[SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby sambot5 » Fri Nov 09, 2012 2:10 am UTC

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Fri Nov 09, 2012 2:24 am UTC

WilliamTheConqueror wrote:I see the terms of my gender as sort of a sliding scale, with masculinity on the left, androgyny in the middle, and femininity on the right. most days i "feel" pretty androgynous, leaning towards masculine, and some days i feel very feminine or completely androgynous. (i dress accordingly.) is this considered being genderqueer?

It's one way of being genderqueer :) .

i'm not very learned in terminology and i've been wanting a label for myself because i like labels and they make me feel comfy uwu

If you want to be more precise than genderqueer (which is any non-binary gender) you can use genderfluid :) . Seems to fit.

also does anyone have any tips on how to look more androgynous? i was born a female and i can bind (at least, until i can get my boobs taken off), but my face is still pretty femme looking. D:

Maybe you can find good tips for you at http://practicalandrogyny.com/
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby RollingHead » Sat Nov 10, 2012 7:36 pm UTC

I hope this doesn't turn out as a philosofical question that might upset anyone, but maybe some philosophy is required to wrap my head around Who i am. Basically i was born a girl, and as i grew up i saw grownups and kids Who learned from them make net distinctions between "girl stuff" and "boy stuff". I found i related more to the boy stuff: i was completely bored with dolls by the time i was 3 but loved toy cars, i liked math and science while being told that boys were better at them, so as a child i thought i was supposed to be a boy. My mom identifies as a feminist in a "women can be rocket scientist presidents too" kind of way, but she also enjoyed and bought into books like "Why men don't listen and women can't read maps" . i can't remember the authors names but they were pseudoscientific explanations of Why gender stereotypes were right. One contained a test and i turned out to be right in the central gray area, which according to the book meant i was probably gay. All this gave me some pretty confusing ideas. My mom also said that i didn't really mean what i said when i told her i didn't want to be a girl (she does this with many things i say).
Once when i was in elementary school i went to some town event with games for kids and there was a lottery with prizes. I won something and when i went to get it the lady was like "do i have to get a girl toy or a boy toy?" And before i could answer she handed me a stupid pink machine for stringing beads. I was offended because 1) i could make better bracelets by hand so that toy was for babies, 2) the boy toy was cool and i couldn't have it just because i was a girl. So i cried.
In all this, besides a desire to be muscular because of superhero fantasies, i didn't really care about my body. This changed when i reached puberty and i started to really like my female parts. I started to get crushes on boys and fantasize about girls, although i didn't start thinking of myself as bisexual until i started to fall for a specific girl.
Now that i'm older i see more clearly about gender stereotypes and realise that my childhood tastes didn't make me a boy. But my tastes don't make me a girl either. So besides liking my body i'm not sure what does, since i probably wouldn'tdislike a male body. Is there more to it? Mostly i'd like to compare experiences. Personnally, i don't have an issue with being female, just with the assumptions people make because of it, and if i were male i'd have the exact same problem just with different assumptions.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby poxic » Sat Nov 10, 2012 7:46 pm UTC

Hi, me. :D
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby PerchloricAcid » Sun Nov 11, 2012 12:18 am UTC

Yeah, I can also identify with a majority of what you wrote.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Shro » Sun Nov 11, 2012 2:18 am UTC

RollingHead wrote:Personally, i don't have an issue with being female, just with the assumptions people make because of it, and if i were male i'd have the exact same problem just with different assumptions.

Note: These are *my* feelings on *my* gender identity. I know everyone does not feel this way, but it is the framework in which I have established my identity. As it differs from the traditional binary, a case could be made for me being genderqueer, but I am more... gender-ambivalent, I guess. When I was younger, I used to love stories about girls dressing up as boys to go have adventures but not because I wanted to be a boy, it's because I wanted to have adventures! And I didn't really relate to all of the things I was told I was needing to do to be feminine or girly. I did not, however, feel a particular affinity for my body actually being male, I just wanted the world to interact with me based on my individuality, instead of whatever traits my gender might have informed others that I had (those pesky assumptions- they were so rarely true! ). Gender, to me, was just another big societal stereotype. The fact that I did not quite fit a female gender role was a source of depression/anguish/despair throughout my life until I decided to concentrate on fulfilling myself as an individual, instead of as a woman.

