Incredibly Lonely... Is This Normal?

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Re: Incredibly Lonely... Is This Normal?

Postby stockpot » Sun Feb 10, 2008 4:29 am UTC

GMThomas wrote:I know what you're saying. I'm not sure how the words "cute" and "sweet" can be misconstrued, especially when they are deliberately complimenting me.

There are two kinds of "cute" that you're going to find girls talking about. One is "Oh me yarm! Johnny Depp is so cute! <3 <3" the other is "Aww, look at that cute little kid!" Maybe they're a little less polarized - an attractive, youthful looking boy can be both types of cute - but that's the general idea of it.
Important thing: I, and many other shyish girls, would only tell someone they were "cute" if I thought they were cute type B. I have some younger male friends who I'll call "cute" to their faces because they know I'm not interested in them, and because I call them "cute" they know for extra-sure I'm not interested. If there were any chance for confusion, I would never use that word. But perhaps your ladyfriends assumed you take their compliments to mean Cute type B?

Cliffs: unless it's accompanied by blushing and giggling, being called "cute" is a bad sign

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Re: Incredibly Lonely... Is This Normal?

Postby Zak » Sun Feb 10, 2008 4:31 am UTC

Booze will fix those pesky 'feelings' for ya.

[/bad advice]
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Re: Incredibly Lonely... Is This Normal?

Postby Rippy » Sun Feb 10, 2008 5:11 am UTC

True, cute be a compliment on physical appearance (i.e. "he's cute"), or it can be a sort of patronising comment. (i.e. "aww, you're playing mario kart? That's cute.")

Damn women and their words with double meanings. >_>

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Re: Incredibly Lonely... Is This Normal?

Postby functionally_stupid » Sun Feb 10, 2008 5:21 am UTC

:P Ah, but on the other hand, damn men for not being able to correctly interpret the subtle nuances of tone and expression.
I wrote it in a style I fondly refer to as "unabashedly fancy" - i.e., "Fuck Zen minimalism, I'm gonna use all of my favorite words and stack loads of complex syntax n' modifying phrases'n'clauses in this motherfucker, goddamn."

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Re: Incredibly Lonely... Is This Normal?

Postby Zak » Sun Feb 10, 2008 5:51 am UTC

But, but... Girls are pretty, and they have boobs!

There are far too many distractions to deal with the subtle variations between tone, and expression.
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Re: Incredibly Lonely... Is This Normal?

Postby Sissi » Sun Feb 10, 2008 6:19 am UTC

functionally_stupid wrote::P Ah, but on the other hand, damn men for not being able to correctly interpret the subtle nuances of tone and expression.

That's why I choose not to interact with your gender.

Reminds me of the time I was on a bus full of women (I was the only male in Dance class, and I went on the Senior trip to Ney York City), and going back to the hotel from the Cruise dinner on the charter, my friend and seat buddy stated "I wanna do something."
Me: *Thinks about sex as soon as I hear the words* "Like what?"
Her: "Oh, nevermind!" *promptly turns the other way*
I turned my smilies off.
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Re: Incredibly Lonely... Is This Normal?

Postby kellsbells » Sun Feb 10, 2008 7:36 am UTC

Oh boys, with your one-track minds.

functionally_stupid wrote::P Ah, but on the other hand, damn men for not being able to correctly interpret the subtle nuances of tone and expression.

Exactly so.
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Re: Incredibly Lonely... Is This Normal?

Postby Zak » Sun Feb 10, 2008 7:57 am UTC

kellsbells wrote:Oh boys, with your one-track minds.

functionally_stupid wrote::P Ah, but on the other hand, damn men for not being able to correctly interpret the subtle nuances of tone and expression.

Exactly so.

If guys didn't have one-track minds, humanity would probably die ou... Boobs?
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Re: Incredibly Lonely... Is This Normal?

Postby Kartoffelkopf » Sun Feb 10, 2008 8:08 am UTC

(btw, LARP = Live Action RolePlay)
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Re: Incredibly Lonely... Is This Normal?

Postby zten » Sun Feb 10, 2008 9:41 am UTC

GMThomas wrote:I know what you're saying. I'm not sure how the words "cute" and "sweet" can be misconstrued, especially when they are deliberately complimenting me.

