[SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Brace » Wed May 11, 2011 10:50 pm UTC

My birthday is in 8 days and I don't even have any god damn friends
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Aaeriele » Thu May 12, 2011 12:30 am UTC

*hugs Kilroy(ZTC) tight*

I consider you a friend. <3
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby a_fuzzyduck » Thu May 12, 2011 12:39 am UTC

*huuuuuuuuuugs a Kilroy*
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Brace » Thu May 12, 2011 3:08 am UTC

And now I'm afraid for my safety/worried about a break-in that I can't actually do anything to prevent. Awesome.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby apricity » Thu May 12, 2011 4:52 am UTC

I really liked this quote from last Thursday's episode of Grey's Anatomy, and I thought people here (especially those who are religious) might appreciate it.
Spoiler:
Bailey from Grey's Anatomy wrote:Okay, first of all, you do not need the law or a priest or your mother to make your wedding real. And the church can be anywhere you want it to be - In a field, on a mountain, right here in this room, anywhere because where do you think god is? Come on, He's in you. He's in me. Just right here, in the middle of us. Your church just hasn't caught up to God yet. Your mother, she hasn't caught up to God yet. And, by the way, she may not ever catch up, but it's okay. It's okay. If you are willing to stand up in front of your friends, family, and God, and commit yourself to another human being to give yourself in that kind of partnership for better or worse in sickness and in health. Honey, that is a marriage. That is real, and that's all that matters.

Context: She's talking to a woman who's about to marry another woman in Seattle, where gay marriage isn't legal.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Zeroignite » Thu May 12, 2011 6:10 am UTC

As a nontheist, I think that quote is lovely.

So, stuff that's been happening with me:
Boyfriend and I broke up. He wouldn't be ok with being in a relationship with me as a physical woman, and I can't blame him for that. I mentally committed to the path of transitioning, and I don't think the relationship would work if I'm actively taking steps to bring it closer to ending. I'm actually reasonably ok (though my sleep schedule got a bit crazy while I used sleep dep as a coping mechanism); I'm worried that he'll be in a bad place for a while.

I came out to my mom. She was pretty disconcerted at first, but I think I did a good job explaining things. She seems supportive and offered to take me for a haircut :).

Working on finding a psych now. It's not terribly easy.
Overall I'm optimistic but terrified of transition...
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Amie » Thu May 12, 2011 6:12 am UTC

*hugs* for Kilroy and Zero.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby M.C. » Fri May 13, 2011 10:27 am UTC

Was at work in the break room, and The View was on interviewing Chaz Bono. I was bracing myself for some ignorant comments from the women around me, but they all came to the agreement that it makes perfect sense if that's who you feel you are. I was pleasantly surprised at how reasonable they were!
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Wyvern » Fri May 13, 2011 12:24 pm UTC

Chaz on The New York Times (TW for shitty writing) wrote:“No, really. There is something in testosterone that makes talking and gossiping really grating. I’ve stopped talking as much. I’ve noticed that Jen can talk endlessly.” He shrugged. “I just kind of zone out.”

“You just don’t care!”

“I just don’t care!” He laughed. “I’ve learned that the differences between men and women are so biological. I think if people realized that, it would be easier. I would be a great relationship counselor. I know the difference that hormones really make.”


Color me disappointed. :|

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Jessica » Fri May 13, 2011 2:38 pm UTC

Very disappointed.

I would make a comment about male privilege right now, but I can't word it right.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Aaeriele » Fri May 13, 2011 6:20 pm UTC

Yeaaah... it's nice that Chaz is in the public eye as someone raising the awareness of trans folk... but at the same time, I'm not sure he's who I would have picked to be a spokesperson.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Vaniver » Fri May 13, 2011 7:55 pm UTC

Are there many people who don't experience personality shifts as a result of hormone therapy? I thought that was the standard experience, and the shifts were pretty predictable.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Aaeriele » Fri May 13, 2011 8:05 pm UTC

Vaniver wrote:Are there many people who don't experience personality shifts as a result of hormone therapy? I thought that was the standard experience, and the shifts were pretty predictable.


Shifts are often expected, but how those shifts work out is very "YMMV". About the only one that seems fairly constant is that E tends to make emotions stronger and T tends to dull them; how that impacts personality varies.

