Hey guys! I'm gonna be a dad!

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Hey guys! I'm gonna be a dad!

Postby ragnaruss » Mon Jun 23, 2008 11:27 pm UTC

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Re: Hey guys! I'm gonna be a dad!

Postby niko7865 » Mon Jun 23, 2008 11:37 pm UTC

ragnaruss wrote:sup guys,

just thought i'd pop in to say i'm gonna be a dad :D, just found out that my misses is pregnant. holy fucking shit eh?

now the downside, shes 15 (16 in july), im 16 (17 in dec), we just left shcool and still live at home. her mum know, so does mine, and they are both supportive and shizz, were gonna tell here dad on friday probably, after our prom thursday.

anyways, just though i'd let you guys know and shit, any advice from parents out there. also out of curiosity, what the averge cost of *running* a baby


several hundred thousand
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Re: Hey guys! I'm gonna be a dad!

Postby ragnaruss » Mon Jun 23, 2008 11:39 pm UTC

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Re: Hey guys! I'm gonna be a dad!

Postby podbaydoor » Mon Jun 23, 2008 11:49 pm UTC

Um...you can probably kiss goodbye to any income you make for the next 18+ years.
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Re: Hey guys! I'm gonna be a dad!

Postby Neris » Mon Jun 23, 2008 11:50 pm UTC

podbaydoor wrote:Um...you can probably kiss goodbye to any income you make for the next 18+ years.
Not to mention your social life for the same amount of time.
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Re: Hey guys! I'm gonna be a dad!

Postby PictureSarah » Mon Jun 23, 2008 11:51 pm UTC

Roughly $10K a year. More when they are teenagers.
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Re: Hey guys! I'm gonna be a dad!

Postby Irrefutable » Mon Jun 23, 2008 11:51 pm UTC

Congratulations!

It is quite sureal hearing that someone the exact same age as me is going to be a father but i wish you all the best
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Re: Hey guys! I'm gonna be a dad!

Postby ragnaruss » Mon Jun 23, 2008 11:55 pm UTC

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Re: Hey guys! I'm gonna be a dad!

Postby mandalynn » Tue Jun 24, 2008 12:36 am UTC

My sister had a baby last year. She's fifteen and her boyfriend/"husband" is 17. From watching them, my advice would be try not to fight too much. Look at the big picture and remember that you need each other now more than ever.

I don't know what your financial situation is, or if there are government programs to help young parents in the UK...You should definitely check. My sister was able to take parenting classes in exchange for points that she could then use to buy diapers and other necessities. You'll also save a ton of money if she's able to breast feed.

If you have any more specific questions, feel free to PM me. I'm sure my sister would be happy to share anything she has learned.

Yeah, it's gonna take a lot of work, time, money...but if you're both serious and committed, it will be worth it.

website on cost of raising a child: http://www.smartbabyzone.co.uk/index.php?pg=22&utwkstoryid=1&ind=12

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Re: Hey guys! I'm gonna be a dad!

Postby ragnaruss » Tue Jun 24, 2008 12:43 am UTC

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Re: Hey guys! I'm gonna be a dad!

Postby Neris » Tue Jun 24, 2008 12:50 am UTC

Don't take this the wrong way but after your baby is born make sure to get on bc because the last thing you want is another child. I've seen way too many people make that mistake.
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Re: Hey guys! I'm gonna be a dad!

Postby ragnaruss » Tue Jun 24, 2008 12:52 am UTC

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Re: Hey guys! I'm gonna be a dad!

Postby niko7865 » Tue Jun 24, 2008 5:57 am UTC

You should probably try to find a job that pays well, like construction or something. Unless you have really supportive family members one of you will probably have to drop out of school. Go get some books or go to classes to learn all the tips and tricks, maybe some child psychology books. If you work hard everything will be fine.
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Re: Hey guys! I'm gonna be a dad!

Postby The Ethos » Tue Jun 24, 2008 8:16 am UTC

If you are in England, seriously???? You'll be much better off then here. You have NHS and state monies. I do believe that if it's anything like france, you can have someone COME TO YOUR HOUSE and help with your child, on the Queen's dime.

God I wish we had that here. Jobs + help for mothers? Win win.

