Writing Badly (you can too!)

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Luthen
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Writing Badly (you can too!)

Postby Luthen » Thu May 15, 2008 11:56 am UTC

Disclaimer: If a mod feels this should be somewhere else, I put it here hoping for discussion as well.

As an exercise in my creative writing tute today, we were given fifteen minutes to write the worst prose we could. Aiming for incoherence, repetition, clichés, melodrama, etc. Below is what I wrote. I have to admit that I couldn't read it to the class without cracking up laughing about of a third of the way through. However when I was writing it, it didn't seem funny:

"I love autumn: the gentle, fiery fall of transience resonates deeply within me. Leaves are a tree's lungs - I don't think I could grow another set of lungs each year. I'd be a gum tree, always dropping something someone. Last week was horrible, I managed to make a huge mess bowling with milk. You can't digest milk can you? I'd miss its silky, whiter-than-snow, bone-building taste on my tongue. Taste's funny. I don't like toothpaste cause it makes orange juice taste bad. What did they call oranges before they found them? I've named five things I haven't found yet; Mathew, Mark, Luke, John and Adolf. What does he do on weekends? I play golf, I'm dismal, only a 63 handicap. But clubbing is fun. I'm not allowed to go to my favourite club after I set the floor on fire, it was in the papers, "Climate change worse than Previously Thought" - more at eleven. Why not oneteent or firsteen? I really don't like it when things don't make sense."

"Um, ma'am, would you like the chicken or not?"

"Don't hurry me, tall dark and handsome. I wonder what it's like to fly, I flew to..."

What I'd like to do is have people write their own pieces, provide examples of other horrible work and discuss what makes for bad writing (we're in General, keep it light). Also feel free to abuse the stuff above.
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Re: Writing Badly (you can too!)

Postby recurve boy » Thu May 15, 2008 12:07 pm UTC

Luthen wrote:Disclaimer: If a mod feels this should be somewhere else, I put it here hoping for discussion as well.

As an exercise in my creative writing tute today, we were given fifteen minutes to write the worst prose we could. Aiming for incoherence, repetition, clichés, melodrama, etc. Below is what I wrote. I have to admit that I couldn't read it to the class without cracking up laughing about of a third of the way through. However when I was writing it, it didn't seem funny:

"I love autumn: the gentle, fiery fall of transience resonates deeply within me. Leaves are a tree's lungs - I don't think I could grow another set of lungs each year. I'd be a gum tree, always dropping something someone. Last week was horrible, I managed to make a huge mess bowling with milk. You can't digest milk can you? I'd miss its silky, whiter-than-snow, bone-building taste on my tongue. Taste's funny. I don't like toothpaste cause it makes orange juice taste bad. What did they call oranges before they found them? I've named five things I haven't found yet; Mathew, Mark, Luke, John and Adolf. What does he do on weekends? I play golf, I'm dismal, only a 63 handicap. But clubbing is fun. I'm not allowed to go to my favourite club after I set the floor on fire, it was in the papers, "Climate change worse than Previously Thought" - more at eleven. Why not oneteent or firsteen? I really don't like it when things don't make sense."

"Um, ma'am, would you like the chicken or not?"

"Don't hurry me, tall dark and handsome. I wonder what it's like to fly, I flew to..."

What I'd like to do is have people write their own pieces, provide examples of other horrible work and discuss what makes for bad writing (we're in General, keep it light). Also feel free to abuse the stuff above.



That's not serious at all. It start's of like some super cliched thing that might be satire and then you lose the plot. :lol: :lol: :lol:

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Re: Writing Badly (you can too!)

Postby The Hyphenator » Thu May 15, 2008 10:14 pm UTC

Sounds just like an excerpt from Gravity's Rainbow to me. I'm not even kidding here.
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Re: Writing Badly (you can too!)

Postby Ramses IV » Thu May 15, 2008 10:19 pm UTC

Wow. That...that's hilarious. Was yours the worst?
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Re: Writing Badly (you can too!)

Postby Masuri » Thu May 15, 2008 10:40 pm UTC

haha, that is pretty bad. It's like stream-of-consciousness prose. It does go to show you that you can write terrible crap and never know it until you read it back to yourself. ;)

I'll have to give this a try when I get home. Something dark-and-stormy-night-esque I think.

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Re: Writing Badly (you can too!)

Postby Luthen » Thu May 15, 2008 11:33 pm UTC

Mine was the worst in the fact that I couldn't stop laughing when I read it to the class. Other favorites were Mills and Boons-esque melodramas and a self referencing piece "I'm writing a story, about a guy writing story, what should I write about..."

recurve boy wrote:That's not serious at all. It start's of like some super cliched thing that might be satire and then you lose the plot. :lol: :lol: :lol:

Masuri wrote:haha, that is pretty bad. It's like stream-of-consciousness prose. It does go to show you that you can write terrible crap and never know it until you read it back to yourself. ;)

Wasn't meant to be serious - it was meant to be terrible. I didn't have a plot in the first place. I just looked out the window at a autumn oak tree and went from there. I intended to jump from topic to topic but just ended up characterising the voice as a bit disturbed.

Masuri wrote:I'll have to give this a try when I get home. Something dark-and-stormy-night-esque I think.

All submissions welcome!
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Re: Writing Badly (you can too!)

Postby michaelandjimi » Fri May 16, 2008 12:58 pm UTC

Given that it is going to be mentioned eventually, the Eye of Argon is generally considered the worst piece of fiction ever. There is a thread about it in the Books Section that I'm too lazy to link to.

I discovered recently that most stories I wrote around Year 5 were horrible. I mean, they weren't even cute or anything, they were just plain horrible.
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Re: Writing Badly (you can too!)

Postby Felstaff » Fri May 16, 2008 1:54 pm UTC

You want to hear bad fiction? Check out this excellent sci-fi operatic piece I wrote.
Spoiler'd for epic length/win.

Spoiler:
My Heart is Like an Over-ripened Peach

©Felstaff, 2004-2008. All wrongs reserved.


