervisors tend to check pockets.


Eh?

Presumably you're not supposed to have a cell phone at her work.

I believe that the "Eh?" was regarding the fact that not even the police have the right to check your pockets, let alone your employer.

[Edit] Ninja'd
Also, i quit my job after getting annoyed enough to yell at a customer. They didn't sack me (surprisingly) just warned me, but i quit on the spot.
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Re: Terrifying Tales of Retail: The Soul-Draining Job of Today!

Postby Torvaun » Wed Jul 30, 2008 10:21 pm UTC

3fj wrote:
Torvaun wrote:
lowbart wrote:
pollywog wrote:
pseudoidiot wrote:I actually know someone who stores coins and other sundries in her bra. *shudder*

I know a lot of people that do this. I assumed it was normal. My sister Hera keeps her phone in her bra at work, so she know when she gets a message, and the supervisors tend to check pockets.


Eh?

Presumably you're not supposed to have a cell phone at her work.

I believe that the "Eh?" was regarding the fact that not even the police have the right to check your pockets, let alone your employer.

[Edit] Ninja'd
Also, i quit my job after getting annoyed enough to yell at a customer. They didn't sack me (surprisingly) just warned me, but i quit on the spot.

It all depends on what they have you sign. Allowing those sorts of checks might be a requisite for employment. I know it was at one of my jobs in the past (which I left shortly after learning about that rule).
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Re: Terrifying Tales of Retail: Bill Gates Calls It Opprotunity!

Postby Akula » Fri Aug 01, 2008 3:42 am UTC

Currently, I hate my job.

The products we sell are all cheap pieces of shit that are guaranteed to break inside 12 months, but are also exorbitantly over priced. The company is, I suspect, run by a bunch shit chucking apes who can't figure out why none of their retarded ideas aren't turning our stock price around (it's currently plummeting). The customers are an endless stream of waste of space white trash; my main motivation as a salesman isn't to help the company but to bilk asshole customers out of their money. My customer service policy is "I don't care anymore, and it shows!" And I have to listen to shitty pop fluff and hip hop music on the fucking radio allllllllllll day!

My immediate superiors and co-workers are all pretty awesome. This is the one spot of clean water in an ocean of hangover diarrhea.

Fuck retail. Fuck it right in the goat ass.

But hey, we're still one of the top stores, as I said months ago. Still a hate-fueled juggernaut of profit. Except now it's high-octane hatred running this bitch.

Ahhhh. That felt good :D
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Re: Terrifying Tales of Retail: Bill Gates Calls It Opprotunity!

Postby Gunfingers » Fri Aug 01, 2008 3:39 pm UTC

Terrifying tales of retail: the website.

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Re: Terrifying Tales of Retail: Bill Gates Calls It Opprotunity!

Postby SecondTalon » Fri Aug 01, 2008 3:54 pm UTC

Akula wrote:Currently, I hate my job.

The products we sell are all cheap pieces of shit that are guaranteed to break inside 12 months, but are also exorbitantly over priced. The company is, I suspect, run by a bunch shit chucking apes who can't figure out why none of their retarded ideas aren't turning our stock price around (it's currently plummeting). The customers are an endless stream of waste of space white trash; my main motivation as a salesman isn't to help the company but to bilk asshole customers out of their money. My customer service policy is "I don't care anymore, and it shows!" And I have to listen to shitty pop fluff and hip hop music on the fucking radio allllllllllll day!


You know, you've described everything from shoes to appliances to computers to cars to train modeling supplies. I mean, damn, I have no idea what the hell it is you sell.

Bravo.
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Re: Terrifying Tales of Retail: Bill Gates Calls It Opprotunity!

Postby Torvaun » Sat Aug 02, 2008 1:48 am UTC

Gunfingers wrote:Terrifying tales of retail: the website.

Damn you, you got me hooked.
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Re: Terrifying Tales of Retail: Bill Gates Calls It Opprotunity!

Postby cyberia » Sat Aug 02, 2008 4:37 am UTC

Gunfingers wrote:Terrifying tales of retail: the website.


*eyetwitch*
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Re: Terrifying Tales of Retail: America's Inaction

Postby HighCharity » Mon Sep 29, 2008 7:35 pm UTC

alkatmsu wrote:
mathmagic wrote:The only request that is "unreasonable" would be the vegetable one, but that's just under the circumstances of which they're prepared (pre-mixed/frozen/whatever). But it's not like the customer knows this. The chicken marinade predicament can be fixed with a little vegetable oil sprayed on the grill and/or chicken. How hard is it to cut the crust off of a sandwich?