Nice guys come last, I know.


Check out the other bajillion threads about relationship problems on this board. Decrypting the "just friends" excuse is a painful, non-trivial task (you will never get a straight answer, and asking/complaining only throws you further into the pit) but it's usually along the lines that they're simply not attracted to you. If that runs counter to any manner of praise you seem to be given, try "not physically attractive" instead.

GMThomas wrote:No. I hang out with nice girls who aren't very popular but don't try to be either.


You appear to be under the misguided assumption that this will make them behave any differently. There are nice unpopular people, and unpopular asshole people (this one you should expect), just as there are nice popular and popular assholes.

functionally_stupid wrote::P Ah, but on the other hand, damn men for not being able to correctly interpret the subtle nuances of tone and expression.


Most people who have studied literary works do in fact know tone and expression. However, emotional expression isn't merely a set of subtle nuances when spoken by females... it's a foreign language :x

(tongue-in-cheek, of course)

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Re: Incredibly Lonely... Is This Normal?

Postby functionally_stupid » Mon Feb 11, 2008 1:43 am UTC

*hair flip with left hand, with pinkie at 45 degree angle to other fingers. chin tilts to the right, lips smile minutely, eyes point to upper left vision field*

In other words: Yeah, that's kinda true, but nobody can do a damn thing about it, so "neener neener neener!" to you.

XD WOMAN. DO YOU SPEAK IT.
I wrote it in a style I fondly refer to as "unabashedly fancy" - i.e., "Fuck Zen minimalism, I'm gonna use all of my favorite words and stack loads of complex syntax n' modifying phrases'n'clauses in this motherfucker, goddamn."

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Re: Incredibly Lonely... Is This Normal?

Postby Ian Ex Machina » Mon Feb 11, 2008 1:47 am UTC

I remember watching about a study talking about the body language of women when I was in year 7 (and ill for the day so I had to be educated still said parents.)
Hair flicking was used to keep men's interest in the woman or something during conversation.

I'm sure somewhere i mayhave picked up this thinking as I flick my hair quite a lot when talking with people. :s
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Re: Incredibly Lonely... Is This Normal?

Postby SecondTalon » Mon Feb 11, 2008 1:57 am UTC

functionally_stupid wrote:*hair flip with left hand, with pinkie at 45 degree angle to other fingers. chin tilts to the right, lips smile minutely, eyes point to upper left vision field*

In other words: Yeah, that's kinda true, but nobody can do a damn thing about it, so "neener neener neener!" to you.

XD WOMAN. DO YOU SPEAK IT.


No, I don't. I also have a tendency, when I know someone is actually wanting X when they ask for Y, to do Y as strictly close as I can to the letter of their request in an attempt to get them to speak more clearly in the future.

Sometimes it works.
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Re: Incredibly Lonely... Is This Normal?

Postby Rippy » Mon Feb 11, 2008 2:29 am UTC

kellsbells wrote:Oh boys, with your one-track minds.

We DO NOT have one-track minds. What we have is one-track-AT-A-TIME minds. And when you think about it, this is the only way that makes sense. Have you ever seen a train on TWO TRACKS AT THE SAME TIME? No, you haven't. Because it'd be effing confusing.

I rest my case.

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Re: Incredibly Lonely... Is This Normal?

Postby stockpot » Mon Feb 11, 2008 2:59 am UTC

Oh come on. Girlsies and boysies aren't that different. Spoken language and body language are just both full of double meanings. Figuring out what other people are thinking is a learned skill, and it's tricky for everyone at some point or another. Don't use your gender as an excuse to be body-language illiterate or to be pointlessly murky with your spoken language.

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Re: Incredibly Lonely... Is This Normal?

Postby zten » Mon Feb 11, 2008 3:10 am UTC

stockpot wrote:Don't use your gender as an excuse to be body-language illiterate or to be pointlessly murky with your spoken language.


Too many different people, each with their own interpretation on how the doublespeak and body language game works. Why can't I be lazy instead? :(

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Re: Incredibly Lonely... Is This Normal?

Postby Zak » Mon Feb 11, 2008 3:14 am UTC

functionally_stupid wrote:*hair flip with left hand, with pinkie at 45 degree angle to other fingers. chin tilts to the right, lips smile minutely, eyes point to upper left vision field*

In other words: Yeah, that's kinda true, but nobody can do a damn thing about it, so "neener neener neener!" to you.