"Captain Zangram-Tesh III!" Barked the subservient orderly with a heavy drinking problem, but a heart of gold.
Captain Zangram-Tesh III, also known as simply "Zangram Tesh III" to his closest friends and mother, scratched his manly chiselled jaw with a profound rub. He gritted his perfectly square, white teeth that cost him 20,000 credits to veneer the last time his spaceship - The Starship Empress - docked at the very far reaches of space on a planet that specialised in intergalactic dentistry.
"Orderly" Captain Zangram-Tesh III barked back. "Never bark at me again. I don't care if you are a Class-1 S.P.A.C.E. cadet. How dare you bark at the captain of the Starship Empress, especially as we have been floating in deep space without navigational instruments over the last three trilunar cycles?"
"I'm sorry" the orderly said
"I don't care," Captain Zangram-Tesh III said (dismissively)
"I have a message" orderly said
"What is it?" Captain Zangram-Tesh III said (annoyed)
"A message" orderly said.
"What does the message say?" Captain Zangram-Tesh III said (in a demanding tone)
"I don't know" orderly said.
"Why not?" Captain Zangram-Tesh III said (asking)
"Because I am not authorised to open this holo-note, under the Holo-note Visual Restriction Amendment of 5012AD" orderly said.
"5012AD?" Captain Zangram-Tesh III said. "That was over 25 years ago" Captain Zangram-Tesh III said. He scratched his firm, strong jaw again, before pounding his fist on the table. The crew jumped in alarm.
"Don't jump in alarm" Captain Zangram-Tesh III said, in a strong, booming voice. Captain Zangram-Tesh III's strong booming voice inflicted fear upon his crew, but also imparted tenderness and respect. As a result, Captain Zangram-Tesh III was very highly respected. In a tender way.
"Your heavy drinking problem has become a problem for the crew and therefore safety of this ship and therefore I am banishing you from the Starship Empress" Captain Zangram-Tesh III said (angrily).
The orderly cried like a sissy little girl who'd rather be brushing her pony's lustrous glittered mane, instead of a manly space adventurer with a laser-powered Space pistol.
"Stop crying like a sissy girl!"Captain Zangram-Tesh III said.
The orderly could not stop crying like a sissy little girl. ("What a sissy" a voice said from the Powerflux Ultimator Engine Room.)
Captain Zangram-Tesh III raised his hand, like a giant raising his hand. "Enough" he said (authoritatively). "As captain of this heap of space junk for sixteen years, having fought Zoltrons from the planet Spling, and Worglennes from the Alpha-Russell System, and defeated them 85% of the time moments before the ship was about to explode, I've had enough of this mutiny." He said.
"But crying is not mutiny" bridge commander Ronnie "Fitz" McBanner said, interrupting Captain Zangram-Tesh III, if Captain Zangram-Tesh III had actually continued talking.
"Ronnie "Fitz" McBanner," Captain Zangram-Tesh III said. His eyes narrowed. Ronnie "Fitz" McBanner's eyes also narrowed. They both stared at each other with eyes narrowed. You could literally cut the atmosphere with a knife. It was more atmos-FEAR than atmos-PHERE.
"Captain Zangram-Tesh III" Ronnie "Fitz" McBanner said, eyes narrowing further still.
Their eyes were narrowing because they had a long standing hatred of each other, ever since they were in Intergalactic Space School together, as under-performing S.P.A.C.E. students. Where they were the best of friends. But then...

...then came that fateful day. When Rosie-May Robinson, the beautiful high-school prom queen 4563AD came between them.

It was a day to remember, all right. Oh yes, it was a day to remember, all right. Oh yes indeed...

To Be Continued...
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Re: Writing Badly (you can too!)

Postby pkuky » Fri May 16, 2008 2:41 pm UTC

I would try, but I could never match [insert author name here] for bad writing. in fact, I doubt the devil himself could write worse then [insert author name here]. [insert author name here] sure is an awful writer.

but seriously, the "worst book ever" prize is a tie between sandtuary (mercedes lacky, or something like that) and dragons of summer flame (dragon lance).
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Re: Writing Badly (you can too!)

Postby doc leech » Fri May 16, 2008 3:15 pm UTC

Felstaff wrote:You want to hear bad fiction? Check out this excellent sci-fi operatic piece I wrote.
Spoiler'd for epic length/win.


I rather enjoyed that, actually... please continue!
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Re: Writing Badly (you can too!)

Postby Kithplana » Fri May 16, 2008 3:21 pm UTC

Little bit I did some time ago:

"She looked up at the night sky, the scattered stars glittering in the darkness like so many other similes about stars in the night sky shining in a firmament of literature."

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Re: Writing Badly (you can too!)

Postby aleflamedyud » Fri May 16, 2008 4:30 pm UTC

I can't. I just can't. Every fiber of talent, inclination and training in me cries out against this malign effort!
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Re: Writing Badly (you can too!)

Postby clayasaurus » Fri May 16, 2008 4:44 pm UTC

Felstaff wrote:You want to hear bad fiction? Check out this excellent sci-fi operatic piece I wrote.
Spoiler'd for epic length/win.

Spoiler:
My Heart is Like an Over-ripened Peach

©Felstaff, 2004-2008. All wrongs reserved.


"Captain Zangram-Tesh III!" Barked the subservient orderly with a heavy drinking problem, but a heart of gold.
Captain Zangram-Tesh III, also known as simply "Zangram Tesh III" to his closest friends and mother, scratched his manly chiselled jaw with a profound rub. He gritted his perfectly square, white teeth that cost him 20,000 credits to veneer the last time his spaceship - The Starship Empress - docked at the very far reaches of space on a planet that specialised in intergalactic dentistry.
"Orderly" Captain Zangram-Tesh III barked back. "Never bark at me again. I don't care if you are a Class-1 S.P.A.C.E. cadet. How dare you bark at the captain of the Starship Empress, especially as we have been floating in deep space without navigational instruments over the last three trilunar cycles?"
"I'm sorry" the orderly said
"I don't care," Captain Zangram-Tesh III said (dismissively)
"I have a message" orderly said
"What is it?" Captain Zangram-Tesh III said (annoyed)
"A message" orderly said.
"What does the message say?" Captain Zangram-Tesh III said (in a demanding tone)
"I don't know" orderly said.
"Why not?" Captain Zangram-Tesh III said (asking)
"Because I am not authorised to open this holo-note, under the Holo-note Visual Restriction Amendment of 5012AD" orderly said.
"5012AD?" Captain Zangram-Tesh III said. "That was over 25 years ago" Captain Zangram-Tesh III said. He scratched his firm, strong jaw again, before pounding his fist on the table. The crew jumped in alarm.
"Don't jump in alarm" Captain Zangram-Tesh III said, in a strong, booming voice. Captain Zangram-Tesh III's strong booming voice inflicted fear upon his crew, but also imparted tenderness and respect. As a result, Captain Zangram-Tesh III was very highly respected. In a tender way.
"Your heavy drinking problem has become a problem for the crew and therefore safety of this ship and therefore I am banishing you from the Starship Empress" Captain Zangram-Tesh III said (angrily).
The orderly cried like a sissy little girl who'd rather be brushing her pony's lustrous glittered mane, instead of a manly space adventurer with a laser-powered Space pistol.
"Stop crying like a sissy girl!"Captain Zangram-Tesh III said.
The orderly could not stop crying like a sissy little girl. ("What a sissy" a voice said from the Powerflux Ultimator Engine Room.)
Captain Zangram-Tesh III raised his hand, like a giant raising his hand. "Enough" he said (authoritatively). "As captain of this heap of space junk for sixteen years, having fought Zoltrons from the planet Spling, and Worglennes from the Alpha-Russell System, and defeated them 85% of the time moments before the ship was about to explode, I've had enough of this mutiny." He said.
"But crying is not mutiny" bridge commander Ronnie "Fitz" McBanner said, interrupting Captain Zangram-Tesh III, if Captain Zangram-Tesh III had actually continued talking.
"Ronnie "Fitz" McBanner," Captain Zangram-Tesh III said. His eyes narrowed. Ronnie "Fitz" McBanner's eyes also narrowed. They both stared at each other with eyes narrowed. You could literally cut the atmosphere with a knife. It was more atmos-FEAR than atmos-PHERE.
"Captain Zangram-Tesh III" Ronnie "Fitz" McBanner said, eyes narrowing further still.
Their eyes were narrowing because they had a long standing hatred of each other, ever since they were in Intergalactic Space School together, as under-performing S.P.A.C.E. students. Where they were the best of friends. But then...

