Whats red, white and yells a lot? [Trigger Warning]

Things that don't belong anywhere else. (Check first).

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Offended?

yes
27
11%
no
103
43%
why would you be offended? this is hella funny.
111
46%
 
Total votes: 241

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German Sausage
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Whats red, white and yells a lot? [Trigger Warning]

Postby German Sausage » Mon Mar 05, 2007 10:26 pm UTC

a peeled baby in a bucket of salt.


let the games begin!

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Silverbolt
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Postby Silverbolt » Mon Mar 05, 2007 10:31 pm UTC

Hah! I found that incredibly amusing for some reason.

Then again I'm known for being a total asshole.
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Pau!
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Postby Pau! » Mon Mar 05, 2007 10:38 pm UTC

Limit of one dead baby joke per post! Just to prevent copy-pasting of dead baby joke pages.

How do you stop a baby from running around in circles? Nail its other foot to the floor.
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warriorness
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Postby warriorness » Mon Mar 05, 2007 10:41 pm UTC

What's the difference between a truckload of babies and a truckload of bowling balls?

You can't unload the truckload of bowling balls with a pitchfork!
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Peshmerga
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Postby Peshmerga » Mon Mar 05, 2007 10:45 pm UTC

How do you get 100 babies into a container? A blender.
How do you get them out? Doritos.
i hurd u liek mudkips???

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Phy
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Postby Phy » Mon Mar 05, 2007 10:49 pm UTC

What has four legs and an arm?

A Dobermann in a playground.

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Rat
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Postby Rat » Mon Mar 05, 2007 10:51 pm UTC

Peshmerga wrote:How do you get 100 babies into a container? A blender.


baby dust: don't breath this!

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Aoeniac
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Postby Aoeniac » Mon Mar 05, 2007 11:20 pm UTC

Rat wrote:
Peshmerga wrote:How do you get 100 babies into a container? A blender.


baby dust: don't breath this!


Ha, blendtech.



How many babies does it take to tile a roof?


Depends on how thin you slice them.
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Traisenau
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Postby Traisenau » Mon Mar 05, 2007 11:24 pm UTC

Whats Blue, purple, and yellow and sits at the bottom of a pool? A baby with slashed floaties

Whats Blue, red, and yellow and floats at the top of a pool? A slashed baby with floaties
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Gelsamel
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Postby Gelsamel » Mon Mar 05, 2007 11:39 pm UTC

What's the difference between a Ferrari and a pile of dead babies?

I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.

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Traisenau
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Postby Traisenau » Mon Mar 05, 2007 11:48 pm UTC

Whats worse than a field of a million dead babies? 1 live one in the middle

Whats worse than that? He eats his way out

Whats worse than that? He comes back for seconds.
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Kin
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Postby Kin » Tue Mar 06, 2007 2:23 am UTC

Aw, I should have said yes to be special...

etchasketch
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Postby etchasketch » Tue Mar 06, 2007 2:32 am UTC

What's more fun than throwing babies off a cliff?

Catching them at the bottom with a pitchfork.

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Owijad
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Postby Owijad » Tue Mar 06, 2007 3:02 am UTC

I was cracking up.

Then I googled "dead baby". Turns out they're not as funny as they sound.

Ah well, I'll forget about it in a minute or two.
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Kin
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Postby Kin » Tue Mar 06, 2007 3:15 am UTC

Owijad wrote:
Then I googled "dead baby". Turns out they're not as funny as they sound.



....

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Postby thedesk » Tue Mar 06, 2007 3:44 am UTC

How do you make a dead baby float?



Two scoops ice cream, one scoop dead baby.
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Postby Jack Saladin » Tue Mar 06, 2007 4:12 am UTC

What's red, sits in the corner, and gets smaller and smaller?

A baby with a potato peeler.

Then I googled "dead baby". Turns out they're not as funny as they sound.


^Funniest part of this thread. :lol:

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Owijad
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Postby Owijad » Tue Mar 06, 2007 4:19 am UTC

Well, I do my best.


What's purple, bouncy, and full of dead babies?

Beats me, but I'll take two to go.
And if you win you get this shiny fiddle made of gold,
But if you lose, the devil gets your sould!

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damienthebloody
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Postby damienthebloody » Tue Mar 06, 2007 4:37 am UTC

Owijad wrote:Well, I do my best.


What's purple, bouncy, and full of dead babies?

oh, i know that one.
Image

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Owijad
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Postby Owijad » Tue Mar 06, 2007 4:39 am UTC

Damien, we have concocted the best baby joke in existence.

Nice.
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damienthebloody
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Postby damienthebloody » Tue Mar 06, 2007 4:40 am UTC

high five!

Jack Saladin
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Postby Jack Saladin » Tue Mar 06, 2007 4:40 am UTC

Wow, it all totally makes sense now.

