My Life is Falling Apart

Things that don't belong anywhere else. (Check first).

Moderators: Moderators General, Prelates, Magistrates

User avatar
GMThomas
Posts: 45
Joined: Fri Jan 25, 2008 3:35 am UTC
Location: Albuquerque, New Mexico
Contact:

My Life is Falling Apart

Postby GMThomas » Sun Feb 03, 2008 11:04 pm UTC

My mom ran away from the house yesterday. She hasn't come back, and she's probably with some boyfriend. My parents are probably getting divorced.

I'm crushed. They really screwed me over. I have problems in life and stuff but atleast I can come home to a loving family. Yeah well not anymore. Oh and guess what, my dad is on assignment from Monday - Friday which means I'm home all by myself for that time. Can't get a ride to my college classes, to flying lessons, or anything.

I'm scared. I can't believe this is happening to me. I want to wake up and have it just be a bad dream but I can't. It's the truth, and I can't believe it. It's tearing me up.

It would be nice if I had friends. Unfortunately I have nobody to go to. I'm so alone, so terribly alone, more than I ever was.

My dad has locked the doors and changed the combination for the garage to assure that she can't come back. My dad has been crying a lot, which really hurts me because he never cries.

We've had problems in the past that have been bad but this is by far the worst and will definitely have severe, permanent repercussions.

And now I have nobody to go to. Nobody cares.

What can I do? I have no relatives anywhere near here. I have no friends, either. I don't know my neighbors. I feel completely shut out from the world.

*crying*

User avatar
Sir_Elderberry
Posts: 4206
Joined: Tue Dec 04, 2007 6:50 pm UTC
Location: Sector ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha
Contact:

Re: My Life is Falling Apart

Postby Sir_Elderberry » Sun Feb 03, 2008 11:38 pm UTC

Your parents. did not stop loving you or stop caring about you because they are getting a divorce. Let me repeat that. Your parents. did not stop loving you or stop caring about you because they are getting a divorce.

Yes, it happened to you. Crying is ok, you're hurt by the situation, but it won't solve anything. Your life still continues no matter supports are knocked out from under you, so learn to get by. Best advice, in my opinion, is to accept the situation--don't overestimate it, don't underestimate it. It's happened, and that is an unalterable fact.

Always look on the bright side of life. In this case, it would seem that your parents were already in a bad spot. No longer being married is probably better for them and you in the long run.
http://www.geekyhumanist.blogspot.com -- Science and the Concerned Voter
Belial wrote:You are the coolest guy that ever cooled.

I reiterate. Coolest. Guy.

Well. You heard him.

User avatar
lowbart
Posts: 668
Joined: Sun Dec 09, 2007 10:00 pm UTC
Location: northeastern USA
Contact:

Re: My Life is Falling Apart

Postby lowbart » Mon Feb 04, 2008 12:25 am UTC

There might be local support groups where you could make some friends. I dunno how hard it is to get around in Albuquerque.
...a fish called the Henamo grunter, named because it makes grunting noises from its swim bladder.
v1nsai wrote:Yes, I'm Linux, how can I help you ma'am?

User avatar
Fossa
Posts: 1080
Joined: Wed Nov 28, 2007 9:04 am UTC
Location: Los Angeles
Contact:

Re: My Life is Falling Apart

Postby Fossa » Mon Feb 04, 2008 12:58 am UTC

I've been there.
I'm sorry.
Just remember, "This too shall pass".

User avatar
Plague
Posts: 121
Joined: Tue Oct 30, 2007 6:07 pm UTC
Contact:

Re: My Life is Falling Apart

Postby Plague » Mon Feb 04, 2008 1:50 am UTC

I have several suggestions... some are probably crap.

The following is very direct, and kind lacking in sympathy. I'm not going to attempt to emotionally connect through a bulletin board (time differences and anonymity make this nigh impossible). I'm just going to give some thoughts about where to go from here. For the record, I'm very sorry for you.

If you don't feel that you are ready for the above, please do not open the spoiler below.

If other posters would post their assessment of the contents of the spoiler, it may help me redefine some points, give a different opinion, and give GMThomas some perspective on what to expect.