...then came that fateful day. When Rosie-May Robinson, the beautiful high-school prom queen 4563AD came between them.

It was a day to remember, all right. Oh yes, it was a day to remember, all right. Oh yes indeed...

To Be Continued...


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Re: Writing Badly (you can too!)

Postby Ieatsoap6 » Fri May 16, 2008 5:25 pm UTC

This may be of interest to those of you interested in bad literature.

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Re: Writing Badly (you can too!)

Postby tehmikey » Fri May 16, 2008 5:34 pm UTC

Felstaff wrote:You want to hear bad fiction? Check out this excellent sci-fi operatic piece I wrote.
Spoiler'd for epic length/win.

Spoiler:
My Heart is Like an Over-ripened Peach

©Felstaff, 2004-2008. All wrongs reserved.


"Captain Zangram-Tesh III!" Barked the subservient orderly with a heavy drinking problem, but a heart of gold.
Captain Zangram-Tesh III, also known as simply "Zangram Tesh III" to his closest friends and mother, scratched his manly chiselled jaw with a profound rub. He gritted his perfectly square, white teeth that cost him 20,000 credits to veneer the last time his spaceship - The Starship Empress - docked at the very far reaches of space on a planet that specialised in intergalactic dentistry.
"Orderly" Captain Zangram-Tesh III barked back. "Never bark at me again. I don't care if you are a Class-1 S.P.A.C.E. cadet. How dare you bark at the captain of the Starship Empress, especially as we have been floating in deep space without navigational instruments over the last three trilunar cycles?"
"I'm sorry" the orderly said
"I don't care," Captain Zangram-Tesh III said (dismissively)
"I have a message" orderly said
"What is it?" Captain Zangram-Tesh III said (annoyed)
"A message" orderly said.
"What does the message say?" Captain Zangram-Tesh III said (in a demanding tone)
"I don't know" orderly said.
"Why not?" Captain Zangram-Tesh III said (asking)
"Because I am not authorised to open this holo-note, under the Holo-note Visual Restriction Amendment of 5012AD" orderly said.
"5012AD?" Captain Zangram-Tesh III said. "That was over 25 years ago" Captain Zangram-Tesh III said. He scratched his firm, strong jaw again, before pounding his fist on the table. The crew jumped in alarm.
"Don't jump in alarm" Captain Zangram-Tesh III said, in a strong, booming voice. Captain Zangram-Tesh III's strong booming voice inflicted fear upon his crew, but also imparted tenderness and respect. As a result, Captain Zangram-Tesh III was very highly respected. In a tender way.
"Your heavy drinking problem has become a problem for the crew and therefore safety of this ship and therefore I am banishing you from the Starship Empress" Captain Zangram-Tesh III said (angrily).
The orderly cried like a sissy little girl who'd rather be brushing her pony's lustrous glittered mane, instead of a manly space adventurer with a laser-powered Space pistol.
"Stop crying like a sissy girl!"Captain Zangram-Tesh III said.
The orderly could not stop crying like a sissy little girl. ("What a sissy" a voice said from the Powerflux Ultimator Engine Room.)
Captain Zangram-Tesh III raised his hand, like a giant raising his hand. "Enough" he said (authoritatively). "As captain of this heap of space junk for sixteen years, having fought Zoltrons from the planet Spling, and Worglennes from the Alpha-Russell System, and defeated them 85% of the time moments before the ship was about to explode, I've had enough of this mutiny." He said.
"But crying is not mutiny" bridge commander Ronnie "Fitz" McBanner said, interrupting Captain Zangram-Tesh III, if Captain Zangram-Tesh III had actually continued talking.
"Ronnie "Fitz" McBanner," Captain Zangram-Tesh III said. His eyes narrowed. Ronnie "Fitz" McBanner's eyes also narrowed. They both stared at each other with eyes narrowed. You could literally cut the atmosphere with a knife. It was more atmos-FEAR than atmos-PHERE.
"Captain Zangram-Tesh III" Ronnie "Fitz" McBanner said, eyes narrowing further still.
Their eyes were narrowing because they had a long standing hatred of each other, ever since they were in Intergalactic Space School together, as under-performing S.P.A.C.E. students. Where they were the best of friends. But then...

...then came that fateful day. When Rosie-May Robinson, the beautiful high-school prom queen 4563AD came between them.

It was a day to remember, all right. Oh yes, it was a day to remember, all right. Oh yes indeed...

To Be Continued...


I... do not.... know what to say... EPIC LAWL.

Sorry, my brain nearly exploded back there.

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Re: Writing Badly (you can too!)

Postby Quixotess » Fri May 16, 2008 5:40 pm UTC

Ieatsoap6 wrote:This may be of interest to those of you interested in bad literature.

No, that one is fail. You want the Lyttle Lytton. http://adamcadre.ac/lyttle.html
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Re: Writing Badly (you can too!)

Postby tryptanymph » Fri May 16, 2008 5:43 pm UTC

Felstaff... did you just write that on the spot? Or HAVE YOU BEEN STEALING SOME OF MY EARLY WORKS!?
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Re: Writing Badly (you can too!)

Postby quintopia » Fri May 16, 2008 9:11 pm UTC

nothing hilariouser than blatant exposition through dialogue.

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Re: Writing Badly (you can too!)

Postby semicolon » Fri May 16, 2008 9:27 pm UTC

John Stalvern waited. The lights above him blinked and sparked out of the air. There were demons in the base. He didn't see them, but had expected them now for years. His warnings to Cernel Joson were not listenend to and now it was too late. Far too late for now, anyway.
John was a space marine for fourteen years. When he was young he watched the spaceships and he said to dad "I want to be on the ships daddy."
Dad said "No! You will BE KILL BY DEMONS"
There was a time when he believed him. Then as he got oldered he stopped. But now in the space station base of the UAC he knew there were demons.
"This is Joson" the radio crackered. "You must fight the demons!"
So John gotted his palsma rifle and blew up the wall.
"HE GOING TO KILL US" said the demons
"I will shoot at him" said the cyberdemon and he fired the rocket missiles. John plasmaed at him and tried to blew him up. But then the ceiling fell and they were trapped and not able to kill.
"No! I must kill the demons" he shouted
The radio said "No, John. You are the demons"
And then John was a zombie.

