[SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

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hanecter
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby hanecter » Fri Mar 25, 2011 12:44 am UTC

I'm visiting family out of state for spring break.

I don't know how most of them would take me being androgynous...so I left my makeup at home. I'm wearing guy's shorts (I usually wear quite tight skinny jeans) and acting masculine.
It feels terrible. I can't stand this and it hasn't been 24 hours here yet. I'm so stressed and anxious.

It's funny how once I felt the relief of moving towards an androgynous affect, it hurts bad to go back to how I was. Do other people feel this way, too? Or was the dysphoria just as bad before realising that you were trans/genderqueer as after?

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Sourire » Fri Mar 25, 2011 1:31 am UTC

I'd really, really like a hug. I honestly feel like at this point I'm just spinning my wheels with people who either don't get it, or don't want to get it. I've come to celebrate the moments of clarity where I finally make a point after hours of argument, but I'm just getting tired of having to constantly be on the defensive. It singles me out as the difficult bitch, and it means I'm constantly getting yelled at (even if the opposition makes little to no sense).

Angst, anger, and agressive use of the pronoun "You" for catharsis. Obviously not directed at anyone in this thread. Sorry for the negativity, but I need to vent.
Spoiler:
I really wish, just for once, people would start a sentence "I don't understand how..." and not "I don't think that..." in regards to shit they've never had any education in. The ten seconds you have had to put that sentence together doesn't count. And just because you're attracted to people of the same sex does not mean your life epitomizes LGBTIQQ experiences. You're not that fucking special. With all the episodes of depression, social alienation, and bullying, the last thing anyone needs is your goddamn soapboxing about how you learned to pass as straight. "Don't be a douchebag" is not a hard lesson to apply, I promise. Check your ego at the door, as it's tracking mud all over the progress some of us work so hard for.


EDIT-Please don't quote the spoiler, I may decide to edit/remove it after I've had a chance to cool down, as the language can perhaps be toned down to make the point more clearly with less aggression.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Aaeriele » Fri Mar 25, 2011 1:36 am UTC

Sourire wrote:I'd really, really like a hug


*hug*
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby hanecter » Fri Mar 25, 2011 1:38 am UTC

*hug*

I've dealt with that too. I don't know how to handle it. I wish I could do better than to just give a hug.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby joshz » Fri Mar 25, 2011 1:51 am UTC

*hugs*
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby poxic » Fri Mar 25, 2011 1:54 am UTC

{{{Sourire}}}

It sucks to be one of the shock troops of education.
In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Nordic Einar » Fri Mar 25, 2011 2:01 am UTC

*Hugs*, Sourire.

Nobody can be the reasonable educator all the time :/



hanecter wrote:Do other people feel this way, too? Or was the dysphoria just as bad before realising that you were trans/genderqueer as after?


Even without the added complications and difficulties that come with being trans/genderqueer it's stressful as hell for me to moderate and "pass" for family, and it's just clothes choice for me. It's hard to hide something so central to you, regardless of what it is.

It's just even harder when it's something as central as your gender identity. Sympathies :(

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Sourire » Fri Mar 25, 2011 2:07 am UTC

Nordic Einar wrote:*Hugs*, Sourire.

Nobody can be the reasonable educator all the time :/

Ego:
If I don't, who will be? I have a hard time accepting "It'll work out".
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby scienceroboticspunk » Fri Mar 25, 2011 2:12 am UTC

<gets hugs>
<puts hugs in envelope>
<walks envelope to mailbox>
<sends hugs to all that want them>
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Zeroignite » Fri Mar 25, 2011 2:56 am UTC

*hugs*

Also, poxic, I really like that metaphor... it does seem appropriate.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby a_fuzzyduck » Fri Mar 25, 2011 3:03 am UTC

Sourire wrote:I'd really, really like a hug.