Spoiler:
  1. Don't give up, life is always worth living.
  2. From my point of view, you can't hold your feelings in and expect things to get better. A solitary release of emotion is helpful, but not nearly as healing as bonding with someone through hardship. I suggest that you find someone to cleave to in this time of trouble. I know nothing of your relationship with your father, keeping that in mind, he would be my first suggestion. Go to him and tell him how you feel, don't let yourself get angry (or stay angry) and don't walk out without a better understanding of each other, and a deeper relationship.
  3. This is happening, don't deny it, don't try to run away from the problem. Meet it head on and come out the other side a stronger person.
  4. People do care, we care, or we wouldn't take the time to post things here. But honestly, relationships over the internet always carry a small amount of artificiality. Don't expect to be able to connect on a deep level with people over the internet. The copper usually gets in the way. From my anonymous perspective, I would guess that your father cares... He is likely too wrapped up in his own grief at the moment to notice that you are also being affected. Bring yourself to his attention and you may find an opportunity to connect with someone.
  5. Don't be afraid to ask your father why this is happening, discuss it if necessary.
I had something witty to put here last night, but I forgot because your mom.

User avatar
'; DROP DATABASE;--
Posts: 3284
Joined: Thu Nov 22, 2007 9:38 am UTC
Location: Midwest Alberta, where it's STILL snowy
Contact:

Re: My Life is Falling Apart

Postby '; DROP DATABASE;-- » Mon Feb 04, 2008 1:58 am UTC

Don't be afraid to cry. Holding it in isn't healthy.
poxic wrote:You suck. And simultaneously rock. I think you've invented a new state of being.

User avatar
cypherspace
Posts: 2733
Joined: Thu Jan 10, 2008 9:48 pm UTC
Location: Londonia

Re: My Life is Falling Apart

Postby cypherspace » Mon Feb 04, 2008 1:58 am UTC

Assessing the spoiler, I think it's actually very sympathetic. I agree with it all.
"It was like five in the morning and he said he'd show me his hamster"

akashra
Posts: 503
Joined: Tue Jan 01, 2008 6:54 am UTC
Location: Melbourne, AU
Contact:

Re: My Life is Falling Apart

Postby akashra » Mon Feb 04, 2008 2:00 am UTC

Let me make something absolutely clear: Your parents being fucked up (regardless of whether there's any resemblance to that in this case) doesn't immediately have to mean you are. That only happens if you let it.
By a similar token people don't become good people just because they're blood related to you. This stupid obsession with 'family' that society has, and loyalty to them, is far overdone in many cases.

Yes, you may have to learn to fend for yourself a bit here, but in the end everyone does. It just means you're forced to grow up a bit faster than others. Ultimately it's only going to drag you down if you let it. The only one who can decide whether it drags you down or only makes you stronger is yourself.

My advice is to take it like a kick in the guts and get back up. But that's just me.
( find / -name \*base\* -exec chown us : us { } \ ; )

User avatar
Plague
Posts: 121
Joined: Tue Oct 30, 2007 6:07 pm UTC
Contact:

Re: My Life is Falling Apart

Postby Plague » Mon Feb 04, 2008 2:06 am UTC

cypherspace wrote:Assessing the spoiler, I think it's actually very sympathetic. I agree with it all.


I'm glad to hear it, sometimes I can oversimplify things, parsing out all emotion. Glad to hear I didn't get rid of it all.
I had something witty to put here last night, but I forgot because your mom.

User avatar
yellie
Posts: 494
Joined: Wed Sep 05, 2007 8:24 pm UTC
Location: Ireland

Re: My Life is Falling Apart

Postby yellie » Mon Feb 04, 2008 2:11 am UTC

GMThomas wrote:And now I have nobody to go to.

You have your dad. Talk to him -- he's probably feeling the exact same as you are, if not worse. After all, his wife just left him.

(Eek, that sounds a lot harsher than intended! I am very sorry that this happening to you.)