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Re: Writing Badly (you can too!)

Postby The Hyphenator » Fri May 16, 2008 10:21 pm UTC

Felstaff wrote:You want to hear bad fiction? Check out this excellent sci-fi operatic piece I wrote.
Spoiler'd for epic length/win.

Spoiler:
My Heart is Like an Over-ripened Peach

©Felstaff, 2004-2008. All wrongs reserved.


"Captain Zangram-Tesh III!" Barked the subservient orderly with a heavy drinking problem, but a heart of gold.
Captain Zangram-Tesh III, also known as simply "Zangram Tesh III" to his closest friends and mother, scratched his manly chiselled jaw with a profound rub. He gritted his perfectly square, white teeth that cost him 20,000 credits to veneer the last time his spaceship - The Starship Empress - docked at the very far reaches of space on a planet that specialised in intergalactic dentistry.
"Orderly" Captain Zangram-Tesh III barked back. "Never bark at me again. I don't care if you are a Class-1 S.P.A.C.E. cadet. How dare you bark at the captain of the Starship Empress, especially as we have been floating in deep space without navigational instruments over the last three trilunar cycles?"
"I'm sorry" the orderly said
"I don't care," Captain Zangram-Tesh III said (dismissively)
"I have a message" orderly said
"What is it?" Captain Zangram-Tesh III said (annoyed)
"A message" orderly said.
"What does the message say?" Captain Zangram-Tesh III said (in a demanding tone)
"I don't know" orderly said.
"Why not?" Captain Zangram-Tesh III said (asking)
"Because I am not authorised to open this holo-note, under the Holo-note Visual Restriction Amendment of 5012AD" orderly said.
"5012AD?" Captain Zangram-Tesh III said. "That was over 25 years ago" Captain Zangram-Tesh III said. He scratched his firm, strong jaw again, before pounding his fist on the table. The crew jumped in alarm.
"Don't jump in alarm" Captain Zangram-Tesh III said, in a strong, booming voice. Captain Zangram-Tesh III's strong booming voice inflicted fear upon his crew, but also imparted tenderness and respect. As a result, Captain Zangram-Tesh III was very highly respected. In a tender way.
"Your heavy drinking problem has become a problem for the crew and therefore safety of this ship and therefore I am banishing you from the Starship Empress" Captain Zangram-Tesh III said (angrily).
The orderly cried like a sissy little girl who'd rather be brushing her pony's lustrous glittered mane, instead of a manly space adventurer with a laser-powered Space pistol.
"Stop crying like a sissy girl!"Captain Zangram-Tesh III said.
The orderly could not stop crying like a sissy little girl. ("What a sissy" a voice said from the Powerflux Ultimator Engine Room.)
Captain Zangram-Tesh III raised his hand, like a giant raising his hand. "Enough" he said (authoritatively). "As captain of this heap of space junk for sixteen years, having fought Zoltrons from the planet Spling, and Worglennes from the Alpha-Russell System, and defeated them 85% of the time moments before the ship was about to explode, I've had enough of this mutiny." He said.
"But crying is not mutiny" bridge commander Ronnie "Fitz" McBanner said, interrupting Captain Zangram-Tesh III, if Captain Zangram-Tesh III had actually continued talking.
"Ronnie "Fitz" McBanner," Captain Zangram-Tesh III said. His eyes narrowed. Ronnie "Fitz" McBanner's eyes also narrowed. They both stared at each other with eyes narrowed. You could literally cut the atmosphere with a knife. It was more atmos-FEAR than atmos-PHERE.
"Captain Zangram-Tesh III" Ronnie "Fitz" McBanner said, eyes narrowing further still.
Their eyes were narrowing because they had a long standing hatred of each other, ever since they were in Intergalactic Space School together, as under-performing S.P.A.C.E. students. Where they were the best of friends. But then...

...then came that fateful day. When Rosie-May Robinson, the beautiful high-school prom queen 4563AD came between them.

It was a day to remember, all right. Oh yes, it was a day to remember, all right. Oh yes indeed...

To Be Continued...

That.. that was EPIC win. Wow.


All right, I'll try to write one. Right now. IN THIS FORM. XTREME!!

*ahem*

Spoiler:
Gerard is writing a story. It will be a good story. But he doesn't know how to start it. He might make it a story about pirates, or ninjas, or maybe about a guy that has writer's block and can't think of anything and goes outside for a while instead.

"Don't do that," his mother says.

"Do what?" Gerard asks, slightly annoyed.

"Ask questions whilst slightly annoyed," she says.

"Okey dokey," Gerard says (boy, if this were a story that I was writing, I'd be running out of ideas right about now, he thinks. I'd probably include a long self-referential statement in parentheses and disguise it as a character's thoughts).

Gerard turns back to his computer. The cursor is still blinking, or it would, if he were in a text-editor. He is instead in a forum reply form, writing a story for other forum losers raptors humans. But he can't think of anything, so he quickly applies a strikethrough to some words to cover up his embarrassment.

"Damn you, writer's block!" he shouts.

"What the hell, dude," says Writer's Block. "Stop imagining anthropomorphizing random things in a pathetic attempt at humor. It's not impressing anyone."

"All right, but you asked for it," Gerard says.

Writer's Block disappears in a puff of logic and/or paradox.

Then Gerard goes outside for a while instead.

*goes outside for a while* So, what do you think?
The image link changes whenever I find a new cool website.
Spoiler:
Image

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Re: Writing Badly (you can too!)

Postby Ramses IV » Sat May 17, 2008 3:06 am UTC

The Hyphenator wrote:
All right, I'll try to write one. Right now. IN THIS FORM. XTREME!!

*ahem*

Spoiler:
Gerard is writing a story. It will be a good story. But he doesn't know how to start it. He might make it a story about pirates, or ninjas, or maybe about a guy that has writer's block and can't think of anything and goes outside for a while instead.

"Don't do that," his mother says.

"Do what?" Gerard asks, slightly annoyed.

"Ask questions whilst slightly annoyed," she says.

"Okey dokey," Gerard says (boy, if this were a story that I was writing, I'd be running out of ideas right about now, he thinks. I'd probably include a long self-referential statement in parentheses and disguise it as a character's thoughts).

Gerard turns back to his computer. The cursor is still blinking, or it would, if he were in a text-editor. He is instead in a forum reply form, writing a story for other forum losers raptors humans. But he can't think of anything, so he quickly applies a strikethrough to some words to cover up his embarrassment.

"Damn you, writer's block!" he shouts.

"What the hell, dude," says Writer's Block. "Stop imagining anthropomorphizing random things in a pathetic attempt at humor. It's not impressing anyone."

"All right, but you asked for it," Gerard says.

Writer's Block disappears in a puff of logic and/or paradox.

Then Gerard goes outside for a while instead.

*goes outside for a while* So, what do you think?