Everything else is fine, and not uncommon. After working in a kitchen for 3 years, I've run into some "retarded" requests, but we've obliged anyhow to make the customer's experience as enjoyable as possible.


The vegetables come to us frozen and pre-mixed. We boil them all together, then they go into gallon buckets to be scooped out as needed. The menu specifies "mixed vegetables," not "your choice of." If the customer's wanting one removed for allergy reasons (I ALWAYS ask if that's the reason), I make sure the waitress informs the customer that they're all cooked together, and therefore would all be contaminated.

The chickens soak in the maranade for at least 24 hours before cooking, rinsing it off would not change the flavor, just make it harder to cook.

Every customer is provided with a knife, fork, and spoon when they are seated. As you said, how hard is it to cut off the crust on a grilled cheese? What's next, they want us to cut their steak up for them too? You have to draw the line somewhere.

And for the record, the woman asking for half of a baked potato... we gave her a whole one, and she did eat the entire thing.

I saw something that looked exactly like this posted on GameFAQs (don't ask) posted about three years ago. Was that you? EDIT: Also: sorry for necroing yet another thread.
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Re: Terrifying Tales of Retail: Bill Gates Calls It Opprotunity!

Postby Cryopyre » Tue Sep 30, 2008 10:16 pm UTC

This thread is my new favorite.

I demand MOAR!!
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Re: Terrifying Tales of Retail: Bill Gates Calls It Opprotunity!

Postby Mercurius » Wed Oct 01, 2008 1:30 pm UTC

And.....fired!

I doubt I was missed very much, but I had a two week stint making boxes. But now they are hiring Polish orphans with no shoes to work there, and they have cheaper rates than me.
You know, I'm not really sure what "socioeconomic class" I am. I'm richer than my parents, I don't have a real job, and my mannerisms tend to match up with whomever I'm talking to.

...is "con man" a social class?

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Re: Terrifying Tales of Retail: The Desk is the Dead Zone.

Postby kha-khees » Wed Jan 21, 2009 12:58 am UTC

PatrickRsGhost wrote:In regards to someone having something thrown at them by a crapstomer: I had that happen at K-Mart. I have more horror stories from K-Mart than I do Wal-Mart.


I have a story in reverse. One of my best friends works in hungry jacks (burger king) and what used to be a good friend of her boyfriend came in and did the usual shithouse customer routine. He also owed her boyfriend money. He ended up giving her crap and she threw an ice cream at him. She was something like "team leader" at the time. Which basically is a manager that's still in highschool and without the higher wage.

mrbaggins wrote:Last one: My gift to humanity as a retail service person
Spoiler:
I'm really nice to people as a retail person. I help out, do everything for the customer and all that. Had a bunch of 13-14 year old kids come into the fruit shop one time and grab some fruit, obviously to eat it straight away. Had about 10 to 12 dollars worth of stuff (Stone fruit at start of the season, had picked the most expensive stuff). These kids are the most polite, awesome kids ever, however they obviously hung out with some of the less cultured people at school. Hoodies, cargo pants half way down, chains, listening to crap like soulja boy, but before he came out, looked like real dickheads, but every time they were in the fruit shop, they were perfect).

So we have these 'hoodlum' looking kids, purchasing healthy food, and being polite. I felt it my duty to make it worth their while.

So I told them, that they are by far the best customers I've had that day, and that they can take what they have on the house.

My act of goodwill to humanity. May this moment rest in their memories forever, and sway their thinking that it's rewarding to be nice!

Their jaws dropped. They stood there speechless for I don't know how long. 'You serious?' 'Yeah guys, take it.' 'You're offering this stuff to us for nothing?' 'Yep'

At this point, I feel awesome. I have improved society. My job here is done!

One turns to the rest: "This queers fucking lost his head. Let's piss off before he starts coming on to us, the fucking douchebag"


That. Sucks. I work in produce in safeway. I've had people bitch at me like *I* grow the damn [insert a one-off not-so-good batch of food here]. But that, I'd be likely to start the punk. I intend to start calling out the kids from a nearby private school that walk in and spray deodorant all over themselves before replacing it on the shelf and leaving, it really ticks me off and my school and theirs have a certain rivalry to begin with...

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Re: Terrifying Tales of Retail: Bill Gates Calls It Opprotunity!

Postby MuffledScreams » Tue Apr 21, 2009 1:57 pm UTC

I have both worked at and managed a Circuit City long before the whole "we're going bankrupt" debacle. I have stories for days. Let me just say that from their style of management it was only a matter of time before they crumbled from within. They would have failed in a good economy. Not that THIS crowd doesn't know, but TVs are ridiculously marked up... 40-60% of their actual cost. I've had just about every type of sales job though, not just retail. Hourly sales is the embodiment of evil by omission. You KNOW you're screwing people out of money and will gain nothing extra from it, except the 'privilege' of keeping your job. I go through too many jobs too often.

