[SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby poxic » Mon Aug 12, 2013 10:06 pm UTC

Try telling him that? "I would be totally interested but it's complicated because I'm seeing someone."
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Tomlidich the second » Mon Aug 12, 2013 10:07 pm UTC

poxic wrote:Try telling him that? "I would be totally interested but it's complicated because I'm seeing someone."


yeah i think thats what im going to tell him, its just im really nervous about it.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby NovaNatalia » Wed Aug 21, 2013 2:02 pm UTC

Okay, I went to the endocrinologist today, and he had the results back form my blood and urine samples. Most things were fine — the tests showed that I definitely don't have diabetes, and while my cholesterol is a little elevated it's still in the safe range — but he did find that I was extremely Vitamin D defiicient, as well as having extremely low levels of testosterone (well outside the normal range for someone physically male) and high levels of oestradiol (although not outside the normal range for a physically male person). So he prescribed me some Vitamin D supplements to help fix the issue, meaning I don't need to be exposed to natural sunlight.

Oh, and he also prescribed me oestrogen :D
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby PM 2Ring » Wed Aug 21, 2013 4:18 pm UTC

natashatasha wrote:Oh, and he also prescribed me oestrogen :D

At last! Yay!

FWIW, I take a vit D supplement; I find the liquid form cheaper than capsules.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Wed Aug 21, 2013 10:09 pm UTC

Œstrogen \o/
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Azrael001 » Thu Aug 22, 2013 5:32 am UTC

Some of my friends took me shopping last weekend. In spite of being on hormones for slightly over a year, I've been presenting as male, as I want to wait for the hormones to do their thing. I was surprised at how well the feminine clothes suited me. Femmed up I looked much less awful than I expected.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Thu Aug 22, 2013 9:33 pm UTC

That sounds nice :)
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Becani » Fri Aug 23, 2013 12:30 am UTC

Mmmmm, shopping. Always better with friends.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Becani » Sun Aug 25, 2013 12:32 am UTC

Sorry to double post, but speaking of shopping, [Link Redacted]I went recently and tried stuff on. It was so fun. I can't beleive how much my face has changed! I barely recognize myself.

Hormones are freaking magical.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Wednesday » Sun Aug 25, 2013 5:36 am UTC

Okay you look seriously fantastic in those dresses. Particularly the first one. And honestly the short hair suits you reeeeally well, it shows off your *awesome* cheekbones.

Basiclly dayum you pretty.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Plasma Man » Mon Aug 26, 2013 10:29 am UTC

I'd agree that you're looking good, but I think the second photo is the best one.

Anyway, just thought I'd drop this in here: Germany has passed a law allowing children to be registered as undetermined gender. Apparently anyone registered as such will be able to either choose their preferred gender at any point, or remain without it being specified.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Роберт » Mon Aug 26, 2013 2:22 pm UTC

Plasma Man wrote:I'd agree that you're looking good, but I think the second photo is the best one.

Anyway, just thought I'd drop this in here: Germany has passed a law allowing children to be registered as undetermined gender. Apparently anyone registered as such will be able to either choose their preferred gender at any point, or remain without it being specified.

That's both great and depressing that they are the first European country to do so.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby flickering_candle » Mon Aug 26, 2013 5:25 pm UTC

Plasma Man wrote:Anyway, just thought I'd drop this in here: Germany has passed a law allowing children to be registered as undetermined gender. Apparently anyone registered as such will be able to either choose their preferred gender at any point, or remain without it being specified.


Apparently German law no longer requires children to be given sex-specific names (just found that out!). However, given the fact that this was law as recently as five years ago, I think it strongly doubtful that there are many (if any) proper German names that are unisex, which (in the absence of a child's choice, which could only be made later in life than birth) seem the most appropriate type of name to give a child who fits the criteria listed in the article. Does anyone know how difficult is it to change one's first name in Germany?

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby waidh » Mon Aug 26, 2013 11:07 pm UTC

note: I'm not a lawyer, but like reading up on and trying to understand laws and bureaucracy in my region. This is what I could find.

flickering_candle wrote:
Plasma Man wrote:Anyway, just thought I'd drop this in here: Germany has passed a law allowing children to be registered as undetermined gender. Apparently anyone registered as such will be able to either choose their preferred gender at any point, or remain without it being specified.


Apparently German law no longer requires children to be given sex-specific names (just found that out!). However, given the fact that this was law as recently as five years ago, I think it strongly doubtful that there are many (if any) proper German names that are unisex, which (in the absence of a child's choice, which could only be made later in life than birth) seem the most appropriate type of name to give a child who fits the criteria listed in the article. Does anyone know how difficult is it to change one's first name in Germany?

