Pirates VS Ninjas

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Uh, so pirates or ninjas?

Pirates!
95
32%
Ninjas!
134
46%
Pirate-ninjas! (WTF?!?!?!)
46
16%
Neither.
19
6%
 
Total votes: 294

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Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby kanavazk » Sun Jul 06, 2008 10:50 pm UTC

Well I'd choose Ninjas, who would obviously defeat pirates anywhere except possibly on water.

So I guess we could debate about this, but Ninjas are obviously superior.

EDIT: Crap, voted for Pirates. -_- (I will now edit my vote with my super Ninja skills)
EDIT 2: Crap, just realized that my editing left marks (at the bottom of the post). DAMN IT!
Last edited by kanavazk on Mon Jul 07, 2008 3:49 am UTC, edited 4 times in total.
THIS IS FROM THE INTERENT!

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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby telcontar42 » Sun Jul 06, 2008 11:05 pm UTC

Ninjas would beat pirates in fight, but pirates are cooler and have wenches. Pirates win.

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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby Wilhelm screamer » Mon Jul 07, 2008 1:16 am UTC

telcontar42 wrote:Ninjas would beat pirates in fight,

Indeed

telcontar42 wrote:but pirates are cooler and have wenches. Pirates win.

WHAT?!? Burn this man for such blasphemy!
Last edited by Wilhelm screamer on Mon Jul 07, 2008 9:23 pm UTC, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby EvanED » Mon Jul 07, 2008 1:45 am UTC

/me votes ninjas. Obviously cooler, and more deadly.
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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby judestones » Mon Jul 07, 2008 2:27 am UTC

even though they don't exist, and quite possibly can't ever exist do to the opposite nature of the creatures, how can anyone not vote for pirate-ninjas. even as a fantasy a pirate-ninja contains far more pure, condensed, awesome than either pirates or ninjas by themselves.

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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby EvanED » Mon Jul 07, 2008 2:51 am UTC

Also, this post is stretching it for this forum (religious wars). I forgot to say earlier that I'm throwing it over to general. If one of the mods there feels like it goes somewhere else, feel free to move it again.

I did some searching to find a previous thread on the topic, and much to my surprised I didn't see one.

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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby Sarr » Mon Jul 07, 2008 2:56 am UTC

Vikings, obviously.

But between the two? Pirates.
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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby Upsilon » Mon Jul 07, 2008 3:06 am UTC

In the videogame "Super Metroid" there are two enemies known as "Ninja Space Pirates". They totally win.

If that isn't an acceptable answer, pirates.
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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby Azrael001 » Mon Jul 07, 2008 3:06 am UTC

Almost everyone I know is surprised that anyone can choose the pirate side.

Pirates get no wenches, except either low quality whores that can't afford to choose not to hang around with scurvy ridden stench faced pirates, or any woman unlucky enough to get caught by some.

I say some and not one, as if a woman (or any one really) was caught by one pirate, they would just kick the snot out of them and be on their way. Pirates aren't fearsome warriors so much as smelly hobos with a boat.
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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby Roland Lockheart » Mon Jul 07, 2008 3:09 am UTC

Sarr wrote:Vikings, obviously.

But between the two? Pirates.


Vikings, while awesome, are a subcategory of pirate. Pirates ftw.
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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby Azrael001 » Mon Jul 07, 2008 3:25 am UTC

I would have to disagree. I would contend that pirates are a weak sub-race of Vikings. Vikings would raid inland, fighting armies and what-not, pirates' main prey are defenseless merchant ships.

Ninja's of course are better than both, as they don't bother fighting any riff-raff that happens to be in their way, they only go for the important targets, political leaders, generals etc.
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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby SecondTalon » Mon Jul 07, 2008 3:27 am UTC

Ninja vs Pirate.jpg


Anyway, it depends on the task at hand. Assassination? Ninja, obviously. Advancement and glory? Pirate, hands down.