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Re: Terrifying Tales of Retail: Bill Gates Calls It Opprotunity!

Postby carpediembaby » Tue Aug 25, 2009 10:58 am UTC

I have worked at Sears for four years now, as a cashier, in footwear, and in tools.

Surprisingly, the place where I have gotten the most abuse is in tools. I am a 20 year old girl, who knows her way around a miter saw like nobody's business, you'd think that I wouldn't get treated like shit, right?

Oh so very wrong. I have one beautiful gem of a story for you.

Normal evening shift. Hanging around the cash register chatting with the guys in Lawn and Garden. Older guy walks up holding a brown paper bag (always a red flag, means an old item being returned). He comes up and sets said paper bag on the counter and withdraws a seriously old cordless drill. Customer proceeds to hand the drill to me and says sternly, "It's broken, now give me a new one."

It takes me a few second to recover from this demand, but I proceed to ask him what's wrong with it, trying to figure out if the drill is broken or if the battery has just worn out. With each polite, simple question I ask, this man gets angrier and angrier, and demands that I just give him a new one. As politely as I can, I explain to the man, "Sir, I'm sorry, but I can't do that. Unfortunately, on our power tools we only offer a two-year manufacturer defect warranty, and I see the production date on this item was 1990-(something). If you'd like, I can call our local service center for you and ask for a repair quote over the phone, but to be honest, with something this old it'll cost more to repair than to replace. I can also show you our new line of cordless drills..."

Then he REALLY starts to get angry. A LOONG time ago, we offered lifetime warranties on all Craftsman tools, including the power tools. That's legit. However, policies change, and apparently, this guy didn't get the memo. He proceeds to shout at me about how terrible it is that we don't offer a lifetime warranty on every single thing we make anymore. Then, he asks the one question that I DREAD.

"Where do you make your tools now? CHINA????"

"Well, in fact, you're right. We do manufacture our power tools to the same high standards, but because of the lower cost to produce them in China, we're able to keep our prices low for our customers."

That's when he started coming over the counter at me, and our resident awesome Army vet Ron managed to get right between angry guy and me and make him leave.

At the time, I was barely eighteen, 5'3, and slim. This guy was in his mid-fifties, at least 6', and HUGE.

Some people...

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Re: Terrifying Tales of Retail: Bill Gates Calls It Opprotunity!

Postby BurnTheOrange » Mon Dec 14, 2009 8:39 am UTC

I work as the assistant manager of a convenience store/petrol station that started a customer rewards card a few months ago. This particular story happens on the day after the program was announced to the public and the second day that we began giving out the rewards card.

The customer in question (I will refer to her as Ms X from now on) comes into the store, selects some beverages, snacks, and a coffee and comes up to the register. She is a completely un-remarkable person, about as average as you can get in a small town in central Pennsylvania and some one I don't think I've ever seen before. A vast majority of my customers are either a: weird on some level or b: twice-a-day regulars (many are both) I begin to ring up her items and while I'm doing it, start to tell her about the program.

Me: Would you be interested in joining our new Rewards program? Items you buy in the store like these beverages and coffee earn you points to get a discount on future fuel purchases.
Ms X: You mean I could be getting a discount on my gas?
Me: Yes ma'am, when you purchase any of the qualifying items and present your card you will earn a discount.
Ms X: Why the hell didn't anyone tell me about this before now?
Me: It's a new program. We just launched it yesterday, so you're actually one of the first people to find out about it.
Ms X:clearly beginning to become agitated But I've been coming here for months! Do you have any idea how much I could have saved?!
Me: Ma'am, it's a new program, you couldn't have earned any discounts before yesterday.
Mrs X:screaming How DARE you keep this savings from me! I am a loyal customer of this store and I expect to be treated like one! You can all go %$&@ YOURSELVES, I'm going to [competitor's store]!

She storms out of the store leaving all her purchases on the counter and not taking a reward card anyway. Now, not only did she not get any discounts for the past "months" she's been coming here, but she won't be getting any in the future.


Also, I hate it when people wander up the the register and mutter "I got gas" (meaning they purchased fuel). I always start to say "to much information, but we have Rolaids and Gas-x on the first isle". I've been working there for several years and I still have to catch myself. I keep asking the marketing guys to get a counter-top display for Gas-X to put right next to the register, but I don't think they have enough contact with the real world to get the joke.
Why yes, I do, indeed, enjoy the pie. Unless, of course, you are speaking of the "pumkin" flavored sort, in which case, I do not enjoy that pie.