Changing the first name? Hard to impossible. As I read it, even the 'undetermined' children will be stuck with their parent's choice, unless there're additional changes or court decisions. However, parents have time to choose a name until one month after birth (§22 PStG). So, hopefully enough time to find one of the (apparently existing but rare) unisex names.

The law of name changes (NamÄndG) requires an important reason to make a change and local administration's websites emphasize that these changes are exceptions. Changing a first name can cost up to 255,- EUR and even denied requests can cost up to half of that; it may be free if the petitioner cannot afford it (§3 FamNamÄndGDV 1).
Examples of important reasons given on one administrations website are 1) too common family names, e.g. Müller or Meyer, 2) offensive or ridiculous sounding names and 3) extraordinarily hard to write names. I guess, what's considered important is decided by your local bureaucrats.
The above does not apply to (family-)name changes from marriage/divorce/paternity1/gaining citizenship2.

There's also a law of changing first names and recognizing gender identity of transsexuals (TSG). Each of them (or both combined) require a personal appearance of the petitioner before a court and opinions from two independent experts (§4, §9 TSG).

1 whether a child gets the family name of mother or father, or switches from father's to mother's family name after the alleged father fails the paternity test
2 for example "Piotr Snajdr" could change his name to "Peter Schneider"
abbreviations:
Spoiler:
PStG - Personenstandsgesetz
NamÄndG - Gesetz über die Änderung von Familiennamen und Vornamen
FamNamÄndGDV 1 - Erste Verordnung zur Durchführung des Gesetzes über die Änderung von Familiennamen und Vornamen
TSG - Gesetz über die Änderung der Vornamen und die Feststellung der Geschlechtszugehörigkeit in besonderen Fällen (Transsexuellengesetz)

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Mon Aug 26, 2013 11:09 pm UTC

Becani wrote:Sorry to double post, but speaking of shopping, I went recently and tried stuff on. It was so fun. I can't beleive how much my face has changed! I barely recognize myself.

Hormones are freaking magical.

Really nice :D

Plasma Man wrote:Anyway, just thought I'd drop this in here: Germany has passed a law allowing children to be registered as undetermined gender. Apparently anyone registered as such will be able to either choose their preferred gender at any point, or remain without it being specified.

No, the law says that intersex children MUST be registered as genderless, while non-intersex children cannot. The law is terrible. The intersex organizations protest against it. It is basically the opposite of what they have been demanding - stopping the surgeries on intersex children way too young to consent, without waiting to see which gender identity they develop. This law will out intersex children. It can actually push parents of intersex children over to agreeing to surgeries in the hope they can register the child as F or M.

flickering_candle wrote:Apparently German law no longer requires children to be given sex-specific names (just found that out!).

Yeah, the rule that required that children with androgynous names must be given a second sex-specific name was struck down by the Supreme Court in 2007.

However, given the fact that this was law as recently as five years ago, I think it strongly doubtful that there are many (if any) proper German names that are unisex, which (in the absence of a child's choice, which could only be made later in life than birth) seem the most appropriate type of name to give a child who fits the criteria listed in the article.

There are plenty of androgynous names, they have always been allowed, they just had to be combined with a gender-specific names before the judges ruled otherwise.

Does anyone know how difficult is it to change one's first name in Germany?

Extremely difficult except for a few specific cases (like "spelling error", "Germanizing foreign names" (when getting German citizenship)). For intersex people it's possibly relatively easily (at least in cases where the female-assigned child turns out to identify as a boy *and* have a Y chromosome or the other way around). For trans people it is difficult and expensive (around 2000€ to pay for two analyses by court-approved psychologists, who will generally only write a positive analysis after months of "real-life test") - similarly difficult as getting access to hormones.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby flickering_candle » Tue Aug 27, 2013 2:26 pm UTC

Thank you for the information/clarifications regarding the new law and the ones on name changes, waidh and Monika! I was kind of curious about that issue, since a number of people seeking name changes in the US have posted information on their difficulties in the past.

From a few pages back:
Monika wrote:@PM2 Ring: Thanks for the info, I hadn't heard of that, that they had the religion on IDs until so recently. In Germany IDs don't show religion, but tax cards do (or more precisely church membership) ... which currently is kind of unavoidable, as we have church taxes. My exact religion ("atheist") is not shown, only "not relevant for church tax", which could also mean I am a member of a religious organization that chose not to collect the tax via the state or that is not eligible. Interestingly, our IDs don't show a gender, nor do driver's licenses, which are not valid IDs. Health insurance cards until recently didn't show gender, but the new ones do :evil: .