The problem isn't with Chaz saying that's how he feels now. The thing is the way he phrases it, it makes it sounds like his changes are not specific to his interaction with T, but rather something inherently tied to T on its own.
Vaniver wrote:Harvard is a hedge fund that runs the most prestigious dating agency in the world, and incidentally employs famous scientists to do research.

afuzzyduck wrote:ITS MEANT TO BE FLUTTERSHY BUT I JUST SEE AAERIELE! CURSE YOU FORA!

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Hale » Fri May 13, 2011 9:38 pm UTC

*belated hug for Zero from just a bit south*
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby SecondTalon » Fri May 13, 2011 11:12 pm UTC

Aaeriele wrote:The problem isn't with Chaz saying that's how he feels now. The thing is the way he phrases it, it makes it sounds like his changes are not specific to his interaction with T, but rather something inherently tied to T on its own.
This thing right here. And in a way that pretty much flat out says "All Women are like X but all Men act in stereotypical manner Y because it are facts of Science"
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby GraphiteGirl » Sat May 14, 2011 1:55 am UTC

I seem to remember someone here saying a little while back that their main experience with emotion change while transitioning was that when they were on T, they found themselves losing the ability to cry when sad.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Josephine » Sat May 14, 2011 2:01 am UTC

Speaking of HRT, mine just arrived :D a bit over 100 days worth.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Shivahn » Sat May 14, 2011 2:08 am UTC

GraphiteGirl wrote:I seem to remember someone here saying a little while back that their main experience with emotion change while transitioning was that when they were on T, they found themselves losing the ability to cry when sad.

That's really interesting.

(Also, I hate it when that happens. It just makes me want to cry harder.)

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby GraphiteGirl » Sat May 14, 2011 2:13 am UTC

I think it came from a thread where someone specifically asked about observable gender differences, and they were particularly interested in the responses of trans people.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Quantum Potatoid » Sat May 14, 2011 3:13 am UTC

Hey xkcd fora! I'm mostly a lurker around here, but enjoy reading the fora regularly, and I've been reading this particular thread for quite a long time.

I thought I'd introduce myself on here for a change!

I identify as a gay male in university who newly came out last June on the last day of high school.
My campus is apparently rated as #1 in the country for LGBT support, so I feel pretty safe being out here.


I've actually been familiarized with many people on this thread, like Jessica, Van, Zeroignite, etc. Hopefully I'm not too creepy for it. >_>
Although, I must say, it's really cool having someone like Aaeriele who's been on TV for LGBT issues on the fora! :D

It does my heart good to see so many transfolk on these fora getting support, see how rough especially you guys have it. :)

I don't know what else to say!
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Aaeriele » Sat May 14, 2011 4:30 am UTC

Welcome. :)
Vaniver wrote:Harvard is a hedge fund that runs the most prestigious dating agency in the world, and incidentally employs famous scientists to do research.

afuzzyduck wrote:ITS MEANT TO BE FLUTTERSHY BUT I JUST SEE AAERIELE! CURSE YOU FORA!

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby NecklaceOfShadow » Sat May 14, 2011 7:42 am UTC

[trigger warning[

Spoiler:
Yay. Another huge, contextless rant. //_> I apologize in advance for any typos I might make. My monitor's backlight is turned off and I'm not looking at my keyboard much, if at all.

I'm a high school senior and assuming I'm actually able to bring my grades up in the one class I need to graduate, I should be leaving this place in elss than a month. Now, that's all fine and good, but...

I'll go one step at a time. I'm sory for the stream of consciousness.

Graduation ceremony. To be quite honest, I don't care about the situation itself. I don't really want to be encircled by the twenty thousand closest friends of people whom I've mostly grown to meh. In and of itself, it holds no value. However... people apply an annoyingly large amount of weight on this stupid event and various teacher/school-people have said that they'd like to see me there. Bleh.

The problem 000 the biggest one, that is 000 is that my school's graduation ceremonies are almost completely gender segregated. Boys and girls sit separately and wear different color robes. I'm not going to misgender myself for the sake of... whomever, really. I'm definitely not going if I'm forced to wear the boy's uniform.

So I've petitioned my school. I've had two meetings with admins, have a meeting with the principal on Tuesday, and I went to the Board of Ed today to get information about their handy non0descrimination policies. There might actually be a chance that I'll be able to wear the white robe and sit where appropriate.