EDIT: Oh, and congrats. Good luck with the whole kid thing. Seriously. They are cute though...*ponders*
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Re: Hey guys! I'm gonna be a dad!

Postby space_raptor » Tue Jun 24, 2008 2:52 pm UTC

I would just like to take this opportunity to thank God for making sure that I never had sex in high school. Thanks for the crappy-eyesight-ensuring-giant-glasses and the crippling awkwardness, God.

Anyways dude, best of luck, I don't have any experience, but it seems like the kind of thing where a good attitude helps. So keep your chin up, and don't bitch when you're having problems.

Respect for staying to be the father, seems like a lot of dudes don't do that.

Good luck.
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Re: Hey guys! I'm gonna be a dad!

Postby Baba Yaga's Sister » Tue Jun 24, 2008 7:24 pm UTC

Congratulations, my friend!

Having a child will change your life, more than any other thing in the world can. If you think you know what it'll be like, you don't know.

Just remember, your child always, always, always, always, always comes first.

Best of luck to you.

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Re: Hey guys! I'm gonna be a dad!

Postby SecondTalon » Tue Jun 24, 2008 7:35 pm UTC

ragnaruss wrote:
niko7865 wrote:
ragnaruss wrote:anyways, just though i'd let you guys know and shit, any advice from parents out there. also out of curiosity, what the averge cost of *running* a baby
several hundred thousand

Is that in dollars or pounds, and to what age?


Yes, and all ages.

ragnaruss wrote:its a good thing that i know i wanna spend the rest of my life with my gf. i love her more then anything and will always be there for her :D

Don't get married. Don't get married. Don't get married. Don't get married. You're now irrevocably connected to her. You have a child with her. The last thing you want to do is get married. Both of you, concentrate on your studies. Whenever you're not studying, you will be watching the kid so she can study for a bit.

Also, whatever free time you had is now gone. Completely.
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Re: Hey guys! I'm gonna be a dad!

Postby asanisimasa » Tue Jun 24, 2008 7:54 pm UTC

Since no one else has said it... Have you considered not keeping it? You're both very young and this will change your life in a huge way, are you absolutely sure you want a child, and are willing to give up huge parts of your life to take care of it? My advice would be: think of all your options.

If you're really absolutely positive that you want a child, then I wish you and your girlfriend the best of luck with it.
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Re: Hey guys! I'm gonna be a dad!

Postby Neris » Tue Jun 24, 2008 7:59 pm UTC

asanisimasa wrote:Since no one else has said it... Have you considered not keeping it? You're both very young and this will change your life in a huge way, are you absolutely sure you want a child, and are willing to give up huge parts of your life to take care of it? My advice would be: think of all your options.

If you're really absolutely positive that you want a child, then I wish you and your girlfriend the best of luck with it.

Oh come on, I'm pretty damn sure he's thought about it and I don't know if you've actually read all the posts but he's pretty excited about having this baby. Now he's asking for advice to better prepare himself to becoming a dad so those of you who have no advice to give him try not to discourage. I'm pretty sure he's stressed out and not to mention scared shitless enough as it is.
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Re: Hey guys! I'm gonna be a dad!

Postby SecondTalon » Tue Jun 24, 2008 8:16 pm UTC

Hm.. should note that until she's at 3 months, there's a roughly 25% chance she'll miscarry. Which is good to know ahead of time.
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Re: Hey guys! I'm gonna be a dad!

Postby asanisimasa » Tue Jun 24, 2008 8:28 pm UTC

Neris wrote:
asanisimasa wrote:Since no one else has said it... Have you considered not keeping it? You're both very young and this will change your life in a huge way, are you absolutely sure you want a child, and are willing to give up huge parts of your life to take care of it? My advice would be: think of all your options.

If you're really absolutely positive that you want a child, then I wish you and your girlfriend the best of luck with it.

Oh come on, I'm pretty damn sure he's thought about it and I don't know if you've actually read all the posts but he's pretty excited about having this baby. Now he's asking for advice to better prepare himself to becoming a dad so those of you who have no advice to give him try not to discourage. I'm pretty sure he's stressed out and not to mention scared shitless enough as it is.


