[SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

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NovaNatalia
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby NovaNatalia » Wed Apr 10, 2013 11:56 pm UTC

Good luck, you can do this. And we'll be here when you're done for hugs and those small biscuits that you sometimes get at conferences.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby poxic » Thu Apr 11, 2013 12:38 am UTC

*Cheers for superG*
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby superglucose » Thu Apr 11, 2013 5:19 am UTC

It went almost perfect.

Quick hits:

1) "Really?" Then I explained some shit that happened when I was a kid and she was like "Oh yeah I remember that!"
2) "Please don't tell Luke (10 year old brother), he wouldn't understand." I mean, he probably would, and he's going to find out in a few years anyways, but I'm going to let this go for now and approach it later.
3) "I... don't know if I can call you by a new name because my mind is going and I'll not be able to do one name when we're around people and a different one when we're not." Frankly that's cool, I'm not coming out to you so you treat me different I'm coming out to you because I feel like you should know.
4) "I don't think you should tell your grandparents." Agreed, my grandmother would probably hate me and that's not a risk I want to take or something I want to deal with and my grandfather's dimentia is so bad that even if he got it (not guaranteed) he'd probably forget it and I'd have to reiterate it far too often. Plus god only knows how long he's going to remember me anyways and I want his final years to be love-filled.
5) "Don't do electrolysis do laser. Electrolysis didn't work for me very well and you have dark hare and fair skin so laser's perfect for you." HOLY SHIT YOU'RE NOT JUST OK WITH IT YOU'RE HELPING?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!??!?!?!!!!!
6) "You were specifically named for your grandparents and so your initials would be the same as your dad's, and while I can't stop you from changing your name I would like it if you kept that." That's fine, I'm Jamie not Meagan. `ro.

I'm so overwhelmed with "HOLY SHIT TODAY IS AWESOME" that I don't think I can stand to tell the whole story more than once so just the quick hits here. I might copy-pasta from the other LGBT I'm a part of (because there's someone there I *really* want to tell the whole story to) but I might not.

LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH!
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Deva » Thu Apr 11, 2013 5:43 am UTC

Yayness.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Aaeriele » Thu Apr 11, 2013 5:49 am UTC

superglucose wrote:It went almost perfect.

...stuff...


yay!
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby cplns » Thu Apr 11, 2013 6:11 am UTC

Yay, I'm so happy for you!

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby PM 2Ring » Thu Apr 11, 2013 11:24 am UTC

superglucose wrote:5) "Don't do electrolysis do laser. Electrolysis didn't work for me very well and you have dark hare and fair skin so laser's perfect for you." HOLY SHIT YOU'RE NOT JUST OK WITH IT YOU'RE HELPING?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!??!?!?!!!!!

Awesome! * big hugs *
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Thu Apr 11, 2013 2:51 pm UTC

Congrats superglucose \o/ All the hugs!
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby netcrusher88 » Thu Apr 11, 2013 3:27 pm UTC

Yay superglucose!
superglucose wrote:2) "Please don't tell Luke (10 year old brother), he wouldn't understand." I mean, he probably would, and he's going to find out in a few years anyways, but I'm going to let this go for now and approach it later.

People assume because they've had an inability to understand driven into them that kids, largely devoid of such preconceptions, can't either. I have a little brother who was 11 and little sister who was 9 when I came out last year and it was just... a complete non-issue. I came out to them about a month before coming out and transitioning (in my social life) and my mother said my brother took to referring to me as his sister Amy among family almost immediately.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby NovaNatalia » Mon Apr 15, 2013 12:33 am UTC

I found this on YouTube, a brief overview of gender identity, sex etc., and I was really happy with it. What's more, the comments aren't filled with absolute transphobia, which really made my day.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Shivahn » Fri Apr 19, 2013 6:39 am UTC

That's super awesome. I'm just sad it can't possibly go into effect soon enough to help me >.>

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby XJ_0 » Fri Apr 19, 2013 10:47 pm UTC

I lived in Massachusetts when I changed my name, and didn't think too much about having to post my name in the newspaper (other than it was more expensive and annoying). I didn't realize then that that's not the way other states do it. I'm kinda mad about it now.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Brace » Fri Apr 19, 2013 10:53 pm UTC

Colorado does it that way also, with exceptions for victims of domestic violence and people in witness protection. Still seems like an invasion of privacy though.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby natraj » Sat Apr 20, 2013 6:44 am UTC

i live in massachusetts, and did not do the newspaper thing when i changed my name. there is a form you can fill out to waive the public notice bs but i don't actually know what all its requirements are. i mean i think it's up to judge discretion; the form doesn't give REQUIREMENTS you just have to state your reason. i said it was because of a stalker (which is true) but i had a friend who just said it was because she was trans and did not want to publicly out herself and she also got it waived (and another who said the same thing, and DIDN'T) so i guess it probably depends which judge is looking over your stuff. :/
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby XJ_0 » Sat Apr 20, 2013 11:53 am UTC

I wish I had known that I had that option. o_o

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Becani » Sat Apr 20, 2013 2:52 pm UTC

Spoilered for rage and ranty.