*hugs a Sourire tightly*
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Sarr » Fri Mar 25, 2011 4:18 am UTC

So, one of my best friends accidentally outed me to someone she knows (I've met him once, don't particularly like him). He happens to be dating an acquaintance-friend from high school, and told her. This second person happens to go to the same college as my ex, other best friend, and other person I've told, and told her about it. My ex, who I am loving to death right now, told her not to tell anyone else under any circumstances, and told me about it. I'm freaking the hell out, waiting for the second person to come on Facebook and considering texting her, so I can do damage control. I'm trying not to get mad at the person who outed me as I know she means well and cares about me, but dammit she just DOES NOT get it. I've sorta known this for a while and was going to get around to trying to explain things better to her, but I hadn't gotten around to it before this happened... augh. I just need something right now. A hug, the ability to stop freaking out and just cry, something. I just hope my ex was the first person she told.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby joshz » Fri Mar 25, 2011 4:23 am UTC

*hugs Sarr*
Last edited by joshz on Fri Mar 25, 2011 4:30 am UTC, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Aaeriele » Fri Mar 25, 2011 4:28 am UTC

Sarr wrote:So, one of my best friends accidentally outed me to someone she knows (I've met him once, don't particularly like him). He happens to be dating an acquaintance-friend from high school, and told her. This second person happens to go to the same college as my ex, other best friend, and other person I've told, and told her about it. My ex, who I am loving to death right now, told her not to tell anyone else under any circumstances, and told me about it. I'm freaking the hell out, waiting for the second person to come on Facebook and considering texting her, so I can do damage control. I'm trying not to get mad at the person who outed me as I know she means well and cares about me, but dammit she just DOES NOT get it. I've sorta known this for a while and was going to get around to trying to explain things better to her, but I hadn't gotten around to it before this happened... augh. I just need something right now. A hug, the ability to stop freaking out and just cry, something. I just hope my ex was the first person she told.


*hugs tightly*
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby RainbowTwink » Fri Mar 25, 2011 4:34 am UTC

My replies weren't meant to be offensive.
I totally pulled a Brian Austin Green! Yo!

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Vaniver » Fri Mar 25, 2011 4:34 am UTC

Monika wrote:Though I have no idea about Dragon Age 2 and what role romance has in it.
There are four characters (2 male, 2 female) you can romance. All of them will romance the protagonist regardless of their sex. (In Dragon Age, there was a straight male, straight female, lesbian female, and bisexual male.)

Zohar wrote:I think it makes me "gay + one exception", but I'd like to hear what you think.
I think those sorts of limits aren't worth thinking about.

hanecter- Maybe talk to them about it, or start making subtle shifts (like dressing masculine but acting androgynous)? Think about the difference between what you feel now and what you felt before, and channel that difference into the courage to find out what they'd think of it.

Sourire wrote:I'd really, really like a hug.
*hug*

*hugs Sarr*
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Sarr » Fri Mar 25, 2011 4:55 am UTC

Everyone, thanks. It's looking better than it had right now (I got in contact with her, she's supportive, isn't going to out me, and may even be questioning herself. She's also going to tell her boyfriend not to out me which is far more worrysome in my eyes), and the ehugs do help.

RainbowTwink - Just stop. Either you're the most obvious troll ever, or just an idiot. Either way, find a different thread to mess around in, as this one means too much to too many people.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby animeHrmIne » Fri Mar 25, 2011 5:01 am UTC

*Hugs Sarr and Sourire and hanecter*

Gods, that's one thing that I'm afraid of, being outed to people I don't want to be out to. I'm so out of the closet I'm practically out of the house at school, and I'm out to my mom and her parents and to my brothers. But my brothers are idiots and bigots, and I'm terrified that they'll tell my father's side of the family. My dad, I could see being okay with my pansexuality, though he's one of those people that doesn't understand anything about being queer and almost refuses to learn about it at all because it goes against what he was raised to think. But if it was me, I'm sure he'd be okay. But his family is absolutely awful. His dad is horrible, his brother is so bad it actually disgusts me. My grandma, she has a gay cousin and has said that she's okay with gays and lesbians, but she's still adamantly opposed to queer rights of any sort. And I've heard the way that she gossips and talks about people constantly, and I'm sure she'd do the same about me.