I just think it's something to take into account. I don't know how much he's considered it, how prepared he really is, what he's talked about with his girlfriend and his family. Sometimes it's difficult to realize the magnitude of the situation, and how much having a child is really going to change your life. That's great that he's excited, but he needs to be prepared, not just financially, but for everything that he'll have to deal with and all the sacrifices in his life that will have to be made. If he gets easily discouraged by talking about that, then maybe he isn't ready. But if he really wants it and knows what he's in for, then that's great and I wish him luck. Just be sure to do a lot of research on be prepared.
Like Baba Yaga's Sister said...
Baba Yaga's Sister wrote:If you think you know what it'll be like, you don't know.


And when I say considering not keeping it, I don't just mean abortion. There's giving it up for adoption, or having a relative take care of it while they finish their education, etc..

EDIT: Today's comic seems strangely relevant..
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Re: Hey guys! I'm gonna be a dad!

Postby ragnaruss » Wed Jun 25, 2008 8:49 am UTC

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Re: Hey guys! I'm gonna be a dad!

Postby Plasma Man » Wed Jun 25, 2008 9:48 am UTC

ragnaruss wrote:p.s. the comic today made me lulz, what are the odds eh? Get out of my head, Randall - fixed


Now for the serious bit... I don't know anyone as young who has had a kid, but a couple of my friends have propogated their genes and everything seems to be going ok for them. From what I've seen, my impression is that there is initial panic, followed by a lot of hard work, but also a lot of reward and pleasure. And your personality will probably change, a lot of things will become less important in comparison to your baby. If this is what you both want, then good luck to both of you.

And your signature is awesome, it's good to see that you have a good sense of priorities.
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Re: Hey guys! I'm gonna be a dad!

Postby mstrzerg » Wed Jun 25, 2008 2:28 pm UTC

SecondTalon wrote:Don't get married. Don't get married. Don't get married. Don't get married. You're now irrevocably connected to her. You have a child with her. The last thing you want to do is get married. Both of you, concentrate on your studies. Whenever you're not studying, you will be watching the kid so she can study for a bit.


Seconded. Just because you are going to be parents is not a good reason to get married. It is in fact a recipie for future disaster. A marriage built on that foundation is a shakey thing indeed. By all means, give your relationship time to continue developing. If, in a few years, things are still working out, it might be time to consider it. Also, do everything possible you can to stay in school and start saving money now. Unless your parents or hers are willing to help a lot financially, you want to be certain you can carry your share of the burden. Caring for a kid is a full-time job, but try to enjoy it too. Don't want to perceive everything in a negative light.

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Re: Hey guys! I'm gonna be a dad!

Postby TizzyFoe » Wed Jun 25, 2008 4:34 pm UTC

PictureSarah wrote:Roughly $10K a year. More when they are teenagers.


that can't be right. I don't think i even spend that much money on myself.
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Re: Hey guys! I'm gonna be a dad!

Postby Doodlebug » Wed Jun 25, 2008 5:11 pm UTC

Babies don't cost a lot at the beginning, but it depends on how you do it. We got a second-hand crib, for example (we wound up co-sleeping so didn't use it anyway), a friend gave us the change table, we used cloth diapers (disposibles cost a FORTUNE), and we breastfed exclusively for the first eight months. Formula, too, is incredibly expensive and costs a huge amount of money... ironically it's those who are poor and less educated who tend to use it. The first few months, the baby will exist in sleepers; don't go out buying cutesy little outfits at the stores, go to consignment shops and garage sales and buy ahead a few years. Our family's finances are pretty good, and trust me, I still have no intention of spending $70 on a pair of shoes for a two-year-old who's going to outgrow them in three months! You get get really good stuff (all those things everyone /else/ spent the $70 on) second-hand. Trust me, baby can't tell the difference. But initially, babies don't need anything but a clean diaper, a full belly and a lot of love.

My advice regarding money is, even if someone in the family gets excited and offers to buy you a brand new layette (ie, all of baby's stuff), try freecycle, consignment and garage sales first to get what you need, and then put the rest of the money in a bank account for baby's education or for when you really need it. Start being really frugal.