Spoiler:
Ugh. My partner was being a massive ass this morning. I shaved my head awhile ago, and that was fine, but suddenly today when I wanted to wear my baggy jeans, I wasn't girly enough for him. Suddenly he throws all my masculine features in my face, telling me that I look like a boy, that my voice is super deep, that I don't care when people misgender me... and goes on to say he likes me as a woman, not as a man who dresses a bit girly sometimes. And then has the gall to tell me that I'm trying to transition back to male. Seriously. What. The. Fuck.

We were going out together to do some errands and go to a group of some sort, but I just couldn't stand to be around him when he's being cruel like this. So I promptly turned around and went home.

So now I'm feeling very hurt, and I don't have anyone to turn to for comfort. I just have to hope things will be better when he gets home. But that won't be for hours. Hours and hours of me being sad, angry, and hurt. And no, I can't contact him before then and try to sort this out, because he doesn't have a phone on him. It sucks when it's your loved one that hurts you, cause you can't turn to them for comfort wen you're fighting, and who the hell else do I have? I don't have anyone...

I'm too upset to play games. or do much of anything. I'll probably just take something sedating and sleep the day away. Cause I don't have the will to do anything else.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Carlington » Sat Apr 20, 2013 4:34 pm UTC

Spoiler'd for Becani
Spoiler:
Hey, that sucks in a big way. I realise I can't offer you much more than symbolic support, because internet, but there's hugs here if you want 'em, and a whole bunch of people who think you're really great and would be quite happy for you to turn to them when you need comfort. I count myself amongst that number, and I hope you and your partner manage to work this out soon.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Sat Apr 20, 2013 5:36 pm UTC

*hugs* for Becani.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Bassoon » Sat Apr 20, 2013 5:49 pm UTC

Ugh, that's awful. *hugs* for Becani.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Becani » Sun Apr 21, 2013 1:37 am UTC

Thank you all, but everything's a-ok now. Every couple has fights sometimes. I'm glad this one had a happy ending.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby XJ_0 » Sun Apr 21, 2013 3:04 am UTC

Spoiler:
I knew that I was being wrong the entire time. I recall having strange thoughts in my head. I don't feel like I can pour out what was going through my mind at the time, right now. Becani said that I need to tell these things to the doctor. My appointments are coming up.

She is amazing to stick with me through this.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby NovaNatalia » Sun Apr 21, 2013 11:08 am UTC

If you're my boyfriend, please stop reading here. Spoilered for sexual content:

Spoiler:
I had sex for the first time with my boyfriend last night and it ... was fine. That's about all I can say about it. I found kissing to be boring and wet, and couldn't help but think about how unhygienic it was. While the sex itself was un-entertaining (although I did cum, which was nice), I couldn't help but spend most of the time wishing I had a vagina. I don't know why I'm sharing all this, but I am worried about disappointing my boyfriend, and the pressure from the fact that I have a psych appointment in two days which will burn virtually all my savings and if I don't get the go-ahead from them I will have lost a decent chunk of my money and the only place I've found that's willing to help with transition.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby ameretrifle » Tue Apr 23, 2013 7:09 pm UTC

I can't speak to all of that, but
Spoiler:
from personal experience, and from what I've heard many, many, many people say, I wouldn't make final judgments on the kissing/sex yet. Some people never warm up to it and manage just fine, to be certain, but a whole lot of people, probably most people, find it gets much better with practice. So I think it's a little soon to worry about that. You may find you keep having the same issues, but you may find you don't, and especially when you're going through a rough time, you should probably borrow as little trouble as you can. Of course, when you're going through a rough time is usually the hardest time to convince yourself not to borrow trouble, I know. But if it's any help, I really think this is something you don't need to worry about for a while.

it's amazing what a change even five days can make really
Good luck <3

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby apricity » Tue Apr 23, 2013 11:13 pm UTC

I was able to have a constructive conversation with someone on Reddit who said problematic things about trans* people, and it turned out that he just didn't have the right language to differentiate between sex and gender. He thanked me for helping to expand his views and said he'll think more carefully before he talks about this subject. I am pleased.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby poxic » Tue Apr 23, 2013 11:16 pm UTC

Some faith in humanity restored.jpg.