XD WOMAN. DO YOU SPEAK IT.

*look to left, look at ground, stare at eyes, fiddle with hands, wave at some friends*

In other words: I am trying SO HARD to not stare at your chest.


XP MALE, YOU NOW SPEAK IT.
Last edited by Zak on Mon Feb 11, 2008 3:49 am UTC, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Incredibly Lonely... Is This Normal?

Postby Sissi » Mon Feb 11, 2008 3:45 am UTC

Was What is it with boobs? I've always preferred a nice pair of child-bearin' hips to some sleazy cleavage.

:idea: LIGHTBULBS, DO YOU RECYCLE THEM?
Last edited by Sissi on Mon Feb 11, 2008 6:27 am UTC, edited 1 time in total.
I turned my smilies off.
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Re: Incredibly Lonely... Is This Normal?

Postby Insignificant Deifaction » Mon Feb 11, 2008 4:04 am UTC

Err... I agree with Sissi.

Anyway, I agree in general about body language. Gender is no excuse on either side. I personally have an easy time reading people, but this is because I'm a physical person. Words mean little to me. To others, words are much more important, especially here where certain disorders predispose you to words-only communication.
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Re: Incredibly Lonely... Is This Normal?

Postby Antimatter Spork » Mon Feb 11, 2008 4:31 am UTC

Lots of people wrote:Nice Guys

Please don't start with that crap.

Seriously. Boys are people. Girls are people. If you can't be friends with someone because of which way their genitals point or whether or not they have a couple sacks of fatty tissue attached to their chest, the problem is you, not half of humanity.

I used to be lonely in high school too, and then I got over my superiority complex and realized that some of the other people at my high school were fun to talk to and be around.

Also, College is not the solution to all of your problems. It's much better than high school, but people don't change that much. It's great, sure, but it isn't the miracle that will suddenly grant a social life to people who don't already have one. (I, personally, take a long time to really make close friends, so being hundreds of miles away from all my high school friends has been somewhat of a difficulty, but in a situation like this, you just have to be sociable. Sitting in your room fretting about how lonely you are isn't going to help. The way to not feel lonely is to go and do stuff with people).
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Re: Incredibly Lonely... Is This Normal?

Postby ASmileWithoutACat » Mon Feb 11, 2008 5:09 am UTC

@Spork: WTH are you getting the quote from? Are you sure you're not in the wrong thread? And also...

Please don't start with that crap.

I'm sorry I don't have a nice link for you, but... I'm really really really fscking sick of the "Well, just fix yourself then." attitude. Yeah, I'm a nice guy. I wish I wasn't. It causes me problems. And no, I don't like myself. Ok, so according to your article, I should just start liking myself and people will like me, right? It should be so simple. There are people I simply DO NOT LIKE. The person I am at present is one of them. As long as I am me (that is, me as I am now), I am not going to like myself. And I suck at acting too much to pretend. So yes, I am trying to change who I am. But that's going to be a long process involving trying to lose a great deal of weight (my physical self-image sucks), finding a new place to live (because being in your parents' house at twenty-one is soul-killing (for me)), and forcing myself to grow a backbone (after twenty years of being raised to be quiet, submissive, and most of all reliable). So you can take your little "Your problems are your own fault and you should just deal with them, because I fixed my own (feelings of superiority, which are PRECISELY THE OPPOSITE of the sort of person you're bitching about)", and stick it in that spork of yours, and SHOVE IT...

Okay, sorry. I will calm down now. You just hit a nerve, and I will probably go back and edit out my confrontationalness later.

But anyway. To the op: normal and I have not been on speaking terms for years. However, I do tend to feel alone no matter what groups I'm in; because I never feel understood. This (for me) goes back to a point in the past when I didn't feel that way, but I couldn't stay in that group, and afterwards, I went back to old groups I was part of and didn't fit in anymore, because I felt like I had changed. And I've never found another place I belonged that way. So... yeah. I suppose I can't offer much actual... hope, but I can say that there are people who feel similar. Although it's been said, as most things I say have.
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Re: Incredibly Lonely... Is This Normal?