User avatar
El Senor Fruit Swing
Posts: 1048
Joined: Thu Dec 06, 2007 3:57 pm UTC
Location: Michigan
Contact:

Re: My Life is Falling Apart

Postby El Senor Fruit Swing » Mon Feb 04, 2008 2:26 am UTC

just dont give up bro. It takes alot to tell complete strangers you have home problems, just keep pushing. If anything your parents dont want you to give up.
Raiku wrote: Oh, I 'Falcon Punched' a tree for the hell of it, and it's still quite bloody...

User avatar
Moo
Oh man! I'm going to be so rebellious! I'm gonna...
Posts: 6438
Joined: Thu Aug 16, 2007 3:15 pm UTC
Location: Beyond the goblin city
Contact:

Re: My Life is Falling Apart

Postby Moo » Mon Feb 04, 2008 10:34 am UTC

I am really sorry that this sucky thing happened to you and I truly wish you the strength to get through it ok.

If you are religious (or just grew up in a religious environment even if you don't have much of a personal faith relationship), you could go to a church/minister/pastor/similar to talk things through; they are oftened trained in counseling and a good place to find an ear to listen and a support structure.

If you do sort out a ride to college, you should see if they have counseling services. I had a very hard time when I first went to university - personal issues as well as adjusting after being independant for two years - and I started seeing a campus counsellor. It was incredibly helpful, I can't emphasize enough how much it helped just to talk to someone who knew the right questions to ask so that I could provide my own answers for myself.

Good luck whatever you do.
Proverbs 9:7-8 wrote:Anyone who rebukes a mocker will get an insult in return. Anyone who corrects the wicked will get hurt. So don't bother correcting mockers; they will only hate you.
Hawknc wrote:FFT: I didn't realise Proverbs 9:7-8 was the first recorded instance of "haters gonna hate"

Robin S
Posts: 3579
Joined: Wed Jun 27, 2007 7:02 pm UTC
Location: London, UK
Contact:

Re: My Life is Falling Apart

Postby Robin S » Mon Feb 04, 2008 11:18 am UTC

I may be only another anonymous face on the Internet, but here are my two cents.

Try calling Samaritans. I haven't been through anything like what you've been through, but I've suffered from some pretty serious depressive episodes and they've helped. If you feel a bit awkward calling then you can also email them, but you might not get the same person each time if you do that.

Also, trying to find a counsellor you can see in person, whether through college or your local health service, is a very good idea.

Don't do anything rash, which includes spur-of-the-moment relationships. That can be an easy trap to fall into.

Good luck.
This is a placeholder until I think of something more creative to put here.

User avatar
GMThomas
Posts: 45
Joined: Fri Jan 25, 2008 3:35 am UTC
Location: Albuquerque, New Mexico
Contact:

Re: My Life is Falling Apart

Postby GMThomas » Mon Feb 04, 2008 2:08 pm UTC

Hey guys, thank you all for your comments and support. It means a lot.

Due to the face that I have 15 minutes till I need to leave to school, I will try and comment on your posts.

And sorry for the upcoming silliness, humor is my way of dealing with unwanted emotions.

Sir_Elderberry wrote:Your parents. did not stop loving you or stop caring about you because they are getting a divorce. Let me repeat that. Your parents. did not stop loving you or stop caring about you because they are getting a divorce.

I completely looked over that. You're completely right, and I should keep that in mind.

lowbart wrote:There might be local support groups where you could make some friends. I dunno how hard it is to get around in Albuquerque.

It's hard to get around. Since Albuquerque is a crater inside a crater, the sides of the crater walls are really steep and you can't walk anywhere without sliding to the center of town! :P In all seriousness, I go to high school, so if that's not a good haven for potential-friendies, I don't know what else is.

Fossa wrote:Just remember, "This too shall pass".

YOU SHALL NOT PASS

Plague wrote:I have several suggestions... some are probably crap.

The following is very direct, and kind lacking in sympathy. I'm not going to attempt to emotionally connect through a bulletin board (time differences and anonymity make this nigh impossible). I'm just going to give some thoughts about where to go from here. For the record, I'm very sorry for you.

If you don't feel that you are ready for the above, please do not open the spoiler below.

I am from the internets. Because of this, I have learned the best types of advice are straightforward and sometimes lacking in sympathy. The advice you gave was not nearly as harsh and critical as a lot of advice I have been given, so don't worry about it. Looking over this advice, I will carry it out.

