xkcd

by **German Sausage** » Mon Mar 05, 2007 10:26 pm UTC

a peeled baby in a bucket of salt.

let the games begin!

by **Silverbolt** » Mon Mar 05, 2007 10:31 pm UTC

Hah! I found that incredibly amusing for some reason.

Then again I'm known for being a total asshole.

by **Pau!** » Mon Mar 05, 2007 10:38 pm UTC

Limit of one dead baby joke per post! Just to prevent copy-pasting of dead baby joke pages.

How do you stop a baby from running around in circles? Nail its other foot to the floor.

by **warriorness** » Mon Mar 05, 2007 10:41 pm UTC

What's the difference between a truckload of babies and a truckload of bowling balls?

You can't unload the truckload of bowling balls with a pitchfork!

by **Peshmerga** » Mon Mar 05, 2007 10:45 pm UTC

How do you get 100 babies into a container? A blender.
How do you get them out? Doritos.

by **Phy** » Mon Mar 05, 2007 10:49 pm UTC

What has four legs and an arm?

A Dobermann in a playground.

by **Rat** » Mon Mar 05, 2007 10:51 pm UTC

Peshmerga wrote:How do you get 100 babies into a container? A blender.

baby dust: don't breath this!

by **Aoeniac** » Mon Mar 05, 2007 11:20 pm UTC

Rat wrote:
Peshmerga wrote:How do you get 100 babies into a container? A blender.

baby dust: don't breath this!

Ha, blendtech.

How many babies does it take to tile a roof?

Depends on how thin you slice them.

by **Traisenau** » Mon Mar 05, 2007 11:24 pm UTC

Whats Blue, purple, and yellow and sits at the bottom of a pool? A baby with slashed floaties

Whats Blue, red, and yellow and floats at the top of a pool? A slashed baby with floaties

by **Gelsamel** » Mon Mar 05, 2007 11:39 pm UTC

What's the difference between a Ferrari and a pile of dead babies?

I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.

by **Traisenau** » Mon Mar 05, 2007 11:48 pm UTC

Whats worse than a field of a million dead babies? 1 live one in the middle

Whats worse than that? He eats his way out

Whats worse than that? He comes back for seconds.

by **Kin** » Tue Mar 06, 2007 2:23 am UTC

Aw, I should have said yes to be special...

by **etchasketch** » Tue Mar 06, 2007 2:32 am UTC

What's more fun than throwing babies off a cliff?

Catching them at the bottom with a pitchfork.

by **Owijad** » Tue Mar 06, 2007 3:02 am UTC

I was cracking up.

Then I googled "dead baby". Turns out they're not as funny as they sound.

Ah well, I'll forget about it in a minute or two.

by **Kin** » Tue Mar 06, 2007 3:15 am UTC

Owijad wrote:
Then I googled "dead baby". Turns out they're not as funny as they sound.

....

by **thedesk** » Tue Mar 06, 2007 3:44 am UTC

How do you make a dead baby float?

Two scoops ice cream, one scoop dead baby.

by **Jack Saladin** » Tue Mar 06, 2007 4:12 am UTC

What's red, sits in the corner, and gets smaller and smaller?

A baby with a potato peeler.

Then I googled "dead baby". Turns out they're not as funny as they sound.

^Funniest part of this thread. :lol:

by **Owijad** » Tue Mar 06, 2007 4:19 am UTC

Well, I do my best.

What's purple, bouncy, and full of dead babies?

Beats me, but I'll take two to go.

by **damienthebloody** » Tue Mar 06, 2007 4:37 am UTC

Owijad wrote:Well, I do my best.

What's purple, bouncy, and full of dead babies?

oh, i know that one.

by **Owijad** » Tue Mar 06, 2007 4:39 am UTC

Damien, we have concocted the best baby joke in existence.

Nice.

by **damienthebloody** » Tue Mar 06, 2007 4:40 am UTC

high five!

by **Jack Saladin** » Tue Mar 06, 2007 4:40 am UTC

Wow, it all totally makes sense now.

Website · by **shadebug** » Tue Mar 06, 2007 8:11 am UTC

Johnthemage wrote:Whats Blue, purple, and yellow and sits at the bottom of a pool? A baby with slashed floaties

Whats Blue, red, and yellow and floats at the top of a pool? A slashed baby with floaties

What's Blue, Green and Yellow and sits at the bottom of a pool? The first baby a week later. Actually in Britain they're Blue/Red/Green and orange.