/narcissism

Anyway, I'm glad nothing like that has happened yet. I hope things get better for everyone else. *hugs again*
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Virtual_Aardvark » Fri Mar 25, 2011 5:03 am UTC

Hugs and (e)cupcakes for anyone who may want them!

Sarr: That's a pretty tremendous relief. Good luck and it sounds like your friend may be starting to "get it".
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Kewangji » Fri Mar 25, 2011 10:15 am UTC

*hugs for Sourire and Sarr and everyone else who wants them*
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Fri Mar 25, 2011 10:20 am UTC

*hugs hanecter*
*hugs Sourire*
*hugs Sarr*
*hopes she didn't miss anybody who requires hugging*
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby viscusanima » Fri Mar 25, 2011 10:43 am UTC

*hugs all round*

Spoilers for self-pitying, overly worried monologue:
Spoiler:
I'm feeling kinda shit at the moment. Some of you might know, most of you probably don't, that I live in Cyprus and the culture here is firmly heterosexual and homophobic. I never expected to meet anyone else who wasn't straight here. Yesterday, I had a band practice. Afterwards, the drummer was taking me home and started asking me about my bisexuality; I told him various aspects of it, including the fact that I've never really been with a guy properly. He then revealed that he was bicurious and that nobody else knew this, then asked me there and then, in the car, if I wanted to try stuff. I hesitated, then said yes, but not at that minute. He said it was 'now or never' and kind of put the pressure on. I didn't relent, I said I'd be up for it next week if he was. It was all so sudden and argh.

I got home and just felt horrid. I don't know why. I think it's partially because my dad still doesn't know about my sexuality, and I'm not sure when I'll tell him. In addition, if I do have any kind of sex with a guy I can no longer legally give blood in the UK when I go back, and that's something I like doing - I'm happy to lie about it, because I know I'm going to be safe, but it's still a bother. Then there's the fact that I'm still not entirely secure in my sexuality. I know that I like women a lot, definitely more than men (at the moment) but i don't know how far that's a result of my state of mind during my upbringing and how far it's a result of just... me. But I tend to be more picky with the guys I find attractive - it tends to be more androgynous or feminine looking guys, which this guy certainly was not - I mean, he's a rugby player. I just don't know what to think. I'm worrying that maybe I'm wrong about my orientation and that's bothering me - I think I like guys, but there's not been many in real life whom I've been as attracted to as I have women, and I really don't know what I am right now and it's bothering me. Ughhhh.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Fri Mar 25, 2011 12:36 pm UTC

*hugs viscusanima*

Just because you're bi you don't have to feel attracted to *all* guys. Sure there are people for whom only the personality matters and not the looks, and I kinda wish everybody was that way, but the reality is that most people have preferences for thin or not-so-thin, tall or short, blond or black hair ... having a liking for the more androgynous guys does not sound unusual for me. They sure look cute and pretty :D .

Also feeling more attracted to one sex than the other does not mean you're not bi. Some bi people like both equally and some don't. I know a bi US soldier stationed in Japan whose life went like this: He got married to a woman and got two kids. At some point when the younger kid was already in school they got divorced. He started going to gay bars and dating men. (DADT was an improvement for him as his superiors were not allowed to start an investigation or ask him directly.) He found that sex with men is less enjoyable than sex with women. He started dating women again and got married to one. He has now taken her and her three sons to the US with him.
Also even though many bi people are monoamorous, many other bi people are polyamorous. On the dating platform I am registered there are tons of married-to-a-man women who look for flirts, dates, sex or relationships with women and a smaller, but still significant number of married-to-a-woman men who look for contact to men. Yeah, I can see this being called heteronormative, as the opposite-gender relationship is the primary one, but that's just the way it is. (Of course it's just one possible poly lifestyle. Numbers on just one dating platform may or may not be representative of the bi population at large.)
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Whelan » Fri Mar 25, 2011 4:42 pm UTC

I know where you're coming from with the blood donation thing. I'm almost putting off doing anything so that I can keep donating.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby hanecter » Fri Mar 25, 2011 4:51 pm UTC

Whelan wrote:I know where you're coming from with the blood donation thing. I'm almost putting off doing anything so that I can keep donating.