Not as bad or as funny as the OP's. Still, gave me a chuckle, and something to think about.
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Re: Writing Badly (you can too!)

Postby TheAmazingRando » Sat May 17, 2008 3:54 am UTC

Spoilered for length:
Spoiler:
The picnic blanket - striped red and white like the tartan of some old Scottish clan, though more at home on the Trenton, New Jersey lawn than some distant misty moor - was stretched taut across the ground beneath the withering and aged arboreal growth that towered, grandfatherly, above it, whose roots rippled it with lumps, awkward and uneven as the pimples on the back of a teenaged adolescent athlete, the skinny cross-country runner type who sat nervously in the locker room every afternoon (fresh from the art class he had hoped would be an easy A, but which challenged his creativity and, thus, his own self-confidence in a way he wasn't quite ready to handle, and with still two and a half years left in his high school career was sure he was too young for, but in some ways, maybe, too old) hoping that, this time, he would get a shower all to himself, hoping that the older boys wouldn't tease him, this time. He could feel himself sweating, like the rain that fell down on the withered oak tree and hung in the air, expectantly, before dropping onto that picnic blanket, soaking the basket of sandwiches until the bread was soggy and disgusting and the jelly and the peanut butter swirled out and settled on the bottom of the aforementioned basket, waiting for the army of ants that would surely come to sweep it up and carry it off to their noble queen, who would eat it and use the energy it gave her to have more offspring and build her glorious empire. He watched from inside: she would be here soon. She, with him, and he still wasn't sure it was possible, but she would be there soon and the picnic he had so carefully set up for them in his backyard would be ruined, and he would stand with his back to the window so she wouldn't see it, wouldn't realize that what he had spent so long working through so carefully within the confines of his cranium was gone, wouldn't see the pathetic failure that he was. The doorbell rang, and his heart skipped a beat, but he made his way towards it and opened the door and there she was, hair soaking in the rain.
"Good afternoon," she said, breathlessly.
"Hello there," he responded, "I see this brief and unexpected occurrence of precipitation has left you positively drenched."
"Positively," she smiled, "but I do believe that I'll dry off. That is," she paused, grinning, "if you would be so kind as to let me in."
"Of course I will," he retorted, "I couldn't leave a person such as yourself out in the rain. Who knows what illness you could come down with. By all means, my lady," and he stepped aside in a mock-serious gesture of chivalry.
She eyed the picnic basket through the window, and her eyes fogged over, briefly. She remembered...
"I have several varieties of soda, if one wanted, one could even mix them all together!" he suggested
"That sounds delicious, but I'm too full for even a little bit of soda right now. Let's make out." and she flung herself towards him.
Their lips locked and their tongues swished in each others mouths, and it didn't even matter that blanket was outside, getting drenched, in the cold New Jersey rain.

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Re: Writing Badly (you can too!)

Postby Luthen » Sat May 17, 2008 9:15 am UTC

Felstaff wrote:You want to hear bad fiction? Check out this excellent sci-fi operatic piece I wrote.
Spoiler'd for epic length/win.

Spoiler:
My Heart is Like an Over-ripened Peach

©Felstaff, 2004-2008. All wrongs reserved.


"Captain Zangram-Tesh III!" Barked the subservient orderly with a heavy drinking problem, but a heart of gold.
Captain Zangram-Tesh III, also known as simply "Zangram Tesh III" to his closest friends and mother, scratched his manly chiselled jaw with a profound rub. He gritted his perfectly square, white teeth that cost him 20,000 credits to veneer the last time his spaceship - The Starship Empress - docked at the very far reaches of space on a planet that specialised in intergalactic dentistry.
"Orderly" Captain Zangram-Tesh III barked back. "Never bark at me again. I don't care if you are a Class-1 S.P.A.C.E. cadet. How dare you bark at the captain of the Starship Empress, especially as we have been floating in deep space without navigational instruments over the last three trilunar cycles?"
"I'm sorry" the orderly said
"I don't care," Captain Zangram-Tesh III said (dismissively)
"I have a message" orderly said
"What is it?" Captain Zangram-Tesh III said (annoyed)
"A message" orderly said.
"What does the message say?" Captain Zangram-Tesh III said (in a demanding tone)
"I don't know" orderly said.
"Why not?" Captain Zangram-Tesh III said (asking)
"Because I am not authorised to open this holo-note, under the Holo-note Visual Restriction Amendment of 5012AD" orderly said.
"5012AD?" Captain Zangram-Tesh III said. "That was over 25 years ago" Captain Zangram-Tesh III said. He scratched his firm, strong jaw again, before pounding his fist on the table. The crew jumped in alarm.
"Don't jump in alarm" Captain Zangram-Tesh III said, in a strong, booming voice. Captain Zangram-Tesh III's strong booming voice inflicted fear upon his crew, but also imparted tenderness and respect. As a result, Captain Zangram-Tesh III was very highly respected. In a tender way.
"Your heavy drinking problem has become a problem for the crew and therefore safety of this ship and therefore I am banishing you from the Starship Empress" Captain Zangram-Tesh III said (angrily).
The orderly cried like a sissy little girl who'd rather be brushing her pony's lustrous glittered mane, instead of a manly space adventurer with a laser-powered Space pistol.
"Stop crying like a sissy girl!"Captain Zangram-Tesh III said.
The orderly could not stop crying like a sissy little girl. ("What a sissy" a voice said from the Powerflux Ultimator Engine Room.)
Captain Zangram-Tesh III raised his hand, like a giant raising his hand. "Enough" he said (authoritatively). "As captain of this heap of space junk for sixteen years, having fought Zoltrons from the planet Spling, and Worglennes from the Alpha-Russell System, and defeated them 85% of the time moments before the ship was about to explode, I've had enough of this mutiny." He said.
"But crying is not mutiny" bridge commander Ronnie "Fitz" McBanner said, interrupting Captain Zangram-Tesh III, if Captain Zangram-Tesh III had actually continued talking.
"Ronnie "Fitz" McBanner," Captain Zangram-Tesh III said. His eyes narrowed. Ronnie "Fitz" McBanner's eyes also narrowed. They both stared at each other with eyes narrowed. You could literally cut the atmosphere with a knife. It was more atmos-FEAR than atmos-PHERE.
"Captain Zangram-Tesh III" Ronnie "Fitz" McBanner said, eyes narrowing further still.
Their eyes were narrowing because they had a long standing hatred of each other, ever since they were in Intergalactic Space School together, as under-performing S.P.A.C.E. students. Where they were the best of friends. But then...

...then came that fateful day. When Rosie-May Robinson, the beautiful high-school prom queen 4563AD came between them.

It was a day to remember, all right. Oh yes, it was a day to remember, all right. Oh yes indeed...

To Be Continued...

including: ...It was more atmos-FEAR than atmos-PHERE...