Being awesome? Bender.
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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby Roland Lockheart » Mon Jul 07, 2008 3:35 am UTC

Azrael001 wrote:I would have to disagree. I would contend that pirates are a weak sub-race of Vikings. Vikings would raid inland, fighting armies and what-not, pirates' main prey are defenseless merchant ships.

Ninja's of course are better than both, as they don't bother fighting any riff-raff that happens to be in their way, they only go for the important targets, political leaders, generals etc.


Pirates also have important military exploits to their names. They often usurped and raided various islands and colonies in the Caribbean during the early days of colonization, and even took several spanish forts (not a small task). Pirate cannon was used by american forces during the war of 1812, and I have heard stories about pirates being present in the american civil war, but I am unsure as to their validity.
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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby EdgarJPublius » Mon Jul 07, 2008 3:38 am UTC

Pirates of course, any other option is heresy and will be met with full broadsides.

If for some damned foolish reason you believe pirates 'only attacked defenseless merchantmen' I'm sure you wouldn't mind explaining your position to my good friends Edward Teach (AKA Blackbeard) and Bartholomew Roberts (AKA Black Bart) But espescially Black Bart.
I wager either of these gentlemen could take at least a dozen ninjas in a fight.
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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby Azrael001 » Mon Jul 07, 2008 3:39 am UTC

Roland Lockheart wrote:Pirates also have important military exploits to their names. They often usurped and raided various islands and colonies in the Caribbean during the early days of colonization, and even took several spanish forts (not a small task). Pirate cannon was used by american forces during the war of 1812, and I have heard stories about pirates being present in the american civil war, but I am unsure as to their validity.


Yes, well I am making things up to support my biased opinion so sue me.
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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby kgirlfae » Mon Jul 07, 2008 4:02 am UTC

I voted for the ninjas for I do believe in a fight a ninja would win.

However, when my friend went to the Ren-fest out here dressed as a ninja he was totally destroyed by some guys dressed as pirates. This could simply be a statement toward my friends sad pathetic attempt to be a true ninja.

A real ninja will always triumph, even over a boat full of pirates.

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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby Indon » Mon Jul 07, 2008 4:06 am UTC

Honestly, I'm of the opinion that this is the dawning of the Age of the Wizard.
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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby benjhuey » Mon Jul 07, 2008 4:31 am UTC

How can you make me choose like this? Can't you see you're tearing us apart?!?!
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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby Mr. Beck » Mon Jul 07, 2008 5:47 am UTC

Ninjas are pretty cool, but pirates have about ten times more win stowed away in those rum cask of theirs.
Pirates:
    Get to wear whatever they want
    Get to drink whenever they want
    Wenches!
    Have Cannons
    Can make people walk the plank
    Have buried treasure
    Get to say ARRRRGH!!!
    Have a song
    Can "aquire" gold/DVDs for free
    Have FSM on their side
Pretty conclusive, I think.

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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby DaMullet » Mon Jul 07, 2008 5:49 am UTC

There was but one way to settle this debate, one way which I discovered and exploited; Soul Calibur 3.

I used the create-a-character mode to make two ninjas and two pirates (one in each gender) and had them fight to the death in a round-robin tournament. Results:

Girl Ninja: 3W, 0L
Guy Ninja: 2W, 1L
Girl Pirate: 1W, 2L
Guy Pirate: 3L

gn x o o o
bn L x o o
gp L L x o
bp L L L x

Clear victory for the ninjas, in single combat. But consider; pirates are never alone, and Soul Calibur 3 doesn't have parrots, which might be a deciding factor. All told, my loyalty lies with the bucklers of swash, for upon my birth, I was given a gift: The day was September the 19th, International Talk Like a Pirate Day. For that reason, and many others, I hold with the scurvy buccaneer.
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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby Amnesiasoft » Mon Jul 07, 2008 6:04 am UTC

Pirates, of course.