I just lie.

And I don't feel bad about it.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Whelan » Fri Mar 25, 2011 5:05 pm UTC

I lied the first time, being as I knew for a fact we were both totally clean. But after the first time the question changes from "Have you ever..." to "Since you last donated have you...". So I've not actually lied since but I don't want to have to, because if someone else ends up seriously ill because of my arrogance...

It is for this reason I'm quite happy lying about my weight, because the only person being risked there is me, and I'm good at blood loss apparently.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby InfamousAnarchist » Fri Mar 25, 2011 6:41 pm UTC

Whelan wrote:I know where you're coming from with the blood donation thing. I'm almost putting off doing anything so that I can keep donating.

How absolute is the blood-donation thing? I mean, could you bring a clean bill of health from some place where you were tested? They're mostly worried about AIDS, right? IIRC, the tests won't show it for... 6 months? So if you brought in a clean bill of health from, let's say, December and one from June, would that change anything? Probably not, I guess. I just don't really see why they're so worried about dude-on-dude when AIDS is still very transferable through heterosexual sex.

My school does a blood drive every year, I think. I'd like to donate if I can, and I don't know what kind of barriers I'd have to deal with.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Fri Mar 25, 2011 7:12 pm UTC

InfamousAnarchist wrote:I just don't really see why they're so worried about dude-on-dude when AIDS is still very transferable through heterosexual sex.

Because men who have sex with men have a rate of HIV that is about 100 times as high as that of the general population (in Europe and North America ... not so e.g. in Africa, where more than half of the infected people are women).

I think they should just ask for male-male intercourse in the last 6 months, not at any point in the past. Whole-life questions are not fair and not sensible.

Of course it would be more precisely only necessary to ask if this was anal intercourse, and if this intercourse was with a new partner or if it was with a pre-existing partner if he may have had anal male-male intercourse with another partner in the six months ... but that would simply go too far. It would be too invasive. I think none of us would want to go into that level of detail about our sex lives just to donate blood, moreover on a form that is personally identifiable and may be read by whomever.

As an individual decision, I think men who have sex with men can feel okay to lie on the question if they were in a relationship with just one guy in those six months, know for a fact he did not have sex with other guys during that time, and have a recent HIV test from the partner (or if the relationship is longer, from a point of time 6+ months after the relationship began / began to be an exclusive relationship). Why from the partner? The own blood will be tested anyway. However, if let's say the relationship began 6 months ago, both men got tested and tested negative, but the partner was infected at that time and still within the initial period before it shows in the test, then he may have infected the blood donor in the meantime. This may not have happened right away when the relationship began, maybe they were still using condoms or even if not the infection probability is not 100% (and it's not 0% with condoms, either, as especially during anal sex there is a higher risk of damaging the condom). So it would not show up in the blood test of the donor, yet.

(I think the time is actually down to 4 months that the tests start being reliable, isn't it? If so, replace_all_occurrences(6 months, 4 months); .)
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby InfamousAnarchist » Fri Mar 25, 2011 7:38 pm UTC

Monika wrote:
InfamousAnarchist wrote:I just don't really see why they're so worried about dude-on-dude when AIDS is still very transferable through heterosexual sex.

Because men who have sex with men have a rate of HIV that is about 100 times as high as that of the general population (in Europe and North America ... not so e.g. in Africa, where more than half of the infected people are women).

I think they should just ask for male-male intercourse in the last 6 months, not at any point in the past. Whole-life questions are not fair and not sensible. [...] (I think the time is actually down to 4 months that the tests start being reliable, isn't it? If so, replace_all_occurrences(6 months, 4 months); .)