'; DROP DATABASE;-- wrote:Don't be afraid to cry. Holding it in isn't healthy.

I cry every day :P

akashra wrote:This stupid obsession with 'family' that society has, and loyalty to them, is far overdone in many cases.

Yes, you may have to learn to fend for yourself a bit here, but in the end everyone does. It just means you're forced to grow up a bit faster than others. Ultimately it's only going to drag you down if you let it. The only one who can decide whether it drags you down or only makes you stronger is yourself.

I'm actually not very close to my family at all. I can go most days without talking to them, even though they have to drive me around everywhere. So I don't really know why this hurts me so much.

[quotes="akashra"]My advice is to take it like a kick in the guts and get back up. But that's just me.[/quote]
Replace "guts" with "nuts" and then I will have even more of a reason to utilize my leg muscles :D

yellie wrote:You have your dad. Talk to him -- he's probably feeling the exact same as you are, if not worse. After all, his wife just left him.

(Eek, that sounds a lot harsher than intended! I am very sorry that this happening to you.)

Unfortunately he's gone for a week :O

El Senor Fruit Swing wrote:just dont give up bro. It takes alot to tell complete strangers you have home problems, just keep pushing. If anything your parents dont want you to give up.

you'll find I am very good and experienced at seeking help over the internets.

Moo wrote:If you are religious (or just grew up in a religious environment even if you don't have much of a personal faith relationship), you could go to a church/minister/pastor/similar to talk things through; they are oftened trained in counseling and a good place to find an ear to listen and a support structure.

Religion!? *catches on fire*

Moo wrote:If you do sort out a ride to college, you should see if they have counseling services.

I take classes at a college after school but I still go to high school, so I'll talk to a counselor there.

Robin S wrote:Don't do anything rash, which includes spur-of-the-moment relationships. That can be an easy trap to fall into.

Believe me, you don't have to worry about this. I've been trying to get into a relationship for years, and haven't succeeded XP

So sorry for some of my comments, do know I took everything you guys said to heart and I can't thank you guys enough for being supportive. I'll let you know how it goes.

- Thomas

User avatar
lowbart
Posts: 668
Joined: Sun Dec 09, 2007 10:00 pm UTC
Location: northeastern USA
Contact:

Re: My Life is Falling Apart

Postby lowbart » Mon Feb 04, 2008 2:25 pm UTC

GMThomas wrote:
Fossa wrote:Just remember, "This too shall pass".

YOU SHALL NOT PASS


I lol'ed.

Plague wrote:I have several suggestions... some are probably crap.

The following is very direct, and kind lacking in sympathy. I'm not going to attempt to emotionally connect through a bulletin board (time differences and anonymity make this nigh impossible). I'm just going to give some thoughts about where to go from here. For the record, I'm very sorry for you.

If you don't feel that you are ready for the above, please do not open the spoiler below.

I am from the internets. Because of this, I have learned the best types of advice are straightforward and sometimes lacking in sympathy...


...... You mean you were born there? :shock:
...a fish called the Henamo grunter, named because it makes grunting noises from its swim bladder.
v1nsai wrote:Yes, I'm Linux, how can I help you ma'am?

Fargren
Posts: 68
Joined: Sat Nov 17, 2007 3:40 pm UTC

Re: My Life is Falling Apart

Postby Fargren » Mon Feb 04, 2008 2:51 pm UTC

GMThomas wrote:
'; DROP DATABASE;-- wrote:Don't be afraid to cry. Holding it in isn't healthy.

I cry every day :P

Yay! I mean, D'oh! I mean...Oh, well, you know what I mean.

Like many others, I believe you need someone to talk with. Since your dad is away, you could try starting some kind dof friendship. Do you have any hobbies? Being with people with common interests would be helpful, even if you don't get to talk about your problems yet. And you could get some nice friends, maybe even a nice women/man, with time.
English is not my native language, so please don't expect me to be perfectly profficient with it.