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Re: Terrifying Tales of Retail: Bill Gates Calls It Opprotunity!

Postby Nath » Mon Dec 14, 2009 11:16 am UTC

Did you post that one on Not Always Right? I vaguely remember reading a similar story there.

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Re: Terrifying Tales of Retail: Bill Gates Calls It Opprotunity!

Postby Chicostick » Tue Dec 15, 2009 5:40 am UTC

I have had the weirdest collections of really weird jobs you can imagine. I've taken care of a massive group of golden retrievers at a specialized breeding kennel, done tons of various labor jobs, worked with a landscaper that was cleaning sand out of parking lots, you name it.

My first experience with a job in which I actually had to deal with customers was when I worked at a tiny little corn stand on the side of the road. Yes, corn. I would normally have just people from other states driving through on vacations that would stop by and pick up some corn. There was a bit of a local market but it was mostly tourism.

One day I had the pleasure of having an old man stop in a van. He came over and bought just one ear of corn (we usually would sell it by half dozens and dozens). After buying this corn on a rainy day, he proceeded to lecture me on Jesus, how David the King would be coming to reap his vengeance, and how he was alive thanks to Jesus. He didn't seem to care if I was listening or not, he just rambled about nonsense. FOR FORTY MINUTES STRAIGHT.

I have to say that this job was the worst I've ever had. It involved sitting on the side of major road for eight hours straight. I had to drive a rickety old pickup truck that clearly shouldn't have passed inspection two hours on major highways to go pick up about 60 bushels of corn. I don't know how many of you have carried bushels of corn, but they're pretty heavy, and this truck was not very big. This little truck was carrying WAY over the legal limit, un-tied, on highways. The thing was so low to the ground I would have to avoid any bumps or risk having the thing bottom out and just come apart. My first day on the job they had me drive this shitty little van that was packed so full of corn I couldn't see out the passenger side, or rear view mirror. I don't know how experienced everyone is with driving on busy four-lane highways, but being able to SEE is kind of important.

I'm very glad I'm no longer doing that job.

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Re: Terrifying Tales of Retail: Bill Gates Calls It Opprotunity!

Postby Random832 » Tue Dec 15, 2009 5:55 am UTC

carpediembaby wrote:A LOONG time ago, we offered lifetime warranties on all Craftsman tools, including the power tools. That's legit. However, policies change, and apparently, this guy didn't get the memo.


If he bought the drill at a time they were being offered, why would it not still be valid? You can't just revoke a lifetime warranty because you've stopped offering them on new things.

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Re: Terrifying Tales of Retail: Bill Gates Calls It Opprotunity!

Postby BurnTheOrange » Wed Dec 16, 2009 6:22 am UTC

Nath wrote:Did you post that one on Not Always Right? I vaguely remember reading a similar story there.

Yeah, I did. I had just been introduced to that site the week before, so I wrote it up the day after it happened. I never saw them post it, but I haven't checked in a while. Of the long, long list of customers acting stupid tales I've collected, that one still makes me simultaneously laugh and scratch my head.
That and the time (at a differant job) that I had a filet mignon sent back to me in the kitchen because it was "not medium enough". But the filet story doesn't have the great lead-up.

If you want more fun stories, I could go on for days. I've spent far to many years in foodservice and retail not to have collected some tales.

edit: I will now link something because this is my 6th post and I can. http://www.pierecipes.org/
Why yes, I do, indeed, enjoy the pie. Unless, of course, you are speaking of the "pumkin" flavored sort, in which case, I do not enjoy that pie.

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Re: Terrifying Tales of Retail: BUY SELL BUY SELL BEEP BOOP

Postby functionally_stupid » Thu Dec 17, 2009 10:15 am UTC

I have a job in retail, now. Holiday help, woo.

So far I have not encountered anyone I would perceive as obnoxious; however, this is probably due to the fact that I am extremely, extremely oblivious to other people being dicks to me. Like, people will go "I am *so sorry* about my friend, he was being such a dick to you" and I will go "... he was??" Etc. ALL THE TIME.

But two of my coworkers annoy me.

The first annoying coworker is an old racist lady with a curious odor - no more need be said, I think.

The second, though, is just generally obnoxious because she pisses off and leaves me with more work than I can reasonably be expected to handle. Like... it's half an hour before we're both scheduled to clock out, and we have thirty gift boxes to make up, and she decides that now - not earlier, when work was slow - is the perfect time to take an extended break. Using my keen powers of Hard Work and Inventive Efficiency, I managed to finish making all thirty by myself with two minutes to spare, but it was exhausting.