When I told someone I was doing it, she said "It's good that you're advocating for yourself. You're not giving up." or something along those lines. i appreciated those remarks earlier, but... If my wish is granted, I'm not sure if I'm strong enough to handle the consequences. It'll be the last time I see these people, yes, but they can still be incredibly brutal in two days (there's a graduation rehearsal that's required the day before the actual thing --- I guess so that everyone knows how to put on the little hats correctly or something.But... yeah. The cis-privilege is strong in this one. I have a small group of people that know and support me on it but the majority of the school has no idea about my transitivity. And as much as I'd like to claim that the way I present is gender0beytrak ir at least effeminate, most people seem to interpret me unequivocally as a boy.

Fuck.

I just... have no idea what's going to happen in the future. I have no concept of life beyond the next two weeks and... now that the time is running out, I have no idea what I'll do. I have one or two opportunities to go over the summer, but I'm not sure how easily the logistics of that will work. All I know is that I don't want to stay at home --- hell, I'd have moved out now if I had he ability to do so.

I'll probably never get into the uni I like. I've been working on the application for a month and a half, it seems, and I'm hardly any closer to being done than I was when I started. I've written twenty-eight pages of self-absorbed shit and I'm still not done. I'm probably not worth the school anyway. Look up the reading list for St. John's College. Revel in how absolutely marvelous it is; enjoy the progression of literature, philosophy, mathematics, science, and music as the years go on. It's such a beautiful, glorious sight... but I've also been unable to read very much this whole year as a result of my fucked up brain. I have so many problems that I'll probably flunk out of the school before we get to Oedipus Rex. If I get in, that is, which seems like a dimmer possibility more and more each day..

And then there's the issue of housing. You know, will they have to place me somewhere as a result of my birth certificaet and legal forms or how I actuall yfeel. I'm pre-transition, pre-HRT, pre being able to buy a skirt and putting on , for fuck's sake. Dorms there are gender-segregated by floor for some asinine reason, so...

topicchange();

I can't help but feel that I'm being just a tad self-destructive when it comse to food. For some reason, eatingthree times as much as a person my age/weight should eat is part of the way I'm coping j with everything. THat... that's not really optimal for a number of reasons. First and second among those are that a) I'll progagly die of a heart attack by the time I'm 25 and b) that years of internalized societal fat phobia have made me hate my body many times over. I... I can't really count the number of times I've wished I had the determination to starve or purge myself.

And then.... the constant the constant impulses to want to kill myself kinda suck. For fuck's sake, I got the desire to throw myself of a cliff (again_ while talking to a friend about a delicate subject. It... It seem that whenever I feel sad, I turn to suicide as a way to comfort myself. And... damn, maybe my mum is right. If I really wanted to be dead, I'd have done it already. No long five hour conversations full of tears, no always planning until the next day or to do it in a particular spot. Maybe I'm nothing more than an attention-desiring ass.

"You're a selfish, entitled, ignorant bitch."

The more I think about that statement, the more I resign myself to the fact that it's right. I can't argue against it. The more I reflect on the last few months, the more I realize that I'm the cause of everything bad that's happened to me. I have no sort of justification for anything. Hell, if anything, I'm the parasitical eing here. No, you are the monsters and such. So since I've made a hell of what should be heaven, maybe I just deserve it. Still.... I have to unburden everyone else.

I mean, really? What's the point of wasting so much energy on me? I'll probably never amount to anything. Hell, if I get my poisonous way, I'll probably end up going to pure maths and theoretical comp. sci, meaning that I'll not provide anything useful to the world. And then there's the huge emotional drain I cause everyone. I'm sorry, Aaeri and Stardust, for not being able to help you feel better today because I was too self-absorbed. joshz, I'm sorry for worrying you essentially since I got out of school to when you went to sleep. I...

Meh. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, transistors I'm sorry for using you when someone better and more adept could be using you. I'm sorry, aluminium casing o f my laptop, as it's likely that the only productive thing I'll evver do with you is bludgeon myself. I'm sorry, speakers, as I'm essentially half-deaf and can't enjoy you well.

I'm sorry, book on computer hacking. I'm just not smart enough to follow your material or even be able to intstall Ubuntu without having the whole partition magically disappear. I'm sorry, test graders, who have to analyze and score my lousy performances on every test I've taken the last two weeks. And hell, that's a lot of tests graders for whom I feel sorry. You ten, I salute you. Martyrs for this cause, I'm sorry for killing you. I'm sorry, books. I'm sorry, electrical engineering book and programming book for thinking I could ever harness your skill. Please, I couldn't even learn one language in three year,s let alone seven in two months. I'm sorry, maths, for being so foolish as to think that I could ever unfderstand even a small amount of your wonder. In the same way, conp sci also deserves my sincerest apologies.

