Dear roommates and suitemates,
We have a communication problem.
The way I see it, when one of us does something bad or wrong, that's the fault of the roommate who did it, but if we know someone did something wrong and we don't tell her about it, then the continued fuck ups are our fault too. I know I'm not the best roommate. Maybe I'm not even a good roommate. I screw up a lot. I know this. I'm working through a lot of my own issues. I don't know some things people are supposed to know. I had to be told not to pour bakon grease down the sink. Like who doesn't know that? But how many times did that happen? Once. It happened one time, because I did it, Kaelene told me never to do it again, and I never did it again.
I know that doesn't erase the fact that Kaelene had to deal with my mess, and I'm still sorry that you had to clean up after me, Kaelene. Maybe I still owe you flowers, or a scalp massage, or something. How can I make it up to you? Tell me! I can work with whatever you want. But the problem is solved now because you told me about it, and then I met you the rest of the way by knocking it off. Pads stinking up the bathroom? You told me about it, it stopped. Food garbage in the bedroom garbage? You told me about it, it stopped. Hair in the drain? We told each other about it, it stopped.
But that just doesn't happen a lot of the time. You know, I don't know about all the times I've fucked up that no one's told me about, so I can't give an example for me. I don't know! But when we say "hey, if you see Kylie washing something, wash it again," what good does that do? She's still washing dishes wrong! We're wasting time and effort and water and soap! People are upset with Kylie and it's our fault too because she can't do anything about it. She doesn't know! What good does that do? You know, Kylie and KJ have problems with each other, obviously, and who hears about it? Me and Kaelene and Mia. You know, am I the only one who thinks it's hilarious when Kylie walks into our room to rant about KJ, leaves, and like immediately KJ walks into our room to rant about Kylie? You two know Kae and Mia are showing you both equal sympathy, right? What good does that do? What good does it do not to tell the person who's bothering you?
Which is why I asked you what I asked you about your boyfriend, Mia. Because it's better to ask. I honestly didn't think it would be a big deal. Now that I've had some time to think about it, I think I should amend my request, I think you got this mental picture of me skulking in the room all day while he sat exiled in the living room, I can see that's not reasonable. I still don't want him alone in the room with me while I sleep. I need a few minutes to get dressed. But I don't have a problem with it being me who leaves once I get up. Look, you're probably still not okay. We can work with that. I have the guest policies here to take a look at if you want. We can work on this.
But when we were pissed at each other, you know, I went home, which I'd already been planning on but I thought gave Mia and I a weekend to cool down and I thought we were cooling down from one problem. So I come back on Monday and we spend the whole time not talking and when I finally ask you something just a basic roommate communication "are you done with the bathroom," I mean, obviously you were still really angry. You said "I want you to move out," which made no sense to me because as far as I can see we have one problem that we can work through, and then you said "I'm going to say some shit to you that no one else has the balls to say" and at first I spent time freaking out about it because, oh god, what have I done this time? What on earth have I fucked up so badly that you want me out?
But you know what? Whatever I've done, I'm sorry it's caused trouble for whoever it's caused trouble, I want to stop doing it, I want to fix it, but I'm not going to spend time worrying about what I might have done that all of you won't tell me. I'm not going to do that to myself anymore. I'm not going to second-guess myself anymore. I'm done with that.
So what is it? What have I done? Am I not helping out with chores enough? Does my laundry hamper need to go back on top of my wardrobe? Does the way I eat bother you? Why? Is it because of the smell? Is it because of the noise? Is it because of the mess? Do you need some time by yourself in the room sometimes? Does my bed still smell? Whatever it is, I can work with it! Please tell me! I can take it!
But to say "I want you to move out" isn't gonna work for me. Last week you were someone who joked around with my sister and gave me advice on my cooking. I still like you. I was mad and told myself for a bit that you were a bad person and I hated you, but that's not true, I think you're cool. I only have this one problem, which doesn't change that.
So. We have a communication problem. Can we talk about it before anyone decides to move out?
Last edited by Quixotess
on Wed Feb 25, 2009 9:13 pm UTC, edited 1 time in total.
Raise up the torch and light the way.