I also had problems with certain traits being considered feminine and others being considered masculine. Why is there a... stigma against females being ambitious and aggressive and a males being nurturing and empathetic? Females being the agents of desire and males being the objects of desire? Males can be good at communicating and females can be good at math, and I don't even see certain traits being implicitly masculine or feminine. And what if a male was ambitious and aggressive and being good at languages and wants to be both an object and agent of desire? And does this balance of traits make this person more masculine or feminine? There are just so many things that girls are "supposed" to be that I'm not, but I fit into the role in other ways. My ambivalence on gender stems completely from the different ways people treat people of different genders. Even if one gender has a tendency to be more of one trait than the other, that only informs you of the likelihood of seeing that trait in a person of a particular gender vs the other, not whether or not that person has that certain trait based on their gender.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Enuja » Sun Nov 11, 2012 8:35 am UTC

Shro wrote:My ambivalence on gender stems completely from the different ways people treat people of different genders. Even if one gender has a tendency to be more of one trait than the other, that only informs you of the likelihood of seeing that trait in a person of a particular gender vs the other, not whether or not that person has that certain trait based on their gender.
In other words, don't use proxy variables when the desired data is directly available. As you get to know people, treat them as individuals, not as member of groups. Short version: Just Ask.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Shivahn » Sun Nov 11, 2012 8:39 am UTC

I identify with a lot of that, Shro.

Not all of it, obviously, but there is definitely a lot in there that applies directly to me too.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby setzer777 » Thu Nov 15, 2012 5:36 pm UTC

Brace wrote:
setzer777 wrote:Edit: Speaking of language, does anyone know the terms for "attracted to (fe)male secondary sex characteristics"? I know I've heard terms like that before (referring specifically to physical shapes without regard to sex or gender), but I can't remember them.

Gynophilic.


Ah, and the opposite would be Androphilic. Thank you!

So, I'm the kind of person who feels very shallow sexual attraction towards a large number of people, and I kind of feel like that kind of initial attraction must be indiscriminate towards sex and gender (since it's impossible to know either by just looking at someone).
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby PerchloricAcid » Fri Nov 16, 2012 1:55 pm UTC

Does anybody know how to be genderless on Facebook?
I saw Facebook referring to a friends activity as "their", insted of "her", but she says she doesn't know how she set that up.
I couldn't find the answer on google, either.

Thanks :)

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Kulantan » Fri Nov 16, 2012 2:52 pm UTC

Get to your "About" editing page up (your profile then click the little box with age, workplace, ect under your profile pic). Then edit "Basic Info". I will not let you choose no gender, but it will let you tick a box that stop displaying your gender on your timeline.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby PerchloricAcid » Fri Nov 16, 2012 3:17 pm UTC

That's already unticked, but my activities are still reffered to as "her".

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Kulantan » Fri Nov 16, 2012 4:13 pm UTC

No idea then, sorry.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Azrael001 » Fri Nov 16, 2012 4:56 pm UTC

I used to know. IIRC there was a way you could sign up without choosing a gender in the menu.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Fri Nov 16, 2012 8:03 pm UTC

There were instructions how to "live-edit" the source of the web page with either Firefox or Chrome with some kind of webmaster / developer tool (I think it was Chrome) to have another entry and then it would be neutral. Not sure if it still works.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Enuja » Sat Nov 17, 2012 12:54 am UTC

On Facebook, when I go to "About" and edit my "Basic Info" "I am" "Select Sex," which means no sex. Also, I have the "show my sex on my timeline" no checked, so you can both not show it and not have it.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Plasmic-Turtle » Sat Nov 17, 2012 6:16 am UTC

Enuja wrote:On Facebook, when I go to "About" and edit my "Basic Info" "I am" "Select Sex," which means no sex. Also, I have the "show my sex on my timeline" no checked, so you can both not show it and not have it.

Probably cause I'd at some stage clicked on one of the options, the 'select sex' option does not appear for me. Only female or male :(

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby PerchloricAcid » Sat Nov 17, 2012 1:13 pm UTC

Yes, ditto. As far as I recall, I had to chose one of the options when registering.
I used to swich sexes every month or so.
Thanks for the effort to look it up :)

Thanks Monika, I'll try searching in that direction. :)

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Enuja » Sat Nov 17, 2012 3:41 pm UTC

I was under the very distinct impression that when I signed up I chose a "sex," and was able to un-choose. But this was a few years ago (about 3 - I'm a late adopter), I can't recall precisely, and what you all are saying me makes me afraid to experiment. I most certainly want Facebook to continue to refer to me with the singular they!