User avatar
SecondTalon
SexyTalon
Posts: 26519
Joined: Sat May 05, 2007 2:10 pm UTC
Location: Louisville, Kentucky, USA, Mars. HA!
Contact:

Re: My Life is Falling Apart

Postby SecondTalon » Mon Feb 04, 2008 2:54 pm UTC

GMThomas wrote:I am from the internets. Because of this, I have learned the best types of advice are straightforward and sometimes lacking in sympathy.

Huzzah! Something I can post in!

Whatever your parents do doesn't have as much of an effect on you as you think it does. Alternately : your parents only affect you as much as you let them.

You are not your fucking parents....

on second though, though you're the end result of your fucking parents (ha ha!), you are not them. Whatever they do to themselves or each other only affects you if you let it. And while apparently your mother's run out or whatever, you do still have at least one human who loves you unconditionally. Which brings up a side point.. though I'm sure you've noticed by now, "Dad" is not some mythic figure, striding forth from the mists of time and space.. he's a human, like the rest of us. So he won't be in until Friday... talk to him then. Seriously, talk to him then. He's human, and humans have this weird tendency to not only cry when something upsetting has happened, but to also bottle it all up or whatever. Which is either really bad, or the secret to eternal happiness via a massive stroke, I forget which.

In the meantime your only priority should be seeing if you can score a ride to class. Got the phone numbers of anyone who shares classes with you or at least shares somewhat of a similar schedule to you? Is there bus service in your area? How far are the college classes again? Close enough to bike? Got a bike?
heuristically_alone wrote:I want to write a DnD campaign and play it by myself and DM it myself.
heuristically_alone wrote:I have been informed that this is called writing a book.

User avatar
KevorkianKat
Posts: 192
Joined: Mon Jun 04, 2007 1:32 pm UTC

Re: My Life is Falling Apart

Postby KevorkianKat » Mon Feb 04, 2008 3:18 pm UTC

Pick up some bare essentials, a backpack and take on the road!

If you have nothing to hold you back, then you have everything to live for, go out, explore and find a new life!

User avatar
GMThomas
Posts: 45
Joined: Fri Jan 25, 2008 3:35 am UTC
Location: Albuquerque, New Mexico
Contact:

Re: My Life is Falling Apart

Postby GMThomas » Mon Feb 04, 2008 10:05 pm UTC

lowbart wrote:...... You mean you were born there? :shock:

Yes. I was born inside the internets when a few dedicated hackers decided they would create some photo-realistic ASCII art. The packets of their excited chatter over IRC congealed and created an embryo inside one of the internet tubes. Doctors in Ipswich, England cut me out of one of the tubes, where I met the real world in 1991.

Fargren wrote:Like many others, I believe you need someone to talk with. Since your dad is away, you could try starting some kind dof friendship. Do you have any hobbies? Being with people with common interests would be helpful, even if you don't get to talk about your problems yet. And you could get some nice friends, maybe even a nice women/man, with time.

Believe me, I could have plenty of friends if it weren't for my deep and socially destructive mental issues.

SecondTalon wrote:You are not your fucking parents....

that was so mean my feelings are totally hurt why'd you have to post in this thread :*( :P

"Dad" is not some mythic figure, striding forth from the mists of time and space

Actually you'll be quite shocked when you discover that my dad is a cross between a Greek god and a T-Rex!

In the meantime your only priority should be seeing if you can score a ride to class. Got the phone numbers of anyone who shares classes with you or at least shares somewhat of a similar schedule to you? Is there bus service in your area? How far are the college classes again? Close enough to bike? Got a bike?

Keep in mind that I am in high school and take college classes in addition to my normal high school classes. So there is nobody really who does that, and all the adults in my class (Advanced Hardware) are really scary and stuff, so I don't know them :P
The buses only run down town.
College is downtown, which is a 15 minute drive on the interstate from my house. No way can I bike 15 miles there and 15 miles back. My nerd legs would get tingly.
That's no longer a concern though. I only have my permit, however I'll just drive there, even though it's against the law. I'll try not to get caught :O

Pick up some bare essentials, a backpack and take on the road!

My backpack for school is a military issue one my dad used in Iraq, it's awesome. All I need to do is bring the backpack, I can use it as food, water, and shelter!

If you have nothing to hold you back, then you have everything to live for, go out, explore and find a new life!