I find myself discussing trans* issues occasionally with a wonderful friend of mine who happens to believe in the mystical differences between the sexes. It's challenging at times. :|
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Shivahn » Wed Apr 24, 2013 2:09 am UTC

poxic wrote:Some faith in humanity restored.jpg.

I find myself discussing trans* issues occasionally with a wonderful friend of mine who happens to believe in the mystical differences between the sexes. It's challenging at times. :|

That can be really weird : (

For several reasons.

All my suggestions are super dry points, though. I dunno how well that works with good friends.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby poxic » Wed Apr 24, 2013 2:23 am UTC

Knowing her, she'll be mulling over our last exchange on the topic and figuring out where she's willing to give a bit. We might not talk about it again for a year, but that's sort of how it goes between us. (On real stuff. We talk about all kinds of random crap every week.)
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Jesse » Thu May 02, 2013 7:41 pm UTC

I just finished reading an academic paper entitled 'Representations of Gender, Sexual, and Romantic Minorities in Popular Webcomics' by Tenzin Beck (Former poster here, Zeroignite).

It's pretty technical/literary but a very interesting analysis of the top five webcomics, and has a lot to say about the representation of women in them. Worth a look if you're into that sort of thing: http://www.mediafire.com/view/?pattyh93dw49f92

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby XJ_0 » Mon May 06, 2013 6:20 pm UTC

I don't have chest surgery yet, but am lucky to have small enough breasts to hide. To-day I took a risk and walked outside for about a mile, along a busy road, shirtless.
Spoiler:
shirtless outside (2).jpg
No one stopped, commented, or did anything. ^_^

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Becani » Mon May 06, 2013 7:53 pm UTC

Yeah, that was brave as fuck. When you came in the door I was like "wait, what?"

At first I was confounded about how the breasts were gone. Then I was wondering when you got a binder that matched your skin tone. Then I came closer and you showed me what was really going on.

And it was hot. I love seeing my man without those awful things stuck to him.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby ShortChelsea » Tue May 07, 2013 12:24 am UTC

Oh, wow! Cool beans. I bet that took so much guts to do that. :)

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby XJ_0 » Tue May 07, 2013 10:16 pm UTC

Thank you. ^_^

I was nervous as I took my shirt and binder off in public, hoping no one would notice before I quickly got my backpack in place. But I became more relaxed the further I went on and nothing happened. I'm nervous to do this again because I fear my chances of getting "caught" will go up. But I want to because it feels better to not have to wear heavy things in the heat. (For the record, it was really bloody hot out.)

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Pfhorrest » Tue May 07, 2013 11:11 pm UTC

I'm curious, what are the legal consequences being caught topless in public for trans people (both ftm and mtf) at different stages of transition? Like, a cisman can legally go topless in places a ciswoman legally can't, but at what point in transition does it become illegal for a transwoman to go topless those places, and conversely legal for a transman?
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby XJ_0 » Thu May 09, 2013 7:32 am UTC

I think it would depend on where in public we've been caught. Some areas (of the US) allowed cis women's breasts to be seen, so I can't see how they'd object to trans wo/men's breasts.

Did a lazy Google:
http://www.today.com/health/breast-cancer-survivor-can-now-swim-topless-seattles-public-pools-1C9381816
http://www.advocate.com/politics/transgender/2013/04/17/watch-transgender-woman-arrested-exposing-breasts-jailed-men
http://www.alternet.org/story/142214/what_happened_when_i_legally_exposed_my_breasts_in_public?paging=off
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Topfreedom#United_States
http://gotopless.org/topless-laws

I didn't find the complete legality of where non cis male breasts are allowed (I know there are some places where being fully nude is allowed too). I can't find anything specific about what the consequences are for going topless outside of areas in which it is legal. =/

Oh, and there is no set point. It's all arbitrary.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby NovaNatalia » Thu May 09, 2013 11:49 pm UTC

I had a psych appointment yesterday, wherein I explained to him why I couldn't answer his 'from 0 to 10, how do you ...' questions. It's not that I'm trying to find the trick, it's just that even for a question like 'how are you', the range of states that are worse and that are better than my current condition are both so vast as to render any state I might be feeling as a five. Even if we remove the extremes, there's still just the gigantic centre bias of 4-6 where any meaningful change in mood is only a small change in number. And if we try to make the centre useful, we make the extremes useless! For example, if we use a function like (1/(10-x))-(1/x) we make the centre very detailed, but now all the numbers are unintuitive; the difference between 0.5 and 1 now dwarfs the difference between 1 and 9, and throughout all this I have no way of knowing how he correlates the abstract concept (happiness in this case) to quantitative numbers, so it's a useless tool for communication!