Postby Antimatter Spork » Mon Feb 11, 2008 5:40 am UTC

ASmileWithoutACat:
Sissi wrote:Here in America, girls--especially the popular girls--Seem to prefer assholes over nice guys.

GMThomas wrote:Nice guys come last, I know.

(I was paraphrasing because I didn't want to dig through all the posts. I'm lazy, I know)

It appears that you're confusing being an actual nice person with being a Nice Guy(tm). A Nice Guy(tm) is not actually nice, and thinks that they are somehow owed sex/relationships for being friendly. Perhaps this would be a better link (really, the HBI link wasn't the best one for this thread, but, like I said, I'm lazy, and it was handy fairly quickly). The Nice Guy(tm) is a despicable character because of the "all girls like assholes" attitude. I really hate that attitude. It's completely wrong, and I really hate the fact that they've tarnished the word "nice". Girls don't prefer assholes, but a girl is never going to know that you like her if all you do is passive-agressive "Nice Guy(tm)" bullshit and then get angry when she doesn't reward you with sex for how "nice" you were. (Also, if someone's not interested in you that way, and you persist in trying to get her to like you in that way, that's not nice, that's being an asshole. Notice how she still doesn't like you. I'm sure even Nice Guys(tm) can think of a female acquaintance of theirs that they don't think of romantically and wouldn't even if that person were actively pursuing them (and certainly not if they were being creepy about it))

I'm sorry that there was a misunderstanding. I'm not trying to say that the solutions to any personal problems are easy (they're not). But being a Nice Guy(tm) is not the way to make friends, unless you like being friends with other Nice Guys(tm) (also, please don't confuse Nice Guys(tm) with people who are actually nice. On the same token, assholes aren't fun to be around either (in my experience. Yours, of course, may vary).

(and really, my misguided feelings of superiority were of the "I'm so much smarter than these idiots. How come they're the ones with all the friends/attention? sort, and really were quite pathetic. My issues with the whole "nice guy" thing come really from knowing how close I came to almost being a Nice Guy(tm). Fortunately, I realized what an asshole I was before I did anything colossally and irreparably stupid, but still.)

Sorry about the rambling and poor organization. This topic gets me too worked up for this time of night.
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Re: Incredibly Lonely... Is This Normal?

Postby Izawwlgood » Mon Feb 11, 2008 2:44 pm UTC

@Smile sin un gato: Nice guys don't bitch about it. Look, the advice "get over it" has no place here, but frankly, the whole "Waaa, I'm a nice guy and no one likes me, it sucks being a nice guy!" is a load of self-victimizing bullshit.

Just to cue you all in: Nice guys don't finish last. They develop meaningful relationships with other people. So do not-nice people. Theres no grand schema out to keep your wholesome activities down, you just haven't pursued the right people (yet). I'm sorry to each of you who is in a bad place/school, but the best advice that can be given is "Shit looks up".

There is also a world of difference between "Nice Guy" and "I don't have any self respect and fear confrontation to such a degree that I can't have anything but a sycophantic conversation with the people around me" guy. Don't be the latter. Don't confuse the two.
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Re: Incredibly Lonely... Is This Normal?

Postby lowbart » Mon Feb 11, 2008 6:08 pm UTC

stockpot wrote:Oh come on. Girlsies and boysies aren't that different. Spoken language and body language are just both full of double meanings. Figuring out what other people are thinking is a learned skill, and it's tricky for everyone at some point or another. Don't use your gender as an excuse to be body-language illiterate or to be pointlessly murky with your spoken language.

I stopped listening as soon as you said girlsies and boysies. Go back to whatever planet you're from.

In response to Antimatter: I agree with what you're saying even though it could have been a lot better. Passive-aggressive is never constructive, helpful, or positive. It just causes resentment and/or confusion.
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Re: Incredibly Lonely... Is This Normal?

Postby Antimatter Spork » Mon Feb 11, 2008 10:13 pm UTC

lowbart wrote:In response to Antimatter: I agree with what you're saying even though it could have been a lot better. Passive-aggressive is never constructive, helpful, or positive. It just causes resentment and/or confusion.

yeah, I'm not at my most eloquent after midnight.
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Re: Incredibly Lonely... Is This Normal?