OK, that makes sense, I guess. Do they always test the blood? Because I thought the whole point of asking that question was that so they didn't have to test it.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby hanecter » Fri Mar 25, 2011 7:40 pm UTC

That wouldn't alleviate the need for testing. Even if heterosexual sex couldn't transmit HIV, it'd be dangerous to allow people to donate blood without testing it based on their word alone.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Fri Mar 25, 2011 7:48 pm UTC

InfamousAnarchist wrote:OK, that makes sense, I guess. Do they always test the blood? Because I thought the whole point of asking that question was that so they didn't have to test it.

They always test the blood! The questions are for sorting out those people who may be infected and it may not be possible to test it, yet. Even people who have had a colonoscopy in the last six months are blocked (at least in Germany, could be different in other countries).
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby InfamousAnarchist » Fri Mar 25, 2011 7:56 pm UTC

Monika wrote:
InfamousAnarchist wrote:OK, that makes sense, I guess. Do they always test the blood? Because I thought the whole point of asking that question was that so they didn't have to test it.

They always test the blood! The questions are for sorting out those people who may be infected and it may not be possible to test it, yet. Even people who have had a colonoscopy in the last six months are blocked (at least in Germany, could be different in other countries).


Oh, alright. I guess I get it and I wish I had a solution.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Sourire » Fri Mar 25, 2011 8:02 pm UTC

hanecter wrote:That wouldn't alleviate the need for testing. Even if heterosexual sex couldn't transmit HIV, it'd be dangerous to allow people to donate blood without testing it based on their word alone.

That's not how it works. I dislike the system as much as the next logical person. But they test all blood, and throw out anything suspect. The issue is one of economy because it costs money to harvest and test blood if it's just going to be thrown out later.

Their official stance seems to be that it costs them more to collect and test blood from MSM than they get in benefits. I really have to question what the math is there, though.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Whelan » Fri Mar 25, 2011 8:07 pm UTC

InfamousAnarchist wrote:
Monika wrote:
InfamousAnarchist wrote:OK, that makes sense, I guess. Do they always test the blood? Because I thought the whole point of asking that question was that so they didn't have to test it.

They always test the blood! The questions are for sorting out those people who may be infected and it may not be possible to test it, yet. Even people who have had a colonoscopy in the last six months are blocked (at least in Germany, could be different in other countries).


Oh, alright. I guess I get it and I wish I had a solution.

Colonoscopies and endoscopies here. And tattoos, piercings, some types of dental work, travelling abroad... The list is long.

In the UK the rate of HIV/AIDS in gay men is something like 6.9%, while in the general population it's 0.14%.* It's so much cheaper to say "Look, you have a much higher risk of being infected, so just don't bother" than it is to pay out for cases where it does happen to get past the screening, and infect some innocent patient.

*If my maths is right, PM me if you really want to see the working.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby hanecter » Fri Mar 25, 2011 8:18 pm UTC

Sourire wrote:
hanecter wrote:That wouldn't alleviate the need for testing. Even if heterosexual sex couldn't transmit HIV, it'd be dangerous to allow people to donate blood without testing it based on their word alone.

That's not how it works. I dislike the system as much as the next logical person. But they test all blood, and throw out anything suspect. The issue is one of economy because it costs money to harvest and test blood if it's just going to be thrown out later.

Their official stance seems to be that it costs them more to collect and test blood from MSM than they get in benefits. I really have to question what the math is there, though.

I never said they didn't test all blood...

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby viscusanima » Fri Mar 25, 2011 8:31 pm UTC

In response to the 'they only ask about the last six months', they don't. I gave blood summer of last year, and the questions on there included 'have you EVER had oral or anal intercourse with a man (if you're male) or a man who has sex with men (if you're female)' as well as 'have you EVER been paid, in any form, for sex' and 'have you EVER injected drugs (I can't remember what kinds)'. It was pretty nasty and broad.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Sungura » Fri Mar 25, 2011 11:22 pm UTC

It would make more sense to put a limit on *everyone* with a time frame of when testing would detect. Then again, if they did that, they'd get barely any donations :roll: And yeah, here in the states, it is worded for "ever" not in the last 6 months.