So terrible I must sig.

semicolon wrote:
Spoiler:
John Stalvern waited. The lights above him blinked and sparked out of the air. There were demons in the base. He didn't see them, but had expected them now for years. His warnings to Cernel Joson were not listenend to and now it was too late. Far too late for now, anyway.
John was a space marine for fourteen years. When he was young he watched the spaceships and he said to dad "I want to be on the ships daddy."
Dad said "No! You will BE KILL BY DEMONS"
There was a time when he believed him. Then as he got oldered he stopped. But now in the space station base of the UAC he knew there were demons.
"This is Joson" the radio crackered. "You must fight the demons!"
So John gotted his palsma rifle and blew up the wall.
"HE GOING TO KILL US" said the demons
"I will shoot at him" said the cyberdemon and he fired the rocket missiles. John plasmaed at him and tried to blew him up. But then the ceiling fell and they were trapped and not able to kill.

"No! I must kill the demons" he shouted
The radio said "No, John. You are the demons"
And then John was a zombie.

I am going to use this as an ending whenever I can (goodbye "and it was all a dream").

The Hyphenator wrote:All right, I'll try to write one. Right now. IN THIS FORM. XTREME!!
Spoiler:
Gerard is writing a story. It will be a good story. But he doesn't know how to start it. He might make it a story about pirates, or ninjas, or maybe about a guy that has writer's block and can't think of anything and goes outside for a while instead.

"Don't do that," his mother says.

"Do what?" Gerard asks, slightly annoyed.

"Ask questions whilst slightly annoyed," she says.

"Okey dokey," Gerard says (boy, if this were a story that I was writing, I'd be running out of ideas right about now, he thinks. I'd probably include a long self-referential statement in parentheses and disguise it as a character's thoughts).

Gerard turns back to his computer. The cursor is still blinking, or it would, if he were in a text-editor. He is instead in a forum reply form, writing a story for other forum losers raptors humans. But he can't think of anything, so he quickly applies a strikethrough to some words to cover up his embarrassment.

"Damn you, writer's block!" he shouts.

"What the hell, dude," says Writer's Block. "Stop imagining anthropomorphizing random things in a pathetic attempt at humor. It's not impressing anyone."

"All right, but you asked for it," Gerard says.

Writer's Block disappears in a puff of logic and/or paradox.

Then Gerard goes outside for a while instead.

*goes outside for a while* So, what do you think?

Pretty good terrible. Keep it up.

Ramses IV wrote:
The Hyphenator wrote:All right, I'll try to write one. Right now. IN THIS FORM. XTREME!!

Not as bad or as funny as the OP's. Still, gave me a chuckle, and something to think about.

Thank you for the compliment... I think...

TheAmazingRando wrote:Spoilered for length:
Spoiler:
The picnic blanket - striped red and white like the tartan of some old Scottish clan, though more at home on the Trenton, New Jersey lawn than some distant misty moor - was stretched taut across the ground beneath the withering and aged arboreal growth that towered, grandfatherly, above it, whose roots rippled it with lumps, awkward and uneven as the pimples on the back of a teenaged adolescent athlete, the skinny cross-country runner type who sat nervously in the locker room every afternoon (fresh from the art class he had hoped would be an easy A, but which challenged his creativity and, thus, his own self-confidence in a way he wasn't quite ready to handle, and with still two and a half years left in his high school career was sure he was too young for, but in some ways, maybe, too old) hoping that, this time, he would get a shower all to himself, hoping that the older boys wouldn't tease him, this time. He could feel himself sweating, like the rain that fell down on the withered oak tree and hung in the air, expectantly, before dropping onto that picnic blanket, soaking the basket of sandwiches until the bread was soggy and disgusting and the jelly and the peanut butter swirled out and settled on the bottom of the aforementioned basket, waiting for the army of ants that would surely come to sweep it up and carry it off to their noble queen, who would eat it and use the energy it gave her to have more offspring and build her glorious empire. He watched from inside: she would be here soon. She, with him, and he still wasn't sure it was possible, but she would be there soon and the picnic he had so carefully set up for them in his backyard would be ruined, and he would stand with his back to the window so she wouldn't see it, wouldn't realize that what he had spent so long working through so carefully within the confines of his cranium was gone, wouldn't see the pathetic failure that he was. The doorbell rang, and his heart skipped a beat, but he made his way towards it and opened the door and there she was, hair soaking in the rain.
"Good afternoon," she said, breathlessly.
"Hello there," he responded, "I see this brief and unexpected occurrence of precipitation has left you positively drenched."
"Positively," she smiled, "but I do believe that I'll dry off. That is," she paused, grinning, "if you would be so kind as to let me in."
"Of course I will," he retorted, "I couldn't leave a person such as yourself out in the rain. Who knows what illness you could come down with. By all means, my lady," and he stepped aside in a mock-serious gesture of chivalry.
She eyed the picnic basket through the window, and her eyes fogged over, briefly. She remembered...
"I have several varieties of soda, if one wanted, one could even mix them all together!" he suggested
"That sounds delicious, but I'm too full for even a little bit of soda right now. Let's make out." and she flung herself towards him.
Their lips locked and their tongues swished in each others mouths, and it didn't even matter that blanket was outside, getting drenched, in the cold New Jersey rain.

166 words before first fullstop is win. If only my conversation was so effortless.
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Re: Writing Badly (you can too!)

Postby parallax » Sat May 17, 2008 7:11 pm UTC

I recall "Half-Life: Full-Life Consequences" as a particularly poorly written example of awful fan fiction.
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Re: Writing Badly (you can too!)

Postby Ishindri » Sat May 17, 2008 9:31 pm UTC

To expand on the above:
The incredibly epic YouTube video: http://youtube.com/watch?v=OHxyZaZlaOs
The original fic: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2945837/1/H ... nsequences

Enjoy.
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Re: Writing Badly (you can too!)

Postby michaelandjimi » Sun May 18, 2008 2:13 am UTC

Ieatsoap6 wrote:This may be of interest to those of you interested in bad literature.

that website wrote:Service Temporarily Unavailable
The server is temporarily unable to service your request due to maintenance downtime or capacity problems. Please try again later.
Apache/1.3.37 Server at bulwer-lytton.com Port 80

This is surely a tour-de-force of bad writing.
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Re: Writing Badly (you can too!)

Postby Luthen » Sun May 18, 2008 5:12 am UTC

Ishindri wrote:To expand on the above:
The incredibly epic YouTube video: http://youtube.com/watch?v=OHxyZaZlaOs
The original fic: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2945837/1/H ... nsequences

Enjoy.


Half-Life: Full-Life Consequences wrote:John Freeman who was Gordon Freemans brother was one day in an office typing on a computer. He got an email from his brother that said that aliens and monsters were attacking his place and aksed him for help so he went.

John Freeman got his computer shut down and wet on the platform to go up to the roof of the building where he left his motorcycle and normal people close because he was in his office lab coat. John Freeman got on his motorcycl and said "its time for me to live up to my family name and face full life consequences" so he had to go.

