Things that WILL KILL YOU In Australia

Things that don't belong anywhere else. (Check first).

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Are You Scared?

Yes
16
19%
I wet my pants
5
6%
I wet my pants (for reasons other than fear)
8
9%
No (read: yes, but REAL MEN don't admit fear)
28
33%
I'm An AUSSIE! We Know No Fear
29
34%
 
Total votes: 86

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Postby LE4dGOLEM » Sat Feb 17, 2007 8:34 pm UTC

Perhaps this thread would be more brief if we had a "What WON'T kill you in Fourec--Austrailia"

Mysterious Quantum possibly existant LE4dGOLEM wrote:Some of the sheep
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Postby hermaj » Sat Feb 17, 2007 11:14 pm UTC

Ooh, the sheep will do some bad things to you... :P

Most of the birds won't kill you though, they just sit around and shriek awfully. They won't kill you but they'll maim your eardrums?

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Postby The Sleeping Tyrant » Sat Feb 17, 2007 11:19 pm UTC

You make Australia sound like an awful place.

Ah well, wasn't planning on visiting ever anyway. ;D


Also: I have absolutely no idea what vegemite is but you're making it sound awful too.

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Postby damienthebloody » Sat Feb 17, 2007 11:41 pm UTC

The Sleeping Tyrant wrote:You make Australia sound like an awful place.

Ah well, wasn't planning on visiting ever anyway. ;D


Also: I have absolutely no idea what vegemite is but you're making it sound awful too.


my dear man, i can assure you that australia is not an awful place. i have lived there most of my life and have been killed only twice, and one of those times was by a visiting american tourist. and vegemite is the greatest thing to ever be put on toast (except for maybe four whole fried chickens).

i'm currently looking out my window into the morning sun, and thinking "i fucking love this place". highly recommended for all!

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Postby Peshmerga » Sat Feb 17, 2007 11:48 pm UTC

vegetales!
i hurd u liek mudkips???

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Postby hermaj » Sun Feb 18, 2007 12:09 am UTC

I think we just like taking the piss out of everyone and making you all think it's a horrid place where we have to battle six kangaroos and a drop bear to get out the front door before trekking a good 80km through the scorching desert to get to the neighbours', keeping dingoes away from babies the whole time.

Really. That stuff never happens.

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Postby The Sleeping Tyrant » Sun Feb 18, 2007 12:14 am UTC

hermaj wrote:Really. That stuff never happens.


Don't ruin my terribly skewed, but entertaining, view of your country. :(


Seriously though, what is vegemite?

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Postby hermaj » Sun Feb 18, 2007 12:42 am UTC

It is a yeast extract spread and it is quite delicious.

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Postby Jesse » Sun Feb 18, 2007 1:03 am UTC

Hearing you say that has made me fall in love with you.

Sadly, it is not to be as Australia is far too vicious a place for me and England would be far too wet for you.

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Postby hermaj » Sun Feb 18, 2007 1:15 am UTC

Sorry... Vegemite equates to love? Where did that happen? :P

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Postby Jesse » Sun Feb 18, 2007 1:15 am UTC

I'm easy.

It's not like we haven't metaphysically dated before.

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Postby hermaj » Sun Feb 18, 2007 1:30 am UTC

Oh no no, we go way back.

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Postby Toeofdoom » Sun Feb 18, 2007 1:34 am UTC

Twasbrillig wrote:I hear that theres a curfew in Melbourne of 8pm... for CATS. Is this just some retarded law or is it in the interest of cats not getting boom headshotted by things like drop bears... *shudder*.


thats so the cats dont eat the birds i guess. lots of native birds and stuff.
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Postby Lani » Sun Feb 18, 2007 1:43 am UTC

damienthebloody wrote:to ever be put on toast (except for maybe four whole fried chickens).


..and a coke?


***I LOVE that movie to a truly ridiculous extent. :)
- Lani

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Postby damienthebloody » Sun Feb 18, 2007 1:49 am UTC

lani wrote:
damienthebloody wrote:to ever be put on toast (except for maybe four whole fried chickens).


..and a coke?


***I LOVE that movie to a truly ridiculous extent. :)


there is no ridiculous when it comes to loving that movie.

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Postby Lani » Sun Feb 18, 2007 1:51 am UTC

(At the risk of totally derailing this thread and making mods angry at me)

"It's 106 miles to Chicago. We've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses."
"Hit it!"