If I wasn't 16 then I would :P

ZeroSum
Cooler than Jeff
Posts: 2903
Joined: Tue May 08, 2007 10:10 pm UTC

Re: My Life is Falling Apart

Postby ZeroSum » Mon Feb 04, 2008 10:13 pm UTC

GMThomas wrote:Keep in mind that I am in high school and take college classes in addition to my normal high school classes. So there is nobody really who does that, and all the adults in my class (Advanced Hardware) are really scary and stuff, so I don't know them :P
Try to identify a motherly looking woman who seems to leave and arrive at the same time as you and explain your situation. You're probably looking for someone in their 40s for best effect.

User avatar
Will
There are about a million things I can do from behind
Posts: 2256
Joined: Mon Sep 10, 2007 11:12 pm UTC
Location: St. Heraldwulf's Stone
Contact:

Re: My Life is Falling Apart

Postby Will » Mon Feb 04, 2008 11:15 pm UTC

GMThomas wrote:
In the meantime your only priority should be seeing if you can score a ride to class. Got the phone numbers of anyone who shares classes with you or at least shares somewhat of a similar schedule to you? Is there bus service in your area? How far are the college classes again? Close enough to bike? Got a bike?

Keep in mind that I am in high school and take college classes in addition to my normal high school classes. So there is nobody really who does that, and all the adults in my class (Advanced Hardware) are really scary and stuff, so I don't know them :P
The buses only run down town.
College is downtown, which is a 15 minute drive on the interstate from my house. No way can I bike 15 miles there and 15 miles back. My nerd legs would get tingly.
That's no longer a concern though. I only have my permit, however I'll just drive there, even though it's against the law. I'll try not to get caught :O


*looks at GMThomas's location*
*looks at own location*
Hey! I live where you live! Also, this is false. The busses run all over town, and unless your classes are very late or you live in the mountains, you can get from where you live to UNM (I asssume you mean UNM, although TVI--er, sorry, CNM is in the same general area) Also, if you go to UNM (edit: CNM, too), you can ride the bus for free. The downside is how much freaking time it takes, but it's a sight better than risking having your permit suspended.

Rather than repeat what previous posters (especially SecondTalon) have said, I will advise you to farking listen to them.

Edit for more info:
http://www.cabq.gov/transit/tran.html has all the bus routes in Abq.
Meaux_Pas: Is it fucking Taint Sunday or something?
liza: Screw y'all, I'm going to the moon

User avatar
Maciek
Posts: 15
Joined: Thu Jan 17, 2008 3:05 am UTC
Location: Gliwice, Poland

Re: My Life is Falling Apart

Postby Maciek » Mon Feb 04, 2008 11:32 pm UTC

GMThomas wrote:College is downtown, which is a 15 minute drive on the interstate from my house. No way can I bike 15 miles there and 15 miles back. My nerd legs would get tingly.

I don't know about Your time constrains, but as far as legs are concerned 15 miles one way is not that bad (unless you have some nice mountains there. I'm from another part of the world so forgive me my ignorance in that matter). Riding a bike is fun, and it may help You not to think about Your situation all the time. Just don't force yourself. It's easy to forget oneself when in frustration and unload it on the pedals. By all means do it while getting back, but be careful while going to college. Slow down some time before your destination and rest while still riding. Don't just stop suddenly, after coming at full speed. I write all that assuming You have the right bike. 15 Miles on some BMX could be painful.
Maciek

User avatar
GMThomas
Posts: 45
Joined: Fri Jan 25, 2008 3:35 am UTC
Location: Albuquerque, New Mexico
Contact:

Re: My Life is Falling Apart

Postby GMThomas » Tue Feb 05, 2008 1:44 am UTC

Will wrote:http://www.cabq.gov/transit/tran.html has all the bus routes in Abq.

It's at CNM. Looking at the bus routes, WHOA I DIDNT KNOW A BUS STOPPED RIGHT BY MY HOUSE!

Okay, let me say this. It's a 1.9 mile bike ride, downhill, to my high school from my house. After that puny 10 minute ride, I am dead tired to the point where I can barely stand up.


Return to “General”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 21 guests