I'm sorry, socket class. Isomorphismas and vectors and Hamiltonian paths, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, `984 and The Stranger and Their Eyes Were Watching God and Things Fall Apat and pride and Prejudice.

I'm sorry for being sucha a fucking waste of time and energy. I'm just a drain on everyone and everything I encounter. I'm sorry for being more than five standard deviations below the mean of humanity --- let's hope I don't stay here for much longer, right?
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby felltir » Sat May 14, 2011 12:53 pm UTC

Emi, we fucking love you.

Please don't go away.
Spoiler:
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Kewangji » Sat May 14, 2011 1:02 pm UTC

Felltir wrote:Emi, we fucking love you.

Please don't go away.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby a_fuzzyduck » Sat May 14, 2011 1:37 pm UTC

Kewangji wrote:
Felltir wrote:Emi, we fucking love you.

Please don't go away.



also, *hug*
wkw
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Sat May 14, 2011 2:11 pm UTC

*hugs Emi* You are not a waste of time or energy. You are a great person. Things will become better. Hang on. When you feel better, studying will become easier again, too.

Also, theoretical math and computer science are important. E.g. see prime numbers. For centuries doing prime number stuff was basically playing with math and of no practical relevance. Now they are the basis of shopping online and lots of other stuff that has become essential to us for encryption. Approaches from theoretical computer science are used for proving the correctness of programs that must be correct, for airplanes and nuclear reactors.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby joshz » Sat May 14, 2011 2:36 pm UTC

*hugs Emi really, really tight*

Youe are not a waste of anything, sweetie. You're wonderful. Really and truly. Youe're smart, and an amazing person.

None of what has happened is youer fault. Youe're not self-absorbed in the slightest.

I've read what youe have so far for that application, and it's good, and youe only have one more essay to go--less, even, since youe've already started it.

Youe're really awesome, my dear. Really awesome.

*keeps hugging Emi really, really tight*
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Robot_Raptor » Sat May 14, 2011 3:07 pm UTC

Emi, you're a wonderful person, and will not be a drain on the world.

*hugs*

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby GraphiteGirl » Sat May 14, 2011 3:09 pm UTC

Emi, that's the hurt, confusion and depression talking. You deserve to keep living, to keep fumbling toward a chance at happiness, and we like having you around.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Sandry » Sat May 14, 2011 3:25 pm UTC

Emi, you are a fabulous person. We all appreciate you, and want you around. When you're stuck in environment like your current one, you're kind of in the middle of a negative feedback storm, and it can make it really difficult to believe much of anything positive, but if it's possible, please let us help you believe in the wonderful things about you.

Spoiler:
I've found that the thought of "I'll never become worthwhile" is associated with all this weird society-laden bullshit of what it means to be successful. It turns out that life can be very surprising with the ways in which a person can actually become successful, and you don't have to follow the traditional path at all.

FWIW: I never graduated college. I have multiple friends who haven't. My life has become fulfilling in a way I could never have imagined about a decade ago, when I was still in school and feeling aimless and unworthwhile. I would consider myself a successful adult, despite having essentially massively fucked up my teen years.

You still have this option open to you, and you'd be surprised how far you can go, even if you don't have where you want to be freshman year nailed down. Also also? Freshman year, academically, is a lot of attempting to even out the field when it comes to people from *vastly different* high school backgrounds. (It sounds like you're on the higher end of academics to start from.) When you're early on in college, transferring is a totally reasonable option, plus it's not even unusual to make your best friends in college later than freshman year, so it's unlikely you'll really be behind either academically or socially if you go that route.

You're not necessarily missing out on anything, and you still have an opportunity to become successful *in your own estimation*. Also, in terms of how you're pigeonholed currently, and how much gender normative shit you have to deal with? That will only get better once you leave your hometown - it's pretty much inevitable.

Please don't trust your parents' assessment of you. I've seen firsthand how parents have a very particular view of their kids that often doesn't really change well enough to match with reality. I think you're already pretty awesome, and that you have the opportunity to have life get to be so much more excellent if you can just hang in there.


*hugs*
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Amie » Sat May 14, 2011 3:34 pm UTC

*hugs* for Emi.

We haven't talked a lot, even though I've seen you on -q but it doesn't matter. I'm still going to say, please don't go. I really mean that. People like you are the only reason I live because in my current, physical environment I don't have anyone who would understand even half the things that I can talk about in -q. The fact that people like you exist is the ONLY thing that gives me solace. You are not a waste of anyone's time. I've seen and been with people who are, my entire goddamn life and you're not one of them.
Summer is miles and miles away, and no one would ask me to stay.
And I, should contemplate this change... to ease the pain.
And I, should step out of the rain... turn away.