That's as far as I go before I had stop.
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Re: Writing Badly (you can too!)

Postby The Hyphenator » Sun May 18, 2008 1:46 pm UTC

Ramses IV wrote:
The Hyphenator wrote:
All right, I'll try to write one. Right now. IN THIS FORM. XTREME!!

*ahem*

Spoiler:
Gerard is writing a story. It will be a good story. But he doesn't know how to start it. He might make it a story about pirates, or ninjas, or maybe about a guy that has writer's block and can't think of anything and goes outside for a while instead.

"Don't do that," his mother says.

"Do what?" Gerard asks, slightly annoyed.

"Ask questions whilst slightly annoyed," she says.

"Okey dokey," Gerard says (boy, if this were a story that I was writing, I'd be running out of ideas right about now, he thinks. I'd probably include a long self-referential statement in parentheses and disguise it as a character's thoughts).

Gerard turns back to his computer. The cursor is still blinking, or it would, if he were in a text-editor. He is instead in a forum reply form, writing a story for other forum losers raptors humans. But he can't think of anything, so he quickly applies a strikethrough to some words to cover up his embarrassment.

"Damn you, writer's block!" he shouts.

"What the hell, dude," says Writer's Block. "Stop imagining anthropomorphizing random things in a pathetic attempt at humor. It's not impressing anyone."

"All right, but you asked for it," Gerard says.

Writer's Block disappears in a puff of logic and/or paradox.

Then Gerard goes outside for a while instead.

*goes outside for a while* So, what do you think?


Not as bad or as funny as the OP's. Still, gave me a chuckle, and something to think about.

Yeah, I got about one sentence through it, and then I asked myself, "Do I want to make this as bad as possible, or do I want to include as much self-reference as possible?" Obviously, I chose the latter.
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Spoiler:
Image

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Re: Writing Badly (you can too!)

Postby drumbum99 » Sun May 18, 2008 10:39 pm UTC

It's not a story, as much as a bad atempt at poetry. It has no rhythm or rhyme and the content is balls but yer. On the whole the thing is pathetic but have a deeks anyway. Of corse spoilered.
Spoiler:
What Are The Chances?
(A geeks view of love)

When I think about the world,
And reflect about us,
I can't help but think,
What are the chances?

What are the chances,
That trillions of years ago,
A lot of nothing would explode,
And that all the radiation,
Would in time form all the atoms?

What are the chances,
That all these said atoms,
Would fall just as they did,
To form all of the universe,
Including our lonely sun?

What are the chances,
That around this lonely sun,
A planet would slowly form,
And it would cool down,
Just by the right amount?

What are the chances,
That on this empty rock,
Some of the ancient atoms,
Would come together,
And start to create life?

What are the chances,
That from this early life,
A simple monkey would rise,
From four legs to two,
And begin to quickly learn?

What are the chances,
That two of these creatures,
Made from the age old atoms,
Would meet and greet each other,
Just to fall in love?

What are the chances?
They are so small I cannot think,
It must be totally impossible,
For all of this to happen,
It really cannot be.

What are the chances?
When it's you I see,
It all makes sense,
I know whatever the chances,
This was meant to be.

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Re: Writing Badly (you can too!)

Postby 4=5 » Sun May 18, 2008 11:41 pm UTC

an unsuccessfully bad sentence (it's too good)
Little did Beethoven know, on that cold December morning in 1770, that he was about to be born. (Randall Munroe)

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Re: Writing Badly (you can too!)

Postby podbaydoor » Mon May 19, 2008 1:23 am UTC

See, this sort of thread, posted in a forum with this kind of population, is generally self-defeating. The writing is usually so bad, it comes back around to brilliant.
tenet |ˈtenit|
noun
a principle or belief, esp. one of the main principles of a religion or philosophy : the tenets of classical liberalism.
tenant |ˈtenənt|
noun
a person who occupies land or property rented from a landlord.

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Re: Writing Badly (you can too!)

Postby Sir_Elderberry » Mon May 19, 2008 1:37 am UTC

Ishindri wrote:To expand on the above:
The incredibly epic YouTube video: http://youtube.com/watch?v=OHxyZaZlaOs
The original fic: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2945837/1/H ... nsequences

Enjoy.


Ugh. Ugggggggh. Man, that was terrible. Gordon Freeman was talking. Ruined my suspension of disbelief.
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Re: Writing Badly (you can too!)

Postby ++$_ » Mon May 19, 2008 8:14 am UTC

As long as we're doing poetry, here's a Modern Poem I wrote using my patent-pending Modern Poem Generating System (MPGS):
Spoiler:
I am the whirl
of the eddy current in a coin
whisked through the metal detector
confused
horrified
with lonliness stripped too suddenly, too fiercely
too personally
and yet distantly
the coils watch like falcons on a peak
rumbling
and a beep chimes out.
Da-yum, that was worse than usual. Or was it better? I'm not sure. I'll do another one for comparison:
Spoiler:
Sisters in the night,
they keep silence
yet the wanderer passing under their shadow hears them
like the toss and tumble of the lakewaters
that have seen many winters;
they glower at me with alabaster eyes
calm
but grieving
and more than the jets of hell
are they black.
So... should I publish? :D

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Re: Writing Badly (you can too!)

Postby Felstaff » Mon May 19, 2008 9:16 am UTC

Seems we have a few Willie McGonagall's amongst us.
Spoiler:
The Tay Bridge Disaster

Beautiful Railway Bridge of the Silv'ry Tay!
Alas! I am very sorry to say
That ninety lives have been taken away
On the last Sabbath day of 1879,
Which will be remember'd for a very long time.

'Twas about seven o'clock at night,
And the wind it blew with all its might,
And the rain came pouring down,
And the dark clouds seem'd to frown,
And the Demon of the air seem'd to say-
"I'll blow down the Bridge of Tay."

When the train left Edinburgh
The passengers' hearts were light and felt no sorrow,
But Boreas blew a terrific gale,
Which made their hearts for to quail,
And many of the passengers with fear did say-
"I hope God will send us safe across the Bridge of Tay."

But when the train came near to Wormit Bay,
Boreas he did loud and angry bray,
And shook the central girders of the Bridge of Tay
On the last Sabbath day of 1879,
Which will be remember'd for a very long time.

So the train sped on with all its might,
And Bonnie Dundee soon hove in sight,
And the passengers' hearts felt light,
Thinking they would enjoy themselves on the New Year,
With their friends at home they lov'd most dear,
And wish them all a happy New Year.

So the train mov'd slowly along the Bridge of Tay,
Until it was about midway,
Then the central girders with a crash gave way,
And down went the train and passengers into the Tay!
The Storm Fiend did loudly bray,
Because ninety lives had been taken away,
On the last Sabbath day of 1879,
Which will be remember'd for a very long time.