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby RollingHead » Sat Nov 17, 2012 8:58 pm UTC

I never noticed such an option but sometimes genders are mixed up for no apparent reason, I think it's a translation issue though.
[OT: apologies for capitalisation and punctuation in my previous post, I was using a borrowed phone and it did weird stuff automatically]

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby grumpycat » Mon Nov 19, 2012 6:52 pm UTC

Hello! I'm not new on this thread, but some people IRL know my previous account and I would like to stay semi-anonymous.

I'm male, but I don't identify strongly with any specific gender. I greatly dislike having male genitals and fantasize about having breasts. I can't tell, though, if this is some phase I'm going through because I've only personally come to terms with it a couple of months ago.

To the trans* people on this thread, when did you know that you were trans*? I mean, I would be totally happy if one morning I woke as a woman (sans any societal backlash), but I don't feel an extreme need to transition. I wish I could talk to a therapist about these issues, but my current financial/living situation prevents it.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Virtual_Aardvark » Mon Nov 19, 2012 10:35 pm UTC

@grumpycat: I can't speak to the first part because I'm not trans*. But a lot of community health/LGBTQ health facilities have counseling. I believe Planned Parenthood in some states can refer you to free counselors or has them on staff and depending on where you are there should be Tran* inclusive health centres with gender focused counseling.

Barring that, most cities have some sort of non professional LGBTQ support network/group.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Azrael001 » Tue Nov 20, 2012 12:29 am UTC

@Grumpycat: I knew when I was 13, though I didn't know much about being trans, or how transition worked. I'd decided then that just plastic surgery wasn't good enough. I knew that I would be tall, attractive and successful if I didn't transition. So I spared myself the awkwardness of talking to my parents that day. I didn't realize quite how much having the wrong hormones would affect a person though.

I can also say that for most of the time between then and now I've also primarily fantasized about having breasts. Now that I've been on HRT long enough to have developed some breast tissue and additional (more dense? More sensitive?) nerves, I feel much better.

There has been some evidence that a trans person's cortical homunculus matches their gender rather than their body, and my hypothesis is that missing expected body parts is one of the reasons that one fantasizes about such things. Then again, I have no formal education on the subject, just a vested self interest in learning as much as I can about that kind of thing, so take it with a grain of salt.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby netcrusher88 » Tue Nov 20, 2012 12:42 am UTC

I'm 24, redhead, trans, and my brother is 21. Albeit not redhead. Jeph, stop stalking me.

grumpycat: Here's my answer: http://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/ ... ansgender/ Ultimately... there is no right answer. Don't let anyone fool you; gender dysphoria is always self-diagnosed. Less severe feelings than some say they have does not mean you're not trans. Take your time to figure out who you are and what you want to do, but like... do what feels right, what you feel will give you a better life.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Alice3173 » Tue Nov 20, 2012 6:16 am UTC

netcrusher88 wrote:I'm 24, redhead, trans

Are you me? Because I'm all of those.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Azrael001 » Tue Nov 20, 2012 8:18 am UTC

I'm 24 and Trans, but not a red head. I'm sorry for breaking the pattern.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Tue Nov 20, 2012 9:51 am UTC

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Azrael001 » Tue Nov 20, 2012 7:29 pm UTC

I guess I have no choice.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby NovaNatalia » Tue Nov 20, 2012 9:25 pm UTC

grumpycat wrote:To the trans* people on this thread, when did you know that you were trans*? I mean, I would be totally happy if one morning I woke as a woman (sans any societal backlash), but I don't feel an extreme need to transition. I wish I could talk to a therapist about these issues, but my current financial/living situation prevents it.


That reminds me of Zinnia Jones' transition, in which you may be interested.

But as for your question, I believe I began feeling disquiet in Form 1 (c. 13 yrs old) — any earlier memories than this are too old and I've tried too hard to access them for them to remain reliable. I could point out all the 'girly' things I liked doing as a child, to try and conform my memory to the 'always knew' narrative that is usually expected of trans* people (if that's an experience someone reading this has, I don't mean to be dismissive of it), but I honestly think I was just a guy who liked purple & dolls.That said, as a child I was very intolerant of what I saw as 'frivolity' and 'silliness', which was unfortunate since it means I only ever made one friend during my early years.