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shadebug
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Postby shadebug » Tue Mar 06, 2007 8:11 am UTC

Johnthemage wrote:Whats Blue, purple, and yellow and sits at the bottom of a pool? A baby with slashed floaties

Whats Blue, red, and yellow and floats at the top of a pool? A slashed baby with floaties


What's Blue, Green and Yellow and sits at the bottom of a pool? The first baby a week later. Actually in Britain they're Blue/Red/Green and orange.

Anyway... does it have to be dead babies or can it just be babies, like "what's the best thing about having sex with twenty two year olds?"?
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Postby Jack Saladin » Tue Mar 06, 2007 8:48 am UTC

What is the best thing about having sex with twenty two year olds?

And can't they be dead anyway?

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shadebug
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Postby shadebug » Tue Mar 06, 2007 8:52 am UTC

That there's twenty of them, but saying "what's the best thing about having sex with twenty dead two year olds?" ruins the joke. It occurs to me that eighty one year olds works better, gets people thinking about mopeds
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Jack Saladin
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Postby Jack Saladin » Tue Mar 06, 2007 8:56 am UTC

You can just add "btw they were dead lolz" at the end.

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Mother Superior
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Postby Mother Superior » Wed Mar 07, 2007 9:09 am UTC

How do you get a baby to cry twice?

You wipe off your dick on his teddy bear when you're done.
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German Sausage
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Postby German Sausage » Wed Mar 07, 2007 9:24 am UTC

wow. that blew my mind.
what did the blind deaf kid with no arms or legs get for christmas
cancer
executed
raped
are the three answers i've heard.
although pwned makes good sense.

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shadebug
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Postby shadebug » Wed Mar 07, 2007 6:32 pm UTC

Warning: this post contains improper punctuation:

What's the first thing you should always do after having a baby?

Put it's nappy back on.
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Shro
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Postby Shro » Thu Mar 08, 2007 8:20 pm UTC

thedesk wrote:How do you make a dead baby float?



Two scoops ice cream, one scoop dead baby.


Or you could take your foot off it's head.
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Postby singing about potatoes » Thu Mar 08, 2007 9:37 pm UTC

What's the best part of dead babies?

The arms.
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Aoeniac
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Postby Aoeniac » Thu Mar 08, 2007 11:19 pm UTC

People say that people our age shouldn't be entertained by such immature jokes. But those people need to get in touch with their inner child. I have the heart of a child.



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flowtice
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Postby flowtice » Thu Mar 08, 2007 11:25 pm UTC

i... that's... but... i mean...

*runs away to watch care bears*

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Postby il3 » Fri Mar 09, 2007 1:12 am UTC

How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends on how hard you throw them.
Image

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Silverbolt
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Postby Silverbolt » Fri Mar 09, 2007 3:45 pm UTC

Funny story. I posted some of these at another forum, and someone was OUTRAGED!!1

Apparently, anyone who laughs at these jokes has no children, grandchildren, nephews or a SOUL and therefore I am an idiot for posting them. After the moderators kept deleting his posts towards me (apparently insulting, but I didn't get to read any of them) he made a new thread complaining. I decided to be civil and ask for them to be deleted. The admins did not and yet the guy has something against ME.

I am currently pondering replying this to him:

Aoeniac wrote:People say that people our age shouldn't be entertained by such immature jokes. But those people need to get in touch with their inner child. I have the heart of a child.



It's in the trunk of my car.
One day I will bring peace to the world with my invincible Army of Mice

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Tractor
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Postby Tractor » Fri Mar 09, 2007 3:49 pm UTC

If a tree falls on a baby in the forest, and no one is around to hear it, is it still hilarious?
9 x 6 = 42

Note: Randall kicks ass.

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singing about potatoes
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Postby singing about potatoes » Fri Mar 09, 2007 9:18 pm UTC

Tractor wrote:If a tree falls on a baby in the forest, and no one is around to hear it, is it still hilarious?
HELL YES.
My hobby > yours. (yes, that is me)

singing about potatoes wrote:Theoretical-boobs and I both have dinghy access.
Fluff wrote:That sounds a bit kinky. :o

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fjafjan
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Postby fjafjan » Fri Mar 09, 2007 11:53 pm UTC

I used to find these jokes really funny, but i'm sort of bored of them or something, I'm not sure. So I said no, cause im not offended, but i wasn't really entertained either.
The end.
//Yepp, THE fjafjan (who's THE fjafjan?)
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Postby Toeofdoom » Sat Mar 10, 2007 2:32 am UTC

singing about potatoes wrote:
Tractor wrote:If a tree falls on a baby in the forest, and no one is around to hear it, is it still hilarious?
HELL YES.


:lol:

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German Sausage
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Postby German Sausage » Sat Mar 10, 2007 4:17 am UTC

has anyone read the pittau and gervais books?
Image

Image
this is the best one

Image



yay! these kept me entertained for most of year 11.
swallowing thumbtacks? [picture] thats DANGEROUS!
sculpting with the kitty litter? [picture] thats DISGUSTING!
Last edited by German Sausage on Sat Mar 10, 2007 4:40 am UTC, edited 1 time in total.


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