Postby Robin S » Mon Feb 11, 2008 11:03 pm UTC

Rippy wrote:The sad thing is, my plan is to tough it out until University, where I know I'll flourish in the presence of people who aren't idiots.
Don't count on it. I'm at a fairly respectable university (supposedly among the top few in the world) and don't feel like I'm flourishing.
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Re: Incredibly Lonely... Is This Normal?

Postby GMThomas » Tue Feb 12, 2008 2:15 pm UTC

Hm, and I thought this thread had dropped off the first page by now. :|

You know what's great? Excersize. I feel awesome during PE.

But that's besides the point.

So you don't want to be a "Nice Guy(tm)?" I'm not a "Nice Guy(tm)." I'm just a nice guy. I wouldn't expect any favors or anything for being nice, cause that's not how I am. Only the satisfaction of my niceness. :P Really doesn't matter if they are a guy or a girl either...

But that wasn't the point, really. I was emphasizing about how unfair it was since I'm so nice to everyone and let everyone step all over my face. That was more of an offhand comment, and definitely wasn't the focus of anything I was trying to say. Wait, can you be a nice person AND a "I don't have any self respect and fear confrontation to such a degree that I can't have anything but a sycophantic conversation with the people around me?"

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Re: Incredibly Lonely... Is This Normal?

Postby Izawwlgood » Tue Feb 12, 2008 3:00 pm UTC

GMThomas wrote:But that wasn't the point, really. I was emphasizing about how unfair it was since I'm so nice to everyone and let everyone step all over my face. That was more of an offhand comment, and definitely wasn't the focus of anything I was trying to say. Wait, can you be a nice person AND a "I don't have any self respect and fear confrontation to such a degree that I can't have anything but a sycophantic conversation with the people around me?"


No. Being a sycophant isn't nice, its rather the opposite. It seems like you've muddled up two unrelated personality features, being nice, and having minimal self-respect. The two don't have anything to do with one another. Its like you saying "I enjoy the color blue, but I'm tired of getting cold burritos".

I guess what I was trying to get at is you need to advocate for yourself to the point where your not 'getting walked all over' as I think you said earlier. Thats the first important point to not being overwhelmingly lonely.

Also, I feel that I should point out that the absence of being 'not nice' does not make one a nice person. Being nice is more then simply not being mean.
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Re: Incredibly Lonely... Is This Normal?

Postby ASmileWithoutACat » Tue Feb 12, 2008 5:24 pm UTC

Okay... apologies to Spork. I think I get what you meant, and I did misinterpret. Also... (not an excuse, but an explanation) it was late, I was getting into a very stressful week, and I just generally felt like being a whiny bastard. I'll try not to do that in the future; however, my future self may or may not cooperate. I take no responsibility for him... he's an ass :roll:.

Also, I have the feeling I may be a Nice Guy... but I'm trying to just be nice, I really am. Ingrained behavior patterns are hard to change, especially when you're stuck with the people who help engrain them in the first place; but! NO WHINING

*slaps self, holds mouth firmly shut*
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Re: Incredibly Lonely... Is This Normal?

Postby Antimatter Spork » Tue Feb 12, 2008 5:57 pm UTC

GMThomas wrote:let everyone step all over my face.

There's your problem. There's a difference between being a nice person and being a doormat.
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Re: Incredibly Lonely... Is This Normal?

Postby zten » Tue Feb 12, 2008 10:30 pm UTC

GMThomas wrote: Wait, can you be a nice person AND a "I don't have any self respect and fear confrontation to such a degree that I can't have anything but a sycophantic conversation with the people around me?"


Yes.

"I didn't want to offend you."

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Re: Incredibly Lonely... Is This Normal?

Postby Quadropus » Tue Feb 12, 2008 10:48 pm UTC

I feel largely the same as the original poster...
In the sense that I don't have any real friends, just people I hang out with at school. I did (and still do) have some very, very good friends (known them for as long as I can remember), but they have gone away to university now so I will only get to see them very rarely. :(

I am also fiendishly attracted to one person alone as they seem to be the only person who can make me happy, even just being around them, though I am far too shy to tell her how I feel.
I think the fact that I hate myself for being too shy to say anything isn't helping at all. Though I have made a promise to myself that I will tell her as soon as she gets back from holiday. (someone please hold me to this, on pain of death....)