Forms 1 & 2 were interesting; I always imagined myself in the bodies of the girls around me, wishing it were so, and if I had been given the option then I think I would have gladly swapped bodies, but to be honest that person is a complete stranger to me now and I can't be sure. However, I'm not entirely sure this was related to being trans*, and I definitely didn't even consider it then, just presumed that 'all guys' felt like that sometimes (although I never told anyone and felt like it often).

In Form 3 (c. 15 yrs old) I moved to an all-boys select-entry school to further my education. By this point my identity was built around one word, to steal Zinnia's manner of putting it — smart. I was considered smart from a young age, and basically the only identity I had was 'smart'. I never really built up much more to myself than this, only doing things 'smart' people did, and striving to get into uni (which is why I crashed and burnt at uni, since I had no more drive left). Still, despite that being virtually all of my identity, I wasn't quite comfortable in my own skin — actually, that's not entirely true. I was comfortable, just would have been more so in the skin of another.

Despite being an atheist at this point (and had been pretty much all my life — my family has numerous stories of me in Prep and Grade 1 telling my teachers at the Catholic School that they were wrong and being absurd — although I doubt I used that particular word), I would pray pretty much nightly to every deity could think of that I would wake up a woman, or at least I'd catch a 'sickness' that would transform me gradually. I was willing to make any bargain, pay (almost) any price, I just wanted it to happen (which is odd, on reflexion, since to stop being a male wasn't such a strong driving force, it was the desire to be female). When that never came to fruition, I began praying to at least control my dreams, so that I could be a woman there. I remain unconvinced by the efficacy of prayer.

However, that was the year I was introduced to online RP, more particularly RP servers on NWN. I immediately created female characters and found it so bloody relaxing. Not from how I was treated, but how I could just play the character. I used to sped such along time on there, just RPing casually, chatting, killing monsters and enjoying myself in an environment that thought I was a woman. It didn't even feel like I was playing a part (well, apart from the monster-slaying). At this time I got involved in forms, and began developing my current style of posting. Once during that time (about a year in, so I would have been c. 16 yrs old) I tried playing a male character, but found I didn't bond to that character at all, and when I was asked a couple of hours in (in a polite OOC Tell) whether I was a girl in real life, I quietly abandoned him.

It was in Form 4 that I began to formulate that I may be trans. Everything about it made sense, but it wasn't particularly burning at that time (despite the desperation you can probably hear in my prayers above, I wasn't conscious of it). During this time I first started ERP (erotic role play) online in some NWN servers (and later on MSN, although ERP has pretty much disappeared from my life now), and found that I absolutely could not get aroused playing as a male / my physical self. Playing as a woman, it was so incredibly easy, no matter the sex of the people I played with; I could just project myself into the role of my character and no more was needed.

By Form 5 & 6 (17-18) I was certain that I was a 'girl in a boy's body', although I only heard about transgenderism (is that the correct word?) was an actual thing that other people experience towards the end of that, for which I am eternally grateful to the 'social' servers of NWN. And I think I can stop the narrative there, because question answered! I hope this story helps; it was certainly a lot more than I was intending to write.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Azrael001 » Wed Nov 21, 2012 3:56 am UTC

natashatasha wrote:In Form 3 (c. 15 yrs old) I moved to an all-boys select-entry school to further my education. By this point my identity was built around one word, to steal Zinnia's manner of putting it — smart. I was considered smart from a young age, and basically the only identity I had was 'smart'. I never really built up much more to myself than this, only doing things 'smart' people did, and striving to get into uni (which is why I crashed and burnt at uni, since I had no more drive left). Still, despite that being virtually all of my identity, I wasn't quite comfortable in my own skin — actually, that's not entirely true. I was comfortable, just would have been more so in the skin of another.