I can't donate simply since I've traveled recently, I'm pretty sure anyway...I've been in the UK less than 6 months ago. Not that I can donate at all anyway. Tried once, found out a nerve runs on top of my vein, and basically my whole arm was on fire and shooting pain the whole time, I lost sensation in my hand for about a month while I had for a good week-10days shooting pains in my arm. And they did shit for me so I'm not keen on going back. I complained a the donation center (bawling I was in so much pain) and they just sent me home like I was making it all up and just scared of needles.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Sat Mar 26, 2011 12:00 am UTC

viscusanima wrote:In response to the 'they only ask about the last six months', they don't. I gave blood summer of last year, and the questions on there included 'have you EVER had oral or anal intercourse with a man (if you're male) or a man who has sex with men (if you're female)' as well as 'have you EVER been paid, in any form, for sex' and 'have you EVER injected drugs (I can't remember what kinds)'. It was pretty nasty and broad.

Look back to what I wrote. I didn't say they only ask about the last six months. I said they ask about the whole life and they should change it to only ask for the last six months.

I haven't heard about the ecomonomic argument before. I doubt the numbers would hold.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby viscusanima » Sat Mar 26, 2011 9:03 pm UTC

Monika wrote:
viscusanima wrote:In response to the 'they only ask about the last six months', they don't. I gave blood summer of last year, and the questions on there included 'have you EVER had oral or anal intercourse with a man (if you're male) or a man who has sex with men (if you're female)' as well as 'have you EVER been paid, in any form, for sex' and 'have you EVER injected drugs (I can't remember what kinds)'. It was pretty nasty and broad.

Look back to what I wrote. I didn't say they only ask about the last six months. I said they ask about the whole life and they should change it to only ask for the last six months.

I haven't heard about the ecomonomic argument before. I doubt the numbers would hold.


Oops, my bad. Sorry!

Also, thanks so much for the advice and kind words :) it helped me work it out in my head a bit better, though I'm still slightly headfucked. You're absolutely right in what you said, though.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Vaniver » Sun Mar 27, 2011 7:31 am UTC

viscusanima:
Spoiler:
viscusanima wrote:I hesitated, then said yes, but not at that minute. He said it was 'now or never' and kind of put the pressure on. I didn't relent, I said I'd be up for it next week if he was. It was all so sudden and argh.
Good on you. Taking your time is rarely the wrong option.

viscusanima wrote:Then there's the fact that I'm still not entirely secure in my sexuality. I know that I like women a lot, definitely more than men (at the moment) but i don't know how far that's a result of my state of mind during my upbringing and how far it's a result of just... me. But I tend to be more picky with the guys I find attractive - it tends to be more androgynous or feminine looking guys, which this guy certainly was not - I mean, he's a rugby player. I just don't know what to think. I'm worrying that maybe I'm wrong about my orientation and that's bothering me - I think I like guys, but there's not been many in real life whom I've been as attracted to as I have women, and I really don't know what I am right now and it's bothering me. Ughhhh.
What would it mean to be wrong about your orientation? If you want to have a sexual encounter with this guy, go for it. If you don't, don't. You shouldn't have / want to have sex with guys because you're bi; you should call yourself bi because you have / want to have sex with guys. It's not likely that he's going to be offended if you tell him something like "hey, sorry, you're more masculine than I go for."


Monika wrote:I haven't heard about the ecomonomic argument before. I doubt the numbers would hold.
It does, and there's also the issue that the screening isn't perfect. The safety of the blood supply is more important than the satisfaction of donors. My problem is actually that they aren't limiting enough: in the US, they probably shouldn't accept blood from African Americans either (argument in Slate form).
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