I did spend time with a certain group of people at school, but I then realised (decided perhaps?) that they were all far too pretentious and into all this fashion crap, and how brilliant clothes are and other such douche-baggery. Which to be honest, I could not care less about. That led to me receding and now joining the game geeks mainly, as at least there is some common ground in the sense that a fair few of us takes physics, which is always a plus.

In between groups, I spent a lot of time on my own (and still do, just to a lesser extent) which I became quite accustomed to as it gave me time to just read and think, which was nice.

I still sometimes get bouts of extreme depression, in which I just hate being myself and my brain.
Though they usually last about a week, maybe a few days more.
After that, I tend to feel a lot better about things. Though that is often short lived....
Not overly sure how I can stop it, but for now, I just try to deal with it.
e.g. spending ungodly amounts of time on the internet being anonymous on forums, which I find an excellent way of saying things I wouldn't in real life.
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Sjonyonye
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Re: Incredibly Lonely... Is This Normal?

Postby Sjonyonye » Thu Feb 14, 2008 3:19 am UTC

Okay, uh... what if I have no idea how to.. um, make friends? Upon looking back, I realize I've never really done it. All of my friendships have either resulted from them making the initiative or meeting the friends of my friends. Otherwise, never. And this is the sort of skill I need to acquire, as I am currently losing the bulk of them.

I just can't conceive of how a conversation can lead to a friendship. They usually form naturally, do they not? So how do you set out to make a friend... I am not sure what to say to them. I guess I can work from common ground, like commenting on someone's shirt or whatnot. But still, it seems like the conversation will just end. And then I'll have to think of something else. And it will never develop naturally into a friendship. There is probably a self-fulfilling prophecy in here somewhere.

I think it's the venue. If I were to join an improv club, I would probably make friends from connecting to them during the improv. And my favourite sort of conversation is a fictional one. But now my only opportunity to do so is in a high school classroom.

So I am here to ask for social advice from the best... Socially awkward nerds. ;)

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Zak
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Re: Incredibly Lonely... Is This Normal?

Postby Zak » Thu Feb 14, 2008 3:29 am UTC

Well, if you are at school the conversation should go something like this:

you, to the person sitting next to you: "Hi! What's your name?"

Potential friend: "[insert name here] what's yours?"

you: "[insert name here], so what classes are you taking?"

Potential friend: "[list of classes], you?"

you: "Oh, i'm taking [blah, blah, blah]"

Then if you have any other classes in common, start talking about that, the conversation should come naturally after that. If you don't have a new person sitting next to you, comment on something silly or stupid the teacher or a student does, then ask about their classes ect.
*waggles eyebrows*

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yellomellojello
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Re: Incredibly Lonely... Is This Normal?

Postby yellomellojello » Thu Feb 14, 2008 3:35 am UTC

This probably isn't incredibly helpful, but I'd try not thinking about it. At all. Just sit next to someone who looks friendly and say hi.
"The last time anybody made a list of the top hundred character attributes of New Yorkers, common sense snuck in at number 79."

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stockpot
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Re: Incredibly Lonely... Is This Normal?

Postby stockpot » Thu Feb 14, 2008 8:07 am UTC

lowbart wrote:I stopped listening as soon as you said girlsies and boysies. Go back to whatever planet you're from.
But it's so cold on Itsfuntouseannoyingdiminutivesforeverything World III. Please allow me to stay and bask in the sheltering glory of your Earth's thick atmosphere for a little longer. I will adapt to your harsh linguistic standards if needed.

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Izawwlgood
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Re: Incredibly Lonely... Is This Normal?

Postby Izawwlgood » Thu Feb 14, 2008 3:57 pm UTC

Or stop feeling self-conscious about your hobby's? I hid the fact that I liked D&D and science fiction and video games until my sophomore year in highschool, at which point I just sort of said fuck it, and started subjecting those who talked about sports and gossip at me to long tirades about why Chrono is the perfect hero, why the Psionicist was over powered, and why Battlefield Earth was actually a pretty cool book.

Most people realize that its not so much the subject matter as the delivery.