Despite being an atheist at this point (and had been pretty much all my life although I doubt I used that particular word), I would pray pretty much nightly to every deity could think of that I would wake up a woman. I was willing to make any bargain, pay (almost) any price, I just wanted it to happen (which is odd, on reflexion, since to stop being a male wasn't such a strong driving force, it was the desire to be female). When that never came to fruition, I began praying to at least control my dreams, so that I could be a woman there. I remain unconvinced by the efficacy of prayer.
This part could have been written by me, and still been almost 100% accurate. This isn't the first time that I've seen such parallels with people's experience.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby grumpycat » Thu Nov 22, 2012 2:47 am UTC

Thank you all for responding. :) The link that natashatasha included regarding Zinnia Jones' transition really resonated with me.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Alice3173 » Thu Nov 22, 2012 3:19 am UTC

grumpycat wrote:To the trans* people on this thread, when did you know that you were trans*?

I can clearly remember feeling I should be a girl as early as kindergarten (5-1/2 to 6 years old) however not long after that I started repressing and ignoring those feelings up until 2007 (19 years old) and have been thinking about it very seriously since late 2010.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Shivahn » Sun Nov 25, 2012 12:37 am UTC

netcrusher88 wrote:grumpycat: Here's my answer: http://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/ ... ansgender/ Ultimately... there is no right answer. Don't let anyone fool you; gender dysphoria is always self-diagnosed. Less severe feelings than some say they have does not mean you're not trans. Take your time to figure out who you are and what you want to do, but like... do what feels right, what you feel will give you a better life.

Yes, ultimately, what will improve your life is all that matters.

And remember that everyone is different, and the loudest speakers tend to get the most speaking time. For example, no-op is a thing - but you wouldn't know it from listening to standard discourse.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby PerchloricAcid » Sun Nov 25, 2012 9:36 pm UTC

Hey everybody, my friend is doing an essay on insults and swear words, and wonders whether the following is correct:

My friend wrote: The term ’fag’ (i.e. ’peder’) can be used both as an affectionate insult when talking to friends, and as an insult to a homosexual person. When used in the latter manner, the term ’fag’ has much more weight than the term ’peder’.

It would also be necessary for me to give you people some insight on the Serbian word "peder":
The word used to mean "gay man" with an extremely negative connotation, and as such, it was also used as an insult for heterosexual people which the person who insults doesn't like (e. g. "you're really a peder, you know? screw you, you idiot!"). However, during the past decade or so, gay/bisexual/pansexual men and allies have started using it as a term with neutral connotation, trying to to reappropriate it. Perhaps a good anology would be the reappropriation of the term "queer", which was considered an insult several decades ago, and most often isn't today. So, among gay-friendly circles, "peder" is today often used as a synonyme for "gay" and has no negative connotation at all.
However, some people still use it as an insult in the insultive manner in which it was used before; some people make a difference between gay men who they refer to as "peder" and those who they refer to as "gay man" (the former being a person they find repulsive, not because of their sexual identity but due to other reasons, and the latter being a person they do not find repulsive); and some non-hetero/asexual men still find the term insultive. I believe this is also analogous to the usage of the term "queer" in English.


Your opinion would be highly valued, and if anyone can provide any references, that would also be great.
Thanks a lot! :)

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Brace » Mon Nov 26, 2012 12:27 am UTC

I feel incredibly embarrassed to ask, and this is probably not even the place to ask, but I'm in a really bad place with the last C++ assignment of the semester and I don't even know wtf. When I try to debug, it gives me a segmentation error. It's a chained hash table. This is my implementation and test program, respectively;

http://pastebin.com/W5p7W7jH

http://pastebin.com/JSAvXJSq
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Aaeriele » Mon Nov 26, 2012 1:30 am UTC

Out of curiosity, have you used gdb before? If so, it may be of some help in tracking down exactly where it's segfaulting, which can be useful for then figuring out why it's segfaulting.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Mon Nov 26, 2012 1:32 am UTC

gdb is a C++ debugger, right? She wrote she gets the segfault when trying to debug. Is gdb a more advanced debugger that gives more information?

I want to try to run the program on my computer, but it seems to rely on code not listed, a node class from the main_savitch_6B namespace if I read this right (I am not big in C++, more of a Java person).
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Brace » Mon Nov 26, 2012 1:36 am UTC

It segfaults at: if (cursor->link() == NULL)
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Aaeriele » Mon Nov 26, 2012 1:40 am UTC

That probably means that cursor is somehow pointing to freed memory. Perhaps you're freeing something but not nulling out a link that pointed to it?

(Also, what's node2.h?)
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Brace » Mon Nov 26, 2012 1:45 am UTC

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