My best recommendation is to educate yourself and put in place the resources you need to ensure success at this for all three of you. Find a health care provider (doctor or midwife) that you really trust, one who knows how to support new mothers in breastfeeding and perhaps who has experience with young families. Educate yourself on prenatal nutrition and prenatal care; studies show the less stressed mom is while pregnant, the more likely you'll have a calm baby after birth (stress hormones pass through the placenta). Make sure you have support in place: I read an article once on child abuse, once, that was illuminating. Not surprisingly, most abusers were poor and alone, rather than being young or old. Translation: no resources, no way to have a break, no family around, can't afford childcare. Raising a baby is really hard at the best of times -- it's immensely rewarding, but yeah, a colicky baby or a clingy child who won't even give you time for a shower can drive you nuts -- all this on only a few hours' sleep. Anyway, in this same article, the physician who wrote it said that if you've never had the urge to hit your child, you haven't been a parent for a very long time. It's true. No matter how well prepared you are, a six-figure income and a college education or a teen in high school, there'll be those moments. Going into it knowing there's going to be moments where you're pushed to your limits, knowing that it's going to be that much harder because you're kids, will help you put in place the resources you need to get through those hard times.

Some people have recommended that you keep studying, and I wholeheartedly support that. See if there's daycare near your school. You may want to take the year off to spend with baby, but don't quit school altogether -- you'd just be ensuring that your kid grows up poor. Money isn't everything and it won't make you happy, but it tends to matter a lot when you have none at all. You guys need to have a shiny future, too.

Finally, I'm glad to see you're both taking responsibility for this. I second the not getting married, but staying together sentiment. You guys will be growing up really fast in a very short period of time... if you both keep your heads on straight and put in place the safety nets you need ahead of time, it could be a fun, rewarding time for all of you.

Good luck. :)

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Re: Hey guys! I'm gonna be a dad!

Postby Izawwlgood » Wed Jun 25, 2008 5:28 pm UTC

Just to consider, as Neris mentioned, you two are not in the best position to be parents. You lack a highschool education, which means your child, if raised by you, is statistically more then likely to also, not get a highschool education. The girl (note, not WOMAN) you got pregnant is under 18. This means, and yes these stats are biased by other variables, but this means that your baby is likely to be born underweight. Which, alone, comes with a host of other problems.

I'm not trying to be a pessimist here, but you say you've looked at all the options, yet were surprised by Second Talon pointing out that miscarriage is still 25% possible. It sounds to me like you got lucky and got laid, and now are just as surprised as anyone else that your girlfriend's pregnant. Do yourself a favor, get some reading done, and actually, seriously, think about what this means.

Note: Impregnating someone does not for a dad make!
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Re: Hey guys! I'm gonna be a dad!

Postby ragnaruss » Wed Jun 25, 2008 11:02 pm UTC

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Re: Hey guys! I'm gonna be a dad!

Postby Yakk » Thu Jun 26, 2008 12:03 am UTC

The simple stat I have heard is "a baby costs about as much as a house does to raise and bring to independence".

Now, houses vary in price a lot. Well, so does the price of raising babies.

25% miscarriage in the first few months is about right. Making a baby is a biologically tricky thing, and if things don't work out right, the baby dies. Often people who are trying to get pregnant do not talk about the new baby until they are past the 3 month "hump".

In many cases, you can reduce the price of a baby through lots of personal labor. Ie, instead of a diaper service or disposable diapers or laundry costs, you can spend hours each and every day hand washing diapers and other clothes. This has an opportunity cost.

Good luck.
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Re: Hey guys! I'm gonna be a dad!

Postby Artemisia » Thu Jun 26, 2008 12:50 am UTC

in addition to that: there are washable reusable plastic-ish diapers now which are a lot more handy than the old cotton ones from the old days.

that & I have to say Im SO glad im not you. im not surprised people react reluctantly, because of both your young age, still at school etcetera. Y'know, people are concerned: say goodbye to proper studying and hello to evening school (if at all).

And some people are just plain ignorant, superficial & judgmental. As humans generally are.

Please do expect more crappy responses from people. As you are aware of yourself, it's def not an ideal situation and I hope you two can manage.