Monika, you mentioned in your most recent post that people were understandably upset regarding the law as outing intersex people. Are there commonly used documentation/areas other than the health insurance card where legal sex would be highlighted? I assume that for anything like job applications and such where routine screenings of information would pick up sex inconsistencies would require one to report their legal sex, but could an intersex person otherwise live relatively stealthily in their day-to-day life under the new law? Obviously, that this classification is *required* is upsetting for all the reasons you mentioned in your post; I'm mostly curious because my brother had a friend in college with ambiguous genitalia. While this friend was fairly open about that aspect of their body, I understand why most people would not be.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Tue Aug 27, 2013 7:01 pm UTC

Well, the main document with the legal sex/gender is the birth certificate. Which is the document with which everything is done for children/youth until the age of 16 (at which point one gets an ID card, which, as mentioned, doesn't have a gender marker). In particular register for school.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Brace » Wed Aug 28, 2013 10:20 pm UTC

I'm in Calculus 2. It's going to be difficult to do well in this class when I lack the energy to even get out of bed for the most part these days. Working on degrees 5 and 6. Wonder if that will be enough. Of course, even if it's enough to get a job it won't accomplish anything, so I'm not sure why I'm even bothering.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby WilliamTheConqueror » Tue Sep 03, 2013 7:35 pm UTC

hi, guys!

so, basically i'm a 16 year old androdgyne (biologically female/female name to almost everyone) and i need help on trying to convince my parents that what i'm going through is legitimate
i've tried coming out as androdgyne to my mom, but i don't think she took it seriously because she basically disregards anything i say about it??? not outright though which is frustrating, because i'm left wondering.
my dad's a bit worse, because he only thinks trans* people are actually trans* if they've felt it for their entire life, and most of the time trans* people just SAY they're trans* to get away with something or "because it's a fad"
i'd really like to start transitioning to a more androdynous figure (i'm very feminine looking) but i can't get a name change/hormones without their permission

thanks everyone,
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Tue Sep 03, 2013 10:07 pm UTC

Maybe you can give them this PDF: http://community.pflag.org/Document.Doc?id=202‎ , it's for parents (and other family and friends) of trans youth (also adults, but mostly it's for the parent-child view). I feel it concentrates a bit more on trans girls and trans boys (i.e. not so much on genderqueer youth like you), but it also mentions that gender identity is on a spectrum and gender expression is, too, and that all of them are valid.

If you are in the US, you could also try to get your parents to come to PFLAG meetings with you. In other countries to general trans support groups of if there is something specific for trans youth then to those.

Other than that, some ideas, see what fits your situation and family: Always tell them to use your preferred name and pronouns. Find one or more transfriendly therapists in your area and insist that your parents take you to him or her or zir (even if you don't really need therapy, it seems those under 18 are even less likely to get hormones, surgeries or name changes without a letter from a therapist). Get other relatives on-board like siblings, aunts, uncles, grandparents ... having even one who always uses your name and pronouns and supports your demands for transitioning will probably be helpful. Consider if you want your teachers and classmates to use your chosen name and when and how to tell them to do so. Even though you have already told your parents, maybe writing a letter to them how much they hurt you by ignoring this and what exactly you wish for may be helpful to reinforce the message.

Good luck!
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Tue Sep 10, 2013 10:17 pm UTC

Brace wrote:I'm in Calculus 2. It's going to be difficult to do well in this class when I lack the energy to even get out of bed for the most part these days. Working on degrees 5 and 6. Wonder if that will be enough. Of course, even if it's enough to get a job it won't accomplish anything, so I'm not sure why I'm even bothering.

How are your plans going to attend a four-year college/uni? Or is that what you are doing?
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Brace » Wed Sep 11, 2013 4:11 am UTC

Monika wrote:
Brace wrote:I'm in Calculus 2. It's going to be difficult to do well in this class when I lack the energy to even get out of bed for the most part these days. Working on degrees 5 and 6. Wonder if that will be enough. Of course, even if it's enough to get a job it won't accomplish anything, so I'm not sure why I'm even bothering.

How are your plans going to attend a four-year college/uni? Or is that what you are doing?


Two more semesters at community college to get my transfer credits, which are also the credits for Associates 5 and 6. GPA is fine for all my transfer credit. From there I intend to look for work though, if I can find work on acceptable terms (basically, if work allows me to finance surgery and keep a roof over my head). I'll be spending next summer doing that. So next fall is when I would, potentially, be going to a 4 year school (if the job hunt doesn't pan out), at which point it would be ~5 semesters to get my BA. I would be getting my Bachelors at 28 years old, with no meaningful work experience. 28 is too fucking old.

