Help me win a drinking contest - Updated for conclusion.

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Help me win a drinking contest - Updated for conclusion.

Postby wing » Wed Mar 25, 2009 2:04 am UTC

This is a bit of an unusual request, but I have a unique problem.

I am currently scheduled for a drinking contest with a girl. She is about 120lbs and pretty short, I'm about 6ft and 270lbs. I also unfairly have a rep as a lightweight because I have fewer inhibitions to lose in the first place. She, on the other hand, is an absolute ironclad for her size and frankly, I'm afraid I may actually lose and embarass mankind forever.

The rules:
- Mixed drinks chosen by the peanut gallery from a preapproved (aka not-disgusting concoction) list. Both contestants get the same drink at the same time, immediately after the second person to finish the previous drink finishes it.
- All drinks will be oversized and served in the infamous red cups (well, actually, one will be red and one will be blue for absolute clarity purposes)
- Maximum of 30 minutes to finish each drink. If 30 minutes expires, the person with the most of it left in the cup loses.
- Every hour starting at the end of the second hour, 12oz of a VERY DARK stout will be served in an attempt to unsettle things. Seriously, this stuff is as black as used motor oil and is thicker (but it tastes DELICIOUS) at 10% ABV
- The contest ends when the first person hits the floor for any reason - for example by passing out, falling over, or puking.
- All puking counts as "hitting the floor", even if you stay standing. So does all passing out or sleeping.
- No non-contest beverages allowed.

Essentially, I need every trick in the book to be able to drink more. She already has a coach helping outright train her for the event (the bastard is one of my drinking buddies, too.)

I'm trying to formulate the ideal strategy as well - theoretically holding every drink until the 30 minute limit is almost up would be beneficial, but it would allow her time to sober up. So perhaps slam them down for the first few drinks and let her control the timing, and then switch?




Update on page 2
Last edited by wing on Mon Apr 20, 2009 2:38 am UTC, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Help me win a drinking contest

Postby thatguy » Wed Mar 25, 2009 2:18 am UTC

Is food allowed? Food might help dull the effects of the alcohol. But, then again, that's just more to come back up.

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Re: Help me win a drinking contest

Postby wing » Wed Mar 25, 2009 2:19 am UTC

No food during the contest, but any prepwork is free and clear.
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Re: Help me win a drinking contest

Postby Gears » Wed Mar 25, 2009 2:20 am UTC

Even if food isn't allowed don't drink on an empty stomache. Eat a little before hand.
Don't do this at home kids.
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Re: Help me win a drinking contest

Postby wing » Wed Mar 25, 2009 2:22 am UTC

Gears wrote:Even if food isn't allowed don't drink on an empty stomache. Eat a little before hand.
Don't do this at home kids.

Actually, if you're going to do it, DEFINITELY do it at home. Better to drop $120 on liquor and be able to keep the leftovers for later than to drop $300 on liquor and get kicked out at 2AM (at which time we should be just about warmed up)
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Re: Help me win a drinking contest

Postby Silas » Wed Mar 25, 2009 2:23 am UTC

Your liver is twice the size of hers. You can outlast her. Pound the first few (guess at ten or twelve shots worth), then slow it down, so she absorbs the alcohol and can't metabolize it as fast as you.
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Re: Help me win a drinking contest

Postby Gears » Wed Mar 25, 2009 2:25 am UTC

Kids.

You can certainly do it wherever the hell you want. Maybe you should go beerfest on this one, but I don't know if that even works. What order is it? Beer before liquor you'll never be sicker, liquor before beer you're in the clear. Drink slowly, take the max time if you must.
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Re: Help me win a drinking contest

Postby wing » Wed Mar 25, 2009 4:24 am UTC

Silas wrote:Your liver is twice the size of hers. You can outlast her. Pound the first few (guess at ten or twelve shots worth), then slow it down, so she absorbs the alcohol and can't metabolize it as fast as you.

Theoretically, shouldn't that just cause all of the first couple drinks to hit me like a brick wall suddenly, whereas she gets slower onset? We're still consuming the same amount of alcohol regardless, so I have the absolute biological advantage. If I can stay mentally focused and clear of sabotage, I should be 100% in the clear, but this will be a dirty fight.

The bartender is her boyfriend and a member of my inner circle, and I know for a FACT that he'll do anything he can to tip the scales in her favor so if I don't pay attention to the pouring process I can expect at the very least stronger drinks, and at the worst the introduction of psychoactive drugs. I'll have to bring a wingman to cover me on that front.