Classic. 8)
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Postby hermaj » Sun Feb 18, 2007 6:55 am UTC

I know that quote, but I can't for the life of me figure out the name of the movie.

Also, yeah that is what the cat curfew would be about! There are lots of pretty birds and small furry nocturnal animals that we really do not want to see killed. It is interesting that it's more... there in Melbourne than in Sydney, over here there are no official rules but people look down on other people if they don't put their cats in at night. my friend Catherine is an outside cat now, which is completely unAustralian (go the nation's favourite buzzword), but in my defence he's almost 14 and spends 23 hours sleeping and the other hour licking his bum.

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Postby Lani » Sun Feb 18, 2007 8:43 am UTC

hermaj wrote:I know that quote, but I can't for the life of me figure out the name of the movie.


The Blues Brothers (original) ...one of the greatest movies ever made about the blues. 8)

You may now go back to your regularly scheduled discussion on why Australia is scary.
- Lani



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Postby no-genius » Sun Feb 18, 2007 12:35 pm UTC

hermaj wrote:Also, you totally forgot the drop bears. :P



I won't :(
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Postby damienthebloody » Sun Feb 18, 2007 11:22 pm UTC

hermaj wrote:I know that quote, but I can't for the life of me figure out the name of the movie.


for shame!

people look down on other people if they don't put their cats in at night.


i don't believe that's the case in my street (also in sydney), where i think you'd feel bizarre leaving your cat in at night - we have the largest collection of strays i've ever seen (it's nuts). leaving your cat in would be unAustralian, because it would be like locking someone up in their room while a party goes on next door...just not right.

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Postby Teaspoon » Mon Feb 19, 2007 1:10 am UTC

It's a little-known fact that drop bears are actually the end result of raptors breeding with koalas in an attempt to take on a human-fooling furry cuddliness without sacrificing too much of their natural savagery and cunning. The breeding experiment failed in this purpose, as drop bears have taken on a terribleness of tooth and claw and slightly less teddy-bearish, more raptorish form that prevents the cuddliness reaction from arising in humans.

Unfortunately for us, these new koala-raptors have excellent insulation from their fur coats that allows them to be fully active in climates outside of the raptors' optimal operating range.

I also see that wombats haven't been mentioned yet. Wombats are incredibly dense creatures with a surprising turn of speed, capable of charging into the path of an oncoming truck or bus's wheel and snapping it clean off its axle. The wombat will likely walk away from this incident slightly bruised, while the humans traveling in the crippled vehicle will in all probability be seriously injured.

I shit you not about wombats. I know a guy who used to be a truckie and he had to go and finish the run for a truck that lost its wheel to a wombat.

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Postby German Sausage » Mon Feb 19, 2007 1:46 am UTC

wombats are hard. really flipping hard.
basically, stick to the cities, and you should be ok. if it moves, dont touch it. but if you're in the country, bring an escort, and not the hooker kind.
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Postby Toeofdoom » Mon Feb 19, 2007 1:52 am UTC

So... if we find a biological mweapon to wipe out raptors, it might kill drop bears too right? :D

Wombats are cool too yeah.
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Postby VannA » Mon Feb 19, 2007 2:06 am UTC

Weee.

I love my country.

I've spent 2 weeks in a tent, in Fraser Island (Where Funnel Webs are NOT native).. packing the tent.. guess what! 2 Adult funnelwebs come running out.

/FREAK!

Hmm. I used to throw Blue-ringed Octupi around.

And I've been chased up a tree by a Tiger Snake.

I've decapitated a King Brown with a shovel.

And you left off the wild boar in FNQ.

I've seen a dude ripped from knee to groin by a big tusker, and I've seen one take a shotgun blast to the head, and keep running.

I've been swimming in the harbour less than 10 metres from where a Tiger Shark was picking chum out of the water. I swear I flew out.
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Postby Twasbrillig » Mon Feb 19, 2007 2:40 am UTC

No stories of drop bears in the tree you were picking cherries out of? :P
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Postby Twasbrillig » Mon Feb 19, 2007 2:40 am UTC

lani wrote:
damienthebloody wrote:to ever be put on toast (except for maybe four whole fried chickens).


..and a coke?



Mmm... cochicken...
I want to have Bakemaster's babies. It's possible, with science.

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Postby VannA » Mon Feb 19, 2007 2:46 am UTC

I've never been cherry picking.

I've never woken a sleeping Koala, either.

Mind you, one of the nastiest injuries I've ever seen done to somebody was by a Rooster.