Trigger warning for suicide
Spoiler:
I really should have just shot myself in the head when I turned 25 because that's a sharp corner for transsexuals and quality of life if everything's not taken care of by then.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby NovaNatalia » Wed Sep 11, 2013 5:05 am UTC

I've submitted my PhD application at the University of Melbourne — if everything goes well, I'll be in a relatively safe environment for three years where I can transition in relative comfort.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby PM 2Ring » Wed Sep 11, 2013 8:39 am UTC

Good luck, natashatasha!

:big hugs: to [redacted].
Can you complain to HR?

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Shivahn » Mon Sep 16, 2013 4:32 am UTC

Blegh, HR. I went down there with a court order for the name change and they said I needed a social security card with an updated name. Fair enough, that makes sense.

Then I got back to my office to an email from HR going to old name.

I mean on the one hand I just initialed it so it is possible that it could just be a weird mistake, but for fuck's sake lady, you have a court order right there telling you what to call me. Oh and just beneath that it tells you what gender I am. It is not the gender which the name I am changing away from belongs to. Urgh.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Mon Sep 16, 2013 2:10 pm UTC

That sucks :-( *offers hugs*
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Shivahn » Mon Sep 16, 2013 11:27 pm UTC

*hug*

Yeah I'm having a complex time at my new work =/

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby netcrusher88 » Tue Sep 17, 2013 2:36 pm UTC

They need that to process a new W-2 and I-9 but for everything else that's ~bullshit~

eta: those are supposed to be tildes. Fuck you, phpbb.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Tue Sep 17, 2013 3:59 pm UTC

They look like tildes.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby netcrusher88 » Tue Sep 17, 2013 4:31 pm UTC

Oh weird, here too. Okay fuck whatever font Ubuntu used for that then :P
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Tomlidich the second » Tue Sep 17, 2013 5:42 pm UTC

my new girlfriend, approves of my status as /Bi/. yay acceptance!
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Tue Sep 17, 2013 7:51 pm UTC

netcrusher88 wrote:Oh weird, here too. Okay fuck whatever font Ubuntu used for that then :P

My Kubuntu displays it alright ^^
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby poxic » Tue Sep 17, 2013 10:40 pm UTC

Tomlidich the second wrote:my new girlfriend, approves of my status as /Bi/. yay acceptance!

Woo!
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby WilliamTheConqueror » Wed Sep 18, 2013 3:31 pm UTC

came out as androdgyne on facebook on friday!

...my parents are definitely not happy!
neither of them will use male pronouns with me or call me william, because apparently they don't want me "throwing away my name". :( i didn't expect them to be very happy about it but not at this magnitude. *sigh*

guess i have to wait to transition to a more androgynous look once i'm a legal adult
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Carlington » Wed Sep 18, 2013 3:44 pm UTC

Ugh, I'm sorry to hear that your parents are being so unsupportive, William.
On the plus side, congratulations on coming out! That was a brave thing that you did, and I'm proud of you. I really hope that you can get your actual androgynous self recognised soon, and that everything works out for you.
I would also like to offer e-hugs to both Shivahn and [redacted].
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby poxic » Sun Sep 22, 2013 11:22 pm UTC

An HR department that gets it! Awesome.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby PM 2Ring » Mon Sep 23, 2013 7:25 am UTC

[redacted] wrote:To follow up with my earlier story, hr met with me to tell me their reaction was essentially "fuck, how did we let this happen?" and they are reviewing policies to make sure it never happens to anyone else. They also immediately changed my name in other places before I had a chance to see it so my name has been correct everywhere since then :)


Yay! * does air punch *

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Роберт » Mon Sep 23, 2013 2:51 pm UTC

[redacted] wrote:To follow up with my earlier story, hr met with me to tell me their reaction was essentially "fuck, how did we let this happen?" and they are reviewing policies to make sure it never happens to anyone else. They also immediately changed my name in other places before I had a chance to see it so my name has been correct everywhere since then :)

It's nice to know that they are neither incompetent nor uncaring, even though they did mess it up at first.
The Great Hippo wrote:[T]he way we treat suspected terrorists genuinely terrifies me.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Mon Sep 23, 2013 6:51 pm UTC

Another hopeful story my trans ex sister-in-law told me when I visited her last month: In her town a trans boy (16) contacted the support group, he wanted to start going to the new school as a boy. It was already the week before school starts, no time for long or repeated discussions with the school's head. Still, everything worked out! He came to school on the first day and everything was in his new name and every teacher addressed him as male.
#xkcd-q on irc.foonetic.net - the LGBTIQQA support channel
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Azrael001 » Tue Sep 24, 2013 2:55 am UTC

I've got my first appointment with CAMH tomorrow. This is the first step on the road to SRS, which is exciting. I've heard some pretty mixed things about the place, which makes me a bit nervous.
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