What seems to me like it'd be very helpful would be some way to down the entire drink in one chug, but spread the metabolism out evenly to get a little psychological warfare on.
Last edited by wing on Wed Mar 25, 2009 5:18 am UTC, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Help me win a drinking contest

Postby TheSkyMovesSideways » Wed Mar 25, 2009 5:29 am UTC

wing wrote:VERY DARK stout ... Seriously, this stuff is as black as used motor oil and is thicker (but it tastes DELICIOUS) at 10% ABV

THIS. Where can I get it? :D
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Re: Help me win a drinking contest

Postby wing » Wed Mar 25, 2009 5:33 am UTC

TheSkyMovesSideways wrote:
wing wrote:VERY DARK stout ... Seriously, this stuff is as black as used motor oil and is thicker (but it tastes DELICIOUS) at 10% ABV

THIS. Where can I get it? :D

Oskar Blues Ten Fidy.

Yes, it only comes in a can (or a keg), but it's still AWESOME.
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Re: Help me win a drinking contest

Postby Nerve » Wed Mar 25, 2009 5:46 am UTC

Eat a lot of protein before you start drinking.

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Re: Help me win a drinking contest

Postby Arancaytar » Wed Mar 25, 2009 10:03 am UTC

The bartender is her boyfriend and a member of my inner circle, and I know for a FACT that he'll do anything he can to tip the scales in her favor so if I don't pay attention to the pouring process I can expect at the very least stronger drinks, and at the worst the introduction of psychoactive drugs.


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Re: Help me win a drinking contest

Postby 3fj » Wed Mar 25, 2009 10:58 am UTC

Nerve wrote:Eat a lot of protein before you start drinking.

Are you kidding? You carb the fuck up!
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Re: Help me win a drinking contest

Postby Grop » Wed Mar 25, 2009 11:18 am UTC

Eat something easy to digest (I would eat rice and no meat). And be well rested.

Anyway, the idea of drinks being served by her boyfriend is silly.

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Re: Help me win a drinking contest

Postby smw543 » Wed Mar 25, 2009 11:41 am UTC

3fj wrote:
Nerve wrote:Eat a lot of protein before you start drinking.
Are you kidding? You carb the fuck up!
Second'd. Just don't overdo it; a full stomach is almost as bad as an empty one. A slice of bread or two can do a lot.

And maybe chug the first one (just to get in her head) but definitely don't chug any after that. By the second drink, your liver will already be busy, and a sudden influx of alcohol will, at the very least, make you feel pretty tipsy.
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Re: Help me win a drinking contest

Postby Coin » Wed Mar 25, 2009 11:52 am UTC

Well, if there is going to be cheating I know just the thing: Disulfiram.
This little baby will make you very sensitive to alcohole and effects can be felt up to two weeks after ingestion so you could spike her lunch a week in advance and win that way.
I should say that consumption of alcohol in large quantity after taking the drug can lead to severe ill effects so I wouldn't recommend using it without further research.

The intended effect can be described as getting the hangover within minutes rather than the next day.
It can be sold under the name "Antabus" in most countries.

I'd make sure I get several wingmen for this as your opponents may try diversions.
Also I wouldn't trust anything poured by the opponents boyfriend.
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Re: Help me win a drinking contest

Postby Belial » Wed Mar 25, 2009 11:56 am UTC

Umm...

Yeah, slipping drugs into someone else's food or drink is going to be exceptionally stupid and dangerous for the other person. Don't do it. At all.
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Re: Help me win a drinking contest

Postby icanus » Wed Mar 25, 2009 12:12 pm UTC

Spiking drinks BAD. Very Bad. (and dangerous not only for the person who gets spiked, but potentially for the idiot who gets caught spiking and has the snot beaten out of them)

If you're worried about cheating, lobby for a rules change - you and your opponent could take it in turns to pour each round, with the one who didn't pour picking which glass to drink from (this has the added benefit of adding a whole Princess Bride "do you know that I know that you know?" meta-contest to the proceedings).

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Re: Help me win a drinking contest

Postby smw543 » Wed Mar 25, 2009 12:59 pm UTC

icanus wrote:If you're worried about cheating, lobby for a rules change - you and your opponent could take it in turns to pour each round, with the one who didn't pour picking which glass to drink from (this has the added benefit of adding a whole Princess Bride "do you know that I know that you know?" meta-contest to the proceedings).
...which will only get better as they get drunker.
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Re: Help me win a drinking contest

Postby Rhubarb » Wed Mar 25, 2009 1:15 pm UTC

Bread sounds like a good idea, it might soak up some alcohol. Also, drink a glass of milk, it lines your stomach so you absorb less alcohol. Look at me sounding like I know what I'm talking about. This could all be crap. Good luck though!