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Re: Terrifying Tales of Retail: Bill Gates Calls It Opprotunity!

Postby Nath » Thu Dec 17, 2009 11:16 am UTC

BurnTheOrange wrote:
Nath wrote:Did you post that one on Not Always Right? I vaguely remember reading a similar story there.

Yeah, I did. I had just been introduced to that site the week before, so I wrote it up the day after it happened. I never saw them post it, but I haven't checked in a while. Of the long, long list of customers acting stupid tales I've collected, that one still makes me simultaneously laugh and scratch my head.
That and the time (at a differant job) that I had a filet mignon sent back to me in the kitchen because it was "not medium enough". But the filet story doesn't have the great lead-up.

If you want more fun stories, I could go on for days. I've spent far to many years in foodservice and retail not to have collected some tales.

edit: I will now link something because this is my 6th post and I can. http://www.pierecipes.org/

Found it.

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Re: Terrifying Tales of Retail: BUY SELL BUY SELL BEEP BOOP

Postby BurnTheOrange » Mon Dec 21, 2009 7:38 am UTC

another great customer story:

lady comes to the counter and mumbles something that sounds like "I wanna buy a pack of mnumbanna" (try humming and saying 'banana' while frowning and you'll get an idea of the noise she made)
me: "i'm sorry, i couldn't understand you."
she then responds by over-enunciating like you would to a retarded toddler: "I. Would. LIKE. To buy. A. PACK. of MNUBUNNA!" and glares at me.
me: " ?? i'm not sure what you're asking for." trying to be as polite as I can.
her: "mnumbunna! I need mnumbunna!"
me: "I'm sorry but i don't think we have that" (politely hoping she'll go away)
her: "I can see them right there on the rack." and then she all but climbs over the counter to point to.....Marlboro Lights.
Why yes, I do, indeed, enjoy the pie. Unless, of course, you are speaking of the "pumkin" flavored sort, in which case, I do not enjoy that pie.

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Re: Terrifying Tales of Retail: BUY SELL BUY SELL BEEP BOOP

Postby JoeyJo0 » Mon Dec 21, 2009 11:44 am UTC

I don't have stories of that magnitude, but I do have this:

2 girls came over to the registrar. They have 3 chocolate bars, a can of energy drink and some liquorice.

Me: "That'll be xxx"
Girls turn around, backs to me, and count out their money. They spend around 3 minutes counting out while there's a big line behind them.
Finally, they say: "Here you go."
Me: "Sorry, that's 50 cents short."
Girls turn around once more, and count out 50 cents.
Then they give it to me. I put it in the registrar and give the receipt. Then they stand there putting all that stuff in their handbags...

God, some people can't just hurry up...
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Re: Terrifying Tales of Retail: BUY SELL BUY SELL BEEP BOOP

Postby superglucose » Tue Jun 22, 2010 3:20 am UTC

Someone bought a TV worth more than $1,000 with silver dollars and the likes from her change jar.
Image

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Re: Terrifying Tales of Retail: BUY SELL BUY SELL BEEP BOOP

Postby PatrickRsGhost » Wed Jun 23, 2010 12:51 am UTC

superglucose wrote:Someone bought a TV worth more than $1,000 with silver dollars and the likes from her change jar.


I remember a similar experience when I worked at Wal-Mart.

Customer comes through my line, rang them up, total was over $100. She pulls out large bag of miscellaneous coins. Not wanting to seem rude, or to hold up the line, I called the lady that ran our cash office to come to the register. She brought up the coin counter and tallied up the coins while I checked out the other customers. Had already cashed out the customer with the large bag of coins. Came up to over the amount on the receipt. Cash office employee gave customer the amount of coins in dollar bills, she gave me the amount closest to her total, I gave her the change. Drawer did not come up short or over.
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Re: Terrifying Tales of Retail: BUY SELL BUY SELL BEEP BOOP

Postby Silas » Wed Jun 23, 2010 3:54 am UTC

superglucose wrote:Someone bought a TV worth more than $1,000 with silver dollars and the likes from her change jar.

Save that money! Don't let your supervisor send it to the bank until you check it for actual silver dollars and such (dollars, halves, quarters and dimes dated 1964 and earlier). The best day of my grocery-scanning career was when we got a pile of silver quarters from the bank- BoA didn't realize there was anything special about them, so the cashiers bought all we could lay hands on. I have nearly a thousand dollars worth of specie left from that haul.
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