I don't see a Sid Meier's Ninjas, do you? I didn't see a single ninja in the Monkey Island series. Therefore: Ninjas do not exist and can't beat pirates.

(On a completely somewhat related note, real pirates and ninjas are significantly more awesome than "Pirates vs Ninjas" pirates and ninjas, which means both are so awesome, that I need a bigger chart to show how awesome they are).

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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby Unicyclist » Mon Jul 07, 2008 6:29 am UTC

kgirlfae wrote:A real ninja will always triumph, even over a boat full of pirates.

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It's also a well known fact that parrots can sense the presence of ninjas; thus, a ninja cannot sneak up on a pirate.
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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby Bulvox » Mon Jul 07, 2008 7:26 am UTC

don't you people know anything. it's an established fact that ninjas will always beat pirates, and that pirates will always beat cowboys, and that somehow cowboys will always beat ninjas. now you know.
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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby Awia » Mon Jul 07, 2008 7:33 am UTC

EdgarJPublius wrote:I wager either of these gentlemen could take at least a dozen ninjas in a fight.

This point is invalid because of the inverse law of ninja, which states that the more ninjas there are, the weaker an individual ninja will be.

Now, could these 2 take a single ninja in a fight? A single ninja is one of the most destructive forces on the planet.
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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby tiny » Mon Jul 07, 2008 8:13 am UTC

I voted 'Neither' (is that Otter Duck's middle name, usually abbr. by a slash?).

Why did I vote Neither?
Because: I prefer the original Phantom of the Opera. Erik sailed with the Pirates of Tonking, yet has the stealth and deadly hyperactive speed of a Ninja. Also he dresses in black and is crazy, which makes him the most awsomest Ninja-Pirate (not Pirate-Ninja!) to ever dwell under a public building and not have a nose.
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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby Jack Saladin » Mon Jul 07, 2008 8:31 am UTC

A pirate could never "take" a ninja in a fight. Not because of the difference in physical prowess, or either being superior in technique. But because there would be no fight.

A fight would be scheduled, sure. The pirates would sail forth in their mighty ship, armed and ready for battle. They'd load their cannons, sharpen their swords, down their liquor. Right on time, they'd sail into the bay on a small, deserted island where the decisive battle is to occur.

There's no one there. The island is clearly devoid of anything more deadly than a palm tree - but, still wary, the pirates stand guard carefully for a time. There is no sound but for the slightest breeze, and the gentle lapping of the waves against the scarred pirate hull. A single leaf twirls its way out of the air to alight on the bow of the boat.

Laughter erupts. Those fearful ninjas, so gripped in terror at the concept of finally facing the might pirate hordes, have tucked their tails between their legs and headed for the hills! A million internet fanboys high-five their Johnny Depp posters, and the pirates begin a long night of celebratory drinking. They set sail for more interesting exploits, heading back to the mainland.

The ship is found three days later. Meals are laid out on tables. There's not a single trace of blood, no bullet holes in the walls, not a single cannonball fired.

And there are no pirates.

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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby michaelandjimi » Mon Jul 07, 2008 8:49 am UTC

Amnesiasoft wrote:I don't see a Sid Meier's Ninjas, do you? I didn't see a single ninja in the Monkey Island series.
Think about this for a minute, will you?

Why would that be?
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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby Unbeknown » Mon Jul 07, 2008 9:20 am UTC

kanavazk wrote:Well I'd choose Ninjas, who would obviously defeat pirates anywhere except possibly on water.


Given that ~70% of the Earth's Surface is water surely Pirates would have the upper hand most of the time. Not to mention they have Wenches and Beer- I bet Ninjas are not even allowed to have one off the wrist!

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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby choginga » Mon Jul 07, 2008 9:40 am UTC

Azrael001 wrote:Almost everyone I know is surprised that anyone can choose the pirate side.

Pirates get no wenches, except either low quality whores that can't afford to choose not to hang around with scurvy ridden stench faced pirates, or any woman unlucky enough to get caught by some.

