unknown604 wrote:Lithium33 wrote:I am addicted to this place when I am happy, and past addicted when I am not.
Me too. That's what happens when you replace the people you'd be talking to IRL with the internet.
Speaking of which:
T'was a good day
todayyesterday. Great even. Got to give two very emotional FUCK YOU's without actually saying it.
Laid a friend to rest and said my piece. It felt like a huge load was lifted off my shoulders. His parents and school chums are pissed at me, oh well, to hell with them, we were his real friends and he willed everything to us.
After the funeral, our old racing mentors physically dragged me and the rest of us to the old kart track for some "therapy". It actually worked, though it took 30 minutes of flying hot laps and for them to tell me that I just set the overall track record, which ex-Best Friend held for 6 years. Even better was that she was racing right beside me, and the only thing she could do was watch as I passed her. She winced each and every time; I just felt better and better.
I shouldn't feel happy right now, but I do. I feel like such a shitty person, but I shouldn't, or should I? I don't think that watching someone you love(d?) self-destruct in front of you should be this enjoyable, if so at all, especially since I'm self-destructing a bit too.
Oh well, I haven't had a swig of alcohol in nearly 23 hours and that's all that matters to me for now.
Yeah, I always feel like self-destructing, I just rarely have the chance. Once I graduate, I'll see how far I'll go in self-destructing. Even when I'm happy the thought pervades my mind. You know, I want to just get drunk or high 90% of the time, unfortunately my options are limited. So my parents think I'm doing fine on that front, when really I'm not.
It's kind of odd. I'm not depressed like I was when I complained before, but I still just want to lose control of everything. And I just know it's gonna happen eventually.