I personally would have totally voted for abortion. I can't say I support your decision to not have done the same, so I won't lie. But respect to how you're handling it & good luck!

& also, respect for you not running away, as has been mentioned before.
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Re: Hey guys! I'm gonna be a dad!

Postby jmrz » Thu Jun 26, 2008 1:36 am UTC

I totally respect your enthusiasm in this situation and not freaking out and running away, I can definitely admire that. I am also happy for you that your families are both being supportive, that really is a good thing, especially considering you are both fairly young.

Doodlebug had some fantastic advice - anyway you can think of to save money - do it. That will be one of the hardest things, but you seem really determined and willing to be a good dad, so congratulations!
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Re: Hey guys! I'm gonna be a dad!

Postby Popidge » Thu Jun 26, 2008 3:39 am UTC

Have you gone through the "Holy juddering buggery, me' bollocks bleedin' work!" stage yet?

Sorry, had to throw that one in.

Best of luck to you, you raise that child well, y'hear?
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Re: Hey guys! I'm gonna be a dad!

Postby zingmaster » Thu Jun 26, 2008 3:53 am UTC

Two words: Good luck.
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Re: Hey guys! I'm gonna be a dad!

Postby bbctol » Thu Jun 26, 2008 4:12 am UTC

zingmaster wrote:Two words: Good luck.

You are really going to need it.

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Re: Hey guys! I'm gonna be a dad!

Postby benjhuey » Thu Jun 26, 2008 4:21 am UTC

Be sure to feed it sometimes.

Joking aside, congrats.

Seriously, though, feed it.
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Re: Hey guys! I'm gonna be a dad!

Postby kgirlfae » Thu Jun 26, 2008 4:27 am UTC

First off, good luck and major kudos to you for being a good dad!

I'll second the earlier "2nd hand" thoughts. The best friend in the world you'll ever make is someone who has a kid who's 1-2 years older than yours. You'll get all the hand-me-down clothes you can shake a fist at. All the major equipment (crib, stroller, etc) you can get 2nd hand very very low cost.

Also, I'll agree with the idea that there is no rush to be married. You have plenty to keep you together and marriage can really put some extra pressure on a relationship. At the very least, when you reach the point when you feel like marriage is just a formality to how you already feel, that's a good time to actually go out and get married.

Keep a good support group around you, not just for the baby, but also for the two of you - having the extra pressure will make you more likely to take it out on each other, and having good friends will help you keep your relationship in perspective.

And once again, Good luck!

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Re: Hey guys! I'm gonna be a dad!

Postby ragnaruss » Fri Aug 15, 2008 1:00 pm UTC

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Re: Hey guys! I'm gonna be a dad!

Postby Raiku » Fri Aug 15, 2008 1:05 pm UTC

Oh, I'm really sorry...

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Re: Hey guys! I'm gonna be a dad!

Postby Moo » Fri Aug 15, 2008 1:33 pm UTC

*hug*
Proverbs 9:7-8 wrote:Anyone who rebukes a mocker will get an insult in return. Anyone who corrects the wicked will get hurt. So don't bother correcting mockers; they will only hate you.
Hawknc wrote:FFT: I didn't realise Proverbs 9:7-8 was the first recorded instance of "haters gonna hate"

Hit3k
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Re: Hey guys! I'm gonna be a dad!

Postby Hit3k » Fri Aug 15, 2008 1:55 pm UTC

ragnaruss wrote:Sorry to revive a prety dead thread, but though i should let you guys know whats up.

Okay... so, we go for the dateing scan and, well, we found out that she WAS pregnant, but isnt anymore. For unknown reasons the baby just didn't develope. So i not gonna be a dad anymore, to be honest im gutted. everything was going great, everyone knew, everyone was supportive, we were saving up, my sis was gonna be giving us pretty much everything we needed.

So just so you guys know.

Oh and we have decided to wait until my gf is 18, and finnished collage. she gonna get the implant to be sure it dont happen until then.


Ouch, sorry man that really sucks... It always sucks when something like this happens. I hope you guys get a second chance when you're ready :)
Sungura wrote:My mom made me watch a star wars. Two of them , actually. The Death Star one and the one where the dude ends up in the swamp with the weird guy who talks funny.


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