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Shivahn
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Shivahn » Sat May 14, 2011 6:33 pm UTC

Please, don't go away. I would miss having you around.

*hugs*

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Aaeriele » Sat May 14, 2011 6:42 pm UTC

Emi, you are a wonderful person and I would not trade you for anyone else. <3
Vaniver wrote:Harvard is a hedge fund that runs the most prestigious dating agency in the world, and incidentally employs famous scientists to do research.

afuzzyduck wrote:ITS MEANT TO BE FLUTTERSHY BUT I JUST SEE AAERIELE! CURSE YOU FORA!

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby AnnaArmour » Sat May 14, 2011 6:49 pm UTC

Agreed. Fighting to be acknowledged as who you are does not make you self-absorbed. It makes you brave. You shouldn't have to work so hard for something so basic, and it's horrible that you have to deal with this shit.
You don't deserve this. Anyone that makes you feel otherwise isn't worth your time. It's going to get better.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby animeHrmIne » Sat May 14, 2011 7:01 pm UTC

Emi, you really are awesome. I would absolutely miss you. I think people that can can even think about going into theoretical math are more boss than they give themselves credit for. And just because you can't learn languages quickly doesn't mean that you won't ever learn them. You can understand the complex system that makes up mathematics, which to many people looks terrifying and incomprehensible (thus why throwing in a sigma and an integrand makes any equation look more difficult on television), so I'm sure you can eventually get these languages. You probably already have the ability to do these things you want to do, you're just too caught up in everything else that your brain doesn't have the energy. The people that you're comparing yourself to, that can learn to program or write magnificent college essays in a snap, probably can devote at least most of their processing to their schooling, whereas you're still brilliant and bogged down with so much other shit. It seems you've put a ton of effort into these college essays -- you have to submit them now, because not submitting gives you zero chance of getting in, whereas submitting them means you have the potential to go where you want.

*hugs*
I wanted to see the universe, so I stole a Time Lord and ran away. And you were the only one mad enough.
Biting's excellent! It's like kissing, only there's a winner.
-Sexy

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RebeccaRGB
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby RebeccaRGB » Sat May 14, 2011 7:11 pm UTC

*hugs a Emi*
Stephen Hawking: Great. The entire universe was destroyed.
Fry: Destroyed? Then where are we now?
Al Gore: I don't know. But I can darn well tell you where we're not—the universe!

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Sarr
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Sarr » Sat May 14, 2011 11:34 pm UTC

*Hugs Emi*
There are a lot of people here that care about you, and would really hate to see your hurt yourself. You can get through this - we believe in you.
Also, speaking as someone who's lived with a person who's a waste of space, I can safely say that you are not.
Rakysh wrote:Basically, xkcd is basically for punching into submission the dumb frat guy in your brain.

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bluebambue
An der schönen blauen Donau
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby bluebambue » Mon May 16, 2011 12:22 am UTC

I thought you all might like to hear about a nice story of acceptance. Today I graduated from an all women's college and the student speaker was FTM transgendered. He had a very nice speech that everyone really liked. The school is also removing gendered pronouns from some stuff.

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Monika
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Mon May 16, 2011 5:55 pm UTC

M.C. wrote:

Well, yeah, it's not great, but I'm struggling to be outraged. These two guys were okay, if a little shaken up

You need to practice your rage more.
Maybe you are a tough guy and this would not have mattered much to you. Maybe you are just imagining it wouldn't until it happens to you.
Physical violence is not the only thing that matters. Microaggressions [WP] [APA] [tumblr] hurt people every day and limit their chances to live their lives happily. And kicking out a gay couple for kissing is more of a macroaggression than a microaggression.
#xkcd-q on irc.foonetic.net - the LGBTIQQA support channel
Please donate to help these people

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Sarr
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Sarr » Tue May 17, 2011 2:02 am UTC

On a note of random gender-related things that make me happy - I was over at a friend's house playing Tekken 6 today, when said friend (who knows I'm trans) directed me to this character. They're always referred to either by their name or by gender-neutral pronouns in the game, and Namco won't officially gender them because they wanted a character "that would be loved by fans regardless of gender".
Rakysh wrote:Basically, xkcd is basically for punching into submission the dumb frat guy in your brain.


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