Fucker opened a girl at work, spurred from scalp to jaw, severed all the tendons, and cut the eyeball.

She was like, 6, mind you.

The eye healed, but her jaw is farked. No head from her, it doesn't open that far.
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Postby Jack Saladin » Mon Feb 19, 2007 2:52 am UTC

No head from her, it doesn't open that far.


... And she's six.

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Postby Teaspoon » Mon Feb 19, 2007 2:58 am UTC

Saladin wrote:
No head from her, it doesn't open that far.


... And she's six.


But she works, so she's probably at least as advanced as this two-year-old.

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Postby VannA » Mon Feb 19, 2007 3:07 am UTC

VannA wrote:She was like, 6, mind you.


Grammar FTW!

She's 29 now.
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Postby Jack Saladin » Mon Feb 19, 2007 3:08 am UTC

Oh, I thought you meant this happened at your work, which would mean she couldn't be much older considering you still appeared to work there.

Much less wrong then.

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Postby Gordon » Mon Feb 19, 2007 8:00 am UTC

I was just informed that drop bears aren't real. I would like to change my vote from "I pee my pants" to the one about it not being because of fear.
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RealGrouchy wrote:I still remember the time when Gordon left. I still wake up in the middle of the night crying and screaming his name.
I do that too, but for an entirely different reason.
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Gordon wrote:How long have I been asleep?!
Our daughter is in high school now.

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Postby hermaj » Mon Feb 19, 2007 8:07 am UTC

Man, you guys on these forums have shattered my Australian sense of simplicity. I thought everyone knew that drop bears weren't real, and now that's three in a row.

DROP BEARS ARE NOT REAL WE JUST MADE THEM UP TO TAKE THE PISS HA HA

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Gordon
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Postby Gordon » Mon Feb 19, 2007 8:19 am UTC

If you have to make up an animal everytime you go to the bathroom that must get awful annoying.

Are kangaroos real?

Are platypussi???

Both those sound pretty fake to me
Meaux_Pas wrote:
RealGrouchy wrote:I still remember the time when Gordon left. I still wake up in the middle of the night crying and screaming his name.
I do that too, but for an entirely different reason.
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Gordon wrote:How long have I been asleep?!
Our daughter is in high school now.

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Postby hermaj » Mon Feb 19, 2007 8:22 am UTC

They're real. Only drop bears are made up! We think!


EDIT: Also, if I needed to go to the bathroom, I'd see a man about a horse.

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Postby Toeofdoom » Mon Feb 19, 2007 9:11 am UTC

Gordon wrote:If you have to make up an animal everytime you go to the bathroom that must get awful annoying.

Are kangaroos real?

Are platypussi???

Both those sound pretty fake to me


Okay, everything on the list othe rthan drop bears is definitively real. drop bears have not been scientifically proven to exist, but neither have raptors in this day and age. Many people live with fear of both species day in and day out for years.
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Postby Grincement » Mon Feb 19, 2007 11:28 am UTC

Well them i'm definately not coming to australia, the people are mean and make me feel stupid.

I'll stay in England where we only have to worry about the chav ape...
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Postby william » Mon Feb 19, 2007 11:37 am UTC

Squeak wrote:Well them i'm definately not coming to australia, the people are mean and make me feel stupid.

I'll stay in England where we only have to worry about the chav ape...

Chav ape...can't be anywhere near as bad as the Bush chimp...no wait, you're secretly controlled by him too, and you can't even blame it on your own electorate :P
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Postby Grincement » Mon Feb 19, 2007 11:39 am UTC

william wrote:
Squeak wrote:Well them i'm definately not coming to australia, the people are mean and make me feel stupid.

I'll stay in England where we only have to worry about the chav ape...

Chav ape...can't be anywhere near as bad as the Bush chimp...no wait, you're secretly controlled by him too, and you can't even blame it on your own electorate :P


Eeek, what!?!
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Postby william » Mon Feb 19, 2007 11:51 am UTC

Squeak wrote:
william wrote:
Squeak wrote:Well them i'm definately not coming to australia, the people are mean and make me feel stupid.

I'll stay in England where we only have to worry about the chav ape...

Chav ape...can't be anywhere near as bad as the Bush chimp...no wait, you're secretly controlled by him too, and you can't even blame it on your own electorate :P


Eeek, what!?!

Tony Blair, Iraq War, etc.
SecondTalon wrote:A pile of shit can call itself a delicious pie, but that doesn't make it true.


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