As soon as the catastrophe came to be known
The alarm from mouth to mouth was blown,
And the cry rang out all o'er the town,
Good Heavens! the Tay Bridge is blown down,
And a passenger train from Edinburgh,
Which fill'd all the peoples hearts with sorrow,
And made them for to turn pale,
Because none of the passengers were sav'd to tell the tale
How the disaster happen'd on the last Sabbath day of 1879,
Which will be remember'd for a very long time.

It must have been an awful sight,
To witness in the dusky moonlight,
While the Storm Fiend did laugh, and angry did bray,
Along the Railway Bridge of the Silv'ry Tay,
Oh! ill-fated Bridge of the Silv'ry Tay,
I must now conclude my lay
By telling the world fearlessly without the least dismay,
That your central girders would not have given way,
At least many sensible men do say,
Had they been supported on each side with buttresses,
At least many sensible men confesses,
For the stronger we our houses do build,
The less chance we have of being killed.
Away, you scullion! you rampallion! You fustilarian! I'll tickle your catastrophe.

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Rippy
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Re: Writing Badly (you can too!)

Postby Rippy » Mon May 19, 2008 5:54 pm UTC

Here's my attempt:

Spoiler:
Gibron released the thrust handle on his Tadjiki-thruster buggy, the Mambo 9000. It was a buggy of truly excellent craftsmanship, but now was not the time to have such thoughts: he heard a noise, approximately to the North-Northwest. With the Mambo in silent-mode, nothing would give away Gibron's position while he searched for the enemy's location. Another sound! It was like the sound of a thousand children being dragged through a field of nettles, a cacaphony of unpleasantness unrivaled by the unsatiable hunger in Gibron's gut. It was the hunger for blood, the blood of the enemies. Though he was also hungry for food as well. Frustrated that he had such hungers, Gibron dislodged his laser weapon from its holster and prepared to be confronted. The unpleasant noise began yet again, so he fired at its likely source. The noise stopped. Then, for many minutes, there was no more noise. It was nearly so quiet as to be deafening. Feeling slightly more at ease, Gibron reactivated the Mambo 9000, and its deafening roar lit up the night as he soared down to the Alpha base. The great battle was to commence in short order, and he did not want to miss the party. "Hell yes!" Gibron yelled at the sky while firing his laser weapon down at innocent wildlife. "What is not yours is soon to be mine!" What he did not know, however, was that there was a different type of party awaiting him at the Alpha base: a party of life-shattering despair.


It's actually more fun to write like this, because your success depends on how LITTLE you try!

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Sprocket
Seymour
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Re: Writing Badly (you can too!)

Postby Sprocket » Mon May 19, 2008 6:39 pm UTC

Luthen - my only real complain with your would be the "whiter than snow" metaphor, and not because it's cliche, just because it's un-true.

Mine

Jesus. I was really just like Jesus. Everyone shitting on me, friends turning their backs, the weight of the world on my shoulders, and my own father forsaking my existence. The goal of the project was clear as a bell, and my office mates could not get their shit together. I swear to god it was just like herding kittens. 3 weeks we worked on that project, and we've got nothing to show for it. So here I am, sweating my balls off, ready to give this presentation about....God I don't even know what it is. We came to no conclusions, and everyone blames me. Even Ellie and Joe don't have my back this time. I swear to god, just like Jesus. I suppose it's nice to know that the guys who gave that presentation on the benefits of drinking milk are going to be crucified up here with me. Like the company needed another research project on that. The boss is SERIOUSLY pissed the company has to pay their over time this month.

Ishindri wrote:To expand on the above:
The incredibly epic YouTube video: http://youtube.com/watch?v=OHxyZaZlaOs
The original fic: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2945837/1/H ... nsequences

Enjoy.
That was pretty adorable. Is that just all footage from half-life or what?
"She’s a free spirit, a wind-rider, she’s at one with nature, and walks with the kodama eidolons”
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Zohar wrote: Down with the hipster binary! It's a SPECTRUM!

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Ishindri
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Re: Writing Badly (you can too!)

Postby Ishindri » Mon May 19, 2008 7:06 pm UTC

It was made in Garry's Mod.
All is well. We are not like the others.

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Leonard, Part 5
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Re: Writing Badly (you can too!)

Postby Leonard, Part 5 » Mon May 19, 2008 7:57 pm UTC

I take my bad writing cues from Internet Fanfiction:

Spoiler:
It had all come down to this. He was the last, and soon enough, he too would be dead.
The heavens wept their bitter tears upon the ragged rocks of the courtyard and Zach Morris crushed down the desperation like an empty pack of Pall Malls.
Twenty-six backbreaking years of survival against all odds, twenty-six years sine the first.. since Kelly's lifeline ended in a hail of gunfire; and those years would be his last.
He palmed the Smith & Wesson and then tucked it back into his belt. Was he out of ammo?
Zach hadn't slept in days and it was now catching up to him.
Tracing the path that had brought him here in his mind, he saw the broken forms of his lost friends.. Jesse, Slater, Lisa.. Screech's severed head lying in a black pool of carmelized blood.
He heard that twisted howling laughter.. THE KILLER.
http://jehovah.teaches-yoga.com - Mysteries of the Worm (and Such): I have harnessed the shadows that stride from world to world to sow death and madness.

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SecondTalon
SexyTalon
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Re: Writing Badly (you can too!)

Postby SecondTalon » Fri May 23, 2008 3:47 pm UTC

semicolon wrote:John Stalvern waited. The lights above him blinked and sparked out of the air. There were demons in the base. He didn't see them, but had expected them now for years. His warnings to Cernel Joson were not listenend to and now it was too late. Far too late for now, anyway.
John was a space marine for fourteen years. When he was young he watched the spaceships and he said to dad "I want to be on the ships daddy."
Dad said "No! You will BE KILL BY DEMONS"
There was a time when he believed him. Then as he got oldered he stopped. But now in the space station base of the UAC he knew there were demons.
"This is Joson" the radio crackered. "You must fight the demons!"
So John gotted his palsma rifle and blew up the wall.
"HE GOING TO KILL US" said the demons
"I will shoot at him" said the cyberdemon and he fired the rocket missiles. John plasmaed at him and tried to blew him up. But then the ceiling fell and they were trapped and not able to kill.
"No! I must kill the demons" he shouted
The radio said "No, John. You are the demons"
And then John was a zombie.

spoiler'd for the Epicness
Spoiler:
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heuristically_alone wrote:I want to write a DnD campaign and play it by myself and DM it myself.
heuristically_alone wrote:I have been informed that this is called writing a book.

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Sir_Elderberry
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Re: Writing Badly (you can too!)

Postby Sir_Elderberry » Fri May 23, 2008 4:12 pm UTC

If we're going to talk about repercussions of evil...we have to talk about the greatest thing ever to come out of that story.
http://www.geekyhumanist.blogspot.com -- Science and the Concerned Voter
Belial wrote:You are the coolest guy that ever cooled.

I reiterate. Coolest. Guy.

Well. You heard him.


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