I say some and not one, as if a woman (or any one really) was caught by one pirate, they would just kick the snot out of them and be on their way. Pirates aren't fearsome warriors so much as smelly hobos with a boat.


Some pirates are smelly hobos with boats. Others are suave sailors with a formidable array of trickery and treachery to compliment their slick swordsmanship. They also use fear as a weapon. Just like batman. But batman was a ninja also.

Pirate ninjas for the win!

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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby micco » Mon Jul 07, 2008 9:50 am UTC

I vote for ninjas.
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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby SoapyHobo » Mon Jul 07, 2008 10:54 am UTC

Surely they are evenly balanced? The inverse ninja law states that the more ninja there are, the weaker the individual, therefore a single pirate can take on a horde of ninja. Pirates have strength in numbers and generally have a large number of pirates on their ship, one pirate alone is rather lacking. Therefore one pirate would be easily able to take on a large number of ninja alone, one ninja could easily decimate a whole crew of pirates, a crew of pirates could overpower a large number of ninja and a single ninja could swiftly dispatch a lone pirate.
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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby Jack Saladin » Mon Jul 07, 2008 11:25 am UTC

We've discussed this before on these fora, I believe. The inverse ninja law is a cunning ploy propagated by ninjas in order to very easily defeat very stupid pirates.

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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby Dobblesworth » Mon Jul 07, 2008 11:37 am UTC

Some argue that pirates have the upper hand because 70% of the Earth is water, they have the ships and ninjas don't like getting their shuriken wet. Simple solution: Ninjas can fly.

Ninjas offer that serene, quick, clean death from the shadows.
Pirates slug a blunt cannonball across the bay at you, leave you to die dishonourably on the sands while they jeer at you from behind their bottles of rum.
But we all know it is the secret military combined forces cadre of Elite Otters and Ducks that would win in a fight. They just choose not to win just yet, as there would be no spectacle in such a swift unresounding victory.

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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby danteshepherd » Mon Jul 07, 2008 11:42 am UTC

Isn't this just the standard bar argument? Here's what I have built together as the final, overarching hierarchy (and will be a post to my webcomic in two days, what the heck, I'll reveal it early here):

Image

If an orange beats a pirate, then certainly, a ninja will beat a pirate.
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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby SecondTalon » Mon Jul 07, 2008 12:35 pm UTC

Wait a fucking moment. Rod Serling beats Sam Elliot?

What the fuck?
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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby Nomic » Mon Jul 07, 2008 1:05 pm UTC

Have you ever head of Space Ninjas? No. Space Pirates on the other hand appear in books, games and movies. Therefor we can assume the Pirates will survive to the future and colonice space. Since there are no Space Ninjas, the Pirates must have won the battle for supremity and eighter destroyed the Ninjas or forced them to hiding. And even if Space Ninjas would exist, Space Pirates would defeat them as they have spaceships (Ninja, Orbital Bombadment. Orbital Bombardment, Ninja.). Therefor Pirates will eventually win.

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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby SoapyHobo » Mon Jul 07, 2008 1:09 pm UTC

Nomic wrote:Have you ever head of Space Ninjas? No.
You really think ninjas would advertise their presence? Obviously they're far more careful about secrecy in the future.
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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby tryptanymph » Mon Jul 07, 2008 1:15 pm UTC

SoapyHobo wrote:
Nomic wrote:Have you ever head of Space Ninjas? No.
You really think ninjas would advertise their presence? Obviously they're far more careful about secrecy in the future.

True. And add their incredible physical dexterity to the zero gravity. They gonna fuck you up in any space battle.
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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

Postby telcontar42 » Mon Jul 07, 2008 1:28 pm UTC

Mr. Beck wrote:Have FSM on their side

Good point. Pirates are divine beings in the eyes of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Compared to the divinity of pirates, ninjas have nothing. Pirates obviously win. To suggest anything else would be blasphemy.

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Re: Pirates VS Ninjas

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