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Re: Help me win a drinking contest

Postby crowey » Wed Mar 25, 2009 2:30 pm UTC

smw543 wrote:
icanus wrote:If you're worried about cheating, lobby for a rules change - you and your opponent could take it in turns to pour each round, with the one who didn't pour picking which glass to drink from (this has the added benefit of adding a whole Princess Bride "do you know that I know that you know?" meta-contest to the proceedings).
...which will only get better as they get drunker.

I concur.

I want to reiterate the DON'T SPIKE DRINKS thing. It's a totally shiteous thing to do.

I'd reccomend eating some greasy carbs before hand, like french fries or something.

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Re: Help me win a drinking contest

Postby 0range » Wed Mar 25, 2009 3:10 pm UTC

Couldn't you just knock her down?
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Re: Help me win a drinking contest

Postby semicharmed » Wed Mar 25, 2009 3:15 pm UTC

Rhubarb wrote:Bread sounds like a good idea, it might soak up some alcohol. Also, drink a glass of milk, it lines your stomach so you absorb less alcohol. Look at me sounding like I know what I'm talking about. This could all be crap. Good luck though!


No it doesn't; and even if milk did stick to your (mucous-y) stomach lining, it wouldn't do anything, as alcohol isn't absorbed by your stomach anyway.

Also: if I were you, I'd vote for a rules change so that girl's boyfriend isn't the bartender.
Wiki also has some numbers, for you, that might be helpful to plot strategy with. The chart only goes up to 220 lbs, but includes 120. And for the same amount of alcohol, a person weighing 220 lbs should have a BAC half that of someone weighing 120; I can only assume the numbers get more favorable. Also, tolerance just affects ability to function, not your BAC, so you should have a decent cushion.

Which means you might want to have ready access to EMTs, wherever this is happening. The LD50 is a BAC of .4, so try to keep that in mind.

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Re: Help me win a drinking contest

Postby Grop » Wed Mar 25, 2009 3:25 pm UTC

However your stomach is probably involved in puking; for this reason I would avoid milk or fat things.

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Re: Help me win a drinking contest

Postby Jos » Wed Mar 25, 2009 3:30 pm UTC

To drink a lot the week before or so (college party for 3 days lot) helps bring the tolerance to unbelieavable levels. And a unbeliavable hangover. Eat a lot, earlier in the day, to make sure it has some time to get digested. Oh, if there are crisps or nut's or anything by the side consider eating it. Fat and salt will be your friends throughout the night

As to the getting people to eat stuff idea... Sounds like a long-shot. And illegal. Mind me if I'm wrong here, but doesn't the effects Antabus kick in shortly after you consume alcohol?
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Re: Help me win a drinking contest

Postby Coin » Wed Mar 25, 2009 4:21 pm UTC

I only suggested Antabus as the OP suggested that the bartender was likely to put something which would most probably be worse in his drink: psychoactive drugs.
If there is going to be spiking of drinks I'd rather see a high-quality, scientifically tested medicine which will cut the competition short in order to avoid the introduction of a substance from who-knows-where with no official quality control.
Furthermore I carefully stated in bold that there are risks involved which should be concidered.

To answer Jos:
To my knowledge the response is quite quick. As in minutes rather than hours.
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Re: Help me win a drinking contest

Postby Yakk » Wed Mar 25, 2009 4:26 pm UTC

Have a limit before hand. Have your wingman enforce that limit, as you may be too drunk to enforce it. You can kill yourself, and you can cause long-term harm short of killing youself, by drinking quite easily. You don't have to tell your opponent what the limit is (in fact, keep it secret).

How strong will the drinks be? A 'large cup full of whisky' is ... not a good thing to be shooting down at two per hour.

Don't do it on an empty stomach. Be hydrated.

Watch the mythbusters episode in which they test ways to reduce inebriation.
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Re: Help me win a drinking contest

Postby Belial » Wed Mar 25, 2009 4:44 pm UTC

Coin wrote:I only suggested Antabus as the OP suggested that the bartender was likely to put something which would most probably be worse in his drink: psychoactive drugs.


And if wing has a bad reaction to the drugs in question, goes into shock, and dies, then the bartender will be going to jail.