But who knows. It worked for me. I got more outgoing around highschool, instead of less so.
... with gigantic melancholies and gigantic mirth, to tread the jeweled thrones of the Earth under his sandalled feet.

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theonlyjett
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Re: Incredibly Lonely... Is This Normal?

Postby theonlyjett » Fri Feb 15, 2008 1:21 am UTC

Battlefield Earth really is a pretty cool book. If I wrote something like that, I may be begin to think highly enough of myself to start a cult for profit, too. :)

cmacfad77
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Re: Attention newbies and others that don't follow The Rules

Postby cmacfad77 » Sat Feb 16, 2008 4:07 pm UTC

I am a new member with concerns with the word lonliness or Isolation and the corresponding members who are experiencing this same situation as I am. I am a very positive, warm, well traveled and down to earth lovely lady with much to share and enjoy with others. My family is deceased due to combination of old age, September 11, 2001 Survivor and the such. I have been thrusted into an unhealthy, isolated and lonely state. I have made many honest, sincere and proactive attempts to meet others and make new mates. I am not a loner my any means, I love people, I am an accomplished vocalist, musician and I yearn for the acceptance of others again of my true attributes and not for convenience sake.

I am not sure if I am even posting in the right spot. People lately, are very cold, stern, deceptive and distant towards me for no known reasons. They do not speak with me. If they do, they are interested in knowing or being with me as a great and decent person. They are with me for alterior motives only. I have been here in the States for 28 years. I have had this problem in the past, not as prevelent as it has become. The issue is I have no clue or idea why people especially american women go out of their way to be mean, cold, deceptive, (telling me things or making me feel welcome or received when they have no intension of ever being with me for any reason) Cold stares, or just being treated like I am invisible with disrespective behavior have been what I have sustained lately. This is embarrassing to discuss about, when my family was with me they were not a warm, loving and accepting bunch either. I have pretty much had to go about my personal life wondering what would it be like to be accepted for me and my great personality, attributes and interests, that so much goes unnoticed or deeply ignored for reasons I wish Iknew. I am orignally from Scotland, I've lived in Germany, England, Australia and the US. I have a great time with people outside the US. My earlier years here in America were better then they have been lately also. Forgive the lengthy post, any ideas or advice on a very complex issue. Any warm down to earth persons out there who are ready to travel, enjoy and do things with persons with diverse and ecclectic backgrounds, who are genuinely friendly, honest and are happy with themselves and sincerely with others? All would be very pleasantly surprised and well received. I look forward to hearing from any of you warm caring persons out there. Kind regards, Caryn MacFadyen; cmacfad77.

gringo guy
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Re: Incredibly Lonely... Is This Normal? - Unfortunately, Yes.

Postby gringo guy » Mon Nov 09, 2009 5:00 pm UTC

Here's the reason we're so lonely, IMO.

Everyone knows what the IQ curve looks like from the side. Imagine what it might look like from the top. I see it as a a modified Y shape, or perhaps a V with the middle pinched some, and the ends spread wide, as if to infinity. Draw the standard deviation lines across this shape, and you have a map of human potential.

At the base of the V are the intellectually disabled. Not a lot of individual potential in this life. (However, their potential as catalyst for the development of others is a whole other topic.) In the middle is the thundering herd, all jostling each other and generally moving in sync viz similar direction and speed. Potential is as expected: middling. However, the probability of encountering others with a similar point of view and making friends with them is high.

Move further to the right, into the spread. As you have fewer individuals, you have increasing space with each individual on a unique vector. Lots of potential here, but what are the odds of any two people moving in similar directions at equivalent speeds. And, even if they are, parallel lines rarely meet. Unfortunately, this implies that encountering others with a high IQ is no guarantee of friendship. Best to hope for is "asteroids passing in the night" and, if we're lucky, a gravity of mutual interests altering our orbits to coincide for a time, without colliding.

A couple of years after I thought of this, my wife happened upon the New Thought religion. Oddly enough the symbol on the cover of the book "Science of Mind" (on the edition I have) reflects this shape exactly, and symbolizes a map of universal and individual consciousness. Here's a link to the map. (Or not--guess you'll just have to imagine it.) Some coincidence, huh?

Solo mi dos colones,
Last edited by gringo guy on Thu Nov 12, 2009 2:26 pm UTC, edited 1 time in total.


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