Anyway... does it have to be dead babies or can it just be babies, like "what's the best thing about having sex with twenty two year olds?"?

by **Jack Saladin** » Tue Mar 06, 2007 8:48 am UTC

What is the best thing about having sex with twenty two year olds?

And can't they be dead anyway?

Website · by **shadebug** » Tue Mar 06, 2007 8:52 am UTC

That there's twenty of them, but saying "what's the best thing about having sex with twenty dead two year olds?" ruins the joke. It occurs to me that eighty one year olds works better, gets people thinking about mopeds

by **Jack Saladin** » Tue Mar 06, 2007 8:56 am UTC

You can just add "btw they were dead lolz" at the end.

by **Mother Superior** » Wed Mar 07, 2007 9:09 am UTC

How do you get a baby to cry twice?

You wipe off your dick on his teddy bear when you're done.

by **German Sausage** » Wed Mar 07, 2007 9:24 am UTC

wow. that blew my mind.
what did the blind deaf kid with no arms or legs get for christmas
cancer
executed
raped
are the three answers i've heard.
although pwned makes good sense.

Website · by **shadebug** » Wed Mar 07, 2007 6:32 pm UTC

Warning: this post contains improper punctuation:

What's the first thing you should always do after having a baby?

Put it's nappy back on.

by **Shro** » Thu Mar 08, 2007 8:20 pm UTC

thedesk wrote:How do you make a dead baby float?

Two scoops ice cream, one scoop dead baby.

Or you could take your foot off it's head.

by **singing about potatoes** » Thu Mar 08, 2007 9:37 pm UTC

What's the best part of dead babies?

The arms.

by **Aoeniac** » Thu Mar 08, 2007 11:19 pm UTC

People say that people our age shouldn't be entertained by such immature jokes. But those people need to get in touch with their inner child. I have the heart of a child.

It's in the trunk of my car.

by **flowtice** » Thu Mar 08, 2007 11:25 pm UTC

i... that's... but... i mean...

*runs away to watch care bears*

by **il3** » Fri Mar 09, 2007 1:12 am UTC

How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends on how hard you throw them.

by **Silverbolt** » Fri Mar 09, 2007 3:45 pm UTC

Funny story. I posted some of these at another forum, and someone was OUTRAGED!!1

Apparently, anyone who laughs at these jokes has no children, grandchildren, nephews or a SOUL and therefore I am an idiot for posting them. After the moderators kept deleting his posts towards me (apparently insulting, but I didn't get to read any of them) he made a new thread complaining. I decided to be civil and ask for them to be deleted. The admins did not and yet the guy has something against ME.

I am currently pondering replying this to him:

Aoeniac wrote:People say that people our age shouldn't be entertained by such immature jokes. But those people need to get in touch with their inner child. I have the heart of a child.

It's in the trunk of my car.

by **Tractor** » Fri Mar 09, 2007 3:49 pm UTC

If a tree falls on a baby in the forest, and no one is around to hear it, is it still hilarious?

by **singing about potatoes** » Fri Mar 09, 2007 9:18 pm UTC

Tractor wrote:If a tree falls on a baby in the forest, and no one is around to hear it, is it still hilarious?

HELL YES.

by **fjafjan** » Fri Mar 09, 2007 11:53 pm UTC

I used to find these jokes really funny, but i'm sort of bored of them or something, I'm not sure. So I said no, cause im not offended, but i wasn't really entertained either.
The end.

by **Toeofdoom** » Sat Mar 10, 2007 2:32 am UTC

singing about potatoes wrote:
Tractor wrote:If a tree falls on a baby in the forest, and no one is around to hear it, is it still hilarious?
HELL YES.

by **German Sausage** » Sat Mar 10, 2007 4:17 am UTC

has anyone read the pittau and gervais books?

this is the best one

yay! these kept me entertained for most of year 11.
swallowing thumbtacks? [picture] thats DANGEROUS!
sculpting with the kitty litter? [picture] thats DISGUSTING!

xkcd

Whats red, white and yells a lot? [Trigger Warning]

Offended?

Whats red, white and yells a lot? [Trigger Warning]

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