If wing's opponent does the same, he will go to jail.
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Re: Help me win a drinking contest

Postby BMW787 » Wed Mar 25, 2009 4:59 pm UTC

If there is a drink on the list that you like and your opponent doesn't then pick it every chance you get. You might increase the chance of them puking :D
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Re: Help me win a drinking contest

Postby Plasma Man » Wed Mar 25, 2009 5:43 pm UTC

Make sure you're well-rested before the contest begins, you don't want to be already tired when the effects of the alcohol start hitting you. Of course, if you want to play dirty you could ask one of your friends to sneak round to your opponent's house and cause a loud noise outside late at night / early in the morning, so they'll be a bit more tired and likely to want to sleep.

Drinks-wise, I'd say to try to drink at a steady rate. Trying to psych her out by downing a drink in one is not going to make her more drunk. Don't down them straight away, don't be rushing at the end of the half hour - drinking a lot at once will increase your chances of puking. Keep putting it away steadily, don't be hurried and keep your cool.

If you really don't trust the barman, insist that both drinks are poured, then a coin is flipped to determine who receives which cup.
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Re: Help me win a drinking contest

Postby Coin » Wed Mar 25, 2009 5:48 pm UTC

Belial wrote:
Coin wrote:I only suggested Antabus as the OP suggested that the bartender was likely to put something which would most probably be worse in his drink: psychoactive drugs.


And if wing has a bad reaction to the drugs in question, goes into shock, and dies, then the bartender will be going to jail.

If wing's opponent does the same, he will go to jail.


If there is the possibility of an allergic reaction with sideffects of that magnitude then using Antabus is off course out of the question.
If you wish, I'll edit the post suggesting the substance.

I wonder if you can be allergic to laxatives... :?
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Re: Help me win a drinking contest

Postby smw543 » Wed Mar 25, 2009 6:03 pm UTC

I assumed wing's original comment about drugs being slipped in his drink were a joke. In that vein, this thread is becoming way too serious. Drinking contests are joyous occasions; they shouldn't entail dark dealings and poisonings.

Also, when is this contest? I'm curious to find out who wins (for the sake of male pride.)
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Re: Help me win a drinking contest

Postby Lord Aurora » Wed Mar 25, 2009 6:10 pm UTC

I spent literally the last four nights drinking my face off, and I'd like to offer the following bits of advice:

1) Eating carbs beforehand is DEFINITELY a double-edged sword. Eat enough that you're about half-full. On Night 4, I finished a (terribly cooked) NY strip steak, a side of french fries, a good amount of the pasta belonging to the girl next to me, and a few bites of other pastas and some nachos. This had the benefit of slowing the onset of the 10+ shots of Grey Goose I pounded, but was not helpful when I was trying to fit into my stomach the 40 of King Cobra I drank before them. Which segues nicely into my next point...

2) "Beer before liquor, never been sicker..." is COMPLETELY true. Technically, King Cobra is a malt liquor, but it's close enough to beer for me to count it as the reason I spent Nights 2 and 4 with my lanky, shaggy-haired body wrapped around the porcelain throne. Be very conscious of the effect that dark beer is going to have on your liquor-drinking ability. If the girl is taking her time with the drinks, feel free to sip and enjoy. The beer will convince you that you're badass enough to pound the liquor down...this is unfortunately not true. Allow yourself time to sober up.

3) I did not see a marked increase in tolerance throughout the four-night binge. I would recommend not preparing for it by binge drinking the nights before it---just have a few of those dark beers and one shot each night, to get your body used to the idea of disgusting things being dropped in it.

4) Make sure your wingman is a person you trust and ALSO that the bartender trusts and, more importantly, respects. Also, it helps if everyone else around likes the wingman a little bit more than the bartender, because then any dispute of shenanigans will automatically be crowd-settled your way.

5) Wear comfortable clothes. A t-shirt and jeans is much better drinking attire than khakis, a belt, and a polo shirt---the less pressure put on your stomach, the better you'll feel about expanding it with grog; and the fewer outside sensory distractions (the rasp of the collar against your neck, the slight constriction of your chest by a tighter-fitting shirt, the tug every time you move and untuck your shirt a little bit) the less uncomfortable you'll feel in general.

6) I find that coconut-flavored things make me puke or want to puke VERY quickly. Malibu, pina coladas, etc. might not be your friends.

7) Drink water several hours beforehand, so you're hydrated but it isn't still in your stomach. Gatorade, vitamin water, etc. is also very helpful--more helpful than straight water, I've found.