So that has me stressed out, and then what does he do yesterday? A survey consisting of only yes/no answers! Despite the fact that many of the questions could only be answered with 'this event has not happened, so neither 'yes' nor 'no' are applicable', which I'm sure will heavily bias the thing when he has a look at the 'results' next time. Even worse than that, it was very heteronormative (because if you're a woman, you must like men amirite?), despite the fact I've reiterated multiple times (and iterated once, I suppose) that I'm pansexual and panromantic, and many of the questions were asking 'when wearing women's clothes' or 'when wearing make up and lipstick' — assuming that a) the mark of a woman is in the clothes we wear or how pretty we paint ourselves for Da Boyz (which I felt was a little sexist) and b) that I routinely wore women's clothes despite the fact I already told the psych I didn't because that wouldn't be the same as presenting as a woman at my current stage, it would be presenting as a man wearing women's clothes, and that I already spent all my spending money on these bloody sessions so I can't actually buy clothes and c) that I subscribe to a gender binary which I don't, and the whole idea is extremely cisnormative.

But the worst part for me is that none of the terms he used were rigorously defined, despite the fact I told him I needed that — my answer to his question 'do you think like a woman' was 'I reject the notion that half the population thinks in exactly the same way merely for the genitals they share; I think like a physicist, because that's what I'm trained to do' — so I just got increasingly stressed. And when he gave definitions, they were not at all useful — for example, he defined as 'presenting in the female role' to be 'successfully passing as a woman to those around you'; so presenting as male and trying my damnedest to present as female are equivalent psychologically if I get 'made' by someone? Wow, and he wonders why I'm reluctant to wear women's clothing!

So by the end of that session I was almost in tears, but luckily I was meeting up with my boyfriend afterwards and he cheered me up.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Becani » Fri May 10, 2013 1:43 am UTC

That sounds... well, really shitty. You should ditch that doc and find a friendlier one. (If that's even an option at all.)

Sorry about the stupid stupid "MEN ARE X AND WOMEN ARE Y" people. See what I did there?

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Fri May 10, 2013 5:56 pm UTC

*hugs Natasha* That sounds so 19th century!
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Brace » Sat May 11, 2013 10:49 am UTC

I hate sloppy philosophers also.

In Boston on the way to stay with my boyfriend in Portland for two weeks. Done for the semester. I expect that I have A's in calculus and accounting and a B in chemistry, but won't know until my grades come in. Hope things go better for everyone. Congrats XJ on going topless.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Роберт » Mon May 13, 2013 4:59 pm UTC

An inch in progress (maybe) in Hong Kong:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-china-22506472
The Court of Final Appeal ruled that Hong Kong's current law, which barred the transsexual woman from marrying her male partner, is unconstitutional.

The woman, identified only as W, underwent gender change surgery at a public hospital a few years ago.

Hong Kong's marriage registry had refused her request because her birth certificate still classes her as male.
...
The government had argued that she could not get married as W's birth certificate still classes her as male. It argued that the wedding would constitute a same-sex marriage, which is not legal in Hong Kong.

Not really sure how forward the progress is, because I think that means a trans* whose status is legally recognized can now no longer marry some with the same legal gender in Hong Kong?

I'm a bit confused.
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NovaNatalia
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby NovaNatalia » Thu May 16, 2013 7:41 am UTC

Update on progress:

Looks like next time I see my psych (in a fortnight) he'll refer me to an endo for HRT. So yay! On the other hand, he's concerned about my depression symptoms, and apparently my blood test revealed that my œstradiol levels were elevated (it would have been nice to have been told that) so I got a ten-minute long grilling about whether I'm taking any hormones, any drugs etc. despite having previously said 'no'. Nice to know my word is trusted.

Edit: Oh, I forgot to say: I gave a DNA sample because they're testing something about the Y-chromosome to see if most transwomen have the same ... something about it. There were biology words involved, so forgive the imprecision.
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