8) If at all possible, make sure everything you drink is as cold and crisp as it can be. Warm, flat beer will cause much more of an upset than cold, still-carbonated beer. Warm shots and warm or flat mixed drinks are not at all helpful to you. I found that as I got to the end of the 40s of Cobra, they got increasingly unpleasant. I forget if the Goose or Skyy or Captain were cold, but I'm reasonably certain they were chilled on ice like the rest of the liquor.

9) If you can, have some champagne or sparkling wine (the same thing, except one is made in a specific place) as you get deeper in. Lower alcohol content than the other mixed drinks, coupled with a nice fresh crispness and a subtle, quiet flavor, will do wonders for you. If you do happen to get champagne, take the time to sip it for the duration of the time limit. Cooks and Andre are cheap and easy to drink, but I would recommend stepping up to Martini & Rossi for a slightly more enjoyable experience.

Other items:
- Don't spike her drinks. If you are truly concerned about your own drinks, talk to the bartender beforehand and tell him that you will immediately forfeit, stop drinking, and call the authorities if you feel anything psychoactive going on. His girlfriend's victory in a friendly drinking contest will not be worth a felony count, and he will know this.
- I like the idea of a limit enforced by your wingman. You will almost certainly pass the fuck out before you die, but on the off chance that you pop a methylphenidate or a Red Bull before you start drinking, it's good to have a number to stick to.
- Protein bad, carbs good.
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Re: Help me win a drinking contest

Postby Chfan » Wed Mar 25, 2009 7:27 pm UTC

I can't offer any advice except don't do it and keep your brain cells. But that's no fun, is it?
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Re: Help me win a drinking contest

Postby Izawwlgood » Wed Mar 25, 2009 7:35 pm UTC

Wow you dudes are some inexperienced drinkers! The beer before liquor jibe is complete bullshit. I know this as a long time Bwhiskey, Whisake, Wineer, and Tequilline drinker. Secondly, if you want to survive a night of horrid drinking, eat a couple slices of BUTTERED (fat) BREAD (carbs). Protein, asaik, has next to no effect on your ability to deal with booze.

But the post about outlasting her was absolutely correct. You will, as a larger male, have a greater capacity to metabolize alcohol. Drink fast and hard early on, and she won't be able to keep pace.

But in short, just make sure you've got a small-medium sized portion of lightly buttered bready stuff in your belly to get started, and assuming bathroom breaks are legit, make sure you are very very very hydrated.
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Re: Help me win a drinking contest

Postby invisibl » Wed Mar 25, 2009 7:54 pm UTC

Sleep well the night(s) before

Eat well during the Day immediately prior.

MOST IMP: Do a line of high quality meth. ( Clean but not OTT)

Keep a little in yr pocket to top up with.

Unbeatable

NOTE: Goal here is to keep your body above the physically depressive characteristics of Alcohol.

Not to be a twerking idiot

yazdi
Posts: 35
Joined: Wed Jan 10, 2007 2:44 pm UTC

Re: Help me win a drinking contest

Postby yazdi » Wed Mar 25, 2009 7:58 pm UTC

invisibl wrote:MOST IMP: Do a line of high quality meth. ( Clean but not OTT)

Keep a little in yr pocket to top up with.

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Whatever you do, don't do this. I hope noone would even get such an idea, but I'm obviously wrong, so I'll repeat it: No! Not under any circumstances!

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Steve Zissou
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Re: Help me win a drinking contest

Postby Steve Zissou » Wed Mar 25, 2009 10:05 pm UTC

Erm...
Meth. Not really a good idea to begin with.

Me, personally? I'd like a scientific study done on this beer before liquor rhyme.
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Ieatsoap6
Posts: 204
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Re: Help me win a drinking contest

Postby Ieatsoap6 » Wed Mar 25, 2009 10:15 pm UTC

Warning: I haven't had much more than a beer or so at a time and am in no way an epic drinker.

Would taking a diuretic help? Assuming there aren't any "no bathroom" rules, wouldn't having to piss the alcohol out help, as you wouldn't have to process it all? Is there some biological thing I'm missing here?

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Jos
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Re: Help me win a drinking contest

Postby Jos » Wed Mar 25, 2009 10:21 pm UTC

Ieatsoap6 wrote:Warning: I haven't had much more than a beer or so at a time and am in no way an epic drinker.

Would taking a diuretic help? Assuming there aren't any "no bathroom" rules, wouldn't having to piss the alcohol out help, as you wouldn't have to process it all? Is there some biological thing I'm missing here?

It doesn't, or shouldn't rahter, go straight through you. While it is true that this could be done, much of it is absorbed by the body (causing you to get drunk). Just